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Hollywood Isn't the Only One Who Can Come Up with Completely Pointless Sequels


Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | November 25, 2009 | Comments (41)


Stephen King has apparently gone mad with power and is planning to write a sequel and film adaptation to The Shining. I would have hoped he would have learned his lesson from that abysmal Talisman sequel. (The Playlist)

Ding dong, “Dancing with the Stars” is dead. Guess who won? Spoiler alert! It was a D-list celebrity! (Hairballs)

I’ve never felt any particular way about Katie Holmes (unless you count “complete indifference”) but hearing that she’s a theater-talker kind of makes me hate her. (Litelysalted)

Remember that delightful rapping video game dog from back in the late ’90s? Well he’s coming back! And hopefully on a Nintendo format this time, because I likewise am not buying a PS3. (Topless Robot)

The new Old Dogs publicity stills excrete wackiness like Chicken Tikka Masala out of your pores after hitting up the all-you-can-eat Indian buffet. (Film Drunk)

Some dudes recreated the “Trinity Help” sequence from The Matrix out of Legos, because if something can’t be done out of Legos it’s not worth doing at all. Errr, something. (Cinematical)

After last week’s fantastically stellar episode, I am pretty much peeing myself for the next “Dexter,” so much so that I’d be happy skipping the whole four day weekend to get to Sunday night. (Screen Junkies)

Here’s an interview with everybody’s crazy old German shoe-eating grandfather, Werner Herzog. (AV Club)

Oh sure, it’s all fun and games to fantasize about some impotent sparkly vampire stalking you, but when it happens in real life it’s not so sexy now, is it? (Agent Bedhead)

The London 2012 Olympics logo looks vaguely like an inappropriate “Simpsons” drawing if colored the right way. Yeah, I know it’s a stretch, but I’m also totally juvenile so whatever. (Celebitchy)

Burger King’s new cupcake milkshake makes me want to go into a blissful state of diabetic shock just looking at it. (Impulsive Buy)

The online social networking phenomenon has apparently started a “defriending” movement. I don’t know much about that, but I have realized over the past few years that I’m at a point in my life that I don’t need to waste energy on toxic people anymore. (Thundersquee!)

Since I don’t have near enough (read: any) Thanksgiving-related links in today’s Love, here’s a fun little “Turkey Day on the Tube” quiz. (mental floss)

So, how would you guys like to see The Muppets take on “Bohemian Rhapsody?” Do you, huh? Huh? Huh? I’m guessing you would very much like to see it, since no less than fifty of you emailed it to me between last night and this morning. Well this oughta hold you off ‘til Monday, anyway. Hope you all have a kickass Turkey (or Tofurky) Day!

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


Thanksgiving Diversion 2009 | Old Dogs Review





Comments

I don't really like how Dexter is going this season. I love Trinity but everything else is a letdown.

Actually Deb's okay this season too.

Posted by: becks at November 25, 2009 1:15 PM

ahh BJ logo how you make me laugh when i put you in the machine machine's slot. (ATM)

Posted by: jim of the lower case at November 25, 2009 1:20 PM

At first I was terrified of a The Shinning sequel, but at least King seems to have the right idea of how to start it. It will still be a total literary abomination, but at least I can pretend it won't be for awhile.

Posted by: George at November 25, 2009 1:22 PM

Cupcake milksha....

.....

gotta go.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at November 25, 2009 1:24 PM

"Here’s an interview with everybody’s crazy old German shoe-eating grandfather, Werner Herzog."

Spit take-literally, all over the keyboard.

Posted by: Nimue at November 25, 2009 1:27 PM

Abysmal Talisman sequel?

Black House was awesome, and I am boycotting Pajiba Love because you think otherwise.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at November 25, 2009 1:29 PM

I defriended all my relatives on Facebook yesterday, save for my siblings. Why? I got extremely exhausted by their constant need to comment on everything. Call me crazy, but there's connection here as to why I dislike attending family functions.

I'd rather stay compartmentalized.

Posted by: krix at November 25, 2009 1:30 PM

You didn't like Black House? I thought it was pretty good.

Posted by: Snath at November 25, 2009 1:31 PM

I'm a fan of FB's "hide" function. It allows me to tactifully ignore annoying people without the risk of running into them in person and having to explain why I defriended them. Also, the New Oxford American dictionary named "Unfriend" the word of 2009. I do not like, it just doesn't have the same ring as "defriend".

Posted by: Agente Provocatrice at November 25, 2009 1:49 PM

De-friending people is wrong? I thought we lived in a disposable society. Why would I want to read about some former lover's/high school acquaintance's/co-worker's breakfast when that information is less valuable than the wrapper my cheeseburger came in. That may sound harsh but when people you wouldn't even talk to for more than 5 minutes face to face keep posting which celebrity/athlete/sandwich they are most like, I have a God given right to smote their stupid ass comments from reaching my brainwaves, no matter how bored I am at work.

Thankfully you can't delete posters, or I doubt many of you would have to read my comments. Ha Ha!

Posted by: J Stride at November 25, 2009 1:49 PM

Y'all are way too serious. And to that I say...

Woot! I aced the T'Day quiz. Yeah, I watch too much TV. What of it?

Posted by: elsie at November 25, 2009 1:50 PM

You misused the word "ambivalent". It does not mean that you don't care. It means that you feel strong, conflicting emotions towards something. Your headline implies considerable emotional investment in one Katie Holmes. I sense that that is not the case.

Posted by: Jeff at November 25, 2009 1:52 PM

Apparently, that LEGO thing took over four hundred hours. FOUR HUNDRED HOURS. You know what I could do in four hundred hours? Here's a list:

01. Diddle myself inappropriately approximately 4,800 times.
02. Track down and set fire to each individual Statler Brothers.
03. Spend 16.5 days crying in my shower.
04. Have marathon sex with Sting.
05. Make 800 of Rachel Ray's 30 Minute Meals.
06. Track down the one-armed man who murdered Richard Kimble's wife.
07. Explain to Sean Hannity, in detail, why he's such a giant douchebag.
08. Create a giant, inflatable douchbag in my garage. Invite Falcon Heene over. Hijinks.
09. Double my pubes.
10. Make 12,000 Hot Pockets.

Posted by: Skitz at November 25, 2009 1:56 PM

People, this is why you do the Pajiba only FB thing. Tell no one else. Thank me later.

Posted by: Cindy at November 25, 2009 1:59 PM

I miss the muppets. I spent an hour and a half the other week youtubing Swedish Chef...

BORK! Bork...bork....

Posted by: D-Day at November 25, 2009 2:02 PM

You misused the word "ambivalent".

You're totally right, Jeff. Noted and corrected!

And sorry guys, maybe "abysmal" is a bit strong of a word but I was unimpressed by Black House. Maybe my expectations were just too high though, considering that The Talisman is one of my all time favorite reads.

Posted by: Stacey at November 25, 2009 2:21 PM

Oh man, I miss the Muppets so much.

"MAMAAAAAAAA....Mama?"

Posted by: Aislinn at November 25, 2009 2:25 PM

Is the Shining sequel going to feature some kind of car accident? The guy's been writing about that since it happened.

Also, I think we've been over this, but Twilight-stalking is not sexy in real life. It's more terrifying than true love.

Unless, of course, the person stalking you just happens to be your significant other whom you love very much and know will not kill you. Then it's sexy.

Posted by: Schlegel at November 25, 2009 2:30 PM

I stand by all my defriendings! I see no reason to be nice when I don't want anything to do with the defriended anymore. I feel like I have a limited amount of "niceness" and "interest in others" left in me and I'm not wasting it on the undeserving.

Posted by: king at November 25, 2009 3:30 PM

Yeah, I've unfriended/defriended people. But never to "get back" at them or anything as petty as that. I've done it with high school people I hooked up with, saw that they were completely boring/annoying and the hide function wasn't around yet.

I've done it with work people because, despite the fact that I TELL PEOPLE AT WORK THAT I WON'T FACEBOOK FRIEND YOU, they still send me their gotdamned requests. Nowadays I know to just ignore it. But at first, I felt guilty and accepted it. Then checked to see if they had a lot of friends. If they did, I quietly went away. One person noticed and asked me about it, and she was hurt. GAH. I had to smooth down her feelings, explain I didn't even realize I had done it (LIE) and re-friend her.

WHAT a bunch of mess. Too much work and too much drama, seriously. So now I'm really super picky about it. And I, too, like to be compartmentalized, so I use those customized friend groups like crazy.

I straight up told my boss, when she got on FB, that we spend entirely too much time together as it is, and please don't send me a request. She hasn't. I like to keep work and fun separate. Work is not fun for me.

OHMYGOD DID I JUST READ SOMETHING ABOUT A CUPCAKE MILKSHAKE?

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at November 25, 2009 3:31 PM

king Amen. Hell, maybe people will work on their social skills/being less annoying skills if they know people will defriend them/unfriend them otherwise.

I dropped a high school friend when it became painfully obvious she was:

1. still a huge kiss ass
2. still very into impressing others with money and material things
3. commented on everything all our mutual friends said and posted all the time, so I could never escape her, even with the hide function
4. still an inane twit who never has a single original thought in her head (typical status update: WHO INVENTED LAUNDRY! in all caps)
5. Very outspoken in her opposition to equal rights for gays. Very ugly about it, too.

That last one was the proverbial straw. Dumped her.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at November 25, 2009 3:34 PM

I routinely defriend people. Not because I'm childish or have a problem with them, but I have an incredibly small social circle and only like to have people whom I actually talk to and socialise with physically, know my personal business.
Plus, I hate this mentality of having like, 500 'friends' when in reality you've probably met MAYBE fifty of them, and those fifty are all at your current school and your relationship with most of them is fleeting, as in, in fact of the fifty you've met personally you've actually spent serious time in the contact of maybe five of them.
I think defriending someone is the same as being 10 and having your first fight with a friend and saying 'you're not my friend any more' then for three days ignoring them then after three days playing together like nothing ever happened.IN FACT, it's EXACTLY the same as that.
And the Shining sequel sounds sort of lame. It would have been better if Danny had mostly forgotten what happened with his dad, as well as his powers, and aged forty, decides to go back to the Overlook to face his demons regarding that winter. When he gets this, his powers, and the hotel, reactivate for lack of a better term and he finds himself being haunted by the same demons as his dad, only this time it's personal

Posted by: Nadine at November 25, 2009 3:45 PM

I don't own a Playstation in any form anymore, but I damn well still own a copy of both Parappa The Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy. Parappa on PS3? I'll probably continue my trend of owning that game but not the console.

Posted by: JapJay at November 25, 2009 4:01 PM

The social-networking phenomenon (facebook, myspace, etc.) has rendered the word "friend" completely meaningless. When all it takes is a mouse-click to make or break a friendship, then it does not really pay to work toward building meaningful relationships with other people. A friend is supposed to be someone you can share a comfortable silence with...just wallow in each other's presence. Someone who will lay himself/herself down for me like a bridge over troubled water, when "friends" just can't be found. I would rather have 5 friends like those, than 500 two-dimensional, virtual images floating around on the web...images of people who don't care about me, and who I can't care about.

Posted by: NG at November 25, 2009 4:52 PM

That Muppets video is one of the greatest things that's ever been.

Posted by: Daniel Hall at November 25, 2009 5:05 PM

I loved Black House. Not as much as The Talisman, of course, but c'mon.

Although I am of the opinion that it was really more a part of the Dark Tower series than a sequel to TT.

Posted by: neurotica at November 25, 2009 6:11 PM

Pepe the King Prawn FTW!!!

Posted by: stardust at November 25, 2009 7:20 PM

Put me down for Black House love as well. It wasn't THAT bad.

Posted by: Alex at November 25, 2009 8:00 PM

"You know what I could do in four hundred hours? Here's a list:..


07. Explain to Sean Hannity, in detail, why he's such a giant douchebag."


Welll, you might give him a somewhat cursory explanation but that's barely enough time to go into a really in-depth exposition.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 25, 2009 8:14 PM

The Shining wasn't long enough already? I tripped over my copy years ago and sprained my ankle when I misjudged the landing.

And a sequel to the film? Let's not forget which adaptation of The Shining King was pleased as punch with. Here's a hint: not Kubrick's gorgeous, brooding, molasses-paced nightmare factory with a score straight from the heavens and performances you will have a strong feeling about, for better or worse.

Posted by: Robert at November 25, 2009 9:29 PM

Wow. I hated The Talisman and Black House. HATED them. I hated the main character and Wolf (gee, ANOTHER idiot savant, King?) and the plot was pretty terrible. I just hated it. I don't even remember Black House, to be perfectly honest.

Posted by: figgy at November 25, 2009 9:40 PM

I wonder if the same people who always come up with shitballs retarded Olympics logos are the same people who always come up with shitballs retarded Olympics mascots. I mean, why punish TWO groups of 7-year-olds?

Posted by: , (just , cause I'm tired of typing that other shit) at November 25, 2009 11:53 PM

For everyone who walked out of WALL-E wondering, "Where's my cupcake in a cup?", Burger King says, "Right here."

Posted by: Tyburn Blossom at November 26, 2009 12:15 AM

Also, I defriended a girl after I broke up with her. It seemed like the right thing to do.

She didn't seem too phased, but then again, she took the break up in stride, too. And I've never been very good at the whole 'lesbians stay best friends with their exes' thing.

Posted by: Tyburn Blossom at November 26, 2009 12:18 AM

Umm, Black House is better than The Talisman. BETTER. I don't regularly read book reviews, so I'm not sure if everybody out there disagrees with me, but I'm sticking by it.

Posted by: Sean at November 26, 2009 3:05 AM

Black House is dreadful...a pale shadow of The Talisman..it's like they're two separate books in my mind.. Jack grows up to be of all cliched things a hollywood homicide detective, and he's unlikeable to boot. THat's just the beginning of the suck..and the novel really is a DT sidequest so to speak.

as for the Shinning (ya wanna get sued?) sequel, it has potential. Although as much as I agree w/ King about Kubrick's film, King's mini-series was no better.

Posted by: stryker1121 at November 26, 2009 10:52 AM

Robert, you just expressed everything I thought when I read that King was doing this.

I love horror as well and I admire your outrage when the genre is assaulted by prolific authors run amok and biased critics. Keep doing God's work, sir.

Posted by: becks at November 26, 2009 11:00 AM

For me, Katie Holmes just went from 'meh' to 'cunt'. I hate theatre talkers.

I can't wait to see the next Dexter, too. That was one twist I didn't see coming. Also, I've just noticed that Quinn is hot. I must have been too busy drooling over MCH in his Khaki Henley of Serial Slayage to notice.

I wasn't aware defriending was a Thing now. It's happened to me, but nicely. The person was just cutting down their list because their interests had changed. I had no problem with it.
But I noticed that Adam Baldwin tweeted the other day, asking what was the etiquette for un-following - should you tell the person, or just leave? He's only just started tweeting. I have a suspicion that some people started following him, noted his rightwing agenda, and let him know they weren't impressed. I'm not, either, but I see no need to tell him why I stopped following him. Not so much good (or bad?) etiquette, more, 'why bother?'

Posted by: tarn at November 26, 2009 12:27 PM

becks, it's all in a day's work. I'm committed to my genre preferences. If more musicals were made and more documentaries given a wide release, I wouldn't just be addressing horror. I work with what I'm given.

Posted by: Robert at November 26, 2009 12:34 PM

Wow, very diverse interests. I'm glad you're able to judge things on individual merits and find something to love in a number of genres. I love open-minded men!

Posted by: becks at November 26, 2009 12:48 PM

I tend to use FB for personal photos and what not, so am a little cautious with invites in the first place (naturally, Pajibans are welcome, one and all). Defriending makes sense if there are people who you don’t want to access all your stuff, and while there are options to restrict access, they are fiddly. A meat-world friend* rapidly acquired 600+ FB friends through a Mafia Wars group that he regretted pretty quickly. It would have been easier to wipe his account and start again.

I recently discovered by accident I was defriended without a word by someone I knew from childhood. No idea why really- maybe something I posted upset her, or maybe she was just winnowing her friends list down to a close circle, who knows? She had recently come out and our parents are still friends, so maybe she was concerned about tales getting home. If so, all it would have taken is a “please don’t mention any of this” if she was that worried (not that I would have anyway), but instead I got wiped. I was bummed about it at first then figured we hadn’t spoken in 20+ years anyway so refused to get knotted up about it. It was annoying though.

*”meat friend” sounds somewhat misleading

Posted by: Squirrelgripper at November 26, 2009 6:37 PM





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