I know everytime I mention OJ a shitstorm breaks out in the comments, but fuck it. Please let OJ die in jail, please let OJ die in jail, please let OJ die in jail! (IDLYITW)
But just to be fair, and so Pookie doesn’t take umbrage and boycott the site, here is George Clinton’s opinion on the matter. (KSK)
Details are coming in about Stephanie Tanner’s divorce, and supposedly she and her husband were living entirely off of “Full House” residuals. It would be funny if it weren’t just so… Sad. (WIMB)
Somebody pulled off some Ocean’s Eleven type of shit over in France. They even banged the hot female bank manager, which I’m guessing was less sexy and more rapey than it would have been in the movies. (QuizLaw)
Forty-three days and counting: Our national nightmare is almost over! Hooray! (Deus Ex Malcontent)
I love it that Sofia indulges in my Spaghetti Cat obsession by sending me all of these great Spaghetti Cat related links. (Neatorama)
It’s a little known fact that the Jolie-Pitts’ actually have seven kids and also one of them is an evil twin. Whew. (AgentBedhead)
Just because Donald Duck doesn’t wear pants doesn’t mean it’s perfectly ok for everyone else, Pamela Anderson. (Yeeeah!)
Hahahaha. Yep, I’m still twelve. Hahahahaha. (YBNBY)
You know, I kind of even forgot the “Simpsons” were still on the air anymore. So guess who’s still a preachy environmentalist? (Jezebel)
Here is a list of the lamest superheros of all time, and — holy shit — seriously? There was a superhero whose power was to eat through any substance? Come on now! Super lame or super awesome? I smell Hollywood blockbuster! H/T, Galley Slaves. (PopCultAddict)
Here is a comprehensive gift buying guide for your special zombie fighting warrior. (ZombieForecast)
Oh my God!!! I totally use to live in that town and totally remember this place! And they totally sold porno there!! (UnnecessaryQuotes)
Who thinks Heath Ledger is totally winning an Oscar this year? (EvilBeet)
I’m doing this totally to embarrass him, even though I know he secretly loves it. Our own Brian Prisco had a cameo on “Wizards of Waverly Place” on the Disney Channel last night, and here he is in all his Cab Dispatcher glory. (He’s the short, mute one!) Parts I through III:
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
It's terrible but can someone post the exact times Prisco is onscreen. I cannot fathom watching that show in the state I'm in right now. (Michigan)
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 8, 2008 12:08 PM
Actually, Optimus, the show is kind of cute. I watched it super hungover yesterday morning, and Hispanic Miley Cyrus isn't nearly as annoying as white Miley. She's a decent actress, too. Obviously, Prisco blows her out of the water, but still.
Posted by: Marra at December 8, 2008 12:11 PM
OJ is going to clink! OJ is going to the clink!
That outta do it.
Posted by: Melody at December 8, 2008 12:12 PM
RACE WAR!
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 8, 2008 12:17 PM
3:30 in the first video.
Also, is that norm Macdonald playing the taxi?
Posted by: Marra at December 8, 2008 12:18 PM
Hahahahahaha! Rimming sugar. That's dirty.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 8, 2008 12:19 PM
Awwww damn. My hood is at the dry cleaners.
Posted by: admin at December 8, 2008 12:20 PM
What side are midgets on in the RACE WAR?
Posted by: dk at December 8, 2008 12:26 PM
"Meanwhile, one robber escorted the manager off to a hidden safe to get some of the high-end booty."
Yeah, I call that rape. And, humorless feminist that I am, I don't think there's anything funny about it.
Posted by: samantha t at December 8, 2008 12:29 PM
P.S. Nice muttonchops there, Prisco.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 8, 2008 12:31 PM
Nobody's going to race war over OJ. Things are good for black people these days. Obama's in office, Oprah has taken her seat at the right hand of our Lord, the Notorious BIG movie is coming out.
Getting mad about OJ going to jail is a little like humming "Rosa Parks" when an old black lady sits next to you on public transit. Chances are, she's going to sing along.
Stupid albinos, always driving all crazy - go back to Russia!
Posted by: Skitz at December 8, 2008 12:32 PM
I bet they film all these weird little "sitcom" Disney shows in the same studio, with the sets all back to back and with the same canned laughter.
Is it just me, or (having scanned these shows randomly whilst flipping past the Disney Channel or being forced into watching shows) are the production values exactly the same for all of the shows? I know it's cheaper to do it all in-house, but holy crap its weird watching these Disney "sitcoms".
Posted by: NotBlonde at December 8, 2008 12:35 PM
It seems that a lot of times when someone passes away they are given an award simply because they passed away and not because they really deserved it.
In Heath Ledger's case, he totally deserves it!
Posted by: RAT at December 8, 2008 12:36 PM
Prisco is honestly a commanding screen presence. He draws the eye. I want to know this man's story. What terrible series of events created this?
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 8, 2008 12:41 PM
OK, I don't get the "rimming sugar" item. Why is that funny? Isn't "rimming sugar" the sugar you put on the rims of glasses like margaritas?
Posted by: BWeaves at December 8, 2008 12:43 PM
I agree with hatemail, we should keep our powder dry. O.J. got to get up out this shit on his own. Oprah making mad bank, Obama is in office, and Tyler Perry got his own studio, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Posted by: Pookie at December 8, 2008 12:45 PM
Yay! I hope it hurts O.J.
For the record, he didn't get off because he was innocent. He got of because he was loaded. When you have enough money or power, it doesn't matter what you did, you can get away with anything.
But don't you dare kill a dog, that will get your ass slammed. What does it say about us that no matter what your race, you can get away with murder, rape, or touching children, but not dog fights. I hate this country sometimes.
Posted by: George at December 8, 2008 12:48 PM
"Meanwhile, one robber escorted the manager off to a hidden safe to get some of the high-end booty."
Yeah, I call that rape. And, humorless feminist that I am, I don't think there's anything funny about it.
This story looks like it's spinning out of control. Nothing in the original article says the manager was female or raped. "Booty" is, I'm fairly sure, referring to money or jewelry or what have you.
Posted by: Todd at December 8, 2008 12:49 PM
I look forward to Prisco's "E" True Hollywood Story.
How he went from megalomaniac reviewer to drug crazed madman, hooked on Tylenol PM and transvestite midget prostitutes.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 8, 2008 12:58 PM
I demand a "Mute Cab Driver" spin-off! Look at that! It's genius!
Like a Taxicab Confessions. And he'd have a tragic yet awesome story.
No really he's great. I KNOW SOMEONE ON TV. Except I don't really know him. But you know. We have a kinship. Because I stalk him and everything.
Posted by: figgy at December 8, 2008 1:04 PM
Is he the short fat sideburns guy? I've only ever seen him with a beard.
Posted by: Lucas at December 8, 2008 1:06 PM
You know why Selena Gomez is hot? Because she's actually nice and not a completely self-involved wack-job child star tart -- and my money is on the fact that David Deluise is a better metor with how to deal with the small modicum of fame TV acting provides than Billy Ray Cyrus plus Lynne Spears times Dinah Lohan could ever be.
Selena Gomez -- wow. Every 14-yr-old boy should want a girl like her.
Posted by: hater from siloam springs at December 8, 2008 1:09 PM
Frankly, I'm just amazed at OJ's sheer audacity. You get off a murder charge because the LAPD fucked up their own case and rather than keeping your head down and finding the Lord like other men who beat a murder charge (looking at you, Ray Lewis) you go and commit armed robbery.
So, yeah, fucker got what he deserved. Don't tempt fate.
This story looks like it's spinning out of control. Nothing in the original article says the manager was female or raped.
Given that my few comments on this site have failed to ever cause a ripple (and deservedly so), I like to think that it was my cheap joke on that Quizlaw post that was responsible. And I'm happy to help.
Posted by: kushiro at December 8, 2008 1:09 PM
Yeah, where in the bank robbery article does it say the manager was female and there was a sexual assault? It says the guy took the manager (gender unspecified) to a hidden safe to get "high-end booty" (I'm assuming that means the shit they loan to celebrities for red carpet events).
Reading is fundamental...
As for OJ, I don't give a shit anymore. I stopped caring about OJ long ago.
Posted by: Slash at December 8, 2008 1:13 PM
Yeah, greatgreatgreat, Prisco's on the tube, fabulous. Here's what I wanna know. HOW THE FUCK DID THEY GET THAT CAB TO TALK?! Hello? Did anyone notice that? Isn't anybody the least bit curious to know how the hell they managed to pull that off? It sure as hell didn't look CGI to me, and the voice merged perfectly with the flashing lights! I mean... guh! Congrats, Prisco, but LOOK AT THE GODDAM TALKING CAR! A. TALKING. AUTOMOBILE! Obviously, the flying part was done with green screen and/or cables, but so what? IT'S A TALKING CAR PEOPLE! Jesus, you'd think that anyone would get all juicy in their privates about this, it'd be you guys... Yeah, it's not the coolest car in the world, but the fact that it can hold a conversation with other people? Amazing. The future is here, people. Buckle up.
Posted by: Skitz at December 8, 2008 1:15 PM
Stay cool Pookie, I know you want to jump into the race war.
Posted by: Pookie at December 8, 2008 1:16 PM
OJ in that picture looks as though he is talking to his black-gloved hand, Mr Garrison-style.
Posted by: Ginginho at December 8, 2008 1:19 PM
So instead of trying to get the EE out, Prisco running around town like he's a fucking thespian. I can understand if the motherfucker was trying to get a role in "The Deer Hunter" or something. But no, that motherfucker got a role in a goddamn disney movie. Yes, that's it Prisco, aim high.
Posted by: Pookie at December 8, 2008 1:28 PM
"Yes, ehm, whell, we didn't kill anyone, mkay? See, mkay, Mr. Hand says so, mkay."
I also love OJ's arguement that "he didn't know he was doing anything wrong," although he showed up with two armed dudes.
Nothing says innocence like automatic weapons.
Posted by: boo at December 8, 2008 1:35 PM
I know you're dying to say something Pookie.
Posted by: Pookie at December 8, 2008 1:44 PM
Aw, Pooks, I'm right there with you on the whole Prisco abandoned us for Mouse Ears thing, but I don't have the energy to fight fire with fire. Seriously, I can barely type.
Also, does anyone really want to start a race war? Really?
Posted by: Kayanne at December 8, 2008 1:47 PM
Kayanne, I would call this more of a race battle. We've been waging the race war on this site for some time now. So many casualties...I can still hear their voices when I'm falling asleep...
Posted by: branded at December 8, 2008 1:51 PM
JESUS SWEET 'N CRUNCHY CHRIST, PEOPLE! Who gives a shit about the Race War right now? I hate albinos, Pookster hates Whitey, Conrad's a dick, and Sophia is building Chilean warheads...
There was a talking car in that program. And for some reason, nobody seems to think anything of it.
What's next? What other friggin' technology is Disney holding out on us, huh? If automobiles can hold their own in today's world, it's only a matter of time before some sort of revolution starts brewing. What secrets lie underneath the giant plush heads at their family compounds? ARE THERE EVEN PEOPLE UNDER THERE? JESUS IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFOR...
Hey! I found a peanut on the floor! Day's looking up!
Posted by: Skitz at December 8, 2008 2:00 PM
I'm with branded, these race wars take so much out of you. I think I'm going to save my load for something worth my time.
Posted by: Pookie at December 8, 2008 2:00 PM
This story looks like it's spinning out of control. Nothing in the original article says the manager was female or raped. "Booty" is, I'm fairly sure, referring to money or jewelry or what have you.
Reading the QuizLaw article again, I think you're right. However, Stacey clearly thought sex was involved and then casually referred to what would have been rape as "bang[ing] the hot female bank manager", which made me deeply uncomfortable before I realized raped wasn't actually involved. Now it just makes me deeply disappointed.
Posted by: jess at December 8, 2008 2:02 PM
Oh, stop it. No race war. Black folks got Obama, so we gave white folks OJ finally. Fair trade. It's all good.
Posted by: khia213 at December 8, 2008 2:02 PM
There was a superhero whose power was to eat through any substance? Come on now! Super lame or super awesome? I smell Hollywood blockbuster!
Two Superheroes, One Cup?
I think Prisco's facial expressions were the most believable of anyone's. Including the car.
Posted by: Sabrina at December 8, 2008 2:04 PM
There was a talking car in that program. And for some reason, nobody seems to think anything of it.
Skitz didn't you ever see Transformers?
And Pooks, welcome back from the Iliad of race wars.
Posted by: Kayanne at December 8, 2008 2:05 PM
Skitz how can you say I hate whitey, when I'm biracial? I was raised by my aunt who happened to be white. The sweetest person in the whole world.
Posted by: Pookie at December 8, 2008 2:14 PM
Yea and I know on good standing that Pooks likes white women!
Posted by: Kayanne at December 8, 2008 2:17 PM
"Yes, ehm, whell, we didn't kill anyone, mkay? See, mkay, Mr. Hand says so, mkay."
I also love OJ's arguement that "he didn't know he was doing anything wrong," although he showed up with two armed dudes.
Nothing says innocence like automatic weapons.
Posted by: boo at December 8, 2008 1:35 PM
Boo, for this I love you.
My favorite part of the statement is the crying. OJ is very sorry for what he did, even if he is still confused about it.
Since OJ is less relevant than, well, just about everyone, there is no way to turn this into a war. How about a kerfuffle?
Posted by: Melody at December 8, 2008 2:25 PM
Isn't "rimming sugar" the sugar you put on the rims of glasses like margaritas?
Yeah, technically, if you wanna be an uninnuendoing killjoy, that's what it is.
I prefer rimming salt. I'm more of a savoury type of guy.
Posted by: admin at December 8, 2008 2:41 PM
BWeaves, Jay, & admin yea, about the innuendo. They _had_ to know. Just had to. I feel like last year they had those, but called them "Martini Sugar" & "Margarita Salt" or something.
I would not put it pass Target to put in some subliminal kink. Why do you think it's my favorite store?
Posted by: Kayanne at December 8, 2008 2:46 PM
I've heard Ms. Dash is coming out with a low-sodium rimming mix...
Posted by: Skitz at December 8, 2008 2:47 PM
a better metor with how to deal with the small modicum of fame TV acting provides than Billy Ray Cyrus plus Lynne Spears times Dinah Lohan could ever be.
Anything times nothing is still nothing.
Posted by: Goldie at December 8, 2008 2:57 PM
Stacey, i just want to say 'Fuck You'. Seriously, you make me watch a full five minutes of that Disney show this morning? That's like the icing on the cake of shit that my day has been so far. I had a nice easy fucking hard final this morning, which I took without eating breakfast because I had to get blood drawn right after, which required me to fast. All I wanted to do when I got home was eat some food, sit down and watch my main man Prisco rockin' out on a TV show. You couldn't have provided us with a time estimate or anything? You just sit us down and say 'watch this until you figure it out'? What the hell did I ever do to you?
P.S. Thats a good look for you Prisco, I wish I could rock the sideburns like that.
Posted by: the_wakeful at December 8, 2008 3:06 PM
Ok ok I'm not biracial and I wasn't raised by a white aunt, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express.
Posted by: Pookie at December 8, 2008 3:10 PM
So, wait, Pooks, you do hate whitey? Because if that's the case between that and the fact that you loathe conservative-leaning folks... Well, you may have picked the wrong little white libertarian to obsess over, mister.
Posted by: Kayanne at December 8, 2008 3:17 PM
So when is Prisco going to tell us about how he got escorted from the set after getting caught sniffing Dora the Disney Witch Explorer's hair?
Posted by: JP at December 8, 2008 3:17 PM
Pookie is not bi-racial, but some of his kids are.
Posted by: JP at December 8, 2008 3:19 PM
You can scan ahead with YouTube videos. it'll buffer up to wherever you click and you can slide the whatever you call it back it and forth.
I'm more of a savoury type of guy.
That's why I'm not vulnerable to workplace food. It's never "here's a bunch of salt!", it's all doughnuts and cupcakes.
WHATEVER! I'm not wasting my room for indulgence on sugar. I've got a big appetite but not a lot of capacity.
Uh....uh.....Lick! Slam! Suck!
I figured I had to put something vaguely smutty in there.
besides, some of my best friends are you know, libertarian.
Sure, politicist.
Posted by: Kayanne at December 8, 2008 4:58 PM
Skitz,
BIIIIIIIG DEAL. You never saw "My Mother The Car"?
Sheesh. Kids.
Posted by: bucdaddy at December 8, 2008 5:30 PM
I'm serious Kayanne.
Posted by: Pookie at December 8, 2008 5:43 PM
Also: The photo is a still taken from a bootleg of O.J.'s legendary but rarely seen audition tape for "Senor Wencas N Da Hood."
O.J. to hand: "S'Allright?"
Hand: "S'Allright, muvvafucka."
Posted by: bucdaddy at December 8, 2008 5:44 PM
Hold up. I come in here expecting a race war and all I find is a race...spat? Or a race slap fight? This is really more like a group hug. What fuckery is this Pajibitches?
Posted by: greer at December 8, 2008 6:08 PM
Warm, gooey, sticky Pajiba love.
Blllllllurgh.
I think I just lost part of my soul.
And lunch.
Posted by: admin at December 8, 2008 6:23 PM
Ah, Pooks, I know. You may be ornery, but you always say exactly what you believe to be true. Why would you lie about having libertarian friends?
Posted by: Kayanne at December 8, 2008 7:29 PM
I wish Prisco would give ME an air freshener necklace :(
And no, damnit, that's not innuendo!
Posted by: figgy at December 8, 2008 10:08 PM
Liar.
Posted by: admin at December 8, 2008 10:53 PM
You wish it was made of pearls figgy
Posted by: admin at December 8, 2008 10:55 PM
!
Well, I never!
Posted by: figgy at December 8, 2008 11:32 PM
Pamale Anderson is slowly morphing into Melanie Griffith.
Posted by: wsapnin at December 9, 2008 12:05 AM
Yes, admin - but it's warm, gooey, sticky Pajiba love with rimming sugar. I guarantee you no one will be making a Hallmark special about this.
Posted by: Kris at December 9, 2008 2:19 AM
Well maybe not Hallmark Kris but I can't help but think that somebody might. Perhaps that small independent studio in California. What were they called? Visit....vapid...vi...vi...Vivid? Vivid? does that sound right?
Well, I never!
figgy it is absolutely adorable when you play the innocent prude with delicate sensibilities.
thats some killer facial expression prisco