Pajiba

Regarding OHDEARSWEETJESUS:

A goddam warning woulda been nice. I'm never eating fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt again.

O kicking a Panama Hat, he reminds me of myself in college, except he went to class.

Oh my god, cherry pie will never be the same again.

My asshole conservative racist brother told my uncle this joke last night at dinner. I found it too horrible NOT to share.

"What do President Lincoln and President-elect Obama have in common?

Nothing, yet."

...

Despite the glaring inaccuracies of that statement (they have a lot in common) making it a bad joke, it's just ridiculously offensive. My uncle's response?

"Hahahaha! We'll get the last laugh, don't you worry. They'll be sorry they elected him."

I fucking HATE my family sometimes.

My job has desensitized me forever. My first thought at seeing the baby foot was "At least it's not a picture of a child wrapped around a tractor."

Such an interesting story though...I watched a Discovery Health special about fetus in fetu cases once, it's such a crazy crazy abnormality.

As for OHDEARSWEETJESUS, I've learned to scroll over the links in P-Love to get an idea what the link is to, and when I saw "baby-was-born-with-foot-embedded-in-his.html", I just kept on movin'.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me...we can't get fooled again.

What the fuck is it with the Spambots and Patrick Swayze????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

They have good taste Sofía!!

I didn't know Patrick Swayze was alive, I thought he died of nut cancer or something.

"Hey," I thought. "If it grossed out Skitz AND Rowles, you probably don't want to click that...do you....yes....oh damnit I can't resist----AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! HOLY FUCK!"

Look, hair doesn't matter as much. I myself think that long hair, especially bangs, are very sexy; but other factors matter much more.

The advantage of the hair though is that men can stare at it without looking like a sex maniac.

Snath, don't break up your family over politics. My fucking Aunt Ann did that (she married my dad's brother), she's the only woman I know who qualifies as a fucking cunt. I fucking hate you Aunt Ann, you broke up my family because of stupid social differences. I hope a rock lands on your head.

Please don't let it come to that.

Also, what's the racist part of that joke. Obama and Lincoln went to different colleges, had different jobs, were born in different states, campaigned on different platforms, and were members of different political parties. They really don't have much in common at all, but he doesn't need to be like Lincoln to be a great president. In fact, I'd like him to be someone entirely different than Lincoln or FDR, because today's problems require different solutions than theirs. Also, Lincoln and FDR took away a lot of liberties, they made Bush's violations look tame, I don't want that to happen again.

Dear Obama, if you are reading this, know to approach things differently, and not look to just old leaders for guidance. We need something fresh to survive. If you fix thing, I'll model my political career after you, and if you screw up, I'll never forgive you.

Anyone who doesn't think Obama smoked weed on numerous occasions in the past is, um, high. But that photo proves nothing ... except that he is a motherfucking pimp daddy-o of epic proportions. Barack Obama, meet Silky Garrard.

Eh, the Jezebel article sounds like the usual nutcake screed against something that people already agree is retarded. But this amused me: Why does everything on a woman's body have to be some sort of signal to the male sex? Um, evolution? Natural selection? Biological reproductive signals? Did you know, Jezebel, that Nature cares not a canary turd about you except how well you reproduce? So your physicality is pretty much designed for (a) survival and (b) sexual attraction. Sorry to break the news. Wait, was that a rhetorical question?

Some other stunning insights that might interest Jezebel: "Did you know that the media focus more on females' physical appearance than men's? It's true! It's totally, depressingly true! Also, men are paid more than women on average, and 99% of sex crimes are against women. Shocking!"

On a purely theoretical level, yeah, I'm more attracted to long hair, if we're taking everything else out of the equation. I guess I better stand out in a field and shake my fist at the sky for liking what I like. I like a lot of women with short hair, though -- Sarah Vowell, rowr -- and it's usually because of the other awesome stuff about them. Let's get past the hair thing -- if you're funny and cool, I'm pretty much ready to knock boots.

George, I don't think that Snath was saying that the joke is racist, rather that his brother is. The joke is just asshole-y and stupid.

Re: OHDEARSWEETJESUS

That's not an actual picture of the tumor removed from the infants brain. That's a picture of an abortion. Doesn't that make you feel better?

Eh, I cut all my hair off last winter and I didn't see ANY sort of decline in the number of skeevy ass guys hitting on me.

And rikki, the truth is that sometimes women actually do make decisions about their appearance for their own reasons. The state of consciousness that humans have means that we can over-ride those basic biological drives when we choose to, and evidence suggests that we choose to do so a lot. If my entire purpose on this planet was to have babies, I could have fulfilled it by the time I was 15, but somehow I ended up at 22 with no kids. Fascinating.

I get it GaR, and I agree in a general sense, but Jezebel's question, while phrased very broadly, was really specific to this hair issue: "Why does everything on a woman's body have to be some sort of signal to the male sex?"

Of course women choose certain physical attributes for reasons other than sexual attraction -- the issue raised by Jezebel, however, is men's reactions to those choices. Men may be overriding their responses in the front of their brain, but ol' Reptile-Brain is back there just a-reactin' away like a runaway freight train. Believe me, there have been many times in my life when I wanted to turn that fucker off to avoid an inappropriate choice. I can choose not to obey it, but I can't choose not to feel it.

I'm completely sorry, I just realized what the joke meant. Jesus Christ I can miss the meaning of things. This just proves why text cannot communicate as well. Sorry I didn't post this earlier.

For those of you like me, the joke was about assasination. But I still stand by not leaving your family for political reasons, and my Aunt Ann is still a fucking cunt who drove my dad and uncle apart.

As for one that never tried an illicit drug, watched my parents do them, I say who cares.

What I care about is he has nominated an Education Secretary that has not done much. 18% of Duncan's 8th graders read at level. This is the poor choice, not the dabbling in drugs.

Same here, Julie. My mom has the awesomenest short hair, but I know that with my balloon-shaped head, I could NEVER pull it off.

I've always wanted to cut it really short, just because long hair is such a pain in the ass to maintain and I never want to spend more than 5 minutes on it. Unfortunately my head wasn't made for short hair. I always envy those women who can pull it off.

Julie, you're so right. Short hair most definitely doesn't get in the way of blowjobs. In fact, it lends itself as a fantastic steering device for the dude. Knowing to go this way or that way was never so easy!

Posted by: Amanda H. at December 18, 2008 1:26 PM:

Short hair is cute!
Not braggin or nothin but click my name for proof!

Confirmed.

thx

Not braggin or nothin but click my name for proof!

Stop it, Amanda! Stop it right now!

The reason? "But your hair is short!!"

But soooometimes....and I'm unfortunately good at spotting them. See the pain I put up with, short haired girls? But what struck me within the article itself is the tactile aspect. Running your fingers through long hair is really awkward and almost comical, like having the spaghetti unravel off the fork and...do I keep going or drop it or...? Short hair doesn't get all pinned under a pillow or arms and it's extremely tactile. It feels good to me getting your scalp and the back of the neck rubbed and scratched so I imagine some girls feel the same. Getting a haircut with short hair's great since you have to handle the head itself a lot and you get a sort of massage out of it. This rainy wavy frizzy weather's telling me I'm due and I'm going today!

Marya:
I'm just guessing. The article says there were 2 feet and they were microscopic. That and the suction device in the pict leads me to an abortion.
I'm not pro-life, abortions just bought me a new BMW.

Don't worry, Geroge, we still love you.

I totally prefer short hair to long.

The little man in the boat is hard enough to find without sticking him in the middle of a fucking forest.

Short hair also doesn't get in the way of blow jobs.

I've been growing my hair out for the first time in ages, and didn't realize just how unwieldy it is until my first mouthful of penis was accompanied by a giant mouthful of hair. That was fun.

Also, Obama has "admitted" that he's done drugs, including the reefer. He called it a moral failing. I call it the reason for him being so calm-he's stoned and doesn't give a fuck.

Dirty hippie.

"The little man in the boat is hard enough to find without sticking him in the middle of a fucking forest."
~ admin

As an official decree of the "admin," may all the Pajiba female readership from this day hence raze your forests and "row your boat ashore!"

. . . abortions can happen WITHOUT a doctor . . .

My mom tried a pipe snake, BWeaves, but I persevered! Suck it, Roto-Rooter.

You know what I like on women? Good hygiene and a vagina. Everything else is negotiable. Tall, short, fat, skinny, long hair, short hair, I just met a survivor of stage four breast cancer and not only did I want to bang her six ways from Sunday, I wanted to bang her seven ways from Sunday after I saw pictures when she was bald. Call me a man-whore if you want; I can't hear you because I got a big girl's thighs over my ears and she is riding my face like a goddamn bicycle.

I've just decided I *heart* Tracer Bullet.

Hee! Tracer B, you are awesome in ways too numerous to count.

Hahahahaha dumb bastards...I saw the headline and knew not to scroll...you won't get me, Nosek.

I'll one-up, Sarina, I'll do an update on my exciting stories.

I did get that haircut I talked about earlier, and it was my 11th so it was FREE! So I gave her the five I had in my wallet. That's taut drama with a feelgood ending. Except on the way home I think my archenemy was behind me at the self-checkout. Now she knows what I'm eating too. I feel so exposed!

And to channel Dylan Moran for a moment, I said I loved short hair, and not one of you.....not one of you.....said 'thank you'.

Plus I wrote a damn essay on cunnilingus here a few months ago but FUCK IT! I don't need you!

Tracer Bullet that was beautiful. I especially love that you qualified that a woman must have a vagina and "good hygiene." That shit's important.

Plus I wrote a damn essay on cunnilingus here a few months ago but FUCK IT! I don't need you!

Jay I'll need that essay submitted on my desk by tomorrow afternoon... For, uh, review.

Whatever Jay, you dissed long hair, which I have, and I'm immune to cunnilingus, so screw you.

But on to more important issues: you have an archenemy? How did that happen? Did you insult her long hair, because I can see that causing some justified anger.

Plus it's really clean, even a bit metaphorical and vague, so the keywords would be that much more difficult.

I remember that treatise on the art of clitoral tongue bathing. I was hot beCAUSE of the statement listed above. I think it was in a Zack and Miri based thread, I remember laughing at the fight Sarina had with some dude who thought vaginas were icky.

Double post for box eating!

So George... whacha gettin' Aunt Ann for Christmas?

"Short hair is cute!
Not braggin or nothin but click my name for proof!"

Sorry Amanda H., but just... no. It had to be said. Self-dyed, failureorangeauburnblonde that looks like a cheap Mick Jagger-crossed-with-Oompa Loompa wig does not equal cute.

And yeah, generally speaking, short hair on women sucks. It's true. As a general statement, I stand by that. Some people can pull it off, but not many. Even Halle Berry was a line-ball.

My Christmas present from my dad last year was a paper grocery bag stuffed to the brim with packages of Astronaut Ice Cream. Best. Christmas. Ever. Talk about a gift that keeps on giving.

Holy shit Optimus, I don't know what cigarettes cost in the US, but in Canada that's like a $500.00 gift.

My kids have to give blood twice a week so daddy can get his fix.

Kayanne, I gotta tell you, Jay wins FOREVER for that essay. Tracer Bullet is definitely a close second, by my god, that essay... Jay had better be careful should I ever find myself in the south again, that's all I'm sayin'.

Second?! Feh. I better get to work on my Unified Field Theory of Cunnilingus if I want to take the lead.

So much for feeling welcome here.

Well, I did call him a troll with what I thought was reasonable logic once, but he didn't agree with me. Go figure!

Oh that was the Zack and Miri poster thread.