You know that puppet show on Comedy Central everyone was bitching about? Well it’s been cancelled, despite what — if I remember correctly — was an all time top rated premiere for the network. Kick out the jams, Pissboy. (CBS News)
According to this new advertising campaign, syphilis is apparently making its big comeback. So, you know, go syphilis! (Agent Bedhead)
BREAKING NEWS! Britney Spears has dyed her hair brown. I repeat BROWN. The Homeland Security Advisory has just been raised to “orange.” (Yeeeah!)
Some weirdo perv from Japan has figured out a way to raise Lars’ real girl and give her artificial intelligence. (Cinematical)
I never got into the whole Big Lebowski phenomenon because, quite frankly, stoners and slackers irritate me. But for those of you who dig that kind of thing, you might be interested in this new essay collection, The Year’s Work in Lebowski Studies. Thanks to AvB. (NY Times)
Could Michael Cera be campaigning for a role in Ghostbusters III? I really hate to jump on the Cera backlash wagon — but honestly, I’m just so weary of him at this point. (Litelysalted)
Maybe it’s because everyone I goddamn know has gotten engaged in the past few months and I’m still clearly not, but this stupid Weather Channel proposal actually got me choked up a little bit. (Warming Glow)
In honor of it being the last Wednesday of 2009, here are the worst of the worst offerings from the Harriet Carter catalog. (IBBB)
There were a lot of celebrities who kicked it in 2009, but here are a bunch who probably won’t be making too many “celebrity death 2009” lists. (Cracked)
And here is kind of a morbid list of 2010 Celebrity Death Predictions. Except I was actually a little surprised by the part that Dick Clark is still alive. (Holy Taco)
This might be the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Well, not really, with some of the horrible stuff that makes its way into Pajiba Love. But this is at least the worst thing I’ve seen so far today. (DListed)
OH GOD NOOOO! I take it back! THIS is the worst thing I’ve seen today: Eva Longoria and her basketball player husband Tony Parker recreating “Summer Nights” from Grease. Ohhh so awful; you all need to share my pain. Whatever, it’s the week between Christmas and New Year’s. No one’s reading this crap anyway.
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at December 30, 2009 1:06 PM
Ain't no party like a PissBoy party cuz a PissBoy party don't stop!!
Unlike Jeff Dunham's parties. Apparently TONS of people show up when it first starts, but then Jeff shows up and ruins the atmosphere and the place just hemorrhages people who realize "This fucking party was a shit idea, and he's a terrible host."
Posted by: PissBoy at December 30, 2009 1:12 PM
Saw that his shit got cancelled on the front page of HuffPo last night and danced a fucking jig.
Posted by: PissBoy at December 30, 2009 1:13 PM
damn straight
Posted by: No One at December 30, 2009 1:17 PM
According to this new advertising campaign, syphilis is apparently making its big comeback. So, you know, go syphilis!
However, renaming it "scifilis" doesn't make the rash on your peepers itch any less.
Posted by: branded at December 30, 2009 1:19 PM
I won't even click on the link for the Death Predictions. Kind of morbid?!? How about completely fucking tasteless?
Posted by: Patty O'Green at December 30, 2009 1:19 PM
Aw, don't worry, Stacey. I was engaged once. I found it overrated, after a while.
I know Patty! And if you'd been able to bring yourself to look they actually predict Betty White. Bastards.
Posted by: becks at December 30, 2009 1:28 PM
Today is my last day at work until next year (hehe!) so here is my latest tome for you all:
Here’s to lurkers, de-lurkers,
First-timers and Spambot,
All Pajibans whose names
In other poems I have forgot
But do you recall,
The most famous ‘jiban of all?
Dustin the kindly overlord
Built a very cool website
To give all the whacks and loonies
Somewhere to talk and snipe
Whether you’re new or old here,
Everyone’s welcome here abouts
Even if I can’t name all of you
To all Pajibans I give shout-outs!
All who read and all who write
Share in the same fam’ly
Pajibans with your wit so bright
Won't you snark and bitch tonight?
Then all Pajibans gathered
Round the MurderTank with cheer.
Everyone’s welcome to comment
Hope y’all come back next year!
Posted by: dammitjanet at December 30, 2009 1:28 PM
Ha. I was MARRIED once. Overrated does not BEGIN to describe it.
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at December 30, 2009 1:28 PM
{sniff} That is beautiful dammitjanet.
Godtopus bless us, every one.
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at December 30, 2009 1:29 PM
Oh thank you little bitty baby Jesus for finally putting Jeff Dunham out of his misery. Now finish it: Someone smother him with a pillow in his sleep.
Posted by: Jeremy Feist at December 30, 2009 1:31 PM
Dunno if anyone has heard him speak...but Tony Parker enunciates about as well as he dances. So saying his wife's name in the throws of passion must be like a fucking decathalon.
Posted by: PissBoy at December 30, 2009 1:32 PM
*applause*
Janet, you rock.
Posted by: Cindy at December 30, 2009 1:40 PM
Well, looks like dammitjanet will be #2 this week, again!
You're seriously amazing. You have a gift for poetry and rhyme that is incredibly impressive.
Goddammit...I just can't contain it. I'm elated that he has been cancelled, but just seeing his fucking smirk in the picture at the top of the page makes me want to trip the rage fantastically all over his face like I was an angry Connecticut monkey.
On one hand, you gotta give it to the guy. I remember, back in like 1992, I saw him on StarSearch and thought to myself "...1 and 3/4 stars at best because HIS FUCKING MOUTH IS MOVING!!!" But he stuck with it. Who knows? Maybe he is some sort of genius of societal studies and saw the public's attention span and perception of detail slipping further and further toward the lowest common denomenator. Then he thought to himself, "Hey self. I bet if we stick with this for another decade and a half or so, people will be so mind-numbingly stupid that I'm almost guaranteed some video sales or maybe a shot at my own show. And if not, I can at least parlay it into a blow-job or 2 from some fat Christian chicks in the back of the Laugh Lounge in Pigfuck, Iowa. Fuck...if they laugh at Bob Saget showing people getting hit in the balls, I'm a shoe in." So he plodded along and plodded along. And then SMASH! - As in "taking a smash" ie. a giant, steaming shit - Jeff Dunham hit the scene. Apparently, the man upstairs (whom Jeffrey adores to ridiculous lengths) rewards hard work and banal humor.
But fuck-me-running this guy boils the bile in my throat. If I had one chance and no consequences I would love to abduct him and put him in a tiny room with me and a few of my favorite power tools. I would hook up a camera and a monitor so he could see himself, and then ask him to do his act. But every time he moved his mouth, Mr. Black-n-Decker was going to sting him. If he lives beyond 14 seconds...I'll be shocked.
Yuck...and his fucking wife. How can she possibly stand looking at him?! He looks like he smells like Aqua Velva and cheese sauce. That's a mighty nice leather sport coat you have on over your gray T-shirt there Jeffrey. When do you get promoted to "guy who gets the boss a sangwich" for the local mafia back in Podunk? You look like a right-wing version of Dane Cook, and I never thoguht I would feel bad about insulting Dane Cook.
God I fucking hate this guy. And don't even get me started on my firends who played his goddamn DVDs over and over and over again, and STILL laugh out loud whenever they quote one of them to this very fucking day. Don't get me started. I dunno that I have the testicular fortitude yet to murder my friends. Maybe with a couple shots in me first...and maybe if I had a ski mask.
Fuck you Jeff Dunham. I hope you crash into a fucking gas truck because you were too busy putting your hand up your own ass.
Posted by: PissBoy at December 30, 2009 1:54 PM
However, renaming it "scifilis" doesn't make the rash on your peepers itch any less.
HA HA HEE {snort}
Yeah, but the PR people thought it might free the word "syphilis" from the things we usually associate it with: itching, open sores, eventual insanity... It just needs a reputation makeover. Actual product quality: same old, same old.
Posted by: MM at December 30, 2009 1:55 PM
Err, PissBoy, honey, have a drink. Have a couple. Have a keg, sweetie. Can we all just calm the FUCK down?
Jeesopus, I'm all about movie quotes today....
Posted by: dammitjanet at December 30, 2009 1:57 PM
I was about to say that I actually bought a Peanut doll for my sister, and got it autographed when he came to Austin, like, 10 years ago, because I laughed my fool head off when I saw him perform... but I'm guessing this isn't the right crowd for it, eh?
Tony Parker has the charisma of an empty can of wood varnish.
Posted by: D-Day at December 30, 2009 2:26 PM
Tony Parker has the charisma of an empty can of wood varnish.
Posted by: D-Day at December 30, 2009 2:28 PM
Awesome, I just double posted about the charisma of Tony Parker. That's like watering a dead plant, or beating a dead horse with an actual dead horse, or maybe getting tested for STDs after jumping in the hot tub on Jersey Shore...
Posted by: D-Day at December 30, 2009 2:31 PM
that proposal was stupid.
so is eva and tony.
Posted by: gem at December 30, 2009 2:33 PM
Wouldn't a better name, given the fantastical imagery, be SyFylis? I mean because it's all icky and dumb and all.
Posted by: Duane at December 30, 2009 2:57 PM
Is they stupid, gem? Is they?
Posted by: marya at December 30, 2009 3:08 PM
PissBoy GodDAMN where have you been all my life? I spontaneously fell in love with you while reading that. Can I help you hurt him? I want to, and I don't even HAVE friends who watch and quote the guy. He just looks like he needs a beatin'.
I'll saw off his balls via abrasion, with a dull plastic knife. You do the rest. Deal?
Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at December 30, 2009 3:15 PM
For Christmas, my nephew, a huge Jeff Dunham fan got a collection of pens, each with the head of a Dunham character that spouts little catchphrases. Which I heard-all day long. Anybody want to buy some deeply discounted pens, lightly stained with grey matter?
Posted by: Mrcreosote at December 30, 2009 3:21 PM
OOOoooh! Did someone just get slapped with the Grammar Glove? Right across the face!
I love this place.
Posted by: Lauren at December 30, 2009 3:25 PM
Michael Cera can stay around for a little while longer, provided he changes his style of acting. Shia Lebarf on the other hand should be penciled in for an immediate visit from the career-killing Angel of Death.
Posted by: bignick at December 30, 2009 3:47 PM
I actually knew about the death of the voice of Mickey Mouse before reading that Cracked article. My friend from high school was roommates with the new voice actor when they were in college. Apparently, the guy was invited to call a phone number and audition over the phone, and they chose him to be the new voice. It's a lifetime contract, and he basically does tv shows, movies, video games, whatever they want him to do and he's set for life, essentially. Makes me wish I could do impressions, but every voice I try to do sounds the same.
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at December 30, 2009 4:10 PM
HA! Grammar Glove. I love it.
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at December 30, 2009 4:23 PM
Yeah, Jeff Dunham is touring, and stopping in my home town sometime this week (maybe today) and there was a poster with his fucktard face ALL over downtown and basically ruined my touring the Christmas lights.
So much for my visit.
Posted by: Drake at December 30, 2009 4:45 PM
Drake!!!! Where do you live??? Tell me now? I will be there in a matter of hours with a bag full o' goodies for Mr. Puppetrape.
Posted by: PissBoy at December 30, 2009 4:57 PM
HA! Grammar Glove. I love it.
Better than the Punctuation Pole. That thing smarts.
Posted by: branded at December 30, 2009 5:35 PM
Has anyone ever noticed that Peek Freans cookies are only a quick letter switch from being Peen Freaks?
Posted by: bleujayone at December 30, 2009 5:48 PM
I would just like to know, if anyone can tell me, when that Kim Kardashian ad is going to go away.
Because the pairing of a Kardashian and food products makes me queasy in the extreme. What were they thinking?
The only thing a Kardashian should shill for is maybe Monistat. Or Airwick.
Better than the Punctuation Pole. That thing smarts.
Posted by: branded at December 30, 2009 5:35 PM
---------------------------------------------------
Yeah . . . . it really teaches you how to use a colon.
Posted by: Lauren at December 30, 2009 7:30 PM
Better than the Punctuation Pole. That thing smarts.
Posted by: branded at December 30, 2009 5:35 PM
---------------------------------------------------
Yeah . . . . it really teaches you how to use a colon.
Also, what the shit? I definitely convinced 3 people at a bar last night that Dick Clark had died a while ago. I was sure of it, even though now that I think about it, I saw him in a New Year's promo the other day. I hope I didn't jinx him.
That guy who has love for a robot girl is NOT Japanese, I know because I am Japanese and know Japanese names when I see one and Le definitely is not, but his ROBOT girlfriend Aiko is...
STOP HAVING OBSESSION WITH JAPANESE GIRLS TWISTED PERVES OF THE WORLD!!!
While I'm honored that for many Japanese girls are considered ideal, I am deeply creeped out by the level of perv fantasy and fetish attached to them. I know real Japanese girls and none of them look or act like what you demented weak mind would want them to.
And, please, just because a perv is an Asian, do not assume he is Japanese.
Posted by: yocean at December 31, 2009 3:47 AM
'BREAKING NEWS! Britney Spears has dyed her hair brown. I repeat BROWN. The Homeland Security Advisory has just been raised to “orange.”'
---------------------------------------------------
I believe the alert was actually raised to CHEETOS orange.
Posted by: SingitFromTheMuffinTop at December 31, 2009 6:35 AM
"You know that puppet show on Comedy Central everyone was bitching about? Well it’s been cancelled, despite what — if I remember correctly — was an all time top rated premiere for the network. Kick out the jams, Pissboy."
----------------------------------------------
I'm just dismayed that it took Comedy Central this long to realize how painfully unfunny Dunham is. Oh well, you take what you can get.
Posted by: Oracle at December 31, 2009 12:12 PM
dang i loved Jeff Dunham.
Posted by: Utah Dynamo at December 31, 2009 2:14 PM
Stacey, will you Pajibamarry me?
Posted by: Nadine at January 1, 2010 11:37 AM
Im really jelous of kims beauty. She looks like one of those girls that would be married to a king in Egypt!
Syphilis has GILLS? No way!