Hey, Not Every Dog Can Be Lassie, Okay?
Thanks to mswas, here's a story from Allie Brosh about how her dogs pretty much went absolutely bananarama-batshit-insane when they all moved to a new place. Quick mini-div here: Is there any simple task that will cause your dog to freak out? I remember Kahlua would happily chase our vacuum around, but when we put up or Christmas tree, she hid in the corner and peed herself. (HyperboleAndAHalf)
PAJIBETTES! ASSEMBLE! *Thunder clap* Some kids decided to pick on a little girl because she just so happens to be a Star Wars fan (original Star Wars, mind you) and it's high-time we show her some support. ROCK THAT SHIT, NERD GIRLS! H/T to Doran! (Topless Robot)
Are you sitting down right now? Are there no sharp objects in arm's length? Do you have booze in an easily accessible place? Alright then, here it goes: Two And A Half Men has been guaranteed for seven more years (in syndication). I have to go cut myself now. (Warming Glow)
Katy Perry's management team is starting to get worried that her boobs might be too big, and are starting to ask that her breasts be digitally shrunk on posters. Because clearly, people buy Katy Perry's crap for her singing, not because the woman's got two goddamn mountains under her shirt. (popbytes)
Did you like Get Him To The Greek? Ha! Of course not. No one liked that movie. Well don't worry; they're never gonna make a sequel because Russell Brand and and Jonah Hill hate each other. (Agent Bedhead)
Here's the abridged version of the script for Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps. *SPOILER ALERT* The movie sucks so bad it makes me want to stab. (The Editing Room)
Here's an interview with Isabella Rossellini about her animal-mating series, Seduce Me, which quickly devolves into her almost telling the poor interviewer to fuck right off. Thanks to AuntieShoque! (Vanity Fair
What's that? There's a new light that is capable of destroying bacteria, but is safe on humans? No offense, but I'd kinda like to see a light that's capable of destroying bacteria and humans. I'm looking at you, everyone on MTV. (Gamma Squad)
Thanks to Yossarian, here's a gallery of kids trying to draw Cthulhu. Silly kids... Everyone knows Cthulhu looks more like a giant lizard man with tentacles for a mouth! Nice try though. Good effort. I'm sure when he arrives, he'll devour you first. (Comics Alliance)
The Daily Beast, soon to be merged with Newsweek explored the evolution of Madonna's daugther, Lourdes. And look! Agent Bedhead was quoted. (The Daily Beast)
Ummmm... Gasp? One of the girls from Teen Mom was arrested for assaulting the father of her child in front of her baby. The best part? She denied ever hitting him despite MTV literally airing the footage of her doing just that on television. Smart girl, this one is. (Celebitchy)
And speaking of terrible TV mothers, Kate Gosselin might slowly be going broke because she keeps spending ridonk-a-donk amounts of money on herself. Jeez, does anybody else kinda miss the good old days when Joan Crawford was the only terrible celebrity mother we had? (Celebslam)
Oh. My. Fucking. God. Jones has finally made bacon soda, and I would totally try this if it weren't for the fact that carbonated bacon water sounds awful. (The Impulsive Buy)
And now, here's advice for young girls from Disney's first princess, Snow White! Remember girls: You should always marry the first man who kisses you, even if you were unconscious when he did!