Pajiba

Sundance Midnight Lineup:

Blah blah blah retarded fish monkeys blah blah blah boobabilly blah blah blah remake blah blah blah Ang...Angela Bettis? A new Angela Bettis horror film where she plays a badass fortune teller? Meaning an age appropriate role for my favorite actress no one else gives a crap about?

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

If necessary, I will personally finance this Oscar campaign. I'll walk the streets, play the dirtiest clubs, work the most obnoxious arts-hating theater programs, teach the snottiest bastards of Northeast NJ, even pop out erotic vampire novels like Pez. Surely I could at least afford a Golden Satellite nom by the end of 2010.

I blame this Tiger Woods brouhaha on all those broads that can’t keep their pie holes shut. If I’m a broad and some guy is flying me around the world just to drop the hammer on me and keeping my bank account full, why would I want fuck up my meal ticket by opening up a big mouth? I wish one of these ladies that comment here on pajiba would fly me out to drop my hammer on them, I’d keep my mouth shut, I’m just putting it out there ladies.

Stacey I think you have the top if not the best column here at pajiba. Sometimes you’re the only reason I come here.

Oh please, chihuahua hide would make a terrible coat. It would look ridiculous in her closet next to her jacket made from lost souls and her baby seal boots.

So does this can even fish don't need without Jason Segal? Banging Lindsay Lohan without have to use even want go look more like gills. Do not want. Also not even decided to splice can have. I think it go want even laboratory try without as far artificial Lohan.

Nicole, you could help out some one with a 4th of July fetish as well. The it would be win-win-win.

Guess Who.... consider your plane ticket in the mail....

I don't like the fact that JGL looks not-pretty in that picture. I don't want to see not-pretty pics of him. Don't link that shit without warning me.

I dunno, man. I mean, I like fireworks and I really like vaginas but sparklers have been known to cause severe burns. The damage from, say, a Roman candle or an M-80 in your chooch would be catastrophic.

No one else is intrigued by this fantastical KY product?

No! Nicole, I beg of you to reconsider. Think carefully about your beloved vaghooter and all the joy it brings to you and others. Think about the idea of mixing up some chemicals INSIDE YOUR FUTURE BABY CANAL!!! Can you say, "Worse than the worst yeast fiasco?" (There will not be enough Yoplait in the world to fix that situation.) Can you say, "What made me decide to open up a drive by chemical mixing lab and what is that sulfuric odor?" Can you say, "Holy Jesopus, how will I ever again invite a friendly Mister to my burned and dried out cavity?"

Just say NO to drugs in your happy places.

Look, it's not like I'm getting any right now anyway, so I have time to give this careful consideration. But FIREWORKS!!!

I don't want anything shooting out of my spam purse, thank you very much.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at December 7, 2009 2:26 PM

Now, shooting IN is a whole different story.....

Dear KY,
How fast can you ship?
Does this product come in Economy size? Or would I have to spring for a case.
Thank you,
Lwa'e'

Okay, sharing time.

I've tried the KY Intense stuff. One word: Awesome. Just use a little, jump in your car, and take a little drive down a bumpy road (no guy needed).

maybe......making love on a bed of Snap-n-Pops?

If I’m a broad and some guy is flying me around the world just to drop the hammer on me and keeping my bank account full, why would I want fuck up my meal ticket by opening up a big mouth?

Knowing that each one of these poitnless bitches is going to now get her own reality show, I just want to find each of them, and literally drop a large fucking hammer on them.

Repeatedly.

if i were an eskimo, i would avoid sarah palin the way... the way... the way something avoids something else that really sucks.

everybody knows that eskimos are always wearing those coats with furry hoods and everybody knows that anytime you wear something with a furry hood you look like a wolf. perhaps she's never seen an eskimo because she's shot every eskimo one she ever came across in the face from the safety of her helicopter? skimocide ain't no joke.

p.s., i'm not sure if the palin story is true either, but that winking fuckstick chaps my ass. hard.

p.p.s. and by "everybody knows" i mean "i just made that shit up."

Trouble: Thanks for the review. I'm thinking that my job might get a LOT more satisfying soon.

Jason Segal couldn't have fucked Lindsey Lohan, she weighs about 10 pounds and is made of twigs, we know he didnt fuck her 'cos she isnt dead.

I see I'm going to have to open an emergency Pajiburn unit. Get we get the blood donations going early?

I know none of y'all watch Eastenders(or most of y'all dont) but one of its ugliest monsters just acted all sexy then exposed far too much upper thigh.

If I suddenly stop posting it's because i'vevomited up my spleen

For the last few days Pajiba has taken ages to load on my computer. Every other site is fine. Is this happening to anyone else? UK people? Any of you? Or does God just hate me?

Used to be, fucking Lindsay Lohan was a prerequisite for getting your SAG card, or so it seemed. And herpes.

I don't mean to brag but if you're like me and you've got a good foreplay game you don't need lube. Lube is for losers.

heehee, LohanFly.

Guess Who!
Sometimes lube has nothing to do with foreplay. You can use it just for fun.
You can use it for a quickie.
You can use it for anal.
You can use it for oral (flavored lube).
You can use it when adding a toy to the mix.
You can use it when adding more joy to the mix.
Or sometimes you just have sex for a really, really long time and the girl goes dry. Yes, this is known to happen. If this is the case and they would like to continue lube is your best friend. Because sometimes, just sometimes, when you've had sex for that long producing spit is just no longer an option.

*makes note to date Deistbrawler.

Sorry DeistBrawler, but I’ve never had a woman to go “Dry” on me before. Maybe it has something to do with me being an attentive lover.

Or maybe you've just never lasted long enough...

Or been...ahem...dirty enough...

Whookie, I am a broad. A pretty horny one, too. Even the best lovers can't make me produce lube when my body's run out. If you wanna pretend like you're so experienced, you should at least try and get the biological stuff right.

I started Adventureman's post like 3 times before I realized that I hadn't had a stroke.

At Uni one of the girls on my course told me that she was getting frisky with her Boyf, he had bought her a 'tingle lube' as a present but left it in the car. Anyway things were getting hot and heavy so he just grabbed a tube of Bongela. She said it damn near froze her clit off but they screwed theough the pain and used it again for the next few weeks. She's a mum now. I dont know if the baby is Bongela related.

Oh she did use the tingle lube but it didnt have much of an effect, her taint was probably too numb from the dental cooling gel. It almost makes the film 'Teeth' worth a second look.

dr. pisaster, your issues go beyond the bedroom. I sense a lot of anger in you, that might one of the reasons you can’t get off.

DeistBrawler, that defeatist attitude you have won’t get you anywhere and it's really a turn off.

……and that ladies and gentlemen proves my point.

defeatist attitude
To what are you referring? I never admit defeat sir. I'm an Aries, a Man, and a Drunk. We never admit defeat. It simply isn't in our blood.

I think you have, for once again you've changed the subject.

stardust-

that is the funniest gottdamn thing i've read today.

pop rocks and coke ought to market that to wash the "killing mikey" taint from their besmirched names.

DB I’m not going to get into a pissing contest with you my good man. I just thought that you was looking for advice on getting the ladies wet, now if I misunderstood the point you were trying to get across I apologize. Of course you can get the ladies wet just by talking to them, you are a better man than me because I’m not trying to engage them bitches in any type of conversation, I just tell them I’m here for the pussy.

you guys! Segel was being ironic! he even had ironic condoms with him! too bad lohan stds pijata can brake any irony wall, no matter how thick.

Nicole, Julie, and LwaE if you made it this far in the comment. Also, anyone else who cares. The "yours+mine"/"his+hers"/"whatever" lube? Not worth it. At all.

Whookie's* argument style:
1. say something outrageous meant to make yourself look good
2. ad hominum attacks on anyone who disagrees
3. when you're argument is dismantled, pretend you said something different from what you actually said, despite the fact that everyone can still read the original comment
4. use sarcasm to pretend you're the bigger/smarter person
5. repeat as necessary.

*BSlim also uses this method occasionally

(score so far: Deist 2 sexual propositions, Whookie 0.)

Dude, I'd totally win then.

Can Make and just. Sorry , got caught up in the excitement there for a sec.

Wait...did you say 80%? Holy shit, Lwae!

DB, she wins.

trixie, I was told I could name drop so you may ask Trouble if you like...

bendiagram. *sigh* I thought I was done with this but let me just add that saying you've never had sex with someone over thirty is like saying you've never had sex with someone with experience.

Yes, I know you can be a master fucker with a bunch of experience under the age of thirty, but the older women...well...let's just say I would take an older woman over a younger one any day of the week.

Wonderful! Now my business is out there! trixie, totally true. (Goddamn it, DB!)

bendiagram, my love, most of us are under 30, dear.

No, no, Lwae! Don't run off! Come sit over here next to me...

Trouble, hun, I appreciate the condescension, sweetie, but.. yeah I have no follow-up. Just wanted to point out that that kind of talk can grate on a fella. Unless you were legitimately being nice rather than trying to exploit my previously-revealed "youth" in an attempt to make my opinions seem immature and unfounded.

*Sitting next to Trouble, glaring suspiciously at Bendiagram.
Hmmm. That almost sounded friendly, but I'm not sure. What does it mean when he wags his tail and growls at the same time?

I'm not saying to be experienced you have to have multiple sexual partners. Nor do those sexual partners have to be one-night stands. However, you may have a long term partner who can please you and know what you like, as well you may also have to look at the fact that they haven't tried everything that you may like, because they don't have to.

What I have learned is that with age, women have learned more about themselves. They know what pleases them and they are not afraid to go after it or tell you what it takes to do so. With the youth comes a lot of exploring and "figuring it out." Which, while fun, tends to get boring after awhile.

It has also been, in my experience, that the older women tend to try "new" things more casually then the younger ones do. Why? Probably because they've already seen or experienced all of the tricks you're tossing at them.

I find it funny that some younger men prefer younger women and then older men prefer younger women. I guess when you're young you don't have to worry about "pleasing" them that much because they don't know what they are doing. The same thing goes for when a man gets older.

If you haven't sampled the older ladies yet I say try.

By the way, I myself am under 30.

Let me also add that since when does being over the age of thirty reacquire lube?

What are you trying to say there?

I guess that being over the age of thirty reacquires Viagra?

Stress testes? As in 'Turn you head and cough?"

Bendiagram what are you talking? A 30 year old broad don’t even know how to blow her nose. Gimme a broad in her forties any day of the week, you gotta bring your lunch bucket for them broads because they know to work it.

Smokin loves LwaE.

Now, on to Bendiagram...

Just how young is this 'youth' you speak of? There's a vast difference between a teenager saying the the sorts of things you're saying (which, truth be told, are fairly insulting and extremely shortsighted), and someone in their mid-twenties. Someone in their teens I can forgive, as they still wear the rose-colored glasses of youthful naivete (except for George...we love you, buddy). Someone in their twenties saying it indicates denial and self aggrandizement.

Oh, and to address one of your more spurious data points, just because a system functions better does not mean a person has any idea what to do with said system, or with the system of another.

One final thought...I don't know if you're a long time lurker, brand new, or if I just hadn't noticed you...regardless, your judgment when it comes to 'side-taking' may be slightly flawed. Just an observation.

I’ve never been attracted to younger women, I prefer older women because they have that oh so sexy scent of desperation mixed in with I’ll do anything to please my man. Those young broads just want to club hop and get their pictures taken. At two in the morning I’m not trying to stand in line just to get in a club, I’m trying to put one of them older broads in a cab and send her home after I'm done with her.

We take our sex talk seriously in these here parts.

DB - you ever hang out at the Clermont Lounge on a Saturday night? There's enough experience floating around that place for everyone to share and then some. . . just bleach your clothes, after.

Lindsey I’m old school, guys like me run a different program. The broads I bring to my place know the score.

Deist I have had marathon sessions. Back in the day, when I was young. (Wait, should I say "young" or "younger?" I'm not OLD. I mean, I'm 39. Is that old? Nah. YoungER.)

The best ones, though, were sessions that involved a little bit of fun and then a little bit of rest and then a little bit of fun then a little bit of rest. Those shouldn't require much lube, if any. THOSE are awesome.

But the one time I was with a guy who just pumped away for what seemed like ten years, it was HORRIBLE. Why the hell would anyone want that? I had looooong since finished and had even moved past enjoying it into thinking about new ways to organize my closet. Then I started noticing the weird patterns the acoustic ceiling pebbley things made. Meanwhile, the poor guy is just pumping away with this mad look on his face like it's SO AWESOME that he can go FOREVER! Like AREN'T I IMPRESSED?

It's not awesome. It's boring. And he was good. Well-equipped and good. But there's too much of a good thing. Finish, for the love of God. Or get off me. Either way.

DB - Saturday night is better/worse than a weekday because there's a dj and dancing. More fun balanced by more douchebags. . . did you know there's an indie movie in the works called 'AKA Blondie'? Seriously. But my favorite is Porsche, because her peek-a-boo costume act is so freaking cute, how can you not love a grandma stripper?

Nice!

Hey, I feels ya Whookie. I get where you are coming from. Besides, you gave me a free pass for life, remember? I don't need to get all froggy with you. :-}

AvB you are NOT OLD!

Ok, Diestbrawler, Trouble has vouched for you! Are you interestedn in a woman that's on the early side of 40? And Lindsey, do you mind sharing?

Have we ever done a Gettin Busy Playlist Diversion?

I again beg this occasion we should.

Holy Mother of Mergatroyd....I tried reading some of this at home last night, and almost went *headChristmastree*. You people are frickin' killing me!!! I love YOU ALL!!!

And, on a late note, DB, my darling stalker, I am around those peak years the wonderful AvB mentioned, so bring it on down to dammitville!!

When the fuck did I ever say anything about thinking extended length of time was the goal? I've been with more girls who're into a more concise, well-executed sesh than girls who like to mess around for hours. Also, who can be bothered? I'm an unfit film geek who sits around all day watching dvds and playing Civilization 3, I don't have that kind of stamina (literally).

Ahhhhhh dammitjanet were I but to be so lucky!

Kick off 2010 with one of the best movies of the year, go Watch Transylmania Online for FREE in full HD without having to wait until it's out on DVD or save yourself $10 bux and avoid the movie line.

i was starting to suppose i may perhaps end up being the only human being that thought about this, at the least at this point i learn im not outlandish :) i will make it a point to examine a handful of various other posts soon after i get my morning caffeine in me, it is actually complicated to read with out my coffee, adios for now.

I just like the way you existing your viewpoint about that matter.

Any time I here on this, it usually is exactly the same. Finally someone has presented a different and important perspective.

Uhm... that was quite interesting :)

Uhm... I don't really know what to think... but I have a question I'd like to ask you in private, ideally by email. How can I reach you?

He is wrong. His debt becomes your debt when you get married. Also when you get married he can apply for credit cards in both names and ruin your pretty credit score when he doesn't pay.

Greetings. First of all - beautiful blog! Secondly this information was also good and interesting to read, but I don't think everything you have said is real truth. I will need to google about few things you have mentioned in your artcile to make sure. But anyway thanks for trying and good luck on writing other articles. P.S sorry for bad English, I aren't English native speaker.

This is an excellent article and I completely accept what you said. My business is trying to setup the Rss but I am certainly not very computer literate. Can someone tell me how I'll setup the RSS feed so I get notified of any new article? I highly recommend you explain it in an clear to see way as I was getting old.

Uhm... I don't really know what to think... but I have a question I'd like to ask you in private, ideally by email. How can I reach you?

Loosely petulant and exploit over base improvment

Uhm... I don't really know what to think... but I have a question I'd like to ask you in private, ideally by email. How can I reach you?

Ksiegozbiory stanowia swiatowe scheda kultury, jakkolwiek z racji na ograniczone dyspozycja szybkiego dostepu az do ksiazek znajdujacych sie w roznych bibliotekach, oraz niekiedy sposrod racji na odpad sila powszechnego dostepu do dziel o wartosci historycznej, podjeto bieg digitalizacji ksiazek. wewnatrz pomoca chcacy do tego celu skonstruowanych skanerow digitalizacji poddawane sa cale ksiegozbiory. Inicjowane sa kolejne projekty takie niczym swiatowa uporzadkowany ksiegozbior Cyfrowa czy Europeana, ktorych celem jest udostepnienie dziel literatury, sztuki oznacza to filmu szerokiej rzeszy odbiorcow.

Uhm... I don't really know what to think... but I have a question I'd like to ask you in private, ideally by email. How can I reach you?

Totally agree

Your place is valueble for me. Thanks!…

To start earning money with your blog, initially use Google Adsense but gradually as your traffic increases, keep adding more and more money making programs to your site.

As a Newbie, I am always searching online for articles that can help me. Thank you

admin sen insan misin la onaylasana su yorumu olum

good good…this post deserves nothing :( …hahaha just joking :P …nice post :P

It was my pleasure finding your site this morning. I arrived here this day hoping to get interesting things. And I was not frustrated. Your ideas with new approaches on this thing were helpful and a wonderful help to my family. Thank you for creating time to write down these things as well as sharing your thoughts.

You ought to really think about working on developing this blog into a major authority in this market. You evidently have a grasp handle of the topics everyone is searching for on this website anyways and you could certainly even earn a buck or two off of some advertisements. I would explore following recent topics and raising the amount of write ups you put up and I guarantee you’d begin seeing some amazing targeted traffic in the near future. Just a thought, good luck in whatever you do!