Pajiba Love 12/17/08

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | December 17, 2008 | Comments (28)

Tom Cruise is having a humble pie eating contest and pulling out all the stops to try to repair his image before Valkyrie inevitably tanks. (WIMB)

And in more “Nazi News,” I shit you not: a Pennsylvania family of redneck Nazis are pissed at ShopRite for not printing their son’s name on a birthday cake. Oh yeah, it might have something to do with them naming their son after Hitler. (QuizLaw)

Uhh… Wow. I wish I could tell you that was the most racist thing I’ve seen today, but then there’s also this. (FourFour)

OK, back to irreverent gossip and other nonsense. Pete Wentz really, really, really wants us to know he puts his pee pee in Ashlee Simpson’s wee wee. (Yeeeah!)

As much as I love me some Cute Overload now and then (OK, all the time) this website is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Thanks, Jay! (FuckYouPenguin)

No wait, I’m sorry, animals … This literally made me tear up at my desk. Animal lovers, be forewarned. (ASWOBA)

This is one part creepy and three parts awesome. (omg blog)

Oh whatever Bush, if you think you can save even a scrap of gristle of the rotten flank steak which is your legacy with this cutesy video of your stupid dog, you’re even dumber than I never gave you credit for. (CC Insider)

And while we’re on the subject, what do you think was going on in that “blurry little head of his” during the shoe-chucking incident? (236)

It has a weapon right on the front of it’s fucking face, people. What more could you possibly want? (AnimalReview)

Tara Reid decided to take a break from rehab to get effing loaded. But it’s OK, it was her birthday. (The Blemish)

I would like to know where the iPhone ranks on the overall scale of inventions that promote human laziness. (mental floss)

Aww, man… I always miss everything good on TV anymores. (Jezebel)

Remember how I used to post Get Your War On Clips all the time and then I totally forgot about them? Well, here is one from almost a month ago. It’s not really timely, but since this is Pajiba Love and not a relevant news source I can do whatever the fuck I want, so deal with it. (Language NSFW)

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

Oh, how I love Get Your War On. I loved it in strip form, and I love it animated. this one, made during the campaign, is my favorite ever - the audio is very NSFW, and it will get caught in your head all day, but it's worth it. "Wonderful, cuntiful, Cindy!"

Posted by: Edith at December 17, 2008 12:21 PM

I didn't think it was possible for me to have even less respect for Pete Wentz, but lo and behold. It's like a Christmas miracle.

Posted by: jimbob at December 17, 2008 12:27 PM

Yeah, Maverick was fellating Regis this morning.

Posted by: ThunderSacTriumph at December 17, 2008 12:29 PM

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are those assholes in high school who always made out on top of the picninc tables in the senior quad while all their friends sat around uncomfortably. They had huge, dramatic, teary fights at parties, using terms for each other like "stupid fucking cunt" and "goddamn fucking cocksucker". Then there was an unplanned pregnancy, a hasty backyard wedding, and then graduation.

Except in this case, they are rich, albeit shitty "musicians".

Posted by: Clee Shay at December 17, 2008 12:30 PM

We need to thank Godtpus that Tom Cruise wasn't a Nazi in World War II. Look at him, he's fucking terrifying.

Mark my words, if Nazi Cruise were running shit, we'd all be hailing Xenu now.

Posted by: admin at December 17, 2008 12:38 PM

This has jack shit to do with friggin' nothing, but I just need to get it out - that fucking creepy Santa Claus that (insert phone company here) is using is seriously making me want to dabble in the ultra-violence. You know the one, the skinny hipster one that's a pigment shift away from Albino country? Yeah. God it makes me angry every time I see an ad with him. Left arm numb kinda angry. I hope we never cross paths, hipster Albino Klaus - 'cause I will stomp your goddam face...

That being said, HANG IN THERE, TARA REID!!!!

Posted by: Skitz at December 17, 2008 12:45 PM

Is that why he keeps 4 or 5 blogs, because his jaw is too weak to speak after all the craaahaaahaaaazy chin sex?

Posted by: Sofía at December 17, 2008 12:48 PM

Fuck You, Penguin goes great with Animal Review. Hilarious!

Posted by: Snath at December 17, 2008 12:59 PM

Hey! Those filthy people are from NEW JERSEY, thank you very damned much. Pennsylvania's racists are in Hazelton. And the Fishtown section of Philadelphia. And all those creepy "Children of the Corn" places between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh. And . . . I've forgotten where I was going with this.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at December 17, 2008 1:00 PM

Man, with those top few stories and that picture it's like Third Reich day here on Pajiba Love. Having several different "undesirable" traits I'm just gonna back slloooowly towards the door.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at December 17, 2008 1:01 PM

And the Fishtown section of Philadelphia.

I've never been to Fishtown, so I can't vouch for that, but there are also lots of racist people in an area of Northeast Philly known as My Uncles' Houses. Drinking is necessary to quelch my seething rage.

Posted by: Julie at December 17, 2008 1:09 PM

Gross me right the fuck out, Pete Wentz. You know the real reason he dug all the mirrors is that if he squinted, and made Ashley shut the fuck up, he could imagine he was fucking himself.

Posted by: firedmyass at December 17, 2008 1:10 PM

Re: Adolf Hitler, Jr.

"I'm not surprised it happened, I'm just surprised it didn't happen sooner" - Lisa Simpson

Posted by: Smokin at December 17, 2008 1:15 PM

but there are also lots of racist people in an area of Northeast Philly known as My Uncles' Houses.

Holy shit! I think I sold newspaper susbscriptions there! Fortunately, I'm Blasian, so I really played up the Tiger Woods connection of my heritage. Sold a couple of Sunday susbscription!

Interestingly, racists are generally okay with black athletes if they can convince themselves that they're not that black. See also, Singh, Vijay.

Posted by: Clee Shay at December 17, 2008 1:38 PM

Interestingly, racists are generally okay with black athletes if they can convince themselves that they're not that black. See also, Singh, Vijay.

*golf clap*

Posted by: admin at December 17, 2008 1:41 PM

I saw that slide show of Bush's thoughts this morning on 236 and cracked up. And thanks for pointing out Fuck You, Penguin so I spend the rest of the day laughing.

Posted by: Jeni at December 17, 2008 1:53 PM

"he hehe..hehehehehe I am awesome. Did you see them ree-flex-es! He he he he he! Bush: one! Eye-rack: negative seventeensix!"

Posted by: figgy at December 17, 2008 2:05 PM

Careerbuilder sent me that exact same posting. I had to read it three times to make sure I wasn't going blind.

Are toilets really considered an invention born of laziness? I don't really buy into that.

Fishtown is full of yuppies now. The average price for a rowhome is in the $350-400s (grand, that is). The rest of the Northeast is a different story, as evidenced by the mouth-breathers who stole my Obama lawn sign and defaced my Obama car magnet with racist epithets right after the election. I decided a while ago that when it comes to certain racists to whom I'm bound by blood and history, I just bite my tongue and drink some more.

Posted by: Nicole at December 17, 2008 2:16 PM

You know, I actually want Tom Cruise's movie to do well. He's a complete moron and religion stuff aside, he is a great actor and I wish he wouldn't let his dumbass personal life get in the way of his career.

Stacey, I shouldn't have looked at that adorable dog. Now I'm thinking of Seymour from Futurama. Poor thing just waited and waited...

Damnit. Now I have to look at the fat prairie dog or else I'll start weeping at my desk.

Posted by: Brie at December 17, 2008 2:31 PM

I hated that post on ASWOBA about the dying dog. They spent thousands on vet treatments, but didn't have the mercy to euthanize him? Dying of kidney failure is extremely painful, but they let him just go outside and suffer. Assholes.

Posted by: Ann at December 17, 2008 3:24 PM

The hilarious part being it looks like they're portraying some of these men as anti-holocaust when they didn't give a rat's ass abut the Jews. They were actually infuriated with Hitler's military strategies.

Posted by: The Lulz at December 17, 2008 4:58 PM

Why am I being forced to scroll past a dead bunny ad?!! Fuck you, PETA!

*sob*

Posted by: Lauren at December 17, 2008 5:00 PM

Clee Shay = hi-larious

Seriously, you're spot on

Posted by: Kathryn at December 17, 2008 6:51 PM

Listen I ain't got nothing against Caroline Kennedy, but her only claim to fame is that her daddy got his cap peeled backwards. I think the people of NYC deserve someone with the experience of being a public servant.

Posted by: Pookie at December 17, 2008 7:41 PM

I think that everyone who's upset that this guy named his child Adolf Hitler doesn't have a sense of humor. Me personally I would have gone with Pol Pot. Adolf Hitler is kinda...meh, whereas Pol Pot is witty.

Posted by: Pookie at December 17, 2008 8:07 PM

"Fuck You Penguin" is even funnier to me, if you imagine it's Mark Wahlberg saying it (Not Andy Samberg, that smug fuck...), then finishing the posts with "Say hello to your mother for me."

Posted by: Dr. Spaceman at December 17, 2008 10:22 PM

Air conditioning. It's a great invention, yes, but before air conditioning, people used to sit on the front porch on warm evenings, hoping for a breeze and incidentally talking to the people who were walking along the street -- neighbors and the like. Thanks to air conditioning, we don't have to sit outside, so we don't have to talk to our neighbors, so we don't have to know who are neighbors are. And we don't have to give a shit about what happens to our neighbors. And our communities have fallen apart.

Posted by: bucdaddy at December 18, 2008 12:17 AM

I can't believe Rick Warren as Obama's choice as pastor at his inauguration? What is Obama smoking, besides Kool lights?

Posted by: friskycat2 at December 18, 2008 9:03 AM

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