Pajiba

Bitch bitch bitch moan moan moan complaaaaaaaaaaain.

(Immature? Yes, yes it was. But I changed the word anyway because as we all know, grammar is more important than actual intent. Kisses! - JF)

I think this just proves that zombies have jumped the shark.

Oh my stars. That video was so unbelievably funny. I rarely laugh out loud at the stuff you post, but that one did it for me. Thanks for that.

That header pic looks like it combines all the repressed anger of Eminem with all the joy of roid rage. I find it frankly intimidating and then I snicker at the level of narcissism it must take to get to that point.

[returns after reading the explosion of insanity on yesterday's Pajiba Love column]

See, that is why we need some kind of alert system on Pajiba. It would be great to know when there is a full on talkback brawl erupting so we can throw an errant comment into the fray.

TylerDFC:

These days if the comments venture past the 40 mark, you can pretty much guarantee there's lots of brawling and bottles breaking over heads. My thoughts go out to the resident Pajiba piano player who has to try to keep playing as bodies are hurled over his instrument.

If people would ignore the trolls, there would be no unpleasantness. Or very little of it.

RE header pic: Um, I appreciate shirtlessness, but that guy up top looks like a douchebag. He might not be, but the hat and the tattoo are kind of going in that direction. Maybe it's just me.

Don't worry, Paddy, he has a player piano for just that purpose. He can duck behind the bar with the rest of the cringing alcoholics while perforated paper does all the work for him.

We should get Lauren to write for Pajiba.

The Batvan's only known weakness?

Speed bumps.

So if you're running from the Batvan, find the nearest school zone or Trader Joe's parking lot where it can only menace you from afar.

I'm Batvan.

I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking the header guy looks like Blast Hardcheese.

That's sexual harrassment.

Paddy: I was thinking a text that tells me when I should log in cuz there's a fight a brewin'.

TylerDFC:

Set up a Google alert with the key words: weight, skinny, fat, socialism, fecundity, Christian and Pajiba.

The just sit back and wait for the links to the flame wars to pop up.

You had me until my Edwardian upbringing kicked in at "honey...". Stupid prudery stopping me from engaging in a flamewar.

I was thinkin' maybe the Jacobian philosophy might be a probable counter for Kballs to employ against an Edwardian upbringing, except I came to the conclusion that humping her leg probably wouldn't impress her all that much.

I'm no Evelyn Nesbitt, but a curator at the Tate in London once told me I looked like a pre-Raphaelite when I walked past him on the stairs.

True story.

Does that answer your question, honeytits darlin'?

Fixed.

Actually that entire comment is a perfect microcosm for my dating problems when I was single: I would always take it one step too far.

Woman: "You want to come in for some coffee?"
Me: "Sure! Do you have any condoms?"

Woman: "Have you seen The English Patient?"
Me: "Holy shit, that movie sucks every dick ever! It bored me to near suicide! What an overhyped piece of shit!"
Woman: "Well, it was my mother and I's favorite movie before she died of cancer."
Me: "The English Patient gave her cancer?!?!"

Woman: "This first date is going well, don't you think?"
Me: "Yeah, and let's hope it is coming well later, too. Amiright?! *offers high-five*"

:(

I think it was my strangely masculine jawline.

Oh KBalls. I was chortling along quite nicely until "cancer" and then I almost spewed tea all over my keyboard. I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Your review of The English Patient was succinct and accurate if colourfully stated.

C'mon honey. Let's be friends.

Kisses,
Mrs. Julien

OMG, is Mrs. Julien going to be the straw that breaks the camel's back and gets KBalls to come over to the facebook side?!

Stay tuned......

Anna - It's Raging Bull actually. IT DEFEATS ITS OWN PURPOSE!

Ooh. Great idea for a comment diversion: creepiest pick-up line you've personally experienced.

Mine was when a guy told me "you remind me so much of my little brother"

Out of that bar I could not get fast enough.

Give me a nice middle any time.

Mmm...nice middles. I'm off to Kickette!

Paddydog

On the phone: You have a really nice voice. You should be a phone sex operator.

It seems that Kballs and I went to the same finishing school.

Well, if Jesus Knee Cow can't save the day, I don't know who can.

I just used this as the subject line of an email to remind people about a report:

He groaned slightly and winced, like Prometheus watching his vulture dropping in for lunch.

I have GOT to get out more.

(It's Wodehouse.)

(It's Wodehouse.)

Elmer "Daltry" Fudd: Shhhh... be vewy, vewy qwiet. I'm doin' Tai-Chi.

RE: worst pick up line

While working, I was once told that I was "missing out on a lucrative career in the adult film industry." Followed up with a wanna go out for a drink line.

I was 16.

And then she was like “Oh, by the way, I blow a fifteen-year-old boy in the movie”

You have no idea what I would have done at fifteen for her. You have no idea what I would still do for her.

But I will give you some clues. At fifteen years of age, to get blown by Natalie Portman, I would have:

1) punched my own family;
2) punched your family;
3) fought crime;
4) fought the law;
5) been a script-mule for George Lucas.

Same wavelength, MM.

Creepiest pickup line: didn't happen to me, but my friend and I were out in River North in Chicago and a drunken Jeremy Piven stumbles up to us, points at my busty friend's chest and says "those are luscious." Terrifying.

Also not a pickup line per se, but Scott Baio once stared at me for like 10 minutes at Starbucks and I felt dirty.