It's Okay Candy Corn, We Still Love You Too
There are only six days left until Halloween, which means there are only six more days until we are inundated in delicious sugary goodness. Just to prepare yourself, here's a rundown of all the new Halloween candy for 2010, because candy always tastes better when it's shaped like people and is covered in fake blood. (i-Mockery)
Ummmm... yeah, you know that South Park episode from last week where they ragged on Inception? Yeah, well, that might have been plagiarized from a College Humor video. Like, literally word-for-word plagiarized. How long before "College Humor did it!" becomes the new "Simpsons did it!" (A.V. Club)
It's finally here everyone!
Tracy Jordan's Kanye West's new video for Runaway is out, and it's half an hour of scary harpie ladies, ballerinas and general fucking confusion all so that Kanye West can stroke his ego a little bit more. (popbytes)
Oh holy awkward surprise pedophilia, Batman! Taylor Momsen decided to flash her tits onstage during one of her shows, despite the fact that she is seventeen-fucking-years-old. You self-righteous bastards still think the girl isn't a grade-a hooooooer? (Agent Bedhead)
Did you know that, at any given moment, you too can become a raging crack/cocain/meth-addict? Well worry not, because with this fool-proof guide to backing up your finances, your nose will never go unpowdered ever again! (The Gloss)
An awesome, fantastic long-time reader of ours, Katie -- who has been to all 50 states, people -- has a friend who made a movie, Apocalypse, CA. You should check out the trailer. For a low-budget flick, it does look promising. (YouTube)
Oh hoo-fucking-rah, Armond White finally reviewed Jackass 3D, and sadly, even a shout-out to the comedic genius of Norbit (seriously; he actually liked Norbit) can't elevate this to the level of unintentional humour that he usually comes up with. (Film Drunk)
Because I know you're all waiting on bated breath for a Lindsay Lohan update, her court case was last Friday and the judge ordered her to remain in rehab until January 3rd. Alright, who's willing to bet that Dina Lohan is already shopping around a live Christmas special along the lines of "Yuletide Rehab: A Very Lohan Christmas!" (Celebitchy)
For his set on Night of Too Many Stars, Chris Rock cursed out a woman's boyfriend over the phone for $20,000 which all went to autism research. Alright, it's pretty funny, and it's for a good cause, but for $20,000 Chris Rock better go to my ex's hose and punch him in the grapes until he cries blood. (Warming Glow)
For those of you pissed off because Juan Williams got booted from NPR for saying something that, while I don't agree with, was still his own personal opinion and part of his job as an opinionative reporter, don't worry! He now has a $3 million deal ligned up with, you guessed it, Fox News. (AngryBlackLadyChronicles)
Oh look, Peter Jackson announced the cast for The Hobbit, which would be all fine and dandy if it weren't for the fact that I totally gave up on giving two shits about this movie FOREVER ago. Take the one ring and shove it, Jackson. (Gamma Squad)
QUICK! How can you make the Country Music Awards any worse than they already are. Give up? Try having Gwyneth Paltrow perform live onstage at the CMA's. And just like that, country music just became slightly worse. (Celebslam)
Alright, today's "Worst person ever" is this bottom-of-the-barrel gay porn guy (whose resume includes "Lollipop Twinks". Seriously. Someone out there actually gets off on that) who beat a three-legged dog to death. I kinda feel like I should hack off one of his legs and beat him with it until he stops breathing. Seems like the humane thing to do, really. (Towleroad)
Now, to wash away the memories of dog-murdering-lollipop-twinks, here's a very happy bulldog who is very happy about his new pool. Awwww, adorable and totally not soul-crushing!