Pajiba

I regret thinking whiskey and Ambien made a good combination. I'll never get that money back.

You know I've got a Guiron doll that sits on top of my monitor, right?

Finally...finally we can eat Gamera.

"Turbaconepic, a bird in a bird in a bird in a pig wrapped in bacon"

What, they couldn't work some cow in there?

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!

I regret lending my first four trade paperbacks of The Walking Dead to a co-worker who swore he'd "have them back before the first show aired." Asshole quit like two weeks later and they won't release his personal infomation to me because they know I plan on shoving a red-hot spoon in his ass before using it to gouge out his right eye.

I regret telling my manager what my plans are for my former co-worker.

I regret marrying a woman who hates sushi. I never get to eat sushi anymore. She's alwasy like, "Wah wah wah, let's compromise and pick somewhere we both like." And I'm like, "Damn your reasonable logic!" And I'm not allowed to beat her because the police say it's "illegal." Whatever that means.

I regret calling the police to ask them if they can send someone over to beat my wife for me.

I regret everything I didn't do between the years 1997 and 2002. Back then I was burdened with dignity, self-respect, humility and empathy for my common man, and didn't have nearly enough promiscuous sex or get into nearly enough fights. I spent those years being the voice of reason, working hard and saving money. Fucking waste of time.

Whatever. Fuck you people. You've changed.
[drops what he's holding. throws hands in the air]

"'Tom and Jerry' what?!.....Musta been his favorite cartoon"

Well I didn't eat too much yesterday. I thought about eating a second Marie Callendar's turkey dinner, but decided against it.

Am I the only Pajiban stuck at work today?

No, of course not. I have to put in for vacation to get fucking CHRISTMAS off.

@Todd: It just seemed eerily quiet 'round these parts, s'all. I generally have to put in vacation requests for the holidays at the beginning of the year, but all of my co-workers beat me to it this time. They didn't wait for the company calendar to be released, and my manager approved them, anyway. Speaking of red-hot spoons in eyeballs...

@mswas: Pie may be my only regret. I've already consumed the entire pumpkin pie/cheesecake combo my mother made for me. I don't eat sweets often (I'm allergic to processed sugar, and I tend to prefer savory to sweet, anyway), but every year mom makes a pie just for me and her. She took a quarter, I took the rest. And now it's all gone. Whoops! Maybe I should start building up a tolerance to desserts prior to the holiday...

LordNinja - Nolan North did the lead voice in Uncharted (along with every voice in every video game ever made). But Nathan Fillion should be in the movie because he's dreamy and he's from Edmonton.

"Turbaconepic, a bird in a bird in a bird in a pig wrapped in bacon"

What, they couldn't work some cow in there?

The delightful and dignified department secretary I worked in Why The Hell Is This Company In This Nowhere's Ville was reminiscing about feasts and holidays. Told of turduckin, she brought in the recipe for Camel, stuffed with Goats, stuffed with Chickens (1, 4-5, and 12-15, as I recall. Plus chickpeas, mint & other stuffings.)

You roast it for about a day, by the gas flare of a mid-East oil well. No bacon, of course.

Hearing tales of her youthful adventures made my life feel ... small.

Dude I never wearanything higher than two inches . I just love looking at those crazyass shoes and laughing at people who try to wear them!