Pajiba

To be fair, "danced in a fucking gorilla suit" is a fine and apt metaphor for sleeping with a Levi Johnson.
"So, Ophelia, did you manage to ditch that asshole in a wife beater at the club on Friday?"
"No, I danced in a fucking gorilla suit and now he won't stop sending me pictures of his cock."

It's name is Lynn Min-Mei, isn't it? That dreadful pop robot musician. I'm right, aren't I?

I can't believe you've actually got a link to Reader's Digest up there. For reals? For really reals? Careful, now - you slip out a link to Ladies' Home Journal and this joint officially becomes a goddam waiting room.

Listen, I know you guys don't have an editor, but goddammit, how difficult is it to proofread your posts, people?

Listen, I know you didn't listen the previous times this has been brought up, but goddammit, how difficult is it to email Dustin or Jeremy about corrections, Rykker?

Sadly, this still isn’t the dumbest thing she’s ever done; that’s still Levi Johnston.

Heeeyyy-oooo! You are correct, braaaaaiiiinnnsss...

"Alright everyone, today is Spirit Day...you all have to wear purple"

Can we get a warning the day before? I'm already at work and I'm wearing green. Though, I can wrap my little rainbow flag around my neck all French-like. Does that count?

Oh, they say that, and I hold back, accordingly, but every fucking day there's a noticeable mistake, yet, I ignore it most days...

So why stop ignoring and just email them? Be part of the solution, not the precipitate.

THEY need to step-up their game. Not me.

I am disagreeing with neither this nor the fucking of me. Both are valid (and vaguely hot) points.

I agree with what the airline stewardesses wrote (bite me that's what they are) but still...

1) Don't be surley at me b/c you made the life choices where you have to deal with a-holes just so you can go to Jamaica for free.

2) You are a flight attendant, not a brain surgeon, pilot, diplomat, or member of the house of Lords. You can be replaced by someone younger and prettier with an 8th grade education and less attitude. Let's remember that shall we?

3) You are 3 moderate steps above a low end food server, but lack their sense of style, don't get bossy. High end Janitors and pole dancers laugh at you.

4) You in fact ARE paid to wait on me. If you don't like it go back to retail.

5) We are together for how many hours, you are being paid to be there, I am paying to sit in the cramp seats with the bad food. Your attitude is not part of the deal.

6) You got the guy drunk and now you want us to help you b/c he is being an ass. Not my job, sweetie.

7) Want to be treated with respect? Well just because I am in coach I want it to, so let's both be nice.

8) I do not care that you were dumb enough to expect the pilot to leave his wife for you, leave it your crummy apartment with your 8 cats. I want service.

9) Tell me the rule BEFORE I strap my kid's car seat in, don't watch, wait and then tell me after struggling for 5 min. Or by all that's holy I will unleash my todder on this plane.

10) Soda, low ice is a drink order, not a math formula or higher physics.

Danielle Lilly: The teeth are indeed freaky, but I'm more concerned that she seems to be developing a fever blister in the corner of her mouth. HerpesBot2010! Also, if you are making a pretty girl robot, don't give her Man Hands.

branded > Rykker

I agree with what the airline stewardesses wrote (bite me that's what they are) but still...

Well it is all about you. Oh please please please come to my library!

13. “Do you really have to go to the bathroom right now, while we’re wrestling a 250-pound food cart down the aisle? You can’t wait 90 seconds for us to pass?”

Except it's not 90 seconds. I've timed it. You block the damn aisle for 1/2 an hour.

Can I vote for Ophelia to make EE? That was hysterical!

dammitjanet, Busey's horse teeth are also worrisome to me if that makes you feel any better.

13 Things I hate my flight attendant for:

1) Stop acting like my cellphone is going to single-handedly crash the airplane. It’s on M-Fing “airplane” mode right now and I’m only using it to pay Solitaire. In no circumstance in the course of human history has someone playing the game of solitaire caused any sort of major disaster.

2) If I am unlucky enough to be one of the last people to board the plane and find, much to my displeasure, that the 200 people before me have used up all the available overhead bin space, don’t blame ME when my perfectly reasonably sized backpack doesn’t fit anywhere, and you have to take it up to first class for me. It’s not MY fault that there’s not enough space for what I’m told I’m allowed to bring, nor is it my fault that I can’t bring it to first class myself.

3) Yes, I want bloody mary mix without the booze. No, I don’t just want tomato juice. Bloody mary mix is spicy and tasty and good and I’m not paying $5 for you to add vodka to it. Why is this a problem?

4) In the course of waking up, packing, getting a taxi, getting to the airport, checking in, checking bags, going through security, doing a pre-flight stop in the WC, buying a post-security overpriced bottle of water and queuing up to board, I might forget a pen. If pens are commonly forgotten on international flights, perhaps the airliners could provide a box of pens on the plane for you to hand out, instead of handing me attitude.

5) Please don’t seriously tell me that I can’t wear a scarf in an exit row because it might “fly off my neck” in the case of an emergency landing and “obstruct passengers.” If my scarf actually deters anyone from safely escaping a crashed aircraft, that is clearly Darwinism at work and who are you to stop the natural progression of evolution?

6) If you go 2 hours on an 8-hour flight without serving anything, people might get thirsty and start asking for water. Sorry this has put you out so much.

7) If someone struggles with the bathroom door it’s probably because they’ve spent .000001% of their life on a plane encountering said bathroom door and it doesn’t open like basically any other door in existence. In fact, the construction of said door baffles me because when you’re actually in the coffin-sized bathroom it pulls in and squashes you into the toilet in order to escape. So really, it’s the door that’s stupid, not the people who don’t immediately know how to open it.

8) Please don’t make me be the conduit to the creepy man sitting in the window seat simply because I am his aisle seat companion. You’re the one getting paid to get his attention away from his Communist Manifesto and ask him if he wants “chicken or beef.” I, on the other hand, paid hundreds of dollars to be packed into this flying sardine-can and fed warm meat paste, and I don’t want to open up any lines of communication that mean I spend the next four hours in stilted conversation with creepy man about how his secret militia is going to bring down Obamacare.

9) No, I don’t want any duty free. Does anyone seriously buy duty-free on the plane?

10) It’s confusing for people to realize you can’t pay for drinks on a plane with cash. Yes, you probably have the same explanation/conversation with 10 people a day on the numerous flights you take and yes, that probably gets tiresome. But for each of those people it’s the first time they’ve encountered a situation where legal tender isn’t accepted and it’s not their fault that you have to constantly explain it.

11) You guys are in the aisle with carts quite often on international flights. It’s not “90 seconds.” There’s snacks, drinks, dinner, the later snack, later drinks, the damned duty free cart. I’m young, I can hold it pretty well. But other people are not young and cannot hold it and if everyone waited until you and your 250-lb. cart were done, there would be huge queues at the impossible-to-open bathroom door. Give people a break!

12) The fat man sitting in front of me has had his seat reclined this entire flight, including while I was eating, while the fat man next to me has been oozing over into my personal space for the past 6 hours and he’s starting to create a sweaty mucous membrane between our arms. This whole seat area smells generally like fart and I’m too tall to comfortable stretch my legs in any way. So EXCUSE me if I want to get up and stretch in the galley area while you’re sitting there—conveniently the same time period when you’re NOT in the aisle with your 250-lb. cart.

13) While I don’t agree with anyone ever being rude to the flight staff (or anyone else for that reason)—this street goes both ways. I’ve encountered far too many flight attendants who have been snippy, curt and impatient with passengers for absolutely no reason at all. I’ve even seen little lost old ladies who are asking honest, simple questions get snipped at. Your job is tough, no doubt. But so is mine and many other people’s on that plane and flying is, in general, a horrible experience. A little bit of patience and good will goes a long way for everyone.

Last few flights I have noticed the following:

1) Excessive checking of phones/pdas during the flight, these things are becoming an addictive plague for people, and they show withdrawal symptoms.

2) Once the plane lands, people from the back rushing forward as far as they can get, usually right next to me, so now I can't get out of my seat to grab my overhead. I seriously was ready for the last emo-douche that did this on my last flight with a MMA approved elbow to his gut, and he let out an ooomph but didn't say anything as I crowded him backwards so I could get to my overhead.

we have to watch John McCain’s jowls while he filibusters

not sure if those are his jowls or his two faces.

I'm sick of hearing about the miners. Over 3,000 men die in those mines every year, so in the 69 days they were trapped that means ~220 of their buddies bought the farm.
Make Chile fix that, then I'll cheer for them.

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