Pajiba Love 12/09/08

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Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | December 9, 2008 | Comments (47)

“Federal authorities arrested Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich Tuesday on charges that he brazenly conspired to sell or trade the Senate seat left vacant by President-elect Barack Obama to the highest bidder.” (yahoo!)

Need the perfect holiday gift for the tweener on your list? How about $130 leggings with blowjob pads built in. She’ll be the coolest girl at school! (WIMB)

Ranylt sent me this link with the subject header “Ebert Owns Ben Stein,” and I can’t really think of a better way to preface it. Why did it take me 30 years to realize that Roger Ebert is totally my hero? (SunTimes)

Holy smack. Obama’s inauguration is going to be one big, giant effing party. (WaPo)

Today’s QuizLaw link, now with 100% less poorly interpreted rape jokes. (QuizLaw)

Good job, Fox. You take cameras into an NFL locker room and you’re surprised when one catches a little peen. Errr, or maybe not so “little.” (Yeeeah!)

My sister is always bitching about what a senile idiot Andy Rooney is and how he shouldn’t be on TV anymore… But seriously? After watching this, I want more Andy Rooney. This is the funniest shit I have seen in a long time. (BestWeekEver)

Hey everybody! Guess Oprah’s weight! (Celebitchy)

Heigl’s new crappy romcom sounds like it’s going to be about as entertaining as dry humping sandpaper. I’m sure Dustin can’t wait to review it! (AgentBedhead)

“For fuck’s sake, Jughead…” Here are Archie comics improved so that’s they’re actually funny. Enjoy! (MightyGodKing)

After sixteen years, “The Cosby Show” is finally being immortalized in porn. They could probably do something interesting with Pudding Pops. Just saying. (CC Insider)

Here are some attempts at quote unquote art which Barack Obama has inspired. I’m gonna file most of these under “Uhhhhhhhhokay.” (mental floss)

OK, this is really cute and everything, don’t get me wrong… But Taco Bell is not good for dogs. Seriously, you shouldn’t feed your dog burritos. (SeriousEats)

Pam Anderson has entered zombie territory. (The Blemish)

Of Montreal were asked by Q Magazine to sketch a nude model. Meh, I used to have to do that all the time in college, only we only ever got old ladies and fat dudes. (YouAin’tNoPicasso)

You know… This kid has actually got some moves. He could probably teach old Brit a thing or three. (DListed)

Somehow this managed to totally slip under my radar, but apparently there’s a Barbie-sponsored, Amy Poehler-hosted web series called “Smart Girls Party.” In this episode, meet Ruby, the world’s youngest (and most adorable) feminist. H/T, Marra Alane!

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

Huzzah! Blago was a horrible governor. You know what they say... Career progression in Illinois politics: Secretary of State to Governor to Prisoner.

Posted by: Nate at December 9, 2008 12:04 PM

Typical Chicago news. Snore.

Posted by: Agent Scully at December 9, 2008 12:05 PM

Isn't this "the usual" in Illinois I'd be surprised if he WASN'T going to the Federal slam.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 9, 2008 12:10 PM

Here's to hoping Gov Patterson does not follow his lead. It has got to be rough for blind folks in prison

Posted by: Brian at December 9, 2008 12:14 PM

Did anyone else expect an "It's Always Sunny-Dennis Reynolds" style drawring from Of Montreal. I was praying for it. I know they'll play Day Man.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 9, 2008 12:16 PM

Smart Girls At The Party is my favorite show ever. There was an episode about two sisters, and the youngest one was incredibly funny and witty. It makes me really excited about introducing my brand new niece into the ways of dry humor.

Posted by: Sofía at December 9, 2008 12:24 PM

Wow. Is that really that guy's face? When I first saw the photo, I thought it was taken with that macbook photobooth program with the pinchy face one right across the bridge of his nose. You know the one I'm talking about? He REALLY looks like that!! HA!

But that is a hell of a head of hair.

And where, exactly, are his lips?

Shit, if I had that unfortunate mug, I'd sell a senate seat too! There is only so far you can go with a face like that.

Posted by: boo at December 9, 2008 12:25 PM

I got my Godtopus t-shirt today! I got it today and I am so excited that I am wearing it right now! No one else knew what I was getting all up in a tizzy for when I told them.

Also, that boy is a REALLY good dancer. He didn't need flashy lights and camera angles to make him look good but he still kicked ass in that dance. And his mom handing him the towel was the funniest thing ever.

Posted by: dene chen at December 9, 2008 12:31 PM

I believe I have shared my Ebert love on this site before. He is my hero also. I hope he never dies, and if he does, I will be sitting Shiva.

By the way, what in the hell does "H/T" mean?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 12:32 PM

Ack! Also, not only are burritos bad for your dog, food swallowed whole is not great either.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 12:34 PM

I live in Springfield, and I swear a parade is about to break out at any moment in front of the capitol building. All my friend's facebook status updates are cracking me up.

Posted by: Austin at December 9, 2008 12:38 PM

H/T=hat tip, AvB.

Posted by: branded at December 9, 2008 12:42 PM

AvB: "hat-tip", as in, I tip my hat at you in acknowledgement, for turning me onto that link.

Speaking of hat-tips, h/t Pandagon for the Ebert link and reference.

Posted by: Ranylt at December 9, 2008 12:42 PM

The best part is that Blago has only been arrested for his activities identified through wire-tap in the past 2 months. There is so much more dirt to come. He makes Tamanny (Sp?) Hall look like a Friday night knitting club (except for one run by BWeaves which I suspect is quite wild).

And may I say that Roger Ebert rules.

Posted by: PaddyDog at December 9, 2008 12:48 PM

Ah-HA! That makes sense. Thanks, branded.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 12:50 PM

And also RR.

I finally had a chance to read the Archie comics. Holy god that's teh funny. Iused to read those things All. The. Damn. Time. They're much better this way.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 12:53 PM

Calling an Illinois politician for corruption? That's just mean.

Posted by: Eep at December 9, 2008 12:53 PM

Try not to act so surprised that yet another Illinois politician has been revealed as corrupt. It's part of the job requirement.

Posted by: Some Guy at December 9, 2008 12:54 PM

Cosby porn? 16 years later? Have porn producers finally run out of ideas? I didn't think that was possible!

Posted by: Melissa at December 9, 2008 12:55 PM

Andy Rooney Rules The Universe. I seriously watch sixty minutes for his fabulosity alone. The man is batshit insane.

Posted by: Marra at December 9, 2008 12:55 PM

Why is Blago's hair staring at me?

I feel dirty.

Posted by: admin at December 9, 2008 1:00 PM

In Illinois, Blago is considered handsome. Elvis-like, even.

Posted by: sedge at December 9, 2008 1:01 PM

I think the best part of Fox revealing that gentleman's personal quarterback is that in the still you can see some other guy openly staring at it. I can understand not noticing the genitalia itself, as it seems to be on the outside of the shot, but wouldn't you at least go "hey, what's got that guy's attenti... whoa! Pantsaconda! Cut!"

You know I'm not paying attention to the indie scene when I read that item about Of Montreal and I was like "someone left a noun off the front of that sentence". I'll go back to being really uncool over there now.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at December 9, 2008 1:02 PM

"The man is batshit insane."

I'm with Marra. That cat flipped his noodle many moons ago. I'd like to nominate him to be our Doctor Zachary Smith aboard the SS MurderTankard. He'd always try to turn the tables on our endeavors, he'd never get along with SpamBot, and at the end of each episode, he'd wax nostalgic about lessons he'd learned as a young lad in Albany and somehow relate it to our latest and bloodiest adventure. Each closing shot would be of him removing his uniform and going for a manatee-like float in the Whiskey Fountain.

Let's go get him...

Posted by: Skitz at December 9, 2008 1:15 PM

Nobody is denying that Blagojevich is a horribly corrupt asshat. What is interesting is the timing of his arrest- shortly after he announced that the State of Illinois would not do business with Bank of America (see: Republic Windows & Doors factory workers) until they had remedied the situation.
Interesting time to call him out on his bullshit, is all I'm saying.

Posted by: serena at December 9, 2008 1:22 PM

Serena: I don't believe the BoA issue influenced his arrest: it was a case of reaching a point where they had enough to charge him. However, I do think his strong support of the BoA/Renaissance Windows issue was to try to portray himself as a "man of the people" because he knew this was coming down.

Posted by: PaddyDog at December 9, 2008 1:27 PM

Eh, it's okay, Rusty. I'm in my own blase backlash against them.

I saw one Andy Rooney segment which he ended by instructing anyone with complaints to write a letter, put it in an envelope, then throw it away. The man doesn't give a shit, and that's something to look forward to. Also, he's got a really good point sometimes! But then, I'm a freaky crank too.

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 1:58 PM

Holy crap, I was really skimming this thing today... how in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks did I miss that schween story!?

Suddenly, I'm a Vikings fan....

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 2:07 PM

That Ebert smackdown of Ben Stein was hilarious...when I read it last week.

Pajiba Love: Your daily source for old news.

Posted by: Murray at December 9, 2008 2:28 PM

Hooo! Murray in the motherfuggin' hizzouse!

SUH-HUH-NAY-UP!

Damn, Ms. Nosek, you done gone and got yourself S to the E to the R to the V to the E to the D! Take off a high heel and go at it! WHOOOO!

Posted by: Skitz at December 9, 2008 2:32 PM

I can't see why the ID people just say that God created evolution and be done with it. It's such an obvious tactic. But then, I guess, they'd have to disavow the last 2,000 years of professing something else.

C'est la vie.

Posted by: Duane at December 9, 2008 2:34 PM

After staring at Blago for the past five minutes trying to figure out who he reminds me of in that pic....

Teddy Bass, Mr. Black Magic Himself. 'Men or Women.' 'Oh... definitely.' For a year after I saw that movie anytime anyone said 'preparation' all I could hear was Ben Kingsley.

Does Andy Rooney have tenure or what? He will be doing his crazy segment until the day he dies.

Posted by: Sands at December 9, 2008 3:07 PM

Soooo, corruption in Illinois politics is not only unsurprising, but pretty much a requirement to succeed. And the guy who 'played ball' his way to the top of that system is currently picking out drapes for the Oval office.
Just an observation. Not a fan of the other side either.

Oh yeah, and Ebert rocks.

Posted by: Basil at December 9, 2008 3:34 PM

Basil:

If you read the full Federal complaint, you'll see where Blago references Obama's favourite candidate for the Senate post but says "he's not willing to give me anything but appreciation, fuck him". It's unfair to lump Obama and a few other honest Illinois politicians into this mess. I started supporting Obama back in 2003 when Larry Suffredin whose entire platform is Cook County reform endorsed him. He endorsed Obama specifically because of his refusal to play the Cook County game.

Posted by: PaddyDog at December 9, 2008 3:47 PM

Daaaaaamn, Jay Leno... bitch got face-smalled!

That Ebert thing give me the big pants in my brain. That whole ID bullshit forced me months ago to consider adding Stein to my list of "People I will take a swing at if I ever meet them, regardless of the context or consequences."

Posted by: firedmyass at December 9, 2008 4:15 PM

I excitedly clicked this link thinking that the breaking news was that Stephen King and Ray Liotta had a secret love child. Judging from the pic, I'm still going with that.

Posted by: puregonzo at December 9, 2008 5:56 PM

That kid in the shower mostly had me worried that he would slam his head into the tiled wall.

I worry a lot about hitting my head on the sink. Mostly when I'm brushing my teeth. Anybody else? Porcelain is so hard and it seems like it would be easy to just slip or something, and there you are. I have these very quick visions of it and I cringe every time. Kind of like that Sex and the City episode where Carrie keeps having the visions of farting in bed with Big. Only more painful and potentially even fatal.

Posted by: AM at December 9, 2008 6:59 PM

"And it's not just choking, every time I get in or out of the bathtub I think, careful, careful."

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 8:22 PM

And this is the murk from which we elected a president? Great job America!

Posted by: shazam at December 9, 2008 9:08 PM

Oh Elders, fleet and strong and wise, appear before my seeking eyes!

Posted by: Pookie at December 9, 2008 9:32 PM

thank God I don't get my news from Stacey Nosek. I would've had no idea what party Blago the Governor belonged to. You joke.

Posted by: Chris at December 9, 2008 9:47 PM

Oh yes, conspiracy abounds in the timing of this! Ha. You should google the US Attorney for the Northern District of Illinois and do some learning on just who is leading this investigation.

And then you might want to consider that the human paraquat that is Blago was selling the vacated Senate seat to the highest bidder. The Bank of America situation! That's almost as good as Rush saying today that Rahm Emmanuel directed Fitzgerald to bring the investigation to light so no one near Obama would get caught in the wash. Amazing.

Posted by: Matt at December 9, 2008 10:18 PM

Ahahahaah...WEINER!

Posted by: figgy at December 9, 2008 11:20 PM

Am I the ONLY person who thinks Blagojevich looks like that annoying hobbit actor who's the son of that actress who played twin cousins?

I know, I'm a political blogger who should have more insightful (or at least angry) things to say about this situation, but it's really the only thing I can think whenever I see this douchebag.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at December 10, 2008 4:26 AM

Hey, watch what you say about a Goonie, there.

Posted by: Jay at December 10, 2008 8:58 AM

Goonies stick together. You don't want to run into Sloth on a dark evening. Or a light one. Honestly any time.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 10, 2008 9:20 AM

It's called Pajiba f*cking LOVE, and if you don't f*cking LOVE it, and f*cking LOVE Stacey than take your snotty news-needy selves elsewhere, f*ckers. In fact, anyone who doesn't feel the f*cking LOVE can piss off. Dammit.

Posted by: replica at December 10, 2008 1:55 PM

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