free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 12/11/08 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Who Likes Their Pizza With A Side Of Getting Your Ass Handed To You?

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | December 11, 2008 | Comments (37)

This is my favorite story of ever: Chuck E. Cheese is totally the new Roadhouse! “Uhhh, that’s not what a skeeball is for, sir!” (ASWOBA)

Guess which dipshit “celebrity” is naked for PETA now? That’s right, the big, behemoth-looking Kardashian sister! But it’s OK, they airbrushed the shit out of her. (WIMB)

Canada might also finally be on their way to getting it fucking right. (QuizLaw)

John Mayer weighs in on my chosen profession. So in return: John, I think your music is non-threateningly bland and that song about Jennifer Love Hewitt was just plain embarrassing. So, there. (HuffPo)

Oh please, please, please, please, please, please make whomever has Tom Cruise’s cell phone have access to the internet and a mean streak. Please!! (IDLYITW)

Whaddaya think: do you guys like Dan with a big fro or a small fro? I’m gonna go with “big fro,” myself. Don’t cut it, Samson! (SlowlyGoingBald)

Hippy Barth Day! (CakeWrecks)

Jennifer Connelly is looking like she just ate an entire imaginary air sandwich and boy is she stuffed! (Yeeeah!)

I’ve eaten this cereal, and it’s definitely not bad but definitely is disappointing if you wish during every bite that it would suddenly start to taste like Cap’n Crunch. (TIB)

Here are the 15 Most Ridiculous Women. This is a fantastic list. Really, I can’t even think of anything to add to it. (Jezebel)

Jennifer Aniston is naked!! Naked naked naked naked! That sounds a lot funnier in my head saying “naked” like the dog in the Beggin’ Strips commercial says “bacon.” Oh well. (Celebitchy)

Wha?? Cute Overload is conducting interviews now? (CuteOverload)

Because I’m probably interesting, my daily routine is: wake up at 5:30AM, write gossip, take a dump, (think about what other gossip I’m going to write while taking a dump) then hop in the shower and head to my sorely neglected day job. Viola! (mental floss)

Man, I’m so glad Olbermann is on our side: (Via Deus Ex Malcontent)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

I still have no idea who Bai-Ling is *shrugs*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 11, 2008 12:10 PM

Bai-Ling was in Red Corner with Richard Gere (and that's about all I've seen of her acting). But if you really want to see who she is I suggest heading over to gofugyourself.com

Posted by: io at December 11, 2008 12:13 PM

"...they airbrushed the shit out of her..."

If that isn't the understatement of the year... "Airbrushed the shit" is the teeny-tiny chip of the gigundo iceberg. I know nothing of her, other than she's related to the other Kardashian girl, who I also know nothing about, yet somehow, I've managed see her naked... I saw a picture of her standing next to the ad and for the life of me, I can't figure out why she'd want to stand next to such a blatantly obvious fakery.

Oh wait, I just figured it out - she's a famewhore...

Posted by: Skitz at December 11, 2008 12:13 PM

I'd also like to wholeheartedly suggest a Chuck E. Cheese as a candidate for hosting a Pajiba-Con.

PAJIBA-CHUCK! HELL YEAH!

Posted by: Skitz at December 11, 2008 12:22 PM

'behemoth' Really, Pajiba? Thanks for being part of the problem.

Posted by: Haystacks at December 11, 2008 12:23 PM

God I have the biggest damn crush on Keith Olbermann... It's cute as hell when he gets all worked up and angry and goes on a tangent and gets sort of sweaty and blustery. Mmm.

Posted by: Sabine at December 11, 2008 12:32 PM

I have a philosophical question: When you are as airbrushed to the extent Courtney Kardashian is in her Peta ad, are you really naked?

Posted by: Laughner at December 11, 2008 12:33 PM

That Jezebel list is kind of amazing, and all the videos are by Rich from Fourfour and are even more amazing than the women themselves, if that's possible.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at December 11, 2008 12:34 PM

Despite her red carpet hilarity, I still know Bai Ling best as the crazy evil sister/whore from The Crow.

Posted by: Bistro at December 11, 2008 12:44 PM

Why isn't Tyra on that list?

Why she's ridic: weaves, crazy eyes, weird and insulting accents, talking more than her guests on her talk show.
That's what she said: oh, we could go on forever, but my favorites are "my mother yelled at me because she loved me!" "smile with your eyes", "kiss my FAT ass!"
Why she's fun: All of the above.

Posted by: Sofía at December 11, 2008 12:47 PM

I shit you not, there's nothing hotter than a middle-aged deranged woman.

Posted by: Pookie at December 11, 2008 12:52 PM

I hear you on that Olbermann crush, Sabine. I've never found anger and smugness to be such an intoxicating mixture in anyone else.

Bai Ling is one of the Hall of Famers on GoFugYourself. That woman's sartorial choices could fuel the whole tabloid industry alone. Have you ever seen her website? Her blog reveals what's going on in her crazy little mind: http://www.officialbailing.com/

Posted by: Melissa at December 11, 2008 1:10 PM

Big 'fro! BIG 'FRO!! Also, he should top it off with some muttonchops, a la Prisco. (Although Prisco is rocking those things pretty hard. I don't know if anyone else could carry them off with such aplomb.)

P.S. Is that picture of Jennifer Connelly from the future, for real?

P.P.S. I love Bai Ling. Check out her archive on Go Fug Yourself sometime. Or her blog. Awe. Some. (Also, she was on an episode of Lost - the one where Jack flashes back to how he got his tattoo. And in the episode of Angel [Season 1, ep 13, "She"] where women from another dimension were escaping slavery in ours.)

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 11, 2008 1:23 PM

Oh, and Bai Ling was in The Crow also. The girlfriend of the main evil guy.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 11, 2008 1:24 PM

Oh, and multiple people have already pointed out all of those things. Sorry!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 11, 2008 1:27 PM

I have a philosophical question: When you are that photoshopped, are you even naked?

Posted by: Laughner at December 11, 2008 1:38 PM

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Posted by: TonyR at December 11, 2008 1:46 PM

Why the fuck do you like Olbermann? He's such an asshole! Stop defending him. He's the Sean Hannity of liberals. Only I hate him more because he's both ruining our sides credibility and is the one in power at the same time. Fuck! I hate Keith Olbrmann!

Posted by: George at December 11, 2008 1:53 PM

I want to do Olbermann in nothing but his glasses and boots, and he can special comment in my ear.

Shut up Skitz and Pookie.

Posted by: Cindy at December 11, 2008 2:03 PM

Someone needs to take away John Mayer's thesaurus.

Posted by: Erin S at December 11, 2008 2:09 PM

Olbermann lays down the smack. George W. Bush will fuck himself in hell until his anus becomes his mouth.

Posted by: Audiosuede at December 11, 2008 2:09 PM

John Mayer is such a pathetic little douchetool. First, he's in the tabloids all the time because his PR people get him in there. No one would give a shit about him if he weren't photographed all the time with movie stars. Or Jennifer Aniston. (Oh, snap!)

My wife dragged me to see him one time before she realized what an absolute tool he is, expecting to get live versions of the songs that, you know, made him famous enough to have live shows in the first place. We get there, and he plays NOTHING but his shitty, retarded blues songs. I like blues just fine, but he ain't that good at playing the blues, and there was no warning that it was going to be his stupid side project. Otherwise, there would be one homeless person there who wandered in the back door.

Instead, there were a few hundred girls and young women there expecting to hear John Mayer Lite Rock, with about half their miserable boyfriends. That pissant little fuckhead intentionally tricked them into paying to hear his bedsheet-buttstripe nonsense. "I'm tired of playing these songs that made people give a shit about me in the first place. Fuck them, I'm going all Muddy Waters on their asses!"

Fuckstain.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at December 11, 2008 2:33 PM

I always hear the work "naked" in my head in the voice of the narrator of the art film Rocco made in the tv show "Rocco's Modern Life". "Naaaykeeed."

Posted by: phquaryn at December 11, 2008 2:35 PM

...odd how that Chuck E. Cheese article pops up the day after my pitch for "Sneaky Pete and the Bandit". I must forward that to Ron Perlman for research.

Posted by: Mike R. at December 11, 2008 2:40 PM

RIIIICKLESSSSS!

Posted by: Sabrina at December 11, 2008 2:51 PM

Oh, and if Khloe Kardashian is a behemoth, then damn. I'm like the universe. Sure, she's a worthless waste of space, but she's not fat.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 11, 2008 3:01 PM

Erm, while Olbermann's rant is somewhat entertaining, it's definitely not one of his best, and also factually inaccurate. For example, the Lebanese did not elect a "Muslim theocracy," and they certainly didn't elect Hamas, a Palestinian terrorist organization currently in charge of the Gaza Strip. What did happen is that Hezbollah, a Lebanese terrorist group that cooperates with Hamas but is by no means the same group, made significant electoral gains in Lebanon in the past 8 years, but by no means have they been able to implement the entirety of their agenda. That's a pretty elementary mistake to make.

Posted by: Zack at December 11, 2008 3:29 PM

Ewwwww Cindy, if you'd let him special comment in your ear that would make you the worst, person, in the wooooooooooooooooorld.

Posted by: Pookie at December 11, 2008 3:57 PM

Hey, everybody look at Zack, we got Henry fucking kissinger over here.

Posted by: Pookie at December 11, 2008 4:02 PM

Kathy Lee Gifford has been on my hate list for years. I find her incredibly grating. I thought the rest of the world did too. I guess I was wrong.

Oh and my morning routine? Drink as much coffee as you can, and then drink some more. Cello!

Posted by: mswas at December 11, 2008 4:11 PM

Huh? Oh well, any excuse to shout

MANILOOOOOW!!!!

PAJIBA-CHUCK!

In the words of C-3PO, I heartily agree with you, sir.

That's after 13 months of growth on Dan? How tight are those curls? How much more time until the length overpowers the curl and it all shoots out?

Posted by: Jay at December 11, 2008 4:14 PM

Connelly's father died fairly recently. I assume the drastic weight loss might have something to do with that.
She's a lovely and talented woman. Do we have to mock her?

Posted by: serena at December 11, 2008 4:33 PM

Aniston's naked. Meh.

This all leads to a funny story. The other day I was looking at gossip websites and a photo of Aniston's cleavage was on the screen. I had the website scrolled down to the point that the boobs were the only part visible. My lovely husbands sees the boobs, is informed that they are Aniston's and promptly looses all interest in said boobs. He says, "Meh" and walks away.

Jennifer Aniston. Even her boobs are boring.

Posted by: Melody at December 11, 2008 5:26 PM

A few things...

1.) Skitz I'd like to sound a hearty "Hell Yes" to Pajiba-Chuck, but fear this would be counter-productive to their goal of reducing fights at their establishments. Don't lie, you'd start a Race War with an Animatronic Mouse in a hot second. Although considering our nation's growing cyborg problem I don't blame you...

2.) phquaryn I think I may love you for referencing Rocco's Modern Life. I nearly molested a guy dressed as "Quail Man" on Halloween. I miss old school Nickelodeon... Ya know when it wasn't educational or entirely coherent.

3.)Laughner I feel bad that no one is paying attention to you, but will not answer your question.

4.) Hey Pooks! Cindy has the right to let a man special comment in(on) her anywhere she pleases. And your deranged middle-aged woman fetish is a mite unnerving.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 11, 2008 5:49 PM

I don't understand how any list of ridiculous women could omit Tyra Banks. As a matter of fact, they should have included her as part of a matched set with Janet Dickonson.

And, stop it. Stop trying to make me like Celine Dion. Although I will admit that chick is hilarious.

Posted by: greer at December 11, 2008 7:29 PM

Stacey, I was right there with you on the Beggin'-Strips-in-my-mind mantra.

Posted by: duckandcover at December 11, 2008 7:54 PM

I told you to be quiet Pooks. My idea of his special comment isn't your idea of his special comment.

Girl power Kayanne; thank you.

Posted by: Cindy at December 11, 2008 8:58 PM