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I Hate You, Bobby Flay

By | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (47)

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The Food Network has cancelled Ace of Cakes, thus killing a small part of my soul; specifically, the part that likes cake. What, they couldn’t have just cancelled one of Bobby Flay’s shows? Or better yet, they couldn’t have just cancelled Bobby Flay’s existence? (Serious Eats)

Here are eight movie women who save themselves by using their sexuality. What about Olive from Easy A? I mean yeah, she didn’t have sex with anyone and it kinda nearly ruined her life, but… Actually, never mind. You should still probably see the movie though. (Nerve)

Alright, I’ve been avoiding talking about the new TSA pat-down policy, mostly because I really couldn’t care less if someone has to feel me up to make sure I’m not a terrorist, but this story about a flight attendant with 30 years of experience who survived breast cancer being forced to remove her prosthetic breast? Not cool. (Zelda Lily)

Lindsay Lohan has officially been shitcanned from Inferno, the Linda Lovelace biopic, which officially drops her level of current employment to absolute zero. Great, now Dina is going to have to get a real job. Like a common peasant! (popbytes)

Who wants to feel inordinately angry for no real reason? Well, here’s the newest trailer to Justin Bieber’s biopic/concert movie/whatever, which I can guarantee will make you want to curb-stomp a teenager. (Screen Junkies)

Here are eight Mario Kart inspired sex moves. Personally, I’m a fan of the Boo: You disappear for about ten seconds, and when you reappear, they’re missing their wallet. (Dorkly)

Miley Cyrus’s eighteenth birthday was this week, and she celebrated by wearing leather and making out with a boy. You know what? I approve. See kids? Enjoy your childhood, wait until you’re old enough, THEN start sluttin’ it up! (Yeeeah!)

Here are ten “classic” movies that critics hated. Just putting this out there, but out of the ten movies on the list, six only barely count as classics, three of them are only okay at best, and one of them I’ve never even heard of. (Unreality)

Another day, another story about how Jessica Simpson is pregnant when she’s actually just fat. Hell, don’t we all look a little pregnant when we eat too much? I ate two spaghetti sandwiches this weekend, and my mother asked me when I was due. That bitch. (Evil Beet)

For everyone who tends to write off gaming: Call of Duty: Black Ops just grossed $650 Million in the space of five days, which is more than most movies will make at the box office ever. The only thing sadder that that is the realization that Call of Duty: Black Ops pretty much just looks and plays like every other gritty shooter out there. (The Flickcast)

And now for your impossibly cute video of the day, here’s a Boxer trying to steal a sock away from a baby.

Jeremy Feist is Pajiba’s resident Link Slave, among other various positions. You can email him, check out his NSFW site or follow him on Twitter, because he loves attention.









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Comments

Of course, Call of Duty costs $60 per game. If "The Dark Knight" or any other hit movie cost $60 per ticket, they would probably have made close to a billion dollars in the first week.

Posted by: KM at November 23, 2010 12:11 PM

That video is the Chuck Yeager of cuteness barrier breakers. My heart grew 3 sizes today. Thank you, Jeremy.

Posted by: Kballs at November 23, 2010 12:15 PM

Wow, somebody really lowered the bar on "classics".

There's a reason these movies were trashed.

Posted by: Uncle JR at November 23, 2010 12:16 PM

I didn't get past the first article descriptor. Ignoring how amazing Ace of Cakes is for a moment, I'd like to comment on how much I hate Bobby "let's add chipotle" Flay. I've worked with the Iron Chef twice, both in the same weekend. I was security of a sort for his Bobby's Burgers display and then his PA for a book signing. And he is an asshole. All of his shows suck, his battles on Iron Chef suck, and he sucks. I'd love for him and Duff to battle for a timeslot - Duff would kick his ass 8 ways to Sunday. And then make a cake out of him. A cake flavored like chipotle, because Duff would enjoy the irony.

Posted by: KatSings at November 23, 2010 12:17 PM

Ace of Cakes? I thought it was an awful show. (1) They get commissioned to do something crazy.
(2) They make the cake while they talk about 20-something stuff.
(3) OMG, will they be able to move it in and out of the van without it falling apart?!?!
(4) It doesn't fall apart.
(5) The customers love the cake.
(6) "This is why I love being a baker!"
(7) Bobby Flay Show starts.

By the time it's over, you and your wife are too tired for sex, so you just go to bed.

Posted by: sars at November 23, 2010 12:20 PM

So I can finally say, without fear of retribution, that I find Miley Cyrus to be not hot? I've been in a prison of my own making for, like, a week or so now. Ahh, sweet release!!

Posted by: sansho1 at November 23, 2010 12:25 PM

Bets on how long until LiLo is cast in a full-on *remake* of Deep Throat?

Posted by: Steve at November 23, 2010 12:27 PM

First, Ace of Cakes is awesome and I'm really going to miss seeing those guys on tv. Bobby Flay really does seem like a huge douchenozzle too. But even more pressing than getting rid of him, can we eliminate some of the more than 1000 competition shows on that network? Am I the only one who doesn't give a shit if they get the cake/candy sculpture from workstation to table? Half of them seem to be ads for Disney anyway. Boring.

The "classic" movie list is pretty random (Might Ducks?? Seriously?) but I will agree with two: Fear and Loathing and Wet Hot American Summer. F & L because Del Toro and Depp are hilarious together, and Wet Hot is just a classic comedy all around. Stamped it, no erasies.

Posted by: Nicole at November 23, 2010 12:32 PM

I was once mistaken for pregnant when I was merely fat. But the guy who asked me "When are you due?" looked so excited for me that I couldn't get angry about it.

I guess I could've lied and said "next week" or some shit but instead I explained that I was merely fat.

Now I have to do my banking somewhere else.

Posted by: Melodie at November 23, 2010 12:32 PM

sars, an edit, if you please:
(2) The gang gets stoned before making little fondant people and talking about 20-something stuff

Posted by: bostonadrianne at November 23, 2010 12:35 PM

Dina Lohan will never get an actual job, unless you consider "pimp" a real job. Seriously, I think that woman would rather her kids become literal prostitutes than provide for them herself.

On another note, that video is AWESOME. This is why burglars skip houses with dogs - can you imagine how much that dog would fuck up anyone who threatened that little baby in any way? He would eat their face before they knew what hit them. And yet he's so sweet with the baby matador!

Posted by: Edith at November 23, 2010 12:36 PM

I'm with Uncle JR here. Unreality's list of "classics" is just odd. Exactly half of them are loved without irony by many people (Home Alone, SuperTroopers, Wet Hot American Summer, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and Boondock Saints) despite various imperfections, so I get it.

However, any discussion that combines "classic" with Hook, Mighty Ducks, Death to Smoochy, or Man on Fire is complete madness. I don't know anyone who even likes these movies, let alone considers them all-time greats.

I think "classic" was a bit too strong a word in the first place, so the Unreality writer is just guilty of overhyperbolization (and fairly shitty taste in movies). Happens to the best of us.

Posted by: Kballs at November 23, 2010 12:37 PM

How many cake shows are on TV period? I swear to god it feels like there must be dozens. Cupcake Wars, Ace of Cake, Wedding Cakes, Cupcakes vs. Wedding Cakes, Cupcakes vs. Zombies, Cakes in Space. What the fuck is with the cake obsession?

I can't think of a more pointless talent than being able to sculpt something magnificent...that will be eaten and destroyed in minutes. And the only thing more pointless than that is watching other people make this shit.

And like people who get these elaborate cakes for their kids parties...you know who doesn't give a flying fuck that the cake has a life-like replica of Spongebob on it? Your kid. He just wants to eat something that tastes super good, which that cake probably doesn't because it's make with 80 lbs. of fucking fondant to give it that "realistic look."

And if you commission an elaborate cake for your baby you need to immediately kill yourself.

Posted by: Lindsay at November 23, 2010 12:51 PM

I don't think I want to live in a world where absolute turdfests like Hook (C'mon, even SPIELBERG himself said it sucked!) and The Pooncock Taints are considered "classics."

Christ, what next? An article about how Howard the Duck, Leonard Part 6, and the ouvre of Uwe Boll are merely "misunderstood"? For FUCK'S sake!

Posted by: Case at November 23, 2010 12:55 PM

CREME FRAICHE...

all over your face.

Posted by: Recondite at November 23, 2010 12:55 PM

bostonadrianne, those guys could definitely be stoned. And you'd think I'd enjoy watching something like that. But I don't.

Posted by: sars at November 23, 2010 12:59 PM

The story about the flight attendant makes me truly sad. I hadn't thought of this possibility; I had thought about the people who have been victims of sexual assault being prodded in public, but this never crossed my mind.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at November 23, 2010 12:59 PM

"Do you mind if I smoke while you eat?"

Posted by: Jerry at November 23, 2010 1:02 PM

Agree on Fear and Loathing, Death to Smoochy, Super Troopers, and mayyyybe Home Alone and Equilibrium. Haven't seen Wet Hot American Summer. On all those others I'm pretty sure the critics were right.

Posted by: Eep at November 23, 2010 1:08 PM

This is why I never, EVER, ask a woman if she's due unless I can see a head poking from her labia.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at November 23, 2010 1:12 PM

Have to vehemently disagree with you, kballs. Myself and many friends with sophisticated (by which I mean they don't agree with me about everything but I respect their judgement) taste love Death to Smoochy. I think it's tragically underrated.

Posted by: Eep at November 23, 2010 1:14 PM

Re: Ace of Cakes, I thought it was enjoyable for the interaction, but it was bound to have a shelf life. It's like Deadliest Catch with one boat and no inherent drama.

Posted by: Eep at November 23, 2010 1:16 PM

Awww, now I want a dog. And a baby.

Posted by: angie at November 23, 2010 1:26 PM

I found Death to Smoochy to be abominably boring, Eep. But my irrational hatred for Robin Williams might've influenced said boredom.

Good to see we agree otherwise, though. SuperTroopers and Fear and Loathing are easily two of my favorite flicks, especially since I read most of Fear and Loathing during one evening of altered consciousness and enjoyed comparing the cinematic version to my vivid memories when it hit the theaters.

Posted by: Kballs at November 23, 2010 1:31 PM

I can't think of a more pointless talent than being able to sculpt something magnificent...that will be eaten and destroyed in minutes. And the only thing more pointless than that is watching other people make this shit.

I disagree, Lindsay. The only thing more pointless is paying for that shit.

The story about the flight attendant is disturbing but where does one draw the line? The minute you make an exception for "X" reason is the minute it will be exploited.

Posted by: admin at November 23, 2010 1:31 PM

NOT ONE of those movies qualifies as a "classic." Some of them might be good, but none of them are even old enough. To be a classic you need at least thirty years. If people are still talking about it then, then maybe.

Posted by: Todd at November 23, 2010 1:41 PM

RE "Black Ops" and other games: most movies don't cost $50-$80 per person to see, either. That may be the explanation for the discrepancy between game revenue vs. movie revenue.

As much as I admire the artistry required to make cakes that look like stuff that isn't cake, I never watched that show or any of its ilk. I like cake to look like delicious, delicious cake, not a race car or a castle or for fuck's sake, a person. Cartoon characters are OK for little kids, but usually, cake should just look like cake.

The show FN needs to cancel is that stupid Chefs of Beverly Hills or whatever. Why does America worship rich people? Why are so many TV shows focused on the appalling lives of the ultra-wealthy (or ultra-wealthy wannabes)?

As for Flay, I have kind of a love-hate thing with him. He's a bit of a douchebag (I'm thinking of that "Throwdown" show, mostly), but otherwise he's amusing enough and his food usually looks good. I'm sure he's a dick in real life. He's a chef, he owns numerous restaurants, has several TV shows, enough endorsement deals to keep him ultra-rich until he's a little old man and he's married to a beautiful blonde actress. It would be almost impossible for him not to be a dick.

Posted by: Slash at November 23, 2010 1:47 PM

Ace of Cakes is BORING. Bobby Flay is a smug asshole. Where is Tyler Florence and Tyler's Ultimate? You can actually learn a recipe during that show. I've tried a few and they turned out very well.

Posted by: Jadine at November 23, 2010 1:49 PM

That classic movies list is terrible. I am surprised that so many critics disliked Wet Hot American Summer, as it's one of the funniest movies ever made, though that could be because it got marketed as a summer camp parody instead of what it is, which is a balls-out absurdist comedy that happens to be set in a summer camp. But seriously, that list is ridiculous. No one can tell me that The Boondock Saints and Equilibrium are classics. Man on Fire? Really?

P.S. Is anyone else in the camp that thinks Brian Boitano's Food Network show is one of the best things ever? Because I love that f***ing show.

Posted by: ChristianH at November 23, 2010 1:51 PM

That list of "classic" movies? Stinko. Only "Home Alone" could possibly be considered "classic," in the sense that it was wildly popular and has a holiday theme.

The internet: a place where dipshits with free time proclaim things that no one else agrees with, then waste more time telling the rest of us how wrong we are to disagree with them.

Posted by: Slash at November 23, 2010 1:52 PM

I like Boitano's show well enough. He's entertaining. I've only ever seen his show on at 8:30 AM on Fridays, I think. Tyler is still on FN (I guess, maybe they're showing reruns), but not primetime, which I guess is now devoted to pointless competition crap and Guy Fieri (who I actually like on "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives").

I guess FN wants to cultivate their own "stars," to ensure they get a bigger piece of the action, should that person actually become popular (ie, the annoying Rachel Ray). Thus the "competitions," which, as far as I can tell, feature people sweating and freaking out and whining. Why the fuck anybody watches that, I can't imagine.

Posted by: Slash at November 23, 2010 2:02 PM

I totally agree Lindsay, there are a million fucking cake shows on TV. Way too many, and my wife makes cakes for a living. They asked her to do an Amazing Cakes show, but she's just moving out of the house and into a shop, so it would have been really difficult with a camera crew in my cramped ass kitchen, especially with my 4 yr old running around screaming "what's that?" and touching shit.

Posted by: EJ at November 23, 2010 2:14 PM

Indeed, kballs, cheers.

To the rest of the conversation, FWIW I've been to Flay's restaurant in Caesar's and it was damn good. I actually can't stand Tyler Florence for whatever reason, but Flay comes off reasonably classy in a tough role on Throwdown. I'm actually okay with giving famous people a pass for being aloof a lot of the time. I can't imagine what it would be like if everyone I passed wanted to meet and talk with me about the same thing. I could understand intentionally cultivating a reputation for being brusk, or becoming brusk just as a survival mechanism so you could get anything done.

Posted by: Eep at November 23, 2010 2:42 PM

I refuse to believe any of these cake shows actually exist.

After all, the cake is a lie.

Posted by: CptCrckpot at November 23, 2010 2:45 PM

It's all fun and games until that dog accidentally paws that toddler in the face and all kinds of hell breaks lose.

Dogs are generally great with children, but they're also clumsy and excitable. Leave them to play with a two year old and you're an idiot parent.

Posted by: Simon at November 23, 2010 2:52 PM

Slash, I love Diners, Drive Ins and Dives too. Guy Fieri can open his mouth wider than anyone I've ever seen. *Outside of porn, that is.*

Posted by: Jadine at November 23, 2010 2:57 PM

CptCrckpot,

Is your name short for Captain CRACKPOT or Captain CROCKPOT? Normally I'd automatically default to the first choice, but dropping that handle in the middle of a food discussion has me intrigued.

Unless it's short for CREEPSHIT CORNDICKPORT or something. Then I apologize for my brash assumptions.

Posted by: Kballs at November 23, 2010 3:04 PM

Tracer Bullet:

You totally stole that line from some comedian, and I can't for the life of me remember who it was who said it. Dang!

Posted by: Mrs Smith at November 23, 2010 3:52 PM

Thank you, Simon. It's cute and all, but dogs are unpredictable. If she lunged at him in a certain way or made him mad, you're right... all hell could break loose.

Posted by: Mac at November 23, 2010 5:38 PM

Posted by: Matt at November 23, 2010 8:30 PM

Oh that video made me all happyglowy inside. That dog is ridiculous and the baby flopping all over the place? too much!

Also Ace of Cakes...meh. Yeah they were pretty but fondant is fucking disgusting and I'm much more impressed by people who make gorgeous cake using buttercream or something that actually makes the cake delicious. Fondant...fuck, anyone can make gorgeous things out of fondant. I'm not even impressed anymore.

And the people on that show were just really fucking dull. I prefer the people on Cake Boss, even if their cakes are slightly uglier.

Posted by: figgy at November 23, 2010 10:37 PM

I guess I've been around my crazy-ass dog too long. The whole time I was watching that video I was waiting for the dog to try to eat the baby.

Posted by: kimmyhula at November 23, 2010 11:18 PM

There was a discussion on another Pajiba Love about things your pets are afraid of and that video reminds me of the other thing my dog is afraid of: babies. My friends have a new baby and every time we visit she gets right up next to him, tentatively sniffs his head, makes a confused noise and looks at me like "what IS this?!?!". Any movement on the baby's part sends her to the opposite side of the room.

Posted by: Even Stevens at November 24, 2010 12:20 AM

Figgy, there are some good-tasting fondants out there. My wife makes great cakes, but when all is said and done, she pushes taste as the highest priority. Her icing is light and airy too. I can ensure you I eat a lot of her scraps and extras. As much as I hate the shows, I sure enjoy reaping the benefits of all those rich folks paying a ton of money for dessert.

Posted by: EJ at November 24, 2010 12:27 AM

Dear Mr Kballs,

I love Death To Smoochy and will fight for its honour any day of the week.

Posted by: Shane at November 24, 2010 2:54 AM

Feist, I love you and your pajiba love posts and your adorable dog videos! Keep it up!

Posted by: AgoGo at November 24, 2010 2:57 AM

Shane,

I will not fight you. I will tell you that we can agree to disagree. Unfortunately, you'll always be wrong. About this movie. And maybe other things. I don't know you well so you might not be too bright. Wait, that's insulting. Sorry. But you're still wrong about the movie.

*mean mug*

Posted by: Kballs at November 24, 2010 8:07 AM