Pajiba Love 12/03/09

ABC Is Worried He's Going to Infect Us All

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (44)

ABC has cancelled two more of Adam Lambert’s scheduled performances after Gay-gate at the American Music Awards. Really? If anything, I would cancel him because his “music” is totally goddamn annoying, but since the rest of America seems to disagree; ABC is really just that stupid. (Litelysalted)

Leave it to the Brits to take Will Arnett and David Cross and put them in something besides some stupid christforsaken family comedy. (Warming Glow)

YES. “The Maxx” is finally being released on DVD, which makes me nostalgic for a time back when MTV had something to offer besides vapid stupidity. (Topless Robot)

Will Ferrell says that his dream role would be to play Simon Cowell in a biopic. Uhmm … Is it just me or does anyone else think that has the potential to be uh-mazing? (Cinematical)

Remember the bad sex writing in fiction contest I mentioned before? Well the winner has been announced, and it had about the same effect on my vagina as pouring salt on a slug. (Celebitchy)

Ha ha, I think this might be the funniest thing I’ve ever heard a band member of Motley Crue ever say before. (Agent Bedhead)

James Lipton did a series of PSAs for LG teaching teens to “think before they text.” Man, could I love that guy any more? Thanks, Sofi! (Jezebel)

Weird-looking actor extraordinaire DJ Qualls from “Road Trip” (and more recently a nice little guest run of “Breaking Bad”) figured out a way to lower his standards below even himself. (Celebslam)

I never really listened to Opie and Anthony, so I’m not familiar with this Jim Norton guy who picked a fight with Jesse Ventura on the air. But based on the clip I saw here, is it wrong that I wanted Ventura to put this guy in the ground? (Deus Ex Malcontent)

The Playlist has compiled their list of the top ten best films of 2002, tailored mostly for film geeks and overall snobs. (The Playlist)

With Meredith Baxter coming out, here are a bunch of other TV moms who might have had a touch of the gay. (Hairballs)

Three words: Mickey Rourke rapping. Is there anything this man can’t do? (Film Drunk)

If anyone sends me in a tip about this asshole who updated his twitter and facebook statuses at the altar, I am literally going to whip out a gun and shoot it into my computer screen. So here, I’m just going to link it now and be done with it. (DListed)

After yesterday’s header image and related “best bad movies” link, a few of you sent in Nicholas Cage-related clippery. So here is a “Not the Bees” remix and a series of Nicholas Cage Japanese Pachinko commercials, thanks to Lauren and lurker Erin F., respectively:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

I found the Mickey Rourke rap rather boring, though I'm not very well placed to judge rap in general. But it's not even a catchy tune. He's just talking, or swearing more like. As he says in the song

Rock 'n' roll motherfuckers,
rock 'n' roll

Rap is just an excuse for people who don't know how to sing to put out records.

That said I still love Mickey Rourke.

Posted by: barf at December 3, 2009 1:10 PM

James Lipton is the man. Period.

I never got into the Maxx. I guess I could go look it up, but then I'd be conceding to caring about anything MTV-related...and I'd hate to do that.

The bad sex writing was truly, truly, truly awful.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at December 3, 2009 1:22 PM

James Lipton is the man. Period.

I never got into the Maxx. I guess I could go look it up, but then I'd be conceding to caring about anything MTV-related...and I'd hate to do that.

The bad sex writing was truly, truly, truly awful.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at December 3, 2009 1:28 PM

I know that figgy is worried about my Lambert love, but I stand by my opinion that America needs to embrace the gay male Madonna that Lambert is so destined to become. Also his album is killer, listen for free here:
http://www.ilike.com/artist/Adam+Lambert/songs

My favorites are Soaked (written by Muse), Pick U Up (by Rivers Cuomo), Whattaya Want From Me (written by Pink), Broken Open (written by Lambert), Music Again (written by Justin from the Darkness) and Sleepwalker.

Also his cover of Whole Lotta Love is fucking awesome and Robert Plant is not an easy cover! So there.

Posted by: Mebe at December 3, 2009 1:31 PM

Also FU ABC/Disney! If it weren't for Pixar and Lost I would have boycotted your ass years ago.

Posted by: Mebe at December 3, 2009 1:36 PM

You are not wrong for wanting Ventura to put the guy down, as Ventura is actually a intelligent, thoughtful, kick ass human being and that guy is a major douchenozzle.

Posted by: Mebe at December 3, 2009 1:41 PM

Why didn't the Cybermen just kill Nic Cage? Do we really have to send the Daleks after him to get it done right? EXTERMINATE!

Posted by: BWeaves at December 3, 2009 1:45 PM

I've already watched NOT THE BEES!! remix four times this morning... I can't stop laughing!

I've GOT to set up a drinking game for that piece of shit movie, like now!

Posted by: Beckster "Tri-Tip Goddess" at December 3, 2009 1:49 PM

I will never stare at a vulva the same way again.

Posted by: admin at December 3, 2009 1:49 PM

What the FUCK, Nicolas Cage?

What the fuck

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Posted by: figgy at December 3, 2009 1:51 PM

True, that Will Arnett and David Cross comedy isn't another stupid christforsaken family comedy, but unfortunately, it's just yet another weaselfucking fish out of bloody water comedy, and from the first episode, the best stuff was all in the clips. Also juging from the first episodes, it look like it isn't really a Will Arnett and David Cross comedy, it's a that werewolf bloke with the jug ears from Being Human and David Cross comedy, using the word Comedy in a loose sense.

Posted by: cockroach at December 3, 2009 1:52 PM

Is it wrong that i want to watch the movie just cause he gets killed by bees?

Posted by: Mebe at December 3, 2009 1:53 PM

Mebe, you HAVE to watch that movie. The bees is the best part, yes, but oh there's so much magic and fucked-upness! It's relentless! Bear suit punch to the face! bear suit punch to the face!

He also roundhouse kicks Leelee Sobieski into a wall. for real.

Posted by: figgy at December 3, 2009 1:56 PM

it had about the same effect on my vagina as pouring salt on a slug.

My husband did that the other day.... the salted slug thing, not the vulva-punching self-splooging thing. Because ew. To all of the above, really.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at December 3, 2009 1:57 PM

Um, Shadows, I don't think denying yourself something awesome is really the right way to stick it to the man.

The Maxx is just awesome.

Posted by: twig at December 3, 2009 2:02 PM

Also, because figgy mentioned it:

Nicholas Cage Punches A Woman in the Face Whilst Wearing a Bear Suit.

Posted by: twig at December 3, 2009 2:04 PM

He also roundhouse kicks Leelee Sobieski into a wall. for real.

!!!AWESOME!!! That almost made coffee go through my nose.

Posted by: Mebe at December 3, 2009 2:05 PM

Chariots of fire and bear suit punching, is my new favorite thing. People that I am friends with will think I am a crazy person when I send that to them, I can't wait!

Posted by: Mebe at December 3, 2009 2:08 PM

goddamn why do my fingers want to put commas where they don't belong, and mods is their anyway we can an an edit function? My dyslexia makes me look retarded enough, it's mean that you won't let me fix it.

Posted by: Mebe at December 3, 2009 2:10 PM

I like to watch boys kissing.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at December 3, 2009 2:17 PM

1) I wish to be forevermore referred to as 'Oven-Mit Hot.'

2) Is it wrong that Carlos got my Cougar senses tingling when he put on the beard?

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at December 3, 2009 2:20 PM

Thank you Stacey! I now have some new quotes!

"Shut your fucking talk hole!"
"My Gorgon is watching you."
"It would be all rowrrowrrooowr, hiss, hiss....HISS!'

Posted by: replica at December 3, 2009 2:40 PM

Will Ferrel has not done anything uh-mazing in a while, so yes, there is potential, but no, I really can't stand to be disappointed again.

... Do I sound bitter? Might be because I watched Land of the Lost last night. How hath the mighty fallen.

Posted by: dene at December 3, 2009 2:54 PM

Mebe I too am an Adam Lambert fan. I actually tuned into AI because I wanted to see a drama queen with a tendency to dress in drag win the competition. I had to settle for second place, but damn, what a ride. And now ABC is cancelling his appearances. What bullshit. More people would watch then not, just to see what crazy thing he would do next. Stupid, homophobic ABC.

Posted by: Morgan LaFai at December 3, 2009 2:55 PM

Mebe must be one of Lambert's Sparkle Cows. I don't care if that Liza Minelli lookin' dude likes other boys. I do care if he sticks another guy's face in his crotch and fingers a girl on a stripper pole on tv. So, good for ABC for canceling that traveling circus. His career is dead anyways much like other AI failures.

Posted by: Dingle Berry at December 3, 2009 2:57 PM

ABC has cancelled two more of Adam Lambert’s scheduled performances after Gay-gate at the American Music Awards.

Who couldn't have known Lambert was gay, he's so gay, he makes Clay Aiken look like John Wayne.

Posted by: George at December 3, 2009 3:26 PM

Lame, take your self righteous crap and shove it. Who cares the only reason people freaked is cause it was dude on dude. If you're gonna be offended by sexuality, be offended by all sexuality not just gay sexuality.

Team Liza beeotch!

Posted by: Mebe at December 3, 2009 3:44 PM

If i was even AT a wedding where the groom was updating his fucking shitter and shitbook stati MID CEREMONY, let alone being the dumb bitch marrying his stupid ass, i would cut a bitch

Posted by: Nadine at December 3, 2009 3:45 PM

Gah! Adam Lambert looks like a fucking bronzed bratz doll in that photo, I"m gonnna have nightmares. Now all the sexy guy on guy action I've been picturing has been replaced by a freakishly skinny oompa-loopa dressed like Pete Wentz finger banging a pole dancer on stage (seriously, that happened?)

Posted by: the bees knees at December 3, 2009 4:06 PM

it had about the same effect on my vagina as pouring salt on a slug.

That might be the most horrific thing you've ever said. And I've seen you after four mason jars of Long Island Iced Tea, so I know of what I speak.

Posted by: TK at December 3, 2009 4:08 PM

Annnnd...then I just had to go and read the bad sex writing winner. Never. having. oral sex. again. If someone's vagina was staring me down I'd want to stab it too, and definitely not with any part of my anatomy. So, thanks for that.

Posted by: the bees knees at December 3, 2009 4:17 PM

Shhhhh, shhhhhhh Vagina. It's okay. The mean bad sex man won't hurt you. Aw, poor thing is scared. Come on sweetie, let's go find Mr. Stardust and make it all better.

Posted by: stardust at December 3, 2009 4:22 PM

there not their goddamn it, edit puh-lease.

Posted by: Mebe at December 3, 2009 4:28 PM

Wait, so my fantasy-boyfriend, Russel Tovey, is in that new British comedy? I'll be watching it then.

I prefer to think of them as blowjob-handles, BTW, not jug ears.

Posted by: Drake at December 3, 2009 4:41 PM

So I usually end up crying alone in my room somewhere around once a day, and today was no exception.

But today, it was from laughing at the awesomeness that is James Lipton.

Thanks, Pajiba.

Posted by: lolux at December 3, 2009 5:06 PM

The techno remix was kinda lame, but the Pachinko commercials can always make me laugh.

Posted by: MikeG at December 3, 2009 5:31 PM

You must realize that while plenty of classic MTV shows are finally getting put onto DVD, my life will only be complete when Daria hits the shelves in 2010. Expect a cult following of Hot Topic teens who will buy Daria merch' because it's confusing and nobody understands it. Welcome to the aughts, where teen girl protagonists aren't popular unless they're willing to be the lady slave to a pale dead guy or vain, prep school nymphomaniacs.
Come to think of it, I'd like to hear what Ms. Morgendorffer would have to say about today's pop culture, knowing that in lieu of showing Daria, you get to watch My Super Sweet 16.

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at December 3, 2009 6:29 PM

The vagina sees all. And it sees you too, you dirty motherfucker.

Yeah, you.

Seriously, that bad sex passage made me clench. And not in a fun way.

Posted by: redhead at December 3, 2009 6:54 PM

AvB had me at "Her vulva was opposite my face."
---
goddamn why do my fingers want to put commas where they don't belong

Posted by: Mebe at December 3, 2009 2:10 PM

HEY! Watch what the fuck you're doing with me, bucko, I SURE as fuck don't belong up in your fucking COLON.

Posted by: , at December 4, 2009 1:07 AM

Dear comma, you and your bitch friends (colon and semicolon) can rot in the fires of hell.

I don't know which anonymous poster wrote that, but it was quite brilliant and it made me laugh. Thanks for the nice bitchy surprise, I loved it.

Posted by: Mebe at December 4, 2009 3:35 AM

Mebe---I agree. The Adam Lambert record is really good. He recruited a ton of A-list songwriters, didn't he. MUSE? They have cred. Pink? Yeah, I like the record a lot.

Posted by: Mike at December 4, 2009 8:07 AM

Wow-- The Playlist writers sound like freshmen English majors; a little overwrought,a bit squeaky-voiced... egads. The review of "24-Hour Party People" was downright painful. I'd rather listen to Mickey Rourke rap. Hell, I'd rather listen to Paris Hilton rap.

Posted by: Jan at December 4, 2009 11:39 AM

I am all over this Lambert guy, I can't lie. If ABC doesn't want his gay he can bring it on over here.

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ABC Is Worried He's Going to Infect Us All

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