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Nothin’ But Holiday Links

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | December 24, 2008 | Comments (42)

You know what Jesus really wanted for his birthday this year? Tits. Well, what did you get him? Some crappy frankincense again? Pfft. (WIMB)

This asshole wants the likes of Pookie and Barbado Slim unmasked for the world to see. (QuizLaw)

What?! Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was invented solely as a tool of consumerism? I feel so… Cheap. And used. (mental floss)

Well screw that, anyway. Here’s reindeer, bitches! (AnimalReview)

Some asshole paid $5300 for Scarlett Johansson’s used tissue. And you wouldn’t even believe what her used toilet paper is running for. (AgentBedhead)

Here are those shirtless photos of Obama everyone’s been talking about. And, uh, umm… I’ll be in my bunk. (Celebslam)

A rapping Santa and Frosty? Eh, sure. Why the hell not. (atom)

Hey, you got eggnog in my tea! You got tea in my eggnog! Yeah, so apparently Bigelow “Eggnogg’n Tea” tastes better than it sounds. Which is good, because it sounds effing gross. (TIB)

Remember what happened in between Iron Man and Less Than Zero? Aww, but you have to admit, he was still cute. (FilmExperience)

This is pretty much the greatest gift a salty linkmaster could receive: The Best Music Video Ever Recorded Of All Time. Thanks, JC! (No, not that one.) (FilmDrunk)

There’s a rumor going around that Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin hate each other’s guts. You know what they could use? A good bang. Just look at what it did for David and Maddie on “Moonlighting.” (Yeeeah!)

Remember that time Gary Coleman was weird on TV? I sure do! Here are the best talk show moments of 2008. (Jezebel)

“Are we really lazy or just Jewish?” Here are some holiday-themed notes of the passive aggressive variety. (PANotes) & (PANotes)

Here’s a special holiday greeting from everyone’s favorite internet cats. (FourFour)

Here are the top 20 albums of 2008, per Jeremy. I admit, I’ve only heard of a handful of these; because I’m kind of old, not especially hip, and mostly set in my ways. I did love She & Him, “Volume 1,” though. (NotesOnBarNapkins)

You know what the problem with children is? They give the shittiest Christmas gifts:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

Merry Christmas Eve, to all fellow revelers.

To the rest of you...a very Happy Holiday, just the same.

Posted by: Mike R. at December 24, 2008 12:09 PM

While watching that music video, at no point did I not think that the knight dude was gayer than eight guys fucking nine guys.

Posted by: Snath at December 24, 2008 12:11 PM

You know, I've really begun to trust the collective tastes and opinions of the people that make up this wonderful site but I've gotta say that the "Shine" video is possibly the worst thing I've ever seen. Truly. There could very well be other hideous creations that top that but I can't get past my breathless nausea to think of any. If anyone can think of anything, please let me know.

*searches for brain bleach*

Posted by: Kali at December 24, 2008 12:19 PM

I never understood the appeal of threesomes, I've tried them before in the past and it was like...meh. Seeing as I'm a very attentive lover, I can only concentrate on one person at a time.

Posted by: Pookie at December 24, 2008 12:19 PM

"What the FUCK, Bobby?...Well, sorry's not gonna' unshit these presents!" Haaaa!!!

I hate kids and their stupid presents. It's always allll about them. Well, what about *me*? "I made you an ashtray". Neat. I don't smoke. Thanks for putting all that thought into it. Ass. Stupid kids.

It's possible that Christmas may bring out the worst in me...

Posted by: Lainey at December 24, 2008 12:25 PM

A little holiday love on the Pajiba Love thread. Have a great Christmas or other holiday, Pajiba.

Posted by: Sean at December 24, 2008 12:26 PM

Green bean casserole sucks cocks in Hell.
Fucking onions! (also, I'd say the Right Hand Diamond trumps the left, but the intention is the same)

Eggnog and coffee is dubious enough already. I mean, the Coffee Mate creamer tastes good, but it tastes like eggnog and coffee, it doesn't become a new, magical third taste, so tea is definitely out.

Posted by: Jay at December 24, 2008 12:26 PM

Hey, Mister Crotchety Anti-Handle Guy, fuck you! I love my fake last name. Hell, I've signed for mail with it! Not sure that's legal, but hey, I loves me my fake name.

And for the record, if I had to choose between Tina and Alec...Tina all the friggin way.

Posted by: Jeremt Feist at December 24, 2008 12:28 PM

Oh and PS, State Rep. Steve Hartgen, really? Really, this is the most you have to worry about? Really? I'm thinking Idaho may not need a Representative that badly then. All your shit must be handled and you're just full of free time.

Signed,
Lainey*

*not my real name - suck it!

Posted by: Lainey at December 24, 2008 12:30 PM

Also, that music video caused an explosion of gay in my brain. I want to cry tears of semen.

Posted by: Sean at December 24, 2008 12:33 PM

No, seriously, that's a REAL video? It looks like outtakes from the latest shitty Sci-Fi offering from Robert Halmi. It's got the dragons, explosions, sword-fights by gay knights, multiple are-they-good-or-are-they-bad hot chicks in black.....holy craptopus! WTF!!!

Did anyone else notice, when the redhead gets crowned, with about 37 seconds left, she becomes HOLLAND TAYLOR???

Posted by: dammitjanet at December 24, 2008 12:43 PM

I'm totally reviewing that album for Pajiba Music.

Posted by: TK at December 24, 2008 12:52 PM

Questions about the Shine video -

One: Is that one of the Nelson boys, all grownsed up?

Second: Does Penthouse still do those retarded "sexy" pictorals with the costumes and shit? 'Cause if so, I'm pretty sure that's what happened right after this video was filmed.

Posted by: Lainey at December 24, 2008 12:53 PM

Jay, I don't understand your feelings about onions.

Posted by: Sarina at December 24, 2008 12:54 PM

There is no greater irony that Sarina, of all people, questioning someone's food preferences.

Woman, please.

Posted by: TK at December 24, 2008 1:01 PM

Really, Sar? How's that pie? Nummy?

Posted by: Lainey at December 24, 2008 1:03 PM

That music video is amazing. It's like Westley and Buttercup went tacky and invited David Hasselhoff's video director to follow them around with a camera.

Posted by: Sofía at December 24, 2008 1:34 PM

The dude in the shine video was their second choice after Sara Michelle Gellar dropped out of the project. Luckily, her wardrobe fit him perfectly.

Posted by: firedmyass at December 24, 2008 1:39 PM

But... c'mon, you guys. Who doesn't like onions?! And for the gazillionth time, almost all the foods that I hate are sweet foods. I'm crazy weird and super picky about sweet stuff, but I'm not really picky about normal food. I hate capers, and I don't like some mushy and rubbery textures. That's pretty much it.

Posted by: Sarina at December 24, 2008 2:06 PM

Does Penthouse still do those retarded "sexy" pictorals with the costumes and shit?

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Wait, I mean, what are you talking about?

Who doesn't like onions?!

I know, like, two other guys!

The Chinese and onion rings can effectively neutralize them. Everything else, that taste bleeds through and pollutes. I've had to suffer years and years with those damn casseroles, wishing I could eat the tainted green beans and then a few months later saying, once again, NO I don't want any deviled eggs! I don't want to even SEE boiled eggs! The same goes for cilantro, as you know.

Posted by: Jay at December 24, 2008 2:23 PM

I love deviled eggs. I could eat them until it hurts. I'm ambivalent about cilantro. I don't crave it or anything, but I don't dislike it.

Posted by: Sarina at December 24, 2008 2:43 PM

"I'm crazy weird and super picky about sweet stuff, but I'm not really picky about normal food. I hate capers, and I don't like some mushy and rubbery textures. That's pretty much it."

Uh huh. Right. Perfectly normal.

Whatever, Dimples.

Posted by: TK at December 24, 2008 3:15 PM

Merry Titsmas!

Um, wait ...

Merry Twinsmas!

Uhhhh ...

Happy Hefalumps!

Shit.

*can't take eyes or mind off photo*

Posted by: bucdaddy at December 24, 2008 4:50 PM

I crave cilantro.

So what?

Posted by: Che Grovera at December 24, 2008 5:12 PM

Are we re-hashing the whole Sarina/Pie debate again?

I bet she'd like pot pie. How bout chicken pot pie, Sarina?

Posted by: greer at December 24, 2008 5:52 PM

So don't ever cook for me, Muppet Man. Otherwise you can do what you please.

In the frozen universe, the Marie Callender pot pies are THE BOMB, as well as their frozen crockpot dinners.

Posted by: Jay at December 24, 2008 6:08 PM

"Uh huh. Right. Perfectly normal.

Whatever, Dimples."

My To Do list is now as follows:

  1. Somehow manage to avoid the following this weekend:
    • Killing my whole family
    • Dying of alcohol poisoning
  2. Buy floss, which I forgot at the store yesterday
  3. Go to suburban Massachusetts
  4. Put on steel-toed boots
  5. Kick TK in the nuts
  6. Buy a pony
  7. Bring the pony to visit TK (so it can kick him in the nuts)
  8. Have drinks with Mrs. TK -- she seems fun
  9. Bake a lemon chiffon cake, because YUM
  10. Teach the pony tricks, because that horsey bastard's gotta earn its keep and tiny tots won't pay good money to watch it stand there and drool
    • Consider tricking TK into starring in The Nut-Kicking Pony Show
    • Failing that, put the pony in a funny hat

Posted by: Sarina at December 24, 2008 6:29 PM

Oh, and greer, we've covered pot pies before. I do indeed believe in pot pie (chicken or otherwise). See, it's not actually pie on its own merit in which I do not believe; I just can't stand cooked fruit.

Except I also don't really like fresh fruit pie, either. I like fruit, but I just eat it plain, or with cheese or nuts or something. I don't see why it's necessary to smother it in syrup and whipped cream. Gross.

Posted by: Sarina at December 24, 2008 6:32 PM

Sarina, if you get hospitalized for alcohol poisoning you could avoid spending the weekend with your family.

I am lucky enough that this year, my family is flung as far and wide as Hawaii, Alaska, Ohio and North Carolina. Perhaps they were all trying to avoid us this year? No matter. I can schlump around all day in my pj's tomorrow drinking from my mug of "hot cocoa" and no one will be here to give me the side eye. It's a Christmakwanzafestivah miracle.

Posted by: greer at December 24, 2008 6:52 PM

I don't give a shit about Obama's alleged abs. I also didn't care when the stories were about W's fitness, and I'm willing to bet a lot of people now drooling over Obama were making fun of Bush for spending so much time on his health and not enough on the country.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 24, 2008 7:50 PM

Greetings of the Season! May the Great Old Ones mercifully grant you a swift death in this season of ice!

Posted by: The Wanderer at December 24, 2008 8:09 PM

jay, i could TOTALLY change your mind about deviled eggs.
i've done it before. call me.

and yes to onion love.

and however you worship the great godtopus in the sky, may you do it in supreme happiness!
and to all, a good night!
buns

Posted by: bionic bunny at December 24, 2008 8:14 PM

I'm not a huge fan of onions. And I hate green bean casserole, though that's more due to the nastiness of it (mostly from the mushroom crap) than from anything else. I also used to have a thing against green beans in general.

My mom, on the other hand, is even less fond of onions than I.

On the other hand, I LOVE deviled eggs. My brother has formulated some kind of secretive recipe for them and it rocks.

Has anyone else ever had hard-boiled eggs soaked in beet juice?!

Posted by: lizzieborden at December 24, 2008 9:25 PM

mr. or ms. bunny: It ain't gonna happen. Nothing's getting me past the stench of boiled eggs, let alone the texture.

Posted by: Jay at December 25, 2008 4:01 AM

Has anyone else ever had hard-boiled eggs soaked in beet juice?!

'scuse me?

Beets are not actual food. True story. They grow in the ground but that doesn't mean we are supposed to eat them. That's the mistake people make. Poison ivy grows in the ground and we don't eat that. So why should we eat beets?

Please give this some careful consideration.

Posted by: greer at December 25, 2008 9:27 AM

I can eat 50 hard-boiled eggs.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 26, 2008 3:21 AM

Onions are like Robert Downey Jr: They add lots of flavor to otherwise boring dishes, they can be served numerous ways, they have layers, they stink, they make you cry, they're a wee bit over-rated, and they just seem to show up in your house out of nowhere.

Posted by: bev rage at December 26, 2008 3:56 AM

Sabrina - interesting point, and I'm a Democrat. I do remember watching Bush doing 45-mile bike rides and thinking "Hmmm...I struggle to devote more than an hour to exercise a day and I'm just a lawyer and a parent. This dude's running the country and he's cut. What's wrong here?"

Posted by: samantha t at December 26, 2008 7:18 AM

I'd like to add that Michelle's in good shape, as well, and she's the one who bore the babies.

Posted by: samantha t at December 26, 2008 7:20 AM

You're full of shit, greer. Beers are SO actual food, they have lots of goodness in them, good, natural things like wheat and barley and hops and ...

What? Beets?

Oh, right. Beets = suck.

Carry on.

Posted by: bucdaddy at December 26, 2008 9:47 AM

Y'all. Please stop ogling our presidents, presidents elect and their wives. You are squicking me out and making me feel all dirty inside. Now, let's pretend we never saw Dubya running, Obama shirtless or Bill Clinton kneeling down and peering up our skirts...

Never mind.

Posted by: greer at December 26, 2008 9:58 AM

Fuck all y'all.

Posted by: I Love Beets at December 27, 2008 5:40 PM