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It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!

By | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (70)

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Happy Butthole Day, everyone! Oh, what a jolly, magical day this is… especially for someone whose livelihood is entirely dependent on it. Anyway, let’s all knock back our traditional Butthole Day whiskey shots and eat our traditional Butthole Day donut holes and bask in the magical warmth of Butthole Day… Butthole.

To start off Butthole Day, here’s some sex advice from indie rock couple Matt & Kim. Hey, when you take off your clothes in Times Square for a music video, I think that earns you a bit of between-the-sheets credibility. (Nerve)

Who’s ready for some terrifying math? Alright, so one of the Duggar children is expecting his second child, and is planning on having 25. Now take the 2 Duggar parents, add the 19 Duggar children, and assuming they’re all aiming for 25 children, that’s 475 Duggar grandchildren, plus the remaining Duggar relatives equals over 500 Duggars in the world. EVERYBODY PANIC. (Celebitchy)

Remember how GLAAD got the not-really-homophobic-but-still-pretty-lame gay joke off of the trailer for The Dilemma? Well now they went after Glee (seriously), so Susan Sarandon pretty much told GLAAD to fuck off, and then called them the PETA of the gay world. HA! It’s funny because it’s hurtful because it’s true. (Film Drunk)

Because this is pretty much the closest he can get to banging his daughter without it being illegal, Hulk Hogan is marrying someone who looks exactly like his Brooke. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to drink until I forget what can’t be unseen. (popbytes)

Jon Stewart sat down for an interview with Rachel Maddow because holy shit there is a loving God. Oh, and as a bonus point, Jon Stewart makes a reference to Phineas and Ferb within the first thirty seconds. Marry me. (AngryBlackLadyChronicles)

Because apparently, trivial bipartisanship will always beat out actual scientific research, someone actually recorded the TV-viewing habits of Republicans and Democrats and listed the results here. Remember Americans: You have to do exactly what your party tells you too, or else you’re not an American! (Warming Glow)

Here are 25 things you didn’t know about Tracy Morgan. Oh my God, from now on when anyone asks how I’m doing, I’m totally going to use his Lucky Charm bit. HA HA! Stolen material. (Vulture)

So Katy Perry might actually be kind of a total diva bitch from hell. No way, you’re telling me the multi-millionaire, world-famous pop star might be… demanding? One moment, good sir, I seem to have dropped my monocle into my champaign flute. (Agent Bedhead)

Rachel Ray published a recipe for “Late Night Bacon”, which pretty much boils down to “stick bacon in the microwave and then eat it”. Cue the smartass comments on the site in 3, 2, 1… (Food Network)

Despite Tron Legacy not even being out yet, New Sensations has already shot the porn parody, called (wait for it…) Pron. Well, at least they gave it an actual title instead of just going “DERPA DERPEDY DURRRR THIS AIN’T TRON XXX!” (Gamma Squad)

Here are the ten most disgusting cocktail names ever. I don’t care how delicious the ingredients in a brain hemorrhage sound together, anything that purposely looks and sounds like a bleeding organ is friggin’ gross as hell. (The Daily Meal)

Because I all know how much you love cakes, as well as words that sound like other, dirtier words, Tamatha has kicked of Bundt Cake Season! So let’s all partake in the cakey, hollowed goodness. (BundtCakeSeason)

To cap off Butthole Day here on Pajiba Love, here’s some man-pretty for you in the form of a bunch of shirtless Randy Blue models dancing. Shut up, it’s tradition because I say it is. This ranks right on the line between SFW and NSFW, so judge accordingly. Happy Butthole Day! Fa la la la la la la la Butthole!

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here. Please include your Pajiba handle in the subject line, because he sucks with names.









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Comments

Anyone else find those Duggar breeders creepy as hell?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 12, 2010 12:08 PM

Is Hulk Hogan marrying a copy of his daughter or a young version of his former wife? Rod Stewart has had an endless procession of tall blondes and no one thinks he's marrying Kim.

And that right there ^^^ is proof that I have too much time on my hands at work, am too well-versed in the celebrity culture and need to go cold turkey on the whole thing.

Not on you though Pajiba. I could never give you up.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 12, 2010 12:08 PM

Hulk Hogan was previously married to someone who looked like Brooke as well. It was Brooke's mother. Weird right? That a daughter and mother would look alike. And that a guy would marry a woman who is the same type as his first wife. Scandalous!

Posted by: ERM at November 12, 2010 12:09 PM

Damn, Mrs. Julien is faster than me.

Posted by: ERM at November 12, 2010 12:10 PM

I don't know why everybody's so worried about the Duggars. You just know they're going to contract some horrible Duggar-specific plague.

Posted by: mightygodking at November 12, 2010 12:16 PM

Not on you though Pajiba. I could never give you up.

We feel the same way.

We're never gonna give you up.

Never gonna let you down.

Well... you know the rest.

Posted by: TK at November 12, 2010 12:20 PM

OOOOOOHHH, YOU JUST GOT RICKROLLED, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Kballs at November 12, 2010 12:25 PM

Oh TK. That gives you one "bait and switch to a horrifying movie news post" get out of jail free card. I'll even kick in $5 to the jetpack fund.

And I can dance like Mr. Astley when asked (I'm not).

I just ruined it, didn't I.

Did I?

Who's intrigued? Let's take a poll.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 12, 2010 12:26 PM

Yeah, I think they're creepy. Plus when you work it out to their great-grandchildren, you're talking about 4-5,000 Duggars.

THAT'S the big picture. Create their own small town.

And the girls have no life. And that "homeschooling" they do is an atrocity. I've looked at the curricular materials from the site they use. I've watched the clips from the show where they wanted to prove, I guess, that they actually educate their kids. None of the older kids can read or write on more than an eighth grade level, IF that. Science? Forget it, they don't believe in that. Math? Not even pre-algebra (which is eighth grade). And it's not even like they run a farm so they have useful agricultural or animal husbandry skills, either. They don't. The girls know how to raise babies, toddlers and small children. The boys? Um, run amok until it's time for them to be matched to a girl from a similar family they find on the internet (that's how they found the oldest's wife).

Apparently they go on these "educational" field trips from time to time, and Jim Bob the Genius points out SHAPES to all of the kids. ALL of them. Toddler to 18 years old: shapes. But that counts as education.

(And yet, I've seen Duggar supporters claim the girls could go to nursing school. REALLY? Don't you have to have some basics in high school subject first?) Their curriculum is worksheets and computerey stuff. And not a lot of reading at all. It has to be "positive and inspirational" which leaves out most literature, ha.

They're not prepared to do anything except badly run a used car lot (as the oldest does--Daddy bought it for him) and have babies (in the case of the girls).

Each to his own, I guess. Makes me feel sort of sad for the kids at their lack of opportunities.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at November 12, 2010 12:29 PM

one day we will all be Duggers, resistance is futile

Posted by: BigTodd at November 12, 2010 12:32 PM

And yet, I've seen Duggar supporters claim the girls could go to nursing school.

Different kind of nursing, guys.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at November 12, 2010 12:37 PM

One moment, good sir, I seem to have dropped my monocle into my champaign flute.

The monocle, a never ending source of amusement - I tip my tophat to you.

Posted by: mswas at November 12, 2010 12:40 PM

I’m totally going to use his Lucky Charm bit. HA HA! Stolen material.

Tracy totally stole that from me.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 12, 2010 12:45 PM

Out of the 30 shows listed, I watch exactly 1. Guess I'm not Republican or Democrat. Yay! Also, we never used gin in our Salty Dogs. We used vodka. I got literally tree hugging drunk sharing quart fruit jars of Salty Dogs with a guy we called Wolf - way back in my younger, wilder days. To this day I can't drink vodka. I was sick for days. Maybe it wasn't so much the vodka as the Wolf saliva but I still associate vodka with that feeling.

Posted by: Carrie at November 12, 2010 12:50 PM

Oh KBalls. Silly me. I did get Rickrolled, didn't I? That's what I get for not being hep with the kids today.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 12, 2010 12:50 PM

Well, that is definitely one of the problems with these "God wants us to have a gajillion kids" folks, they are totally outbreeding the rest of us. Of course, people like me are not helping at all, what with our refusal to have any kids and all. The worst part, is that now, I've put myself into a position where I'm going to have to rely on one of these severely under-educated people to take care of me in my old age. Yep, I'm totally screwed.

Jeremy - thanks for helping to spread the word about the gloriousness that is Bundt Cake Season!

Posted by: tamatha at November 12, 2010 12:55 PM

That Duggar math just broke my damn brain. I'm sitting here puffing like a steam engine because I can't breathe, trying to put a decent amount of lunch into my squashed stomach, moving my unborn girl and her feet out of my ribs every 2 minutes, rubbing the pain in my ass, shifting side to side because it feels as if there is a knife in my left kidney, and I'm thinking to myself "Why the fuck would anyone want to go through this more than a handful of times, much less 19 OR 25 FUCKING TIMES?!"

Dugger women be bat-shit.

Posted by: stardust at November 12, 2010 1:02 PM

Dammit, Duggar not Dugger.

Shut up, I'm lucky I didn't fall asleep while I was making that post. On top of everything else I'm so damn TIRED.

Posted by: stardust at November 12, 2010 1:06 PM

Nobody ever remembers Barry White's "Never, Never Gonna Give You Up" and that makes me sad. How the fuck are babies being made without Barry White?

Posted by: Jerry at November 12, 2010 1:14 PM

We take out our no-sexy-music-these-days frustration on each other's private parts, Jerry.

Posted by: Kballs at November 12, 2010 1:21 PM

Mrs. Julien, you amuse me greatly. Please come to Facebook. Please? We have pie.

Posted by: Lainey at November 12, 2010 1:22 PM

Stop worrying about the Duggars. At a certain point the gene pool becomes so weakened that reproduction just isn't possible anymore.

Posted by: PaddyDog at November 12, 2010 1:23 PM

And that's why it's a bad idea when cousins maaaaarry.

Posted by: coveredinbees at November 12, 2010 1:29 PM

I am on Facebook, although I am rarely "on" Facebook. It's all too fangled for me. Do I need to list an AKA?

My profile picture is my liege and lord. Does that help?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 12, 2010 1:33 PM

The Brain Tumor was my last free shot of the night when I turned 21, at Gyland's on Broad St. My birthday was on Sunday, so I only had from 12 to 2 Saturday night. I went to every single bar in downtown Athens, and it was kind of a nice symmetry, as my first shot had been a Buttery Nipple, and the Brain Tumor looks like a Buttery Nipple that someone just bled into.

Somehow my new license photo on Monday didn't show a TRACE of Sunday's hangover. Still my best one. Guess my constitution had more bounce-back in those days.

Posted by: Jay at November 12, 2010 1:36 PM

Mrs. Julien, I'm not sure if you mean you're on fb in the Pajiba group or just in general. If you want, you can find me (Lainey Bobainey, I'm relatively certain I'm the only one) and we can get you hooked up with all the other Pajiba buttholes if you're so inclined. It's a lot of fun. And sometimes very sticky. Mostly when geep is around.

Posted by: Lainey at November 12, 2010 1:47 PM

DEAL!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 12, 2010 1:50 PM

Do I get a say in this?

Posted by: Mrs. Skipper at November 12, 2010 1:51 PM

One day all people are going to be sterilized at birth and if they prove that they are psychologically sound and that they can be competent parents, they will be given a 72 hours pregnancy pill.

And that is how the Duggars die out.

Posted by: I am from the future at November 12, 2010 1:51 PM

No!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 12, 2010 1:52 PM

STICKY BUTTHOLES! This comment is Lainey's fault.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at November 12, 2010 1:52 PM

Oh, I am from the future, that's so 1939.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 12, 2010 1:53 PM

Mini-diversion: Butthole Movie Titles! GO!

I'll start:
"Gone With The Butthole."

Posted by: Tammy at November 12, 2010 1:59 PM

I'm surprisingly cool with the Duggars. They're religious, but they don't shove it down your throat (in the context of the show). They have no debt. They paid for that house with cash. None of their kids are wanting for love; they don't act out in pointless gestures of rebellion.

I think they're good people and from the sound of it, could single handedly avert the coming idiocracy with their intense breeding.

Posted by: superasente at November 12, 2010 1:59 PM

"Long Day's Journey Into Butthole."
"A Butthole To Remember."
"Butthole the 13th."
"Texas Butthole Massacre."
"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Butthole."

Posted by: Tammy at November 12, 2010 2:02 PM

I don't find the Duggars creepy so much as stupid. Profoundly stupid.

I looked for info on uber-breeders once, out of curiosity, and came across interviews with women who had also come from gigantic families. "Surprisingly" enough the daughters in these families had no desire to have a lot of children yet the sons were all for finding a wife who would give them their own giant families. Go figure, these families tend to have cultures of male superiority and female servitude. Having three kids I think just being pregnant is a form of servitude, but I'm probably more negative on this than others.

And as for nursing school prospects, I bet they mean something like being a CNA or a medical assistant, and are ignorantly lumping them together with actual nursing. I have some MAs working just outside of my office, and believe me, you don't need to be very smart to be trained. Not a slam on all MAs, I'm sure many are very smart, but not the ones I work with. Becoming an actual Registered Nurse requires a bachelors degree that included a fair number of biology and chemistry courses.

Posted by: katy at November 12, 2010 2:02 PM

I didn't used to think there was anything more than kooky about the Duggars, too. Until I did some reading on the QuiverFull movement. That's when I changed my mind.

I doubt the Duggar clan will get to the 4,000 range. They may each *want* to breed a gajillion kids, but not all of them are going to reach that goal.


Posted by: Wednesday at November 12, 2010 2:09 PM

Mini-diversion: Butthole Movie Titles! GO!:

Cloudy with a Chance of Buttholes
The Good, The Bad, and The Buttholes
Das Butthole
The Butthole of Sierra Madre
Buttholeheart
No Country for Old Buttholes
The Buttholian Candidate
Butch Cassidy and the Butthole Kid
The Butthole Ultimatum
B for Butthole

In the essence of remaining topical:
Children of Buttholes
The Butthole Bunch

I should probably go sit down for a while.

Posted by: branded at November 12, 2010 2:26 PM

Apocalypse Butthole
The Buttholefather
Snow White and the Seven Buttholes
Rosemary's Butthole
The Bonfire of the Buttholes
The Butthole in the Hat
Mr. Butthole Goes To Washington
Butthole and I
Requiem for a Butthole

Posted by: Kballs at November 12, 2010 2:30 PM

I really like that a show where a third of the plot revolves around a gay (married?) couple is 3rd on the Republican list. There is hope for Republicans yet!

I don't know what state the show takes place in, so I don't even know if they could be married.

Posted by: ERM at November 12, 2010 2:31 PM

Katy Perry has been declared a diva bitch from hell based on a single, out-of-context, unattributed comment? Wow, you guys really are buttholes...

Posted by: AE NEWMAN at November 12, 2010 2:40 PM

Katy My daughter is in high school and wants to be a nurse. She took advanced biology and chemistry courses and is now considering AP Chemistry (which I think is KRAZY, but hey if she can do it--and she probably can--they I say go for it). Basically she wants to go right up to the line that is medical school. She doesn't want to do medical school. But she's on fire about chemistry, which I think is great.

I look at the Duggar girls who say they want to go into nursing and I just think "HOW?" and then I realize you're probably right. Maybe some program that doesn't require any college? But they seriously can't seem to be able to grasp high school level topics. Can you still be in a form of nursing with about an eighth-grade education?

Posted by: Snuggiepants at November 12, 2010 2:52 PM

"No Country for Old Buttholes" elicited a massive office chortle. "Rosemary's Butthole," as well.

Keep it going!

"Casabutthole."
"The Curious Butthole of Benjamin Button."
"O Butthole, Where Are You?"
"Up In The Butthole."
"Quantum of Butthole."
"White Men Can't Butthole."
"Raiders of the Lost Butthole."
"The Empire Strikes Butthole."
"Butthole on Elm Street."
"For Your Butthole Only."
"On Her Majesty's Secret Butthole."

Posted by: Tammy at November 12, 2010 2:53 PM

a third of the plot revolves around a gay (married?) couple is 3rd on the Republican list.

Republican's won't ask if they're married, and ABC won't tell.

Posted by: mswas at November 12, 2010 2:56 PM

The Color Butthole
Brokeback Butthole
Murder in the Butthole
The Lovely Butthole
The Sixth Butthole
127 Buttholes
Night of the Buttholes
40 Year Old Butthole
500 Hundred Days of Butthole
I ♥ Buttholes

Okay, I'll stop.

Posted by: Jadine at November 12, 2010 2:56 PM

OHMYGOD Lainey Bobainey if that isyourrealnameWHICHIVERYHIGHLYDOUBT you had better share that Mrs. Julien-y goodness with the rest of us instead of being a FRIEND HOG.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 12, 2010 3:01 PM

I appear to be having the opposite kind of day that BigTodd is having. Ironically, I suspect we are equally gratified.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 12, 2010 3:07 PM

Superasente,

I had a dream last night that Mr Smith was you. And by that I mean that I figured out that he was commenting on Pajiba with your handle. I don't know why.

Based on the comment above about the Duggars, I know you could not possibly be Mr Smith because he will state unequivocally that they are wackjobs and frankly, I've never heard him say anything that nice about anyone.

Whoever you are, you seem very nice. Have a lovely weekend.

Posted by: Mrs Smith at November 12, 2010 3:19 PM

Anna von Beav, you know darn well that YOU are, in fact, the notorious friend hogger. Especially if they are Metric.

Mrs. Julien, I'm so happy you'll be joining us. I'll tell the other kids to clean up their rooms and put on their Sunday best! Some of them are absolute PIGS (not that I'm naming any names, branded, admin, Pinky, Tracer, Anna von Beav, Kolby, Julie, geep...) and it wouldn't kill them to get gussied up to make a nice first impression.

Posted by: Lainey at November 12, 2010 3:21 PM

Also, Buttery Nipples are delicious. The shots. I mean, I love butter and I love nipples, so I'd probably actually love...

You know what? Never mind.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 12, 2010 3:22 PM

Oh and that Snuggiepants, she's a total pig, too, but again NOT NAMING NAMES.

Posted by: Lainey at November 12, 2010 3:23 PM

...oh. That probably wasn't the "Sunday best" Lainey was referring to. I do have a JUST LOVELY profile photo up just now though. Nothing but class, all the way.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 12, 2010 3:24 PM

Here's to the classics -

The Cabinet of Dr. Cali...

Nope. Can't do it. I'm just too old (I guess I really mean uptight) to participate. I will read and smile though.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 12, 2010 3:33 PM

For serious, Mrs. Julien, find Lainey on the Facespace so we can all be friends. I promise to keep my room clean.

Posted by: stardust at November 12, 2010 3:37 PM

It's a Wonderful Butthole
Grumpy Old Butthole
Real Women Have Buttholes
Who Killed the Electric Butthole?
Wet Hot American Butthole
Like Butthole for Chocolate
Rainbow Brite and the Butthole Stealer
Percy Jackson: The Butthole Thief
Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Butthole

Posted by: nix at November 12, 2010 3:42 PM

Oh and I forgot stardust, Katers, figgy, and jM, little dirty piglets, too. I mean, you know, if I WERE NAMING NAMES, which I'm obviously way too classy to do.

And TK who actually keeps his room pretty tidy and isn't actually a pig, but is a giant jerkface.

Posted by: Lainey at November 12, 2010 3:45 PM

Requiem for a Butthole
Elmo's Adventures in Buttholeland
The Butthole Patient

Ooops, too busy at work today for anymore....

Posted by: Mrs Smith at November 12, 2010 4:01 PM

The Buttholes Have Eyes
How to Lose a Butthole in 10 Days
The Buttholes of Wrath
Star Trek 3: The Search for Butthole
Four Buttholes and a Funeral
Butthole Actually
Are We There Butthole?
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Butthole
Schindler's Butthole
The Sound of Butthole
The Butthole Who Knew Too Much
Butthole on the Hudson
2001: A Butthole Odyssey
AND FINALLY . . .
Wet Hot American Butthole

*drops mic*

I'M OUT!!!

Posted by: Kballs at November 12, 2010 4:05 PM

(not that I'm naming any names, branded, admin, Pinky, Tracer, Anna von Beav, Kolby, Julie, geep...)

F1RST, bitches!

Also, The Best Little Butthole in Texas. That is all. Buttholes.

Posted by: branded at November 12, 2010 4:09 PM

Republican's won't ask if they're married, and ABC won't tell.

Posted by: mswas at November 12, 2010 2:56 PM

Haha!

Posted by: ERM at November 12, 2010 4:14 PM

Republican's

Posted by: mswas at November 12, 2010 4:36 PM

@%^&(!!

I was trying to write

Republican's <-- I hereby retract that comma


stupid html

Posted by: mswas at November 12, 2010 4:38 PM

The comments on the FN site for the Rachael Ray "recipe" are fucking priceless. I like to think that Anthony Bourdain wrote one of them. A sampling:

Whoa- 2 paper towels on top AND bottom? Easy there, Rach, I'm not a Rockerfeller.

My kids love this recipe! But I substitute water for the bacon, and I like to put in the freezer for an hour instead of the microwave. I've even served it for breakfast and my kids will sometimes put in their OJ (gross! I know... They renamed it Breakfast Bacon Surprise - LOL!

This is why Jews don't eat bacon...it's much too complicated.

First off thank you Rachael for truly hitting a culinary homerun! I do have a question though. Would this work with Canadian bacon? With the different time zones I wasn't sure. Better safe than sorry is my motto. If you could back to me ASAP it would be much appreciated. As always big fan!

I made this fabulously simple recipe even simpler-I eliminated both the bacon and the paper towels! I turned on my microwave for 6-13 minutes and stared at it. Since it was late at night, and I was therefore drunk, it was highly entertaining. Five stars!

My family lives in a cardboard box so......we can't even afford bacon. Can you substitute the bacon for some pizza crust I found in a dumpster?

Rachael is a genius! Thomas Keller never would have come up with this!

Do you have any recipes for cereal? The kind in a box? I really like cereal, but it seems tricky- milk first? cereal? big spoon? little spoon?

Mmmmm. Delish. Hey, how about you add another recipe called "BLT". This would be for those of us that are ready to take the next step. So exciting.

Never before has a recipe made me pee my pants. Thank you.

It's hard to believe some people don't think of you as a cook.

That's funny, my version of this recipe includes Kyra Sedgewick and knee pads.

This recipe saved my marriage.

Tried this recipe last night. The bacon was great, but the paper towels tasted awful.

That's not what "late night bacon" means in my house.

Posted by: Slash at November 12, 2010 4:55 PM

Mrs. Smith, that dream makes a lot of sense to me, as I spend most of my nights stalking Mr. Smith, planning for the day that I will take his place.

I WILL HAVE YOUR LOVE!

Posted by: superasente at November 12, 2010 6:14 PM

HEY I AM NOT A PIGLET. I AM A SAINT FROM HEAVEN AND PURE AS SNOW.

THAT AVB IS A WHORISH LIAR.

SHOUTY NOISES.

Posted by: figgy at November 12, 2010 7:14 PM

Wait, that was Lainey. Oh they're all lying liars. But friend me on Facebook, too. I shout a lot. Much like on here.

Posted by: figgy at November 12, 2010 7:15 PM

Slash, thank you, thank you for posting that last one. God. Hysterical.

Posted by: Shonda at November 12, 2010 10:31 PM

"Alien vs. Butthole"

Posted by: , at November 13, 2010 10:45 AM

WHAT THE HELL, FIGGY, I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!?

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 13, 2010 10:46 AM

Oh so pathetic on my part and the times in which we currently live... The "Tribute to Kylie" video you posted has quickly become one of my favorite music videos of all time.

Posted by: Mr. Creepy Creeperton at November 16, 2010 5:08 PM