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Killer Croc Is The New Joker

By | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (40)

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Hey everyone! Sorry for flaking yesterday, but hey, you try being stuck on a bus for seven hours after two days of not eating delicious turkey because you had a stomach flu. Everyone thank Dustin for being so kind as to cover for my ass, and also for saddling me with reviewing Big Momma Does Bad All By Herself, Goes to Jail, and Meets the Browns IV.

The third Batman movie doesn’t start shooting until April, but rumours are already going around saying that Killer Croc will be the next Big Bad. Ummmmmm… A little out of left field I guess, but if it means completely destroying Dane Cook’s hopes of playing The Riddler then I’m OK with it. (Gamma Squad)

Dina Lohan, who I swear to God just lists “World’s Worst Mother” as her occupation on her taxes, was warned SEVEN YEARS AGO that Lindsay might be a textbook burnout by L.A. Police, and she’s now blaming them for not doing more about it. Christ, Denial isn’t just a river for this woman, it’s a fucking ocean. (popbytes)

Today’s quiz is all about award winning documentaries, and for those of you like me who generally steer clear of them, don’t worry, this is still ridiculously easy. (Litely Salted)

Good news, everyone! Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell has been suspended for being unconstitutional, which means that all further discharged must be stopped. Which means the gays will now take over America. Sorry! (Towleroad)

Just in case the make-up, outfits and general personality didn’t convince you that Marilyn Manson is fucking weird, it turns out he’s actually a huge Eastbound and Down fan and he enjoys sending Danny McBride random, creepy emails in the middle of the night. Hello, terrifying new nightmares. (Agent Bedhead)

Since we all know that Jesse Eisenberg is basically guaranteed an Oscar nomination for The Social Network, let’s take a look at the youngest Oscar nominees of all time. Seriously, a nine-year-old got nominated for an Oscar? Fuck. When I was nine, I couldn’t even make toast. (Film Experience)

Here are seven supporting actors who are “sexier” than the leading men. I’m sorry, but I patently refuse to believe that any of the other men in Sterling Cooper, even with their hotness combined, could surpass Don Draper. Although Sal was a close second. (The Nerve)

Good news for those of you with a nerdboner for flashy CGI and French techno: Disney finally released a snippet of one of the songs from Daft Punk’s score for Tron and it’s pretty epic. I, for one, look forward to watching Daft Punk and Hans Zimmer duke it out *BRAAAAAAAHM*-style at the Oscars. (Film Drunk)

Admittedly, I don’t have that much experience in dealing with the police (don’t act like this doesn’t surprise you), but I think we can all agree that if the cops come to your door and you’re wearing a bikini, you might want to put something on. Unless you’re Katherine Heigl and you really need to sell your new movie. (Celebitchy)

Somebody managed to convince Wes Anderson to direct a Stella Artois commercial, and it pretty much looks like every movie he’s ever done. Seriously, replace the guy in the ad with a stop-motion animal and you’d have the trailer for Fantastic Mr. Fox. (Warming Glow)

Because the people who handle Britney Spears’ career are equal parts stupid and awful, they’re planning on having Britney Spears host her own variety show! Yay! Let’s drive this poor woman into the ground for the sake of money! Weeeee! (Celebslam)

Yesterday, we steered you over to Ugly Fours for a post about what a douchehat Fantasy Football guru ESPN’s Matthew Berry is. Matthew Berry, it seems, responded to the post. I think he was flattered to be talked about. (NSFW-ish, for penis-like imagery). (Ugly Fours)

Here are the seven dumbest careers Barbie’s ever had. For the record, I fully consider cat burglar to be a valid career option, and anyone who says otherwise clearly hates freedom. (Topless Robot)

Alright, so what happens when you mash-up the theme from Mad Men with Nat Cole’s Nature Boy? Oh, and just to throw some more random into the mix, it’s performed by Brian Williams’ daughter. Really. Behold the ensuing awesome.

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here.









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Comments

Nothing will ever top the Nick & Jessica Variety Hour.

Nothing.

NOTHING.

Posted by: Jay at October 13, 2010 12:09 PM

Why WOULDN'T you talk to the cops in a bikini? Sounds like a solid strategy to me.

Posted by: Slash at October 13, 2010 12:19 PM

Also, you had me at "penis-like imagery."

Posted by: Slash at October 13, 2010 12:20 PM

Thanks for the youngest Oscar nominees, it made me do a little research and clear up some factual errors I'd had in my mental repository. I always thought Anna Paquin was 9 when she won Best Supporting, but I see she was 11, and isn't even the youngest to win an Oscar in that category (Tatum O'Neal was 10).

In any case, it's still hard for me to take the Oscars seriously when they hand them out to children. It's also hard for me to take acting seriously.

Posted by: , at October 13, 2010 12:23 PM

I thought the new Batman villains had to be realistic and probable in the real world. If Killer Croc can exist, then so can The Penguin and Orca.

Posted by: Robert at October 13, 2010 12:24 PM

"Hey, she's really hammered, I bet if even the cops came to the door she'd answer dressed like that ... maybe even NEKKID!"

"Aw, come on, nobody opens the door to the cops like that."

"Bet?"

"You're ON!"

*dials 9-1-1*

Posted by: , at October 13, 2010 12:27 PM

When I was nine, I couldn’t even make toast.

Damn.
I was cooking full breakfasts (eggs [scrambled and over-easy], pancakes, bacon, toast, french toast...) for my parents and sister when I was eight.
Granted, I wasn't alone in the kitchen while doing so, and I wasn't like line-cook efficient, yet, but I could cook all that stuff.
I'm glad they taught me that early.

Posted by: Rykker at October 13, 2010 12:29 PM

Britney news? Um, I've seen that episode of South Park. Get new news please.

Posted by: Abby-Wan Kenobi at October 13, 2010 12:44 PM

Hell yeah Ron Weasley!!

Posted by: fenchurch at October 13, 2010 12:45 PM

Obsessing on a TV series is basically Dorkspeak for “I don’t have a life,” which is just sad,

You DO realize that this applies to just about everyone on this site, right, AB?

Just checking.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at October 13, 2010 12:47 PM

Oh, I hope Daft Punk gets an Oscar nom so they can play at the Oscars! I'm still riding high on their Grammy performance from a few years ago.

I love that mashup video.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at October 13, 2010 12:49 PM

Katherine Heigl's boobs qualify as "giant"? She's well endowed, sure, but that seems like hyperbole.

Posted by: Todd at October 13, 2010 12:59 PM

Oh MelBivDevoe, don't you know how this works by now?

Step 1) Less-than-mainstream recording artist scores film to much acclaim.

Step 2) Academy members gets all antsy over a pop artist ruining their credibility.

Step 3) Despite Golden Globe nomination for film scoring, the Academy announce that the recording artist's film score is ineligible for the Oscar. This usually happens after the ballots have been counted but before the nominees are announced.

Step 4) Robert gets angry.

Step 5) Robert gets his hopes up that the next year will be different.

See: Karen O, Johnny Greenwood

Posted by: Robert at October 13, 2010 1:04 PM

That video is amazing.

If you go here, there's a picture of Marilyn Manson in a Kenny Powers wig. He looks exactly like a brunette Dee Snyder of Twisted Sister....

Posted by: Edith at October 13, 2010 1:05 PM

I don't see whats the problem with gays in the military. We Canadians have had them for like 10 years. Sure at first it was a little weird, but then we started get transgendered youth, seriously ever have to order people to refer to pte so and so as a man. Yeah go fuck yourselves, I miss when it was just gays in the military.

Posted by: nabaal at October 13, 2010 1:05 PM

Hells yeah, Sterling is way more sexy than Don Draper. I may even put Draper third behind Henry Francis. Did you see him mowing the lawn without his shirt on, and then he walked into the house all hot and sweaty and (this is the best part) totally ignored Betty because she threw a hissy fit earlier in the episode? Got my motor running for sure.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at October 13, 2010 1:11 PM

I'm pretty sure the site is just "Nerve," not "The Nerve." This has been bothering me, Jeremy. I weep about it.

Posted by: kate the great at October 13, 2010 1:14 PM

I seriously WANT Cat Burgler Barbie and her multiple pairs of Christian Louboutin's.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 13, 2010 1:18 PM

I loved the video. She can really sing, and that video had a wonderful retro vibe to it.

Oh, and it's Burglar, I know. I didn't catch it in time.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 13, 2010 1:22 PM

The most disturbing thing about the Killer Croc picture is that he's wearing pants.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 13, 2010 1:24 PM

I'd add Lane Pryce to the list of hot Mad Men second bananas, especially when he's drunk.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 13, 2010 1:30 PM

I will join you in your anger, Robert, when they're inevitably snubbed.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at October 13, 2010 1:33 PM

Speaking of which, in Panera yesterday, they called "Barbie" to get her lunch. More than several people stared open-mouthed and it wasn't because of that stuff in the turkey.

Posted by: Cindy at October 13, 2010 1:45 PM

So, okay. Don't revoke my Pajiba Card but you know who I think could stand a chance of doing a brilliant Riddler?

Johnny Knoxville.

Maybe the Sprout has completely sucked my brain through my uterus, but stick with me. The man looks a little insane to begin with. We all know from the trailers of the Jackass movies (or the episodes we've watched out of morbid curiosity) that Knoxville looks positively batshit when he is amused. A director as talented as Chris Nolan could rein that in, darken it up, and produce a villain that is seriously off-kilter. And, perhaps best of all, I get the feeling that it would annoy the shit out of Dane Cook. Everyone can enjoy a pissed-off Cook.

I'll show myself out now. And I'll take this piece of plywood here to protect my head from flying objects.

Posted by: stardust at October 13, 2010 1:46 PM

Maybe Mattel and The Discovery Channel can do some cross promotion and do "Dirtiest Jobs" Barbie. I'd like to see her skinny ass hanging off the back of a garbage truck or castrate sheep. Empowerment!

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at October 13, 2010 1:51 PM

Goose and Cameron? F*ck and Yeah!

Posted by: replica at October 13, 2010 1:58 PM

The most disturbing thing about the Killer Croc picture is that he's wearing pants.

Posted by: BWeaves

But without pants we'd have to see his Killer Coc...oh...I see what you did there.

Posted by: Vee at October 13, 2010 2:17 PM

Youngest Best Actor Nominees:

3.Mickey Rooney, again, The Human Comedy (1943). He was 23.


Anyone else read that The Human Centipede? Just me?

Posted by: BWeaves at October 13, 2010 2:36 PM

Fuck Killer Croc.
It's not plausible, and Nolan said he likes to keep his films "grounded in reality."
Also, fuck the Riddler, Catwoman, and the Penguin. I'm sick of these villains. Unless they decide on casting THE PERFECT actor/actress, I don't want to see another reiteration of the character. Part of the reason Cillian Murphy was great as the Scarecrow was because there was no previous film incarnation to compare him to. The other part was because he's fucking Cillian Murphy.

I want Mr. Zsasz. I'll settle for Hush. But seriously: Victor Zsasz.
HEAR ME , CHRISTOPHER NOLAN!

Posted by: penelope at October 13, 2010 2:41 PM

MY favorite Barbie of all time is Wheelchair Becky. She's her friend who is also the school photographer.

I swear, this exists. I bought one.

http://toykidshop.com/01-165795011-B0034V2JUG-Barbie_BECKY_Im_The_School_Photographer_Doll_w_Wheelchair_1998.html

Posted by: Ben Ruthlessburger at October 13, 2010 3:12 PM

Penelope (or PEEN-ah-lope, whichever's right),

The fact that you KNOW who Mr. Zsasz is impresses me greatly. The fact your suggestion didn't occur to me DEpresses me nearly as much.

Good call, girl. Power ring golf claps all around.

Posted by: Green Lantern at October 13, 2010 3:14 PM

I agree with stardust. Johnny Knoxville would be an entertaining Riddler.

Posted by: Slash at October 13, 2010 3:31 PM

Filmdrunk says Tom Hardy has been cast in Batm3n.

He would make an excellent Mr. Zsasz. Just sayin', just sayin...

And I'm glad I could impress you with my comic book knowledge, Green Lantern. But sadly, it's reserved to only Batman-related ones.

Posted by: penelope at October 13, 2010 5:37 PM

Personally, I'd love to see Mr. Freeze. You know, the RIGHT take for a change. He was always one of my favorites in the comics/cartoons because he seemed so terribly OMG ROMAAAANTIC (in a psychotic villain way) to 12 year old girl me, along with Scarecrow who just seemed pretty rad, and I've always felt like he really got shafted by Arnold's terrible, terrible take on the character. And "science gone wonky" isn't nearly as difficult to work into Nolan's world - if Scarecrow can have his super-duper hallucinogenic fear serum, there's no reason Dr. Fries can't have a terrible accident while overseeing the latest in cryogenic research.

But yes, any of the non-iconic characters would be nice for a change.

Posted by: Nat Kittyface at October 13, 2010 6:18 PM


Seriously, get the fuck out trying to tell me you wouldn't fuck Don Draper's brains out if given the chance, no matter how big an asshole he is.

Also, Sal WAS super hot. He looked exactly like Dick Tracy from the old comic strips.

Posted by: figgy at October 13, 2010 6:22 PM

Re Lohan.
If the police are giving you parenting advice at ANY TIME, it may be time to hand your parenting license in and let someone else drive for a while.

Re Barbie.
{sigh} Really? Where is the special collectors set "Trophy Wife" or "Perennial Dick Moistener" since those seem far more likely than WNBA star.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 13, 2010 6:35 PM

Mmm...I'm having a hell of a time trying to decide which of the Mad Men men is most bangable...a hell of a *good* time, mind you....

Posted by: meaux at October 13, 2010 9:47 PM

What is this Brahm meme? I've seen it used everywhere but have no idea where it comes from. Could someone who's hip tell me what it is?

Posted by: ThatGuy at October 14, 2010 1:09 AM

ThatGuy:

The *BRAAAAAHM* is a sound effect; the human approximation of the horn blast heard throughout the Inception trailer.
Watch the trailer, and then watch this.

Posted by: Rykker at October 14, 2010 5:58 AM

As a soldier myself, I am VERY glad about ruling Don't Ask Don't Tell unconstitutional. As long as he'll watch my ass, I don't mind a guy watching my ass.

Posted by: Danny from Puerto Rico at October 15, 2010 2:19 AM