free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 12/12/08 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Why Couldn’t God Have Taken Katy Perry Instead?!

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | December 12, 2008 | Comments (42)

Betty Page has sadly passed away, and now sadly dumb assholes like Katy Perry will be officially desecrating her memory instead of just ripping off of her. (HuffPo)

I don’t even need a reason to make fun of Katherine Heigl. I can pretty much turn it on and off like a switch by now. (WIMB)

Can I get that alimony check in cartons of cigarettes? (QuizLaw)

Scarlett Johansson is doing a pretty crappy job of promoting her new film, Frank Miller’s The Spirit. (Popoholic)

Mariah Carey is the Grinch who stole Christmas and then poured some glitter and butterflies and shit on top of it. (Celebslam)

Are the Oscars going to include a “Best Nazi Mustache” category this year? They’re practically going to have to. (AgentBedhead)

Here are Seven Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Ready To Propose, which really might just mean that he’s an adult or gay. I’ve never been proposed to so I wouldn’t know … But on the upside, I’ve never had one go gay on me either! (Jezebel)

Are you even kidding me? The real question is: Who wouldn’t want to wear food on their person? (SeriousEats)

I like the combover best that looks like a ring if the guy’s head were Saturn. Thanks, Sofia! (HolyTaco)

Here’s an interview with Mates of State. You know, I got tired for them and stopped listening to them for awhile, but I thought the new album was pretty good. What did you guys think? (AV Club)

Ha ha ha! Remember back when computers were old? (mental floss)

One of the Disney kids is cutting herself, and her handlers are telling dumb, horrible lies about it that nobody believes. Way to continue to suck in every conceivable way possible, Disney! (Evil Beet)

Is it just me or did Matthew McConaughey’s kid turn into like a toddler overnight? Ah hell, what do I know about babies? (cityrag)

Last weekend I was at my boyfriend’s aunt’s house and his cousin had a pet monkey. I’m not making that up. Yeah, it was weird. But anyway, I totally wanted the monkey to ride the dog like this. (CuteOverload)

Holy awesome, check out this promo for the Evil Dead Musical. Thanks to YBNBY!

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

IS EVIL DEAD: THE MUSICAL COMING BACK?!?!?!?!??!?!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 12:38 PM

I get to see all of those combovers in once place, at one time, twice a year. It is called convention. 1200 farmers who are all required to take off their hats in the interest of good manners. It is a traumatizing experience.

It has led me to the conclusion that if I ever begin going bald I'm shaving the sumbitch. Or committing Canadian ritual suicide, I haven't quite decided which.

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 12:43 PM

There's a specifically Canadian suicide ritual?

Also, Admin, are you a farmer? 'cause that's kind of hot.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 12:45 PM

Oh, please, let admin be a farmer. That would be so hot. That would just be the whipped cream on top of my admin fantasies.

Second best would be if he is employed in the farm equipment line in some way.

Posted by: Jerce at December 12, 2008 12:50 PM

do not tease me with the evil dead musical promo if it is not coming to chicago. nope. don't want to know about it if i can't see it, damnit.

Posted by: Jen Vegas at December 12, 2008 12:51 PM

Second best would be if he is employed in the farm equipment line in some way.

[/must.resist.milker joke. must.resist.inseminator joke]

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at December 12, 2008 12:54 PM

Yes, AVP, there is! Basically, it just involves commiting sepukku with an ice skate. Well, that or you can just drink Tim Hortons coffee until you cook from the inside out. Either way, really.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at December 12, 2008 12:54 PM

I used to read the Customers Suck blog on LiveJournal pretty regularly, and you would be amazed at how many of the entries were from people that worked at Tim Hortons. What kind of place is that, anyway? Is it where dreams and nutrition go to die? I've only been to Canada once (and now I need a passport, so it's not likely in the near future), so I have no idea.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 12:57 PM

My stance on the John Belushi/Chevy Chase issue hasn't changed. You see, whether or not Belushi would have eventually lost his talent (and it's arguable that he already had when he died), Chevy Chase was only a medium talent to begin with, and was a smug asshole to top it off. I don't mind if you're not good at what you do, but don't be smug and arrogant about it.

Posted by: Lucas at December 12, 2008 1:03 PM

Or committing Canadian ritual suicide, I haven't quite decided which.

PLEASE let that be poking a sleeping moose with a stick.

Posted by: Julie at December 12, 2008 1:06 PM

AvB, there is a specifically Canadian everything. In this case it involves moose antlers, pork fat and maple syrup. I cannot go into detail as we tend to gaurd our secrets closely and I have probably already said too much.

Yes I am a farmer. A tall, statuesque, no shirt wearing, bale tossin farmer with a great ass and Reynoldian abs.*


*Totally untrue. I work for an elected body of farmers charged with governing a municipality. However, if this is in anyway detrimental to your fantasy's of me, please stop reading at the end of the previous paragraph and continue pleasuring yourself.

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 1:10 PM

Yes I am a farmer. A tall, statuesque, no shirt wearing, bale tossin farmer with a great ass and Reynoldian abs.*

And you wear a hat, don't you? A straw hat. You do. Yes. With a brim.

And you have a red bandanna hanging casually out of one pocket...which you use to mop the manly sweat from your skin. Frequently. That bandanna is sopping.

Yes.

Posted by: Jerce at December 12, 2008 1:16 PM

Ok, see, now you've said the words "shirtless", "Reynoldian abs", and "maple syrup" all in close proximity.

Is it getting warm in here?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 1:27 PM

Wildest fantasies, huh? OK.

You're a Mexican apple thief. I run the cider house. I catch you hiding behind the stone mill. You chase me into the tasting room. Oh, if there's a crow in there: fine. If not.. I can live with it. Anyway, we're all alone and you don't speak a word of English, but you teach me more about hard cider than I ever learned from my fermenting exams and our passion is so loud that they can hear it all the way in the distillery. Oh, ha.. I can be such an apple slut!

Posted by: Sofía at December 12, 2008 1:29 PM

Wait, I just had an idea... Jeremy, are you a farmer too? Shirtless and sweaty and tossing bales alongside admin over there....

I'll just be over here... in my bunk.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 1:30 PM

*fanning self*

Damn, it is getting warm in here!

Must be Friday.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 1:32 PM

You know there's a Flaming Lips musical coming out, right? I mean, I know this site has a boner for zombies, but FLAMING LIPS. MUSICAL. Written by Aaron MOTHERFUCKING Sorkin, people! Get on it, Pajibitches!

Posted by: Kiki at December 12, 2008 1:39 PM

Oh my! The HORRORS of desecrating the memory of a pin-up girl/stripper by kinda looking like her. GASP!

?????????????????

Seriously, this site is getting absolutely tiresome with all the completely MISGUIDED snark and bile.

On a related note:

Fuck that asshole Amanda Palmer too, who certainly borrowed some ideas/looks from Bettie Page, and in turn, fuck every last Dresden Doll fan who apes Amanda Palmer's 2nd hand style. You're all desecrating my fond memories of that Dresden Dolls concert I attended in 2005.

Fuck Gretchen Mol for having the nerve to portray Bettie Page in a biopic.

And fuck Sean Young for looking like Bettie Page in Blade Runner.

And fuck Dita Von Teese for aping Bettie's entire style and occupation.

In fact, fuck every last woman who has ever worn their bangs short and straight, or has posed for their boyfriend/girlfriend in sexy underwear, or has ever held a riding crop in their thieving hands. Or became a born-again Christian after a career of posing naked or semi-naked. Clearly, they're all a bunch of assholes who ripped off Bettie Page, and it has nothing to do with paying respect or a simple homage to a figure that clearly influenced/inspired them. May they all rot in hell.

Damn, that's tiring. I need a nap.

Posted by: The Anti-Eloquent at December 12, 2008 1:42 PM

And there goes my Friday happy buzz.

Thanks, Anti.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 12, 2008 1:46 PM

The part of the neglected farm wife, who's husband is too stupid to realize that hiring a young, hot muscular farm hand might not be the best idea, to be played by: Jerce and/or (take your pick) AvB.

"Sure is hot today Ma'am".

Thank you Sofia, that was really good. I like apples too.

You do poke the moose Julie. But, in a typically Western Canadian tradition, you don't use a stick....

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 2:01 PM

Um, no, Anti-Eloquent.

It's because Katy Perry is a mammering fen-sucked strumpet*, who has no talent, class, or shame, and uses every opportunity to show off how awesome she thinks she is, all the while making herself look like my dog's vajayjay when she's in heat.

It's not just that "she looks like Bettie Page," it's that she's a fooking idiot. Ahem.

*Thanks to the Elizabethan Insult Generator, which makes curses sound like the pleasant burbling of a mountain spring.

Posted by: Snath at December 12, 2008 2:02 PM

admin, I take it you know that came from Elliott Reid from Scrubs

Posted by: Sofía at December 12, 2008 2:30 PM

No I didn't Sofia, but methinks I may have to add another show to the PVR.

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 2:41 PM

Thank you Sofia for making me love apples again. Ummm, yeah, I think it's getting warmer in here. Thankfully it's about to snow outside.

Admin, had you mentioned the canoe paddle/hockey stick option I would have had to require that you commit the secret Canadian Life Worthiness Test, wherein one strips naked, drinks a case of Crown Royal, then stands outside for half an hour in Manitoba. If one survives the cold, mosquitoes, or hunters then one is indeed worthy of life. Tell no one!

Posted by: lordhelmet at December 12, 2008 3:04 PM

Katherine Heigl's hubby is pretty hot. I always get him mixed up with the constipated sounding Josh Groban.
Those were some saaad looking combovers.

Posted by: Brie at December 12, 2008 3:07 PM

lordhelmet, does it count if I have done those things in Saskatchewan?

Incidently if it's about to snow, shouldn't you be out putting the chains on your tires.

Couldn't resist the dig. I love it when the news shows Vancouver with two inches of snow and all hell breaking loose.

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 3:16 PM

Mexican apple thief.

'the fuck?

Is that a pre-existing phrase? A stock character? You blindsided me with that one.

Sean Young looked nothing like Bettie Page in "Blade Runner".

Neither does Amanda Palmer.

'the fuck?

And Gretchen Mol wasn't the first to do a biopic.

You've got a point but not an argument.

Posted by: Jay at December 12, 2008 3:23 PM

Admin, it actually counts for double in SK because not only do you get the cold, bugs, etc, but you're stuck in SK. The Life-Worthiness test also doubles as a penance, like for cheering for the Rangers.

Also, Wet Coast snow's way wetter than any of your inland shit, so there's a lot more slush and such to deal with - you lucky bastards get dry stuff with consistent traction. And we don't believe in chains unless we're going skiing (yeah, you know - mountain-based fun?), our all-seasons are good enough, right? We only really have snow about 4 days a year!

Posted by: lordhelmet at December 12, 2008 3:36 PM

No one else is going to ask how the McCuntaughey kid ended up so ugly? Man, that's a homely little monkey.

Posted by: jimbob at December 12, 2008 4:12 PM

I beg to differ lordhelmet ,cheering for the rangers is not a penance, it is a curse of unfathomable cruelty.

And mountains are highly overrated. You can fall off of them and shit. I prefer the sprawling emptiness of my dear SK. At least if your ass is going to get dead, you'll see it coming an hour ahead of time.

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 4:39 PM

Re: toddler: nah, the mini-mac just has a lot of hair. My five-month-old, who has no means of locomotion beyond the very slow scoot, is about that big.

Posted by: Erin MJ at December 12, 2008 4:45 PM

Oh Admin, so close yet so far! I was being nice to any potential Rangers fans in the house tonight, but especially after playoffs '94, Ranger-rootin's an automatic paddlin' in these here parts...

Mountains overrated?? Try big, sprawling, empty, expanses of sheer monotonous NOTHINGness, my flatlander friend - that's what's overrated! Grandeur and majesty versus...the same view as the last time you asked 3 hours ago, and yes I've been driving the whole time! Glorious, snowcapped, tree-clad scenery versus "oh my god, look out, there's a slight bend ahead in the road, you'd better slow down and be careful!" Better to die falling off a mountain with an exhilerated grin on your face than to die, slowly & stultifyingly of sheer boredom at the corner of no and where.

Posted by: lordhelmet at December 12, 2008 5:19 PM

Pffft! Shows what you know lordhelmet. We don't have any corners round here. Too pointy and difficult to navigate.

As for scenery, I contend that nowhere else in this great country of ours will you see the majestic cow in all its bovine glory. Nor will you see a collection of toothless grins such as ours (conequently our women have certain marketable talents). And for your information we do have trees. There are three of them on a hill somewhere north of LaRonge and they are fucking magnificent.

And there is no use trying to be nice to Ranger fans. They obviously don't have the intelligence to make life enriching chioces and as a consquence they are always miserable.

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 6:09 PM

Admin, is that why you flatlanders move at a snail's pace in BC traffic? The first time I had road rage I was behind an SK driver, single lane etc, driving like he was navigating the Rockies on roads of ice, rather than a gentle banked turn on a 60km/h road!

*snicker* scenic cows, toothless women, trees you can count on one hand...you're trying to make my points for me, aren't you? I think you need to spend some time in Whistler - mountains, skiing, hotties...world class food...

Of course no argument about Rangers fans. The only way Leafs fans are better than Rangers fans is that at least their team is nominally Canadian. For such a proud original 6 legacy on both sides, they're an embarrassment!

Posted by: lordhelmet at December 12, 2008 6:38 PM

But on the upside, I've never had one go gay on me either!

Yet.

Posted by: A Bowl of Stupid at December 12, 2008 6:42 PM

I enjoy perpetuating sterotypes. It's a gift.

Posted by: admin at December 12, 2008 6:48 PM

driving like he was navigating the Rockies on roads of ice

So he was going ten over the speed limit, fishtailing around every corner? Cause that's how I drive in the Rockies, except for when I stop on the top of mountain passes in blizzards to piss into a 5 foot snow drift while wearing shorts and a t-shirt. The cold wind whistling around my legs and arms like the futile grasps of an ex-lover trying to pull me back towards my warm car.

That's how I roll.

Posted by: the_wakeful at December 12, 2008 10:15 PM

Holy shit my spelling was atrocious. I wasn't even drinking yet.

Posted by: admin at December 13, 2008 12:21 AM

"You do poke the moose Julie. But, in a typically Western Canadian tradition, you don't use a stick...."*


i think "poking the moose" might just be my new favorite euphemism.


* i don't know how to do html tags. it's kind of pathetic; i even think it was explained in a thread here once, but i missed it. *

Posted by: eat my shorts at December 13, 2008 2:17 AM

the saddest/most frustrating thing about that Disney child cutting is that looking at both pics, she's not tryna hide it at all...she's a famous star, she's probably not seeking attention...but the pics, they way she's let it be seen...IMO she's asking for help and Disney are just sucking all over it.

Poor kid


In other news, cant even TALK about Betty yet...i'm still processing that.


='(

Posted by: nadine at December 13, 2008 7:55 AM

Evil Dead the Musical is quite simply the most amazing theatre-going experience I've ever had (and I've had it approximately six times... I've lost count). It's played in Toronto multiple times. You really haven't lived until you've seen a man belt out a ballad while cutting off his own hand (and having gallons of blood spray into his mouth) or zombie interpretive dance.

Posted by: Meg at December 13, 2008 12:36 PM

It always bums me out to see Bettie Page characterized as guileless and free-spirited when it's apparent from all accounts that she had a pretty difficult life. I know that was her persona and all, but it was just a persona.

Posted by: samantha t at December 15, 2008 11:52 AM