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This Is What You Get For Being Too Dumb For Life

By | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (64)



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Here are 11 things you must do if you’re ever trapped in a horror movie. Just putting this out there, but have you ever considered going somewhere brightly lit with lots of people? Or better yet, getting on a plane and leaving the goddamn country? (Den of Geek)

While we all wait for Disney to stop being a bunch of cockteases and release Tron Legacy already, here’s an interview with Cindy Morgan, who played Yori in the original movie. (Socialite Life)

For those of you who caught this week’s episode of Glee with Gwyneth Paltrow (why do you hurt me Glee? Why?), you might remember when her character made a couple cracks about Lindsay Lohan. Well, Dina Lohan did too and now she’s meeting with her lawyers to sue Glee for defamation, which makes me soooo thankful she hasn’t ever read Pajiba. (Evil Beet)

And in other Glee news, while we can all agree that Mr. Shue totally sucks as a teacher, what with his constantly pushing his own arrested development on his kids, you have to admit, the guy is very, very pretty when he’s not wearing a shirt. (popbytes)

On this week’s Frotcast, Vince compares 127 Hours to a 7-hour Dave Chapelle stand-up routine and waxes nostalgic on Four Loco. (FilmDrunk)

Alright, so here’s how today’s quiz works: We give you the name of a character from a book, and you have to figure out the name of the novel he or she is from. Get cracking, book worms. (Litely Salted)

A man was sentenced to four months in jail for posting nude pictures of his ex-girlfriend on Facebook when she called off their relationship. Honestly, I can get behind the ruling, but what confuses me is the fact they didn’t put him away for threatening to kill his girlfriend. I think that would be a little worse than having a couple people see my junk. (Zelda Lily)

Another day, another rumor about the villain of The Dark Knight Rises. Anyway, this time it’s rumored that Tom Hardy will play Dr. Strange, which I’m sure will make sense once I figure out who the hell Dr. Strange is. (/ Film)

Good news, music fans who are not me! The entire Beatles catalog is now on iTunes! For the record: I really did try getting into The Beatles, I really did. I just thought they were kinda … Meh. (The Flickcast) (Are you trying to provoke an angry stampede? — DR)

Sarah Palin has a new book coming out, and in the interest of keeping flamewars to a minimum, I will only say that Sarah Palin says that people on reality TV have no talent, then praises her daughter Bristol’s chastity. Must… resist… irony… (Gawker)

Gamblers and degenerates: Your Week 11 NFL picks. (UglyFours)

Ever wondered how to report the news in the most generic, pretentious fashion possible? Well here’s a British guy giving you a step-by-step explanation as to how to do it. As opposed to us North Americans, who just point a camera at a crazy person and wait for the money to pour in. (Unreality)

Speaking of the differences between us and the UK, check out this ad Beyonce did for her new fragrance, Heat, that was banned in Britian but would probably run on Nick Jr. over here. (Yeeeah!)

Want to know whether or not your college professor has tenure? Try yawning in class, and if he freaks out and starts screaming at everyone, then yes, he has tenure.

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here. Please include your Pajiba handle in the subject line, because he sucks with names.









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"Accused," "Misfits," and "Miranda" Reviewed | This Week in British TV | Why Do You Keep Using That Word? I Don't Think It Means What You Think It Means | Bristol Palin and The Situation Shill For Abstinence









Comments

Dr Strange

By the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth, it cannot be true!

Posted by: mswas at November 18, 2010 12:05 PM

I can't be the only person who thinks the new football coach on glee looks like the old one in drag am I? Did I miss something?

Posted by: BigTodd at November 18, 2010 12:07 PM

and the Dr Strange the are talking about is Dr Hugo Strange a shrink who figures out who batman is

Posted by: BigTodd at November 18, 2010 12:08 PM

I agree, Mr.Feist. If The Beatles were alive in more modern times they'd be The Backstreet Boys.

Posted by: admin at November 18, 2010 12:10 PM

BigTodd - you're not the only one re: glee but it is a different person.

Also thanks on the Dr. Strange clarification. I didn't really get the Batman connection with the magician.

Posted by: mswas at November 18, 2010 12:14 PM

You're right*, BigTodd, it's Hugo Strange, not Stephen Strange. And that makes perfect sense as a choice of villain, or one of the villains. It seems to me that the rumors of female casting might just point to Talia Al Ghul, if Hardy is indeed playing Strange. It would just make sense for those two characters to team up in some fashion. Tie the series back in to part one, and get Bruce recomitted to being Batman when he's forced to keep his identity a secret (which would be a nice conclusion to the character's arc in the first two movies).

* Damn it, people. Why didn't anyone else chime in with Hugo Strange's full name before BT? I know he was quick on the draw, but now I actually have to acknowledge his presence. I blame you all.

Posted by: RobP at November 18, 2010 12:16 PM

I agree with Mr. Feist and admin. The Beatles can suck it!

/runs away

Posted by: Scully at November 18, 2010 12:17 PM

Hugo Strange makes the most sense considering the universe, I see him a profiler helping GCPD track Batman to arrest him. In the Comics he also takes to wearing a batsuit

Posted by: BigTodd at November 18, 2010 12:22 PM

Mr. Shue is a bit of a male butterface, ain't he? Bless his heart. Still, I'd lick stuff off those abs.

Posted by: Tammy at November 18, 2010 12:23 PM

Yes, if the Backstreet Boys started as teeny-bopper sensations, then evolved to become the most influential musical forces of their or any generation.

Posted by: logar at November 18, 2010 12:30 PM

Yori was also Lacy Underall in Caddyshack...

Posted by: litmus0001 at November 18, 2010 12:30 PM

I'm another one who never fully got the appeal of The Beatles. They had a few catchy tunes. That's about all I can say about them. I do get weary, from time to time, of the Beatles worship, but it's mostly kept to a minimum these days.

I had a boyfriend in college who seriously considered breaking up with me when he found out I don't worship the Beatles. We ended up mutually ending it about six months later, but he confessed to me at that point that he "never saw me the same way again" after I confessed to having meh feelings about The Beatles.

Seriously, people. They were just a band.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at November 18, 2010 12:31 PM

What the hell with that professor? I never once in five years as an undergrad or two years as a graduate student had a professor freak out like that. I did have professors who seemed to take pleasure in setting unrealistic deadlines for papers and stuff like that, even smiling and smirking while telling us, but no one who freaked.

Course I also never heard anyone yawn that loudly, either.

I don't know what he hoped to accomplish. Like the yawner was going to out themselves.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at November 18, 2010 12:36 PM

Dr. Strange is Marvel.
Batman is DC.

Incorrect rumor.

Posted by: superasente at November 18, 2010 12:38 PM

superasente, this has been explained YOU are an inccorect rumor

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugo_Strange

Professor Hugo Strange is a fictional character, a comic book supervillain in the DC Comics universe. He first appeared in Detective Comics #36 (February 1940) and is one of Batman's first recurring villains, preceding the Joker and Catwoman by a couple of months.

Posted by: BigTodd at November 18, 2010 12:40 PM

Wasn't there a Dr. Strange movie rumor recently...?

Posted by: mswas at November 18, 2010 12:41 PM

i mean a movie ABOUT Dr. Strange.

Posted by: mswas at November 18, 2010 12:41 PM

I think that would be a little worse than having a couple people see my junk.

Other things Jeremy thinks is worse than you seeing his junk:

. . .

Can I say "everything?" I really want to say "everything" since getting people to look at his junk is probably Jeremy's favorite thing . . . okay, maybe people seeing him with his junk in another man's mouth might be MORE favorite, but I refuse to make such broad assumptions out of respect for Mrs. Julien's innocent heart. I think I may have permanently damaged her with a post* this morning and I'm feeling less inclined to go Full Kballs here.

*An INTERNET post you fuckin' pervs. Jeez!

Posted by: Kballs at November 18, 2010 12:43 PM

that rumor has been around for years mswas.

Posted by: BigTodd at November 18, 2010 12:44 PM

Go with the Jesus Cobras KBalls! I'm wearing my hazmat suit!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 18, 2010 12:46 PM

that rumor [Dr. Strange movie] has been around for years

yes I know, but I thought there was renewed interest recently from something I read here...

Posted by: mswas at November 18, 2010 12:48 PM

Yeah. Patrick Dempsey was trying to get the part.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 18, 2010 12:51 PM

well the talk was to do small TV movies, to flesh out the marvel universe, including Luke Cage, Which should only be play by Terry Crews, Iron Fist, that should be Ray "way cooler than vader" Park, and Dr Strange

Posted by: BigTodd at November 18, 2010 12:52 PM

"you have to admit, the guy is very, very pretty when he’s not wearing a shirt."

C'mon Feist, he's like Lyle Lovett with photoshopped abs. Except I'd probably do Lovett cos he looks like he has a sense of humor and a sense of knowing what to do with his penis.

Posted by: schmerpes at November 18, 2010 12:52 PM

Ditto on 'meh' feelings about the Beatles. Yes they were influential, yes they made some good music, but Jesus H. you'd think they played the first musical note in the history of the world while fighting the hand of god with the way people go on about them.

They're are like the baby boomer generation- overrated, over played, self-congratulatory and over-hyped into legend by five decades of nostalgia.

Posted by: Dingles at November 18, 2010 12:56 PM

Jeremy,

Did you listen to "Sgt. Pepper?" I used to dislike The Beatles because all I ever heard was their early teen-pop crap (i.e. "Help," "I Wanna Hold Your Hand," etc.). If you don't like "Sgt. Pepper" or any of their late-60s stuff, then you REALLY don't like them.

Might I recommend listening to the 2nd and 3rd Anthology albums? You hear some cool stripped down versions of their best songs, which is great since their biggest problem was overproducing songs in the studio. And judging by the music videos you post, that style would suit you.

Or don't. Whatever. I know you're busy being Canadian and shit.

Posted by: Kballs at November 18, 2010 1:00 PM

The first musical note ever played was by a cave man who farted while lifting one cheek there by changing the pitch. Therefore, The Beatles owe their musical careers to a prehistoric expulsion of noxious gas.

Posted by: admin at November 18, 2010 1:02 PM

. . . and we are all descended from that farty caveman.

Posted by: Kballs at November 18, 2010 1:05 PM

Thanks BigTodd. I looked at Jeremy's post and said "pshaw -- it cannot be so," and immediately posted my response. If I'd actually read the link or the following discussion, I'd have been better informed. Lesson learned.

I'd like to return the favor by being helpful for you, BigTodd. You wrote, "superasente, this has been explained YOU are an inccorect rumor." After the word "explained" you should have inserted a period. Periods are used to indicate that one sentence has finished and that another might begin again soon. Look at how I'm doing it. There's a period. And there's another. See? Pretty cool, right? Who knew?

Next time we'll discuss the "whens" and "whys" of capitalization. I don't want to overwhelm you today; I know it's tough.

Posted by: superasente at November 18, 2010 1:08 PM

The first musical note ever played was by a cave man who farted while lifting one cheek there by changing the pitch. Therefore, The Beatles owe their musical careers to a prehistoric expulsion of noxious gas.

Posted by: admin at November 18, 2010 1:02 PM

Correct me if I'm wrong... but that was STILL Ringo :D

Posted by: lubeg at November 18, 2010 1:11 PM

I just thought they were kinda … Meh.

Well, whatever you shitbirds may actually think (never assume a Pajiba commenter isn't just goading you) the "Meh" is the whole iTunes thing. People have actually been bitching about it for years now. I've seen it. It's factual. It's one of the most exasperating complaints I've ever heard. And while I hate to think it, there probably is at least one person in the world who heard the news and thought, or even said out loud, "Ooh, now I can buy them!".

That doesn't make sense, but I've seen people wait several minutes for someone to slowly start their car and back out of a space rather than proceeding to an already empty space. For convenience.

Just seeing that happen makes me angry.

Posted by: Jay at November 18, 2010 1:17 PM

Admin and Lubeg for the win!

Posted by: superasente at November 18, 2010 1:17 PM

Correct me if I'm wrong... but that was STILL Ringo :D

Pitch-perfect Pajibic timing on that one.

Posted by: Rykker at November 18, 2010 1:23 PM

A word of warning re. the quiz for today... Huckleberry Finn does not count as correct, you have to have The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. If it wasn't for that I would have had 19, by far the best score on a Litely Salted quiz I've attempted. I am a librarian though, so I suppose it would have been fairly embarrassing to be badly...

Posted by: sevenstories at November 18, 2010 1:28 PM

Snuggiepants, The Beatles are like Watchmen: the comic book.

When they happened, no one knew how influential they would be. And decades later, it's difficult to see the originality in their work because it's been so well blended into their respective art forms that they're indistinguishable. So when hearing/reading them, there isn't that pop that people at that moment got. All that is present is how you've read/heard/seen it from so many others.

Posted by: Fredo at November 18, 2010 1:29 PM

I have some comics with Hugo Strange, and that dude is SERIOUSLY fucking creepy. I've been worried about what villain they could possibly use that wouldn't be a letdown, but making a conscious choice to NOT try to outdo Ledger's Joker, by picking a lower-tier but still freaky villain like Strange, could be a great way to go.

Hardy is way too good-looking, of course, but what are you gonna do?

Posted by: Todd at November 18, 2010 1:36 PM

I think Mr. Shue is very attractive, head to toe (well, what parts I can see). Those are some very nice abs.

I feel equally meh about the Beatles. They don't suck but they're not my fave by any means.

Zeppelin rules, however. And the Stones, I guess.

Posted by: Slash at November 18, 2010 2:01 PM

The Beatles or the Stones?

The correct answer is the Kinks

Posted by: shanmarie at November 18, 2010 2:07 PM

Fredo,

I disagree, there are ground-breaking musicians, composers, and bands that have influenced music yet still manage to captivate. A few examples are in no particular order The Eagles, Led Zeppelin, Diana Ross & The Supremes, Bob Marley, Blondie, Ray Charles, etc... Their music has not lost any of its potency. The music still inspires and moves people. The Beatles have lost a lot of their luster. They are the musical equivalent of Citizen Kane. There was a time when they were innovative and breath-taking, but that time has long since past. All that is left is the after-glow.

Posted by: androstarr at November 18, 2010 2:14 PM

I wish I could be like David Watts.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 18, 2010 2:20 PM

The Eagles

Stop.

Posted by: Jay at November 18, 2010 2:25 PM

The right answer is James Brown.

. . .

Racists.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at November 18, 2010 2:53 PM

Okay, I'm sure I've got the countercurse now:

DAFT PUNK ARE BORING!

Posted by: Jay at November 18, 2010 3:06 PM

My American cousins, the British guy doing a step by step guide to how to do Generic news is Charlie Brooker, one of THE best things about British television in years. You should really track down some of his stuff, either Newswipe, Screenwipe or the one-off Gameswipe, where he basically rubbishes everything and anything.

This is his take on American TV:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TTtPMy-7RY

And this is his take on why us Brits generally regard your top TV as being better than our top TV:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgwKU54rO0U

Please, please PLEASE watch them, he's brilliant!

Posted by: Bronson at November 18, 2010 3:18 PM

Bronson beat me to it.

But yes, the British guy is the legendary Charlie Brooker.

Check him out on YouTube - he'd fit right in on Pajiba.

Posted by: Simon at November 18, 2010 3:31 PM

Hey. I have to defend that professor. There's nothing more annoying than having one idiot who doesn't understand that his parents might have better things to do with their money spend his time in class making idiotic noises and comments. You've got a limited amount of time to get information across and you just know (because it happens every term) that the same idiot is going to be taking up your free time with emails about how he "didn't catch this" and "didn't understand that" when finals approach. And he's going to be the first one challenging his grade and getting his parents involved. Most students come to class to learn and understand that they should get a solid return on their parents'/bankloan's investment. They don't need the idiot with the yawns. And by the way, I am not tenured and would be far more strict than that lecturer was if it happened in my class.

Posted by: PaddyDog at November 18, 2010 3:55 PM

I'm much more of an Elvis person.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at November 18, 2010 4:08 PM

Regarding the professor freak-out video:

I'm currently going through college at age 40, studying heating and air-conditioning. The class is almost exclusively young guys (one girl in a program of 160 people, no kidding), and frankly, they're some of the least-behaved, disrespectful, cheating shits I have ever come across. Honestly, they act like twelve-year-olds, playing constantly with their cellphones, occasionally throwing nickels and paper airplanes at each other, and talking-talking-TALKING all throughout class. The only time some of them speak with an instructor is when they want to know how much of the semesters' marks a given assignment is worth, so they will know whether they need to bother doing it or not. There are also a few groups of "students" who are known to copy each others' papers (including typos and incorrect answers) and submit them as their own. And old farts like me who are trying to build a new career and learn the trade have to put up with this crap five days a week.

The aggravating part is that some of the instructors, meanwhile, seem to have given up. The head of the program has to tell people to turn off their cellphones three or four times in class, even at points physically separating groups of guys when they won't stop talking. Two instructors on two separate occasions have told me they have never seen a group as bad as this. Some of the guys are good people, yes, and they're starting to do the work they need to do, but many of the others think the whole thing is a joke. Mommy and daddy are paying the tuition, and they would rather talk about going to the titty bars in Montreal or play MMA YouTube videos on the projector when the teachers are around than actually sit down and actually learn something.

One instructor in particular, he doesn't even bother to say anything when guys are talking. He just goes through the lecture with a dead look in his eyes, like he's counting the days to retirement and hoping he doesn't have this generation running the old folks' home. Hell, I'm counting the weeks until I finish this program, so maybe I'm the lucky one after all.

All of this to say: I kind of admire the professor in the video for going off on the one yawner. Sometimes students deserve to be told to shut up, if not kicked out of the class altogether. On the other hand, if a random yawn is the worst he has to contend with, he should consider himself damn lucky.

Posted by: spoobnooble at November 18, 2010 4:48 PM

Who filmed the professor freak out video? Why were there multiple camera views for something that was apparently "caught on tape". Don't buy it.

Posted by: Jacki at November 18, 2010 5:22 PM

Must...resist...Beatles...flamewar...I...love...the...goddamn...Beatles...

Posted by: ChristianH at November 18, 2010 6:33 PM

I officially love Dingles. Because EXACTLY. Ug. The Beatles this, The Beatles that, oh AREN'T they just amazing? Aren't they just life-changing? Isn't their music just like GOD FARTING?

Well, honestly, no. I've listened to quite a bit of it, early and later stuff. The early stuff contains some quite catchy tunes, I'll give them that. Played to death by now, but catchy. The later stuff...if I listen to it too long, it starts to really get on my nerves. I was in a coffee shop that was playing St. Peppers at a pretty loud volume and I had to get out of there after the third track. Good Lord, what dreck.

Y'all can all unfriend me on Facebook now. :)

spoobnooble That's HORRIBLE. I teach adults nowadays, they're teachers. And I'm constantly amazed at the behavior some teachers engage in they would never tolerate from their own students. Including leaving all their snack and drink trash all over the tables for someone else to clean up! Seriously??!?!?!

Posted by: Snuggiepants at November 18, 2010 6:51 PM

I think all Beatles detractors should be forced to listen to 200 hours of 1959-1963 pop music - in particular the complete works of Frankie Avalon and Fabian.

Otherwise, who do you guys agree is the best band of all time then?

Posted by: Pat C. at November 18, 2010 7:10 PM

one doesn't have to like the music of the beatles; but to disregard their accomplishments, and the impact of their existence, is just plain ignorance. but if you don't like the music, maybe you're not inclined to do the research...

i guarantee you, a lot of what people like today, especially in entertainment and pop culture, wouldn't be the same if it wasn't for those four boys.

just saying....

Posted by: maxpurr9 at November 18, 2010 7:25 PM

The Crucible is not a novel, it's a play. The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane, however, is a novel you stupid quiz.

Posted by: Sally at November 18, 2010 7:50 PM

ChristianH, it is taking ALL of my self-control not to unload some serious Napalm into this Beatles-lover-baiting flame war, but I just keep telling myself that beauty is in the ear of the beholder, in this case. Taste is subjective, etc.

And some people just suck.

(I pity each and every one of you who hasn't been blessed with the ability to inhale some quality green whilst letting Sgt Peppers wash all over you. What do you listen to while you stare up into the sky and dream?!).

Posted by: Tammy at November 18, 2010 7:56 PM

* Interrupts professor douchebag's speech with a loud raspberry*

Posted by: headmonkeys at November 18, 2010 8:14 PM

the rumor is that hell play Hugo Strange, not Dr. Strange.

Posted by: Taylor K. at November 18, 2010 8:28 PM

Wow that must be one fuuuuuunnnnn class.

I bet the students can't wait to fill out their teacher evaluations.

Posted by: John W at November 18, 2010 9:26 PM

Tammy, I listen to all kinds of other music that is wonderful. Or silence, that's nice, too.

Pat C., I've never understood why people need to name *one* band as the best ever. Shrug.

I'm not trying to stop anyone from enjoying The Beatles. I just think it's ok to not think they're the greatest thing ever.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at November 18, 2010 9:40 PM

Seriously though. The Abbey Road medley makes me choke up every. single. time.

I didn't get The Beatles when I was in high school. Really, for a long time, I only ever heard them when my dad occasionally listen to them.

But then one day, I took a stack of all the Beatles discs my dad had to my room and just tried to wade through them. And when I finally gave up skipping through to the songs I knew I liked, when I really forced myself to examine the music I'd been hearing since I was a baby, it was like I was listening to it all for the first time, as though they had never really existed for me until that day. I dunno, it awakened something in me. It made me see all music, decades worth of it, seem so much more logical, accessible, real. It put a lot of popular music in a whole new perspective.

So don't fuck with my White Album.

Posted by: ChristianH at November 18, 2010 10:22 PM

"Pat C., I've never understood why people need to name *one* band as the best ever. Shrug"

In one sense that's absolutely correct. In real life, I agree there's no such thing as THE best band ever, or THE best movie of the year, or THE most beautiful person.

But people and media do make these lists and pick champions. And it can be fun to debate about them. People on this site will argue about which film didn't deserve an Oscar as Best Film of the Year. And they don't say the correct choice was "None of them" - they'll say X was THE correct choice over Y.

And one can learn things from these debates. I have learned that the Backstreet Boys were just like the Beatles. Two of my favorite rock and roll performances are their versions of "Twist and Shout" sung by John Lennon, and "Long Tall Sally" sung by Paul McCartney. Which of the Backstreet Boys tracks should I download that are like those? Which Backstreet Boys song is most like "Norwegian Wood"? Help me out, people.

Posted by: Pat C. at November 19, 2010 2:12 AM

I thought to myself 'Hey, why not do the Litely Salted quiz today? I'm a reader, it's Friday and very quiet at work, and I've never done one of these quizzes before.'

Lo and behold my surprise when the work computer blocks it because of it's 'Provocative Attire'.

Is there more than just quizzes going on over there??

Posted by: elijay at November 19, 2010 5:59 AM

yes. in one regard, the backstreet boys, justin bieber or any "boy band," are just like the beatles: a young girl's uncontrolled lust for cute boys. but that's where the comparison ends.

my husband used to hate the beatles for all the same reasons that are out there. after a little education and the realization that most of the music he likes, wouldn't be the same without the beatles, he quit with the "meh" attitude and got the big picture. by no means does he choose to listen to it, but when it's on, there's respect.

his hatred came from someone before me trying to shove it down his throat, with statements like "if you don't like this you're stupid." i don't care what it is--politics, religion, brussel sprouts--if it's forced, one's not going to like it.

you don't have to like the music, but to say "what's the big deal about the beatles?" just shows you don't get it, that's all.

Posted by: maxpurr9 at November 19, 2010 11:57 AM

This thread seems quiescent, so I feel safe to assert

Sarah Palin hates the Beatles because that's just the kind of person she is!!

Posted by: Pat C. at November 20, 2010 2:17 PM