If you’re dumb enough to wear meat-scented Burger King cologne, your ass deserves to be torn apart by hungry, domesticated canines who think you’re a giant Snausage with arms and legs. (AgentBedhead)
Thanks goodness we have celebrities like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to remind us what Christmas is really about. (WIMB)
Oh, sweet delicious whatever this is. Bristol Palin’s future mother-in-law just got taken down in a drug bust mere days before her granddaughter is to be born. (QuizLaw)
The infamous Duggar clan shit out kid number eighteen yesterday. (Celebitchy)
Today in modern camouflaging: Ravens fans (KSK) and Katie Holmes. (WIMB)
I’ve seen dozens of games on the internet this week where you have to hit Bush with stuff but here is one where you actually have to dodge the shoe. I totally laughed when he said: “That almost decrapitated me.” (atom)
PopChips are healthy-alternative potato chips which don’t taste as good as regular potato chips but are better than Baked Lays. Word; because plain Baked Lays are effing gross. (TIB)
You know, I’ve been starting to think that “Happy Holidays” was starting to get… I dunno, a little too “denominational.” I mean, who says there has to be a holiday? (CakeWrecks)
Somebody went and made themselves a Zombie Barbie, and I have to say this is actually done very well. Thanks, Sof! (Craftzine)
One time while working at a convenience store in college some white trash bitchhole threw a soft pretzel at me because “it was stale.” But I guess I should consider myself lucky I never got spit (spat?) on. (PA Notes)
What happened to Scarlett Johansson’s enormous cans? (Yeeeah!)
This made me laugh and gag simultaneously. Who out there would eat this? I want a show of hands, people. (SeriousEats)
Here are the 20 Best Reality Show Moments of 2008, and the “I’m gonna fuck you in your privates” kid is just the tip of the trainwreck. (Jezebel)
This is maybe the most insane person I’ve ever seen on the internet. But hey, at least the lady appreciates a “nice glass of wine,” so she’s can’t be all crazy: (Via DListed!)
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
Re Palins and related jagoffs: Please just plunge your family truckster off a cliff already. Question: Has the irresponsible, non-abstinent, knocked-up daughter actually married the no-good, layabout jackass yet? Because I had a bet with my wife that if McCain/Palin went down like the deathship it appeared to be, that the marriage would never happen. The marriage was simply an expedient solution to a political problem, and Palin cynically bullied her daughter into agreeing so that they could take a run at winning the election. Dumbass BillyJoe's family was all-too-happy to marry up and improve their social standing, so he was bullied into it as well.
Once the Ticket of Ignorance sank like a fucking anvil, however, the Palins certainly had no reason to associate with the toothless hillbillies any longer. So: Is this shotgun wedding going to happen? I'm still saying no.
In more important matters, here's a wholehearted endorsement for pop chips. I like them better than potato chips because they're not as greasy. Go for the spicy flavored ones, they're delicious and about half the calories and fat of regular chips.
Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at December 19, 2008 12:16 PM
"I'm gonna fuck you in your privates"
That is so awesome. I would laugh my ass off if someone said that to me. I need to try that on someone tonight. Maybe my waiter.
Wow, Burger King finally found a way for you to be less likely to get laid than if you got up on a podium, and admitted to the entire town you were Dan Fogler.
Posted by: George at December 19, 2008 12:25 PM
...what the fuck?
Posted by: eat my shorts at December 19, 2008 12:27 PM
Not to nitpick, but the KSK link regarding camouflaging is a picture of a RAVENS fan. Not my beloved, shit eating Raiders. Now back to the 'Jiba Love.
Posted by: admin at December 19, 2008 12:27 PM
i should probably clarify that my previous comment was in response to the crazy cat lady.
i guess it applies to the whopper cologne too, now that i think about it.
Posted by: eat my shorts at December 19, 2008 12:29 PM
I would like that bacon thing if they replaced the bacon with breakfast sausage. Not to be gay or nuthin, but I loves me some sausage.
Okay, that was pretty gay.
Posted by: Snath at December 19, 2008 12:31 PM
Who out there would eat this? I want a show of hands, people.
I would eat that in a box,
I would eat that with a fox,
On a house,
With a mouse,
Or alone in my closet, covered in bacon-grease and shame.
It looks MAGNIFICENT.
Posted by: Tammy at December 19, 2008 12:39 PM
Stacey, we need to have a little chat.
I managed to avoid BRAINFOOT, which was amusing, if only because the grown straight men around here shrilled like my cousin's little girl when her brother puts boogers on her.
But the Burger King guy? Seriously? Is there a more creepy mascot on the planet? You might as well have taken the BRAINFOOT (yes all caps, it amused me when Skitz did, and I'll continue to write it that way until the end of time...) and made it the picture for every article on the front page...just when I thought it was safe to peruse the 'Love.
I'm all about making grown men cry, Nosek, but you've taken it too far.
Posted by: Smokin at December 19, 2008 12:39 PM
My high school physics teacher awlays smelled like burgers. I had no idea it was a fragrance choice; I thought it was just a symptom of his poor hygiene. He always smelled a little like diarrhea, too.
Posted by: Clee Shay at December 19, 2008 12:46 PM
I hereby nominate BRAINFOOT as the next Pajiba tshirt. Someone make a graphic. I'm looking at you, Skitz, since you both coined BRAINFOOT and came up with the others. NOW.
Posted by: Snath at December 19, 2008 12:46 PM
Jebus, those Burger King commercials are goddam creepy, followed very very closely by the Netflix spots they're showing all over now. I work in advertising, and seriously, I'm not aware of any guideline that suggests skeeving people out is the way to get them to buy stuff.
Also, why would you screw up bacon with cheese? Bacon doesn't need cheese. Bacon doesn't need anything but a frying pan. I love cheese and bacon, but not together. I also love sausage.
Posted by: Slash at December 19, 2008 12:58 PM
Cheese filled bacon roll yes!
Sadly enough, I cooked something like this not too long ago.
Hotdog, wrapped in 2 slices of cheddar cheese, wrapped in 2 strips of bacon, fried, and smothered in chili.
Posted by: ThunderSacTriumph at December 19, 2008 12:58 PM
Seconded Snath.
All in favor?
Posted by: Smokin at December 19, 2008 12:59 PM
That woman is the living definition of batshit insane. Holy fucking hell. I am staying as far away from Chicago as possible until someone locks that bitch in a psych ward.
Posted by: Nicole at December 19, 2008 12:59 PM
Oooh, cheese-filled bacon roll... *drools*
Posted by: Melissa at December 19, 2008 1:03 PM
Not to be gay or nuthin, but I loves me some sausage.
If loving sausage is gay, then call me Ass Slappy McJeanshorts.
That baconroll looks magnificent, although I am trying to avoid the heart attack until I'm at least 40.
There are occasions when I would rather smell a hamburger than the gallons of cheap perfume some ridiculous woman apparently bathed in. How can you possible breathe when you wear that much perfume? My eyes are watering here and I don't even have an allergy you stupid bitch. Is it to cover up the shame of being a truckstop whore? Is it? Fuck you! Take your money and get the fuck out of my car!
Posted by: admin at December 19, 2008 1:05 PM
Not to nitpick, but the KSK link regarding camouflaging is a picture of a RAVENS fan. Not my beloved, shit eating Raiders. Now back to the 'Jiba Love.
Good clarification, admin, because Raiders are known for their sanity and reasonable/appropriate attire at games? (Where the hell is the sarcasm htmlamaboob)
Excuse me while I go cheer on the Packers at Lambeau with my shirt off in December.
Posted by: branded at December 19, 2008 1:12 PM
No argument from me branded, these days when your a Raiders fan you have to make your own entertainment. You're definately not going to see anything exciting on field.
(sarcasmthingy) I haven't been keeping track of them, but how are the Packers doing since they gave away Favre? Probably a good move, the guy was way past his prime and really couldn't throw to save his life anymore. (/sarcasmthingy)
Posted by: admin at December 19, 2008 1:26 PM
Admin-
Ass Slappy McJeanshorts? Really?
Posted by: Smokin at December 19, 2008 1:26 PM
The problem with the bacon roll was the missing carb. If they'd rolled the cheese in the bacon, then the bacon in a biscuit and toasted it all light and fluffy, I'd be chowing down right now.
Mini bites would be good. Say a cube of fontina wrapped in bacon or prosciutto, dipped in batter or breading and deep fried... That would be better than fried cheese curds!
Admin I may not live there anymore, but we cope in our own way. Wisconsin has the highest national percentage of binge drinking and drunk driving arrests.
Anyway, the problem with the bacon cheese roll was that it was NOT deepfried!
Also, I read in my morning newspaper that Mrs. Duggar had to have a caesarian section because the baby was laying in her womb sideways. Sideways? She must have room for 10 in there now, at one time. $100 says the baby name begins with a J.
Posted by: BWeaves at December 19, 2008 1:52 PM
That photo of the Burger King is beyond creepy and disturbing.
I would try the bacon-and-cheese roll. Maybe a bite or two.
I am so glad I don't watch reality television.
Posted by: rlr260 at December 19, 2008 1:59 PM
I don't think anyone in their right mind would take that bet, BWeaves. The precedent has previously been set seventeen times.
*Wikipedia-ing*
Jordyn-Grace Makiya. Figures.
Posted by: Snath at December 19, 2008 2:03 PM
Or, you know, I could have just read the link that Ms. Nosek so helpfully provided.
You won't get my hit, Celebitchy!
Posted by: Snath at December 19, 2008 2:05 PM
*Wikipedia-ing*
Jordyn-Grace Makiya. Figures.
I've said it here before, but when naming children, "Y" should not be a substitute for otherwise perfectly adequate vowels!
Posted by: branded at December 19, 2008 2:06 PM
I've said it here before, but when naming children, "Y" should not be a substitute for otherwise perfectly adequate vowels!
SHIT!
*tears up list*
Posted by: admin at December 19, 2008 2:09 PM
Mrs. Duggar had to have a caesarian section
I would've thought that after seventeen kids, number eighteen could have been making snow angels in there and she wouldn't have had a problem.
Posted by: admin at December 19, 2008 2:14 PM
Admin: I agree, but like the newsstory said, it was laying in there sideways, in a hammock.
Posted by: BWeaves at December 19, 2008 2:21 PM
Oh by the way, thanks for replacing the dead bunny ad with the naked Pam Anderson. Gee, I never thought I would say that.
Posted by: rlr260 at December 19, 2008 2:36 PM
Shouldn't it be "shat" out number 18 instead of "shit?"
I mean, I know shit works, but I just like the word shat so much, and relish any opportunity to use it or see it used. I hope you change it as soon as possible.
Posted by: Some Guy at December 19, 2008 2:41 PM
"Y" should not be a substitute for otherwise perfectly adequate vowels!
Damnit. I really had my heart set on naming my firstborn MycMyllyn.
Posted by: Clee Shay at December 19, 2008 3:56 PM
Anyway, the problem with the bacon cheese roll was that it was NOT deepfried!
BWeaves I completely agree. Deep fried makes it taste better. Everyone knows that.
I bet that baby is glad to be out. It was probably drafty and cold in the great chamber of echoes that the mom's womb must be. Are those folks going for the world record?
Posted by: Lindsey at December 19, 2008 4:21 PM
Oh, I forgot:
Mmmmmmm, Bacon-y. It would be even better with a layer of cream cheese in the center. :drools:
Posted by: Lindsey at December 19, 2008 4:23 PM
Has the cat woman been addressed yet? Did you people just shrug it off? That woman is just as bad as Baby Foothead (Ninja Star). Is it an artistic statement? Or just batshit insane? Can someone explain this to me? I'd be happy if you just told me she was a furry. But I don't know what she's advertising. OH MY GOD that would be an incredible ad. Just let her talk for 15 minutes. Then they realize she's selling you red wine. But by then you're already sucked in.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 19, 2008 4:42 PM
I think it might be PETA's new campaign to show people how animals really feel.
Posted by: admin at December 19, 2008 4:56 PM
She lives on the north side of Chicago? I wonder if she's single.
Posted by: Lucas at December 19, 2008 6:07 PM
Having eaten deep-fried Mars Bars (you can actually feel your arteries hardening!), I can safely say that I would try the bacon-cheese roll. I may be horribly ill afterwards, but good Godtopus, it'd be worth it.
Am I the only one who was watching that "Bikini Corie" clip for the first time and LOVING it? I mean, that girl right there is everything that stupid reality TV shows are about.
Posted by: Shay at December 19, 2008 6:37 PM
Sorry to keep you waiting--of goddamn course I'd eat cheese-stuffed bacon.
I went to my brother's grad school graduation today. Obviously lots and lots of cute nerdy girls, but that didn't make it go any faster. I got a Ted Turner bison cheeseburger out of the deal in the end at least. Thanks, Mom!
ARE YOU ALL INSANE??
that bacon roll needs GRAVY, DAMMIT!
Posted by: bionic bunny at December 19, 2008 10:44 PM
Re: Bacon Cheese Roll.
*raises hand*
Yes. I would totally fuck that.
I mean eat it.
Yeah...
I'd eat it right in it's privates.
Posted by: Bane at December 20, 2008 1:47 AM
I want to know who came up with the idea to actually weave bacon together into a potholder, and then went HOSHIT LET'S FRY IT AND POUR CHEESE EVERYWHERE!
Now, cover it with pancake batter, deep fry it and pour maple syrup all over and we have a home-based breakfast business.
Okay, that lady was fucking terrifying. I have 100% confidence that I will be hearing "THIS. IS. MY. BABY" in my nightmares.
Posted by: that damn monkey at December 21, 2008 1:51 PM
We all got Blagojeviched!
Merry Christmas taxpayers!
Love,
Your local UAW
Posted by: pbrich at December 21, 2008 8:55 PM
I am so grossed out.
I could fucking puke.
No, it is not the meat cologne.
It is not residual nausea from Brainfoot.
It is not queasiness from the nightmare that could have been the in-laws of the Vice-President That Might Have Been, either.
Nor is it the Cat Lady.
"QUIVERFULL?"
"Still enjoy sex while pregnant?"
Eighteen kids in Arkansas?
REALITY SHOW???
We are living in a goddamned Stephen King futurescape and we don't even fucking know it, people.
These goobers are taking over. They're getting legislation passed from coast to coast. Just watch: that little peach over there in Utah or wherever the fuck it was, she failed this last time, but a couple more elections and watch: it'll pass, and before you know it, FERTILISED EGGS WILL ATTAIN PERSONHOOD STATUS.
And boy, won't we be LAUGHIN' IT UP THEN.
These fucking people are inbred monsters from hell and I am about to start buying stock in arsenic.
Re Palins and related jagoffs: Please just plunge your family truckster off a cliff already. Question: Has the irresponsible, non-abstinent, knocked-up daughter actually married the no-good, layabout jackass yet? Because I had a bet with my wife that if McCain/Palin went down like the deathship it appeared to be, that the marriage would never happen. The marriage was simply an expedient solution to a political problem, and Palin cynically bullied her daughter into agreeing so that they could take a run at winning the election. Dumbass BillyJoe's family was all-too-happy to marry up and improve their social standing, so he was bullied into it as well.
Once the Ticket of Ignorance sank like a fucking anvil, however, the Palins certainly had no reason to associate with the toothless hillbillies any longer. So: Is this shotgun wedding going to happen? I'm still saying no.
In more important matters, here's a wholehearted endorsement for pop chips. I like them better than potato chips because they're not as greasy. Go for the spicy flavored ones, they're delicious and about half the calories and fat of regular chips.