free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 12/05/08 | Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

duggarsbabyontv.jpg


Shouldn’t the Department of Immigration Be Getting Involved By Now?

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | December 5, 2008 | Comments (40)

OH MY GOD. The Duggars have done it again. TLC will be filming the birth of their 18th, count it, eighteenth child to be aired on live television. Residuals will likely be used to finance babies nineteen through twenty-two. (DListed)

Scarlett Johansson loves herself some J. Crew. (WIMB)

Oh, fuck off Gwyneth Paltrow. You can take your snooty little “helpful” holiday gift suggestions and cram them up your tight ass. (Celebitchy)

Canadian politics are totally the new American politics. (QuizLaw)

Here is an An Open Letter To Hayden Panettiere From The Internet. The internet says that Ms. Panettiere is long overdue for a sex tape. Really? (atom)

Rob Corddry talks about his new web series “Childrens’ Hospital.” (CollegeHumor)

The Onion has started featuring stories in which President Bush gets horribly injured and disfigured. I don’t know that “genius” is actually a strong enough word. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

Keri Russel gets all sexy with it in Details magazine. Dustin will be in his bunk. (EvilBeet)

I’m a big, fat curmudgeon who hates Christmas music with a firey passion — but here is, apparently, Christmas music which won’t make you sick and kill you. Hmm… I’m still skeptical. (Marra Alane)

And now, a quick interjection from Beavis: “Dung Beetle. Hehehe Heheheh Heheheheh.” (Animal Review)

This is an awesome idea. Finally your favorite wines and cheeses can find a match made in heaven. (CheeseCupid)

This totally made me laugh, as someone who also recently changed their relationship status on facebook. But at least I was lucky in that my ex wasn’t actually on facebook. (PA Notes)

It was the deprivation of icing and sprinkles which drove her to a life of crime. (CakeWrecks)

I’ve always had a prejudice against Chow Chow dogs, thanks to one time when I was five and my dog was viciously attacked by one in front of my face. But I dunno… This might just be enough to make me come around. (CuteOverload)

I haven’t done a Pajiba Love Friday Feature in awhile, so here is a documentary about sex called Ageless Sex. It’s kind of like pornography, only without the residual guilt and probably more boring:

Plus! I had to add this, too, because I almost choked on baby carrot when I watched it. Thanks to Rich at FourFour!

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


← Eloquent Eloquence 12/04/08 | Eloquent Eloquence 12/04/08 →



Comments

I'm not sure I like what Wisconsin's saying. My taste in beer means I'm tan and fat?

And get with the 20th century and give me a reverse lookup. What am I drinking with my Muenster??? Is that too difficult a question?


PACKERRRRRRRS!!!!!

Posted by: Jay at December 5, 2008 12:09 PM

Uh... What the hell? What the hell was that photo shoot thing? I'm aroused, but confused about my arousal. My body is going through changes...

Posted by: Skitz at December 5, 2008 12:14 PM

I am creepily fascinated by the Duggars...and so ashamed!

Posted by: Park at December 5, 2008 12:16 PM

I got to watch a pair of friends have an honest-to-God status war on Facebook after a breakup. The passive-aggression was MAJESTIC.

Also, for Christmas music that won't make you puncture your eardrums with a Bic pen, might I suggest Sufjan Stevens's trio of holiday albums? He might be the only musician who can write songs about Gospel stories without making me want to choke on a communion wafer.

Posted by: gatesong at December 5, 2008 12:16 PM

Keri Russell looks like she's been in Jame Gumb's pit.

Posted by: Jay at December 5, 2008 12:19 PM

That pug video was fucking hilarious. I used to do that to my dog all the time, but by the third or fourth "walk" she'd be at the door pissing herself.

Also, that Keri Russell photoshoot disturbed me. I think she's gorgeous, but in those pictures she looks like a drug-addled alien who thinks Amy Winehouse is the model for all human females.

Posted by: vikky at December 5, 2008 12:20 PM

Also, what does it say about me the the 1-800-SUICIDE ad on the Passive Aggressive Notes page only moves me to correct their capitalization?

Posted by: gatesong at December 5, 2008 12:21 PM

The Duggars are friggin' freaks. Rumor has it, when the wind blows just right, you can hear her buhgina weep.

That being said, does anybody wanna go on an Airstream road trip with me out to the Duggar compound with a shitload of liquor, cigarettes, nudie magamazines, R-rated films, non-caucasians, Norwegian death metal, and Jarts? There needs to be some serious reconditioning prior to the new baby falling outta that snatchchasm...

Posted by: Skitz at December 5, 2008 12:23 PM

Ugh. Keri Russel looks horrible, horrible in those pictures. Like she's been trapped in a basement without any food or sunlight for weeks. Ugh.

Posted by: tamatha at December 5, 2008 12:30 PM

The worst - the very worst - thing about the Duggars is the realization, and the accompanying mental image, of the fact that they have had sex.

18 times.

At least.

::dies inside::

Posted by: TK at December 5, 2008 12:34 PM

Skitz, I'm there. Not because I care about saving Christians from themselves, but because 'snatchchasm' is my new favorite word.

Also, my blog made Plove! Yay me!

Posted by: Marra at December 5, 2008 12:39 PM

I never thought that I would one day consider the hotdog/hallway analogy to be inadequate. Congrats, Duggars.

Posted by: branded at December 5, 2008 12:39 PM

"...of the fact that they have had sex."

I'm not entirely sure that's even possible anymore, TK. I think it's more akin to a County Fair bean-bag toss. Except replace "bean-bag" with eco-friendly water ballon filled with spe...

...huurk! (gaspgaspgasp) hu-HOOOORK! (gaspgaspgasp)...

Oof. I don't even remember eating Triscuits...

Posted by: Skitz at December 5, 2008 12:48 PM

OH. MY. GOD. Those Pugs just made me go all warm and gooey on the inside.

And the Duggars officially take the cake as the single most cray-cray family ever. My God, 18 kids? Seriously, at this point, #18 can pretty much do cartwheels out of there.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at December 5, 2008 12:50 PM

I see Mrs. Duggar and I can only think of one word.

Flappy.

Posted by: Julie at December 5, 2008 12:52 PM

Her best bet is to spend the remainder of her pregnancy wearing MC Hammer pants, 'cause brother, she so much as passes wind, that kid's gonna come tumbling out. Maybe her daughters could help her modify her ankle-length denim skirts - y'know, line 'em with plastic, punch a few air-holes in there, maybe hang a Little Tree air freshener in there...

Posted by: Skitz at December 5, 2008 12:57 PM

maybe hang a Little Tree air freshener in there...

As long as its not that 'fresh pine' one, it's horrible. Maybe she could do the husband a favour and go with new car smell.

Posted by: admin at December 5, 2008 1:07 PM

That "Ageless" Sex thing? Oh god. I am now sad and vaguely queasy. I... I did not know the tongue ages all wrinkly and non-elastic until it looks like a ruddy prune.

I'm gonna have to start with shots after work, now, instead of beer. And a good moisturizer.

Posted by: firedmyass at December 5, 2008 1:08 PM

Jeremy FeistSeriously, at this point, #18 can pretty much do cartwheels out of there.

Hell, I figured he/she is coming out with his own double-wide in tow.

Posted by: Drake at December 5, 2008 1:12 PM

I'm pretty open-minded sexually. "Be naked. Bring beer," sums it up nicely. Yet that video leaves me neutered. Bad news for wifey, I guess. Or maybe not.

I'm so confu-uuused.

Posted by: Duane at December 5, 2008 1:18 PM

Like the sleeve of a wizard!

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 5, 2008 1:38 PM

While I'm not particularly a Scarlett Johansson fan, I love her dress in the WIMB entry.

Stacey, please provide shopping info ASAP, as I want that dress.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 5, 2008 1:38 PM

Ten bucks on baby #20 in the Duggar prolapse pool.

Posted by: Kris at December 5, 2008 1:44 PM

puuuuuuuuuuuugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 5, 2008 1:49 PM

OH MY GOD THE PUGS!

Also - Keri Russel is gorgeous - what the HELL did she do to herself in those photos? I'm doing the pug things as I look at them. (Huh? *head twist* What? *switch twist* Human? *twist twist*)

Posted by: dsbs at December 5, 2008 1:59 PM

*high fives Optimus Rhyme*

Perfect.

Posted by: admin at December 5, 2008 2:06 PM

Look, honestly at this point Mrs. Duggars probably doesn't even realize Mr. Duggars is having sex with her. Shoot for all we know, he could roll across her in bed to turn of the light, fire her full of super-Duggar sperm, and she'd be none the wiser.

Because people, that woman has to have lost all feeling in her womanly nether regions. It probably started after kid seven or eight, and the loss of sensation just increased with little womb-monkey she popped out. Childbirth messes with your shit like that.

Posted by: Alabamapink at December 5, 2008 3:00 PM

My former neighbor is #9 in a family of 24. TWENTY-FOUR! They own a gas station/convenience store and everyone in our city knows at least one of them. How could they not? Anyway, 24 somehow doesn't seem as bad as the Duggars though. I think because they all have regular names that don't all start with the same letter and they wear non-ankle-length clothes. Oh and they're not weird. They're totally normal and all of the kids are fairly successful.

Fascinating story, Lainey - tell it again!

Posted by: Lainey at December 5, 2008 3:35 PM

Yea I tried to be open minded with the Ageless sex thing...I literally turned my head away when tongues were involved.

A thousand times yuck.

Posted by: NotBlonde at December 5, 2008 4:13 PM

I'm oddly fascinated and drawn to watching the Duggars, even though I disagree with almost everything they believe.

Free Jinger!

Posted by: Abe Froman at December 5, 2008 4:24 PM

Stacey - nothing can make Chows okay. A teacher of mine in high school had one that he brought with him every day and she was a lunatic hell-beast. That dog snapped and barked and chased anything that moved. Terrifying.

Posted by: Jeni at December 5, 2008 4:35 PM

That's sexy? She looks like a starved, dope-sick prostitute.

Posted by: louveciennes at December 5, 2008 6:27 PM

As an Arkansan, I hope the Duggars keep horkin'em out until they make enough for us all to get one free every year, like a Christmas-Bonus ham.

Posted by: firedmyass at December 5, 2008 6:44 PM

Fired, as another Arkansan, I am writing the petition to move them to either Oklahoma or Mississippi.

I do not want nor need that much creepy, fundamentalist, J-name ruining freak jobs near me.

At least they are in NW Arkansas.

Posted by: Melody at December 5, 2008 8:55 PM

I am deeply ashamed to admit I watched the special on TLC when the Duggars built their ginormous orphanage/group home for all their cult children. And there was a TLC-famous interior designer who helped furnish the house. I'm so jealous of her granite countertops and stainless steel appliances that it's ALMOST tempting enough to re-virginize myself, grow my hair to my knees, get myself some mall bangs, and marry the next Christan fundamentalist I can find and pop out a dozen or so church campers.

Posted by: Austin at December 5, 2008 10:35 PM

God I watched that too, Austin. Ugh.

Posted by: Snath at December 5, 2008 10:51 PM

Oooh I love ChowChow dogs. I hate animals but I love that dog. It's uglyhot. And it knows it. It walks around like a supermodel but its also hypersensitive and miserable. They've got the personalities of ugly girls that try to pass for pretty by staying skinny enough and wearing alot of makeup. Chowchows have a dash of scheming ugly head cheerleader bitch in them. Man, I love those dogs.

Posted by: ms shai at December 6, 2008 4:33 AM

It's somehow acceptable for the likes of us to just get downright mean about the state of Michelle Duggar's vagina, and it just doesn't seem fair. I'm from folks like that, those fundy full-quiver types, and I have fully and proudly backslidden, so I'm not here to preach that to anybody. But I watched a whole slew of youtube clips and you know what? The Duggars are just charming and sweet. They are soft-spoken and gentle with their children. They obviously adore each other. Their kids are not spoiled, do chores, and are responsible for themselves and their siblings. These are admirable traits and I try to instill them in my own children. So they look a little goofy to us, with their poofy bangs and long denim dresses. If the Duggars were Muslim, or Jewish, or whateverthefuck, I don't think everyone would be so comfortable with the shit-talk.

Posted by: AdaHaze at December 6, 2008 10:51 AM

Pardon me, but I am an equal opportunity shit-talker.

Posted by: admin at December 7, 2008 12:55 AM

Any list of not-nausea inducing Xmas music that doesn't include the Vandals Oi To The World has failed.

Oh, and I would totally shit talk the Duggars if they were Mulim, Jewish, Scientologist whatever. The only fun thing about that show is trying to figure out which ones are gay and which ones will end up as junkies (yes I have tons of fundie relatives) I'd much rather watch John and Kate plus 8. The girls remind me of the Bad News Breakers from Mr. Show.

Posted by: imk at December 7, 2008 7:00 PM