Pajiba Love 12/10/08

Guess Which Ingrate Wants To Jump Ship This Week?

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | December 10, 2008 | Comments (36)

The guy who wants to quit his job even though he’s got nothing else going for him also happens to work with one of the most unpleasant women on the planet Earth. Coincidence? (WIMB)

Four words for you: Wienermobile Driver Applications Taking. Can we say “Lifelong Dream Fulfilled?” (SeriousEats)

There is no barrel left for MTV to scrape anymore. (Yeeeah!)

This really has nothing to do with the following post, but I didn’t know that falling asleep after sex was exclusive for the male gender? It’s pretty much why I missed the last Eloquent meet-up. True story. (QuizLaw)

That asshole from the Twilight movie is too cool to brush her hair. (Celebslam)

Now it’s Milhouse’s time to shine! And by Milhouse I mean Clint Eastwood, obviously. (Film Experience)

Here is the quintessential meal for those who have completely given up on life, yet at the same time are too poor to afford one of those Famous Bowls from KFC. (TIB)

Remember when Jessica Biel played like a preacher’s daughter or something on that “7th Heaven” show? Yeah, those days are over. (Popoholic)

This pretty eloquently sums up the car company bailout… Except, who am I kidding? I totally drive a Ford Focus. (YBNBY)

Killer plants aren’t just something out of the Super Mario games, you know. Terrifying plants exist right here exclusive of the Mushroom Kingdom. (atom)

Sacrilicious: Here are Pajiba-related religious sign idioms, compliments of Sofia and a church sign generator. (WorldForSofia)

I wish I could make fun of these geeky gift suggestions from the “Entertainment Earth” catalog but I can’t on the grounds that most of them are too effing cool. Also, I think if I don’t have the Hitchcock Barbie I will literally die. (Jezebel)

And since we’ve been gift-guiding you out the ass, here’s a handy guide to unconventional holiday gift wrap. (mental floss)

Crotch is the new black! (cityrag)

With all the things going wrong in the world today — the economic crisis, the war in Iraq, etc. — people often forget about other important issues also plaguing our society. It’s time to get involved, people: (Thanks to Longtime Lurker Lydia!)

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

I'm in a bad mood because I wasn't able to call in gay today (Day without a Gay) because we have a product release this weekend, so I'd also have to call in unemployed.

At least I'm going to be as non-gay as possible all day, except for Ryan Reynolds Abs!.

Posted by: Drake at December 10, 2008 12:10 PM

Q: Why do men fall asleep after sex?

A: They don't fall asleep; they lose consciousness due to lack of blood flow in the brain. Their is only enough to run one motor.

Q: Why don't women fall asleep after sex?

A: Because she fell asleep before it was over.

Posted by: boo at December 10, 2008 12:12 PM

OK, so last night, I was flipping around the TV and ran across that twins Shot at Love thing on EmptyV. I could literally not watch more than 2 minutes of that show, and I only lasted that long because pseudo-Mr.vB was with me and we were laughing our asses off for the first 45 seconds. This of course changed into stunned horror for another 45, followed by 30 of paralysis. Oh. My. God. I have never seen anything more ridiculous and stupid in my life. And I did in fact catch a few eps of the Tila Tequila monstrosity that spawned it.

P.S. I always fall asleep after sex. If you're doing it right, it makes you tired.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 10, 2008 12:14 PM

AvB, it's true. You can't P. Hilton your way through sex and think it was good. It just isn't possible.

Posted by: boo at December 10, 2008 12:17 PM

*Sniff* That was such a touching song. We really need to do our part.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 10, 2008 12:17 PM

It's pretty much why I missed the last Eloquent meet-up. True story.

I can vouch for Miss Stacey. Of course, none of us girls that night minded, since we'll always be supportive of our sister Pajibans getting laid.

Posted by: Julie at December 10, 2008 12:18 PM

I always fall asleep after sex. If you're doing it right, it makes you tired.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz

I love you, Guru.

Posted by: Sofía at December 10, 2008 12:21 PM

P.P.S. OMG, I totally need the Hitchcock Barbie! SO, if you guys are having trouble deciding what to get me... that's the one!!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 10, 2008 12:23 PM

Dear Santa,

I feel I have been a very good boy this year. I didn't kick that teacher in the babymaker for stealing my parking spot at work. I didn't poke out that student's eyes with the 1/4" to 1/8" cable adaptor when he destroyed the sound port of my Macbook. And I didn't throw a pot of boiling water at the enraged parent who claimed my mother was the worst person in the history of the world for having the nerve to call her house since she never signed up to do anything for the fall production.

As per the naughty/nice act detailed in the holiday classic Christmas Evil, I believe I deserve a proper present for the exemplary behavior detailed above. Please deposit one Spiderwalk Sequence Exorcist Toy down my chimney wrapped, with a bow, under my tree for my discovery on Christmas morning.

Or so help me, you will be wishing that you never dropped off present one in the old country.

You've been warned,

Robert

PS: White chocolate macadamia nut cookies good for you this year? I figured I'd try switching it up.

Posted by: Robert at December 10, 2008 12:29 PM

I believe MTV should from here on be called "EmptyV." Brilliant and accurate to boot.

Posted by: TMax at December 10, 2008 12:32 PM

Not that the Wienermobile driver position isn't tempting, but I would much rather they redesign it like the oldschool tiller ladder firetrucks so that I could sit in the back and steer the rear half of the wiener around corners.

Posted by: branded at December 10, 2008 12:33 PM

The best fake wrapping paper is found at the Onion store.

http://store.theonion.com/cards--gift-boxes-c-21.html

My favorite is the sweeper shoes.

Posted by: Melody at December 10, 2008 12:35 PM

For Christmas a few years ago my mom got me the Madame Alexander 'Birds' doll. Glorious. It has birds and everything. I'd rather have the R2-D2 that follows me around though.

Posted by: Jeni at December 10, 2008 12:42 PM

Yeah, go ahead and brag, Nosek.

And no, it is certainly not exclusive. I have been left high and dry in the cold (because the covers had been yanked away). Don't nobody never call me selfish!

Posted by: Jay at December 10, 2008 12:59 PM

AVP: Marry Me.

Stace: Oh my God, I fucking HATED those pirannah plants! You'd be standing on top of a warp pipe, trying to fit Mario's fat ass down and oh wouldn't you know it, a goddamn tomato with teeth pups up and all of a sudden Mario is falling off the stage. And even when you were out of harms way, they were shooting fucking FIRE BALLS at you. Out of there mouth.

Fucking salad wannabe.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at December 10, 2008 1:21 PM

I don't fall asleep easily, never have. That said, under the right conditions and as long as the other party doesn't try to get talky, sex will put me out relatively quickly. As long as I'm in my own bed. And the other party doesn't snore, or crowd my space, or steal my pillows or blankets... basically I just can never fall asleep.

I've been on the Wienermobile, and it's everything you could imagine and more. Plus, I got a real weenie whistle from them.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at December 10, 2008 1:54 PM

oof, Genny (Rusty). That is the suck. I live in abject terror of developing insomnia or some other kind of sleep disorder. I looooove sleeping. Especially a nice post-coital nap. Cozy!
P.S. I am completely jealous of your Weiner experience, particularly the weenie whistle.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 10, 2008 2:11 PM

Alan Rickman, what have they done to you? Accurate likeness, my ass.

Barbie seems awfully chipper about being attacked by birds, doesn't she?

Posted by: DeadBessie at December 10, 2008 2:19 PM

Am I the only one around here who thinks Jessica Biel is just not.that.attractive? I know men disagree with me, but are there any other ladies who agree with me?

Posted by: Austin at December 10, 2008 2:34 PM

RE: Super Mario and those damned pipes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3C1BSbq5aB0&feature=related

Posted by: twig at December 10, 2008 3:02 PM

What, you're not even gonna laugh at me for being a reverse stereotype?

Tough room!

Posted by: Jay at December 10, 2008 3:37 PM

I'm such a fickle sleeper than I'll usually be up too, Jay. It means a lot to find a girl that also sleeps on her right side so we can cuddle. If she's on her left, I will not sleep face to face and feel breathing all night. So I've been there. Of course, this does compel me to sneak away. Which leaves me with a tiny twing of guilt so it rarely happens, even if I have to count ceiling tiles all night.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 10, 2008 4:56 PM

Well, the best part of the joke is that, just like Mandy, I gave without taking, because I like it, and then found myself to be the only person awake. Even at the moment I knew it was kinda funny, though in an irritably objective sense.

No of course this didn't happen just once.

Posted by: Jay at December 10, 2008 5:10 PM

Wait, is Mandy about oral sex? How do they play it on my father's radio station? I need to look into these lyrics... Or ... just end up assuming this and arguing it to anyone who'll listen.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 10, 2008 6:22 PM

Further investigation does not really help this theory. And I prefer Rod Stewart anyways. (For some reason, these two are linked in my mind.)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 10, 2008 6:24 PM

Ya know, I drive a Scion. But I get nervous telling people that; I'm afraid they'll think I'm some kind of Da Vinci code freak.

Posted by: vic at December 10, 2008 7:26 PM

Can't say I blame Knight for wanting to leave. I mean, yeah, they eventually shitcanned that tool Washington, but ABC is going through a general de-gaying process, fired Brooke Whatserface halfway through a plot arc and de-bisexualised the new Melissa George character - in his shoes, I'd feel pretty uncomfortable around the place too.

Posted by: Shay at December 10, 2008 7:57 PM

I once informed Mrs. Daddy that she screwed like a man. She got hot fast, came quick and went right to sleep.

Me, I'm a 240-minute man, can I get a witness, AvB?

Posted by: bucdaddy at December 10, 2008 8:38 PM

Oh my lord, I need that David Bowie Goblin King doll. Those pants... those amazing pants....

Amen, AvB, on the "doing it right." I always fall asleep. Doesn't matter if it's 2 in the afternoon, I'm out.

Posted by: Melissa at December 10, 2008 9:40 PM

AvB, I'm mostly used to it now. Even as an infant I didn't fall asleep until 11pm, if I fell asleep earlier my mom knew I was sick.

Apparently I just need to find a guy like Jay or Optimus so that our combined inability to sleep means we can stay up watching movies till we fall asleep in front of the TV.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at December 10, 2008 11:01 PM

Am I the only one around here who thinks Jessica Biel is just not.that.attractive?

Posted by: Austin at December 10, 2008 2:34 PM

Yes. I'm sure you're nice and all, but you can go away now.

Posted by: Che Grovera at December 10, 2008 11:44 PM

I once informed Mrs. Daddy that she screwed like a man. She got hot fast, came quick and went right to sleep.

Posted by: bucdaddy at December 10, 2008 8:38 PM

I continue to maintain that we are the same person, bucdaddy. Our experiences are too similar for there to be any other explanation.

Posted by: Che Grovera at December 10, 2008 11:47 PM

Oh, I don't think Barry exactly had it in mind, but the words fit.

Rusty, I wasn't saying that I regularly have insomnia. Oh if only that had been the case, I'd have been more cheerful back then (in fairness, there were other problems in the relationship that were as much as my fault).

Posted by: Jay at December 11, 2008 7:07 AM

You can get more than an "Amen", bucdaddy... yowza.

Rod Stewart, Optimus? Really? Really...?

Hee, Jeremy, I don't believe in marriage like Sarina doesn't believe in pie. In this case, however, I'll make an exception. I always hated those damn killer tomatoes too.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 11, 2008 9:13 AM

Yes, AVB, Rod "The Bod" Stewart. IF not for his radio hits then for his work with The Faces. Hot tracks, m'dear.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 11, 2008 10:37 AM

I can't fall asleep after sex. That could lead to someone spending the night, and that ain't gonna happen.

Posted by: Craig at December 11, 2008 11:25 PM

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