Guess Who's Gonna Be Eating Peach's "Cake" Tonight?
It's Mario's 25th birthday today (okay, technically it was yesterday. Shut up) so Nintendo put together a giant-ass retrospective of his games. Be honest here: How many of these have you guys actually beaten? I did manage to beat Super Mario Bros. once, but not without gaining a heavy amount of loathing for those fucking Piranha Plants. Those leafy little C-U-Next-Tuesdays. (Topless Robot)
Speaking of Mario, someone decided to put together a list of 10 ways to make a good Super Mario Movie. I have one too! Steps #1-10: FUCKING DON'T. See how easy that was? (IGN)
Did I ever tell you how much I love tumblr pages? I'm not really sure how they work, but I love them. And I also love this one of all the screaming hysterical faces from the last season of Oprah. Did you know that Oprah can raise the dead? You do now. (FacesOfTheLastSeasonOfOprah)
Here are the 10 most badass devils in film ever. I was about to get all pissy that the Robot Devil from Futurama wasn't included on the list, but then I remembered that he's never been in an actual film. (Screen Junkies)
Alright, the good news is that Inception will be coming out on DVD and Blu-Ray on December 6th, and the special edition comes in a super awesome PASIV steel briefcase complete with Cobb's totem. The bad news is it's only available in the UK. *For British eyes only!* (The Flickcast)
So Perez Hilton was all like "Whatever, Ryan Seacrest would have been a better host of the VMAs" and then Chelsea Handler was like "Fuck you, I got the highest ratings since 2002" and then Perez was all like "Whatever, you probably have a penis". It's only a matter of time before Perez calls her a doo-doo head. (popbytes)
Let's say there's a Feminist Rally within walking distance from you. Do you (A) Attend and support them. (B) Attend but calmly explain how your views differ from there's. (C) Going around screaming at women that they are ugly fat whores? (Zelda Lily)
Awwww, John Mayer quit Twitter! Now how are we going to hear about the day-to-day activities of his racist dick or which napalm vagina he's sticking it in? (Evil Beet)
Huh, so this is what happens when Madonna doesn't have her daily recommended dose of orphan blood and puppy tears.Take a note from Helen Mirren, Madge: You can grow old gracefully without looking like you're held together with superglue and rubber bands. (Yeeeah!)
Here are the biggest Apple fails of all time. Mysteriously absent from the list: Forgetting the prototype to your insanely top secret and overrated phone in a bar. Oh, and Steve Jobs inability to wear anything but a black turtleneck. Epic fail. (Unreality)
There are many things in this world that I love. Okay, that's a bald-faced lie, but I honest to God love over the top safety videos featuring stupid people hurting themselves in the most brutal way possible. I'm looking at you, car that randomly explodes for no reason! (A.V. Club)
Because there's really nothing else for Barbie to do other than become a proctologist or a social worker, Mattel is rolling out Barbies based on classic TV woman. Meh, until the day I see one based on Georgia Lass (complete with blood splatter and Happy Times Temp Agency nametag) I'm not interested. H/T to dammitjanet! (If It's Hip It's Here)
Stupid PETA decided to criticize Joe Biden for handing out hot dogs to returning troops on The Colbert Report. Seriously PETA, if you don't shut the fuck up right now, I will go out, club a baby seal, turn it into a jacket, then devour a baby cow just to spite you assholes. (AngryBlackLadyChronicles)
There's a new Auto-Tune the News out (yay!) and if you can suffer your way through the Weezer portions (which are somehow the worst parts) this one is pretty damn good.