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I Must Go. My Home Planet Needs Me.

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | November 20, 2009 | Comments (59)

I know this is going to be very sad news for you all, but “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” a television institution for the past two-plus decades, is going to air its final show on September 9th, 2011. Your move, “Simpsons.” (Yeeeah!)

Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest edition of GOOP informs you of what to do with your Thanksgiving leftovers, because apparently that bitch thinks that turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce sandwiches are too fucking pedestrian. (Agent Bedhead)

An extensive Tim Burton exhibition is opening this weekend at MoMA which will be running through April of next year. So even if you live on the other coast, you’ve got no excuse not to see it. (Atomic Popcorn)

Alex Trebek might be embroiled in some sort of sex scandal involving young Korean boys. Then again, he might not be. (Litelysalted)

I’ve never seen Disney’s animated Hercules (as many of you probably didn’t) but here is as good case for it as ever. (Alert Nerd)

Speaking of Herculean characters, the “American Gladiator” movie is apparently still happening. Oh, goody. (Film Drunk)

I picked up a copy of Stephen King’s new novel Under the Dome, at Target the other night but put it down after realizing there was no description on the bookflap. Sure, I could have easily just looked it up on my iPhone but I require bookflap description, dammit! Anyway, it just came out and it’s already being adapted into a miniseries by none other than Steven Spielberg. (The Playlist)

Ooh, last night was a “Ryan” episode of “The Office.” Speaking of which, but not really, was anyone else totally disappointed with the pre-hiatus episode of “Supernatural” (which I watched in place of “The Office”) last night? Um, can you say “anticlimactic?” (Hairballs)

Tina Fey spoke at the Ad Council last night and tore into her bosses at NBC. But hey, lay off Philadelphia, got it Fey? We happen to have some VERY NICE industrial parks on the Schuylkill river. (Celebitchy)

Guhhh … This review of Amy’s ravioli bowl is totally making my stomach growl. I love Amy’s deliciously overpriced frozen foods. (Impulsive Buy)

Because I cannot get enough of the trailer for MTV’s “Jersey Shore,” here are the top six “Jersey Shore” trailer quotes. But really, any quote from the “Jersey Shore” trailer is at least an honorable mention. (DListed)

Here are five reasons not to see Twilight: New Moon this weekend. Of course, this being Pajiba many of you don’t even need one. (Cinematical)

I don’t really have any words to describe the picture contained in this link, other than it hurt my heart. (Notes on Bar Napkins)

True story. I just watched Total Recall earlier this week when my boyfriend and our roommate made me sit through a double feature of that and Robocop, which I also had never seen. Anyway, it made me totally excited about this clip compiling all of the violent deaths in Total Recall:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

Jesus Feist. You are a twisted little fuck aren't you? Sad puppies, murdered Mexican, Happy fucking Friday everyone!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 20, 2009 1:07 PM

Y'know, Trebek has never denied any reports concerning himself and Korean boys... just sayin'.

Posted by: Spender at November 20, 2009 1:13 PM

Stace, have you had Amy's Pesto Tortellini bowl? It is edible heaven.

Mr. Kolby won't let me watch Supernatural. Maybe I'm only allowed one CW show a week? Or maybe he's just sick of me catcalling Jensen Ackles during the promos, and he's lashing out.

Posted by: Kolby at November 20, 2009 1:13 PM

Dammit, Jeremy. I'm going to come to Canada and get you for that one. I was having a good day until you came along with your heart-breaking pictures and shit.

Jerk.

Posted by: stardust at November 20, 2009 1:14 PM

At some point in the dimly-remembered past, I subscribed to those CNN "breaking news alert" e-mails. I may have been high.

I mention this because apparently the ending of Oprah Winfrey's talk show (which, you notice, won't happen for nearly two years yet) is important and shattering enough to warrant an e-mail alert. That's right, it was BREAKING NEWS on CNN.

Breaking news! Like a mass shooting or the arrest of a terrorist or a plane crash or a declaration of war.

God I'm sick of Oprah.

Posted by: Jerce at November 20, 2009 1:21 PM

It's not news, it's CNN.

Posted by: mswas at November 20, 2009 1:24 PM

I must get to MOMA.

Posted by: Cindy at November 20, 2009 1:28 PM

Perhaps the Oprah thing is related to this blind item from Defamer:
"This television star has gained a lot of weight over the past couple of years. Because this has been an ongoing issue, s/he has started seeing a therapist to get to the root of the problem. It turns out that the star's hypocrisy in living one life in public – and a different one in private – creates anxiety and depression which, in turn, trigger binge eating. According to the therapist, the issue will not be resolved until our star comes out of the closet. The star is actually considering it, but is worried about the timing of the announcement, and its potential career and financial impact. Will their career wither? Will their finances suffer? While we don't know for sure, we do know that a competitor who has done so is thriving in a similar career."

Posted by: Jiffyzen at November 20, 2009 1:29 PM

Sorry LyndsEy & Stardust! It was just one of those insanely sad and beautiful pictures I had to post. He's such a loyal and loving doggy...

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at November 20, 2009 1:29 PM

Goddamnit. Today's after work to-do list:

1) Go home
2) Roll around on floor with dogs, creating a puppy pigpile.
3) Give them double normal allotment of cookies.
4) Punch Jeremy Feist in the stomach.
5) Get loaded.

Posted by: TK at November 20, 2009 1:30 PM

BURRITOS THE SIZE OF YOUR HEAD!

Posted by: Jay at November 20, 2009 1:30 PM

Just a reminder, never click Stacey's unclear or vaguely marked links. NEVER.

Posted by: Cindy at November 20, 2009 1:31 PM

I think Oprah is really Mayan. She's getting right before 2012 hits.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 20, 2009 1:40 PM

You scared me. I thought I was going to have to take Alex Trebek out of my screenplay.

Why isn't that Burton exhibit in LA instead? Boo.

Robocop rules!

Total Recall rocks! And all those hardcore Philip K. Dick fans can stick it! ...Wait...I'm a hardcore Philip K. Dick fan. How do I reconcile this?

Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 20, 2009 1:41 PM

Jeremy, it's a good thing I can't view your (or any, for that matter) blog at work. Based on the comments here, I think I get the context of this photo. We would be in a fight. And if I ever do accidentally see it, we are in a fight.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at November 20, 2009 1:41 PM

Bye Oprah! Thanks for wasting twenty-some years and building schools for molestering girls. Don't let the door jamb detain your ass on the way out.

Trebek is a corporate slut, just like his mom. I have that from a very reliable source. (Sean Connery)

Posted by: admin at November 20, 2009 1:42 PM

TK: Please don't punch me. I need my body for work and stuff.

Whorish Mouth: It's not mean or awful, it's just one of those things that rips your heart out and makes you realize that Dogs are precious little gifts from God.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at November 20, 2009 1:43 PM

When I saw MoMA I immediately thought of my MoMA, not the NY MoMA. I suppose NY writers don't realize or care that every major and most minor cities in the world have a MoMA and including NY in the description might have saved a little heartbreak for us non-NYC dwellers? Damn it, I want to see the Tim Burton exhibit!

Posted by: Jiffyzen at November 20, 2009 1:46 PM

makes you realize that Dogs are precious little gifts from God

And cats are curses from the Devil. One of my cats would dance on my corpse. Then eat my eyes.

Posted by: stardust at November 20, 2009 1:47 PM

I like how Cinematical just assumes I don't subscribe to Tiger Beat.
YOU DON'T KNOW ME!!

Posted by: shamed in the shadows at November 20, 2009 1:48 PM

Re: Jiffyzen
Can't Oprah just buy heterosexuality if she wants it so bad? Whatever. She's trained her lapdog audience for this day going on 25 years. Just say it, girl! "I love da pussy! Booty Sweat!"

Posted by: Kballs at November 20, 2009 1:49 PM

I think Oprah is really Mayan. She's getting OUT right before 2012 hits.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 20, 2009 1:52 PM

Hi. My name is Robert and I am a representative from the newly formed People for the Ethical Treatment of New Jersey, or PETNJ (pet-en-jay) for short. On behalf of my one person strong organization, I would like to remind the Pajiba readership that not everyone in New Jersey behaves like the shining beacons of grease and hair spray featured in the trailers for the new MTV television program Jersey Shore. More than likely, as four of the six cast members revealed in the second trailer, these are actually refugees from Long and/or Staten Island, New York.

You'll find that many New Jerseyites are clean, suburban people not connected to the mafia. We do not only wear black t-shirts or white A-tees and we have hairstyles that do not stand straight up on end and double as a deadly weapon in a bar fight. Our women do not all have gigantic fake breasts, teased out hair, and customer rewards programs for intercourse. Most certainly of all, true New Jersey residents are unlikely to be the ones renting out a shore-house and spreading their legs all summer long at Seaside Heights; we prefer beaches not covered in broken bottles, semen, and medical waste.

So when you inevitably turn into the trainwreck new series Jersey Shore, please keep these aforementioned truths in mind. This great state of corn, tomatoes, cranberries, violent authors, and classy music stars thanks you for it.

Posted by: Robert at November 20, 2009 1:53 PM

I suppose NY writers don't realize or care that every major and most minor cities in the world have a MoMA

I don't know if anyone does. Not saying it's right, but for all intents and purposes, that's MoMA. I know I've never heard of another. There isn't one here.

Posted by: Jay at November 20, 2009 1:54 PM

I know, Jeremy, and that is exactly the problem.
Tears, tears, tears.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at November 20, 2009 1:55 PM

RIGHT. IN. THE. STOMACH.

Posted by: TK at November 20, 2009 1:56 PM

shining beacons of grease and hair spray

At first I read that as "shining bacons." It took me three tries to finally read beacons.

Posted by: stardust at November 20, 2009 1:56 PM

Just a reminder, never click Stacey's unclear or vaguely marked links. NEVER.

THANK YOU.

When will you people stop shooting yourselves in the same foot?

Posted by: Undead Abomination #768921 (formerly Vermillion) at November 20, 2009 1:57 PM

And cats are curses from the Devil.

To quote the late Richard Harris in "Patriot Games": I'm sayin this til I'm blue in the face!

Posted by: Jay at November 20, 2009 1:57 PM

Robert, just so you know, I'm not a state-ist. Some of my very best friends are from New Jersey.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at November 20, 2009 1:57 PM

The rest of the day shall be devoted to doing everything my dog, Hank, wants to do.

*Extra long walk - check
*Drive in the car with the windows down so he can stick his head out the window and let his big floppy ears flap - yup
*A trip to the PetSmart treat bar - you betcha
*Sleeping on the bed with me tonight - damn straight

I also am going to go and try to punch a squirrel for him, Hank really hates squirrels.

Posted by: ashes at November 20, 2009 1:57 PM

Goddamn you for that picture of the dog. How am I supposed to drive home with my eyes full of tears?

I'm glad I have cats right now. They'd cope much better with my death. They'd be annoyed that my lazy ass wasn't getting up and feeding them, but that's about it.

Posted by: DeadBessie at November 20, 2009 1:59 PM

I don't get it when people don't like Oprah. She seems like a nice person to me. She interrupts her guests sometimes. That's the only criticism I can come up with. I like her goofy laugh.

Posted by: becks at November 20, 2009 2:02 PM

...was anyone else totally disappointed with the pre-hiatus episode of “Supernatural” (which I watched in place of “The Office”) last night? Um, can you say “anticlimactic?”

Some people loved it, some people hated it. I could say this without seeing the episode or even reading about it online.

Posted by: Todd at November 20, 2009 2:03 PM

Re: Can't Oprah just buy hetrosexuality?

Well, the appearance of it seems to be an expensive item that one can purchase through Scientology. Just ask Smith, Cruise and Travolta.

Posted by: Jiffyzen at November 20, 2009 2:08 PM

Stardust - I read it as bacon too. But I tend to read bacon into everything. Bacon usually makes everything better but I don't think even it can save "Jersey Shore"

Posted by: Lulu at November 20, 2009 2:14 PM

Just a reminder, never click Stacey's unclear or vaguely marked links. NEVER.

Posted by: Cindy at November 20, 2009 1:31 PM

Learned THAT lesson, yes I did.

For the record:

FRAK YOU TWILIGHT! FRAK YOU LONG, HARD, SLOW, LEFT, RIGHT, UP, DOWN and DIAGONALLY. FRAK YOU FRAK YOU FRAK YOU for ruining the grand opening of only the second freaking Alamo Drafthouse in the goddamned ALAMO CITY. I'm so freaking irritated about this now. I didn't add it all up until I visited the website a bit ago to choose what movie to see during the grand opening and I was presented three lousy stinking choices:

1. Twilight (over and over and over again all mother frakking weekend apparently in four of the six theaters at this new location)

2. 2012 (no, just no, not even with my growler by my side)

3. Blind Side? (WTF is this? I see Sandra Bullock's name on the poster, so, NO. Not EVER. Shoot me first. With my growler)

@%(@*&()$*&)(@#*%&)#(*^)*(&!$^ This is just WRONG.

The most painful part - I'm a businessman and I KNOW the owners are doing this because it's a gravy weekend for them, posting their profit margin for their first fiscal year in their first weekend and it means my second Drafthouse will probably never go away. But :( BIG SADFACE.

Posted by: Lubeg at November 20, 2009 2:20 PM

Jiffyzen,
You think Big Willie is a homosexual? Big Willie Style, man! He's gettin' all up in it! He wears Prada. He, errr, oh boy.

Posted by: Kballs at November 20, 2009 2:21 PM

I don't begrudge Oprah her success, it's pretty remarkable from her origins that she has become one of the most successful women on the planet.

The biggest problem is her masses of followers who accept, without hesitation or an ounce of critical thinking, any advice on health, wellness, lifestyle, etc. that Oprah doles out. And given these legions of mindless acolytes you would think she could exercise a bit more due diligence before throwing her weight behind questionable and unsubstantiated fads and junk science that her millions of fans (many who have children in their care) take to heart without question and be a little more careful in the advice and recommendations she gives out (if she really cared about helping people, instead of just whoring for advertising revenue and product placements.)

Posted by: Yossarian at November 20, 2009 2:25 PM

"Trebek might be embroiled in some sort of sex scandal involving young Korean boys."

Hey, I'll take "What's Trebek Gonna Do Now" for a thousand.

Uh... What is YOU'D BETTER CALL MY ASS, TREBEK! IF YOU SOMEHOW BRING ME INTO THE MIX AND TAKE ME DOWN WITH YOU, I SWEAR TO ALL THINGS HOLY I WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR! I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD'VE JUST GONE TO THE COCKFIGHTS! I TOLD YOU WE COULD FIND SOME REPUTABLE PROSTITUES! HELL, I EVEN SUGGESTED GOING BACK TO THE HOTEL ROOM AND DOING THAT THING WE DID IN TAIWAN WITH THE CHICKENS, BUT DID YOU LISTEN TO ME? DID YOU LISTEN TO A FUCKING WORD I SAID?!

No. No you didn't. You were so goddam eager to blow the cash you made for all those stupid Colonial Penn Life Insurance commercials, you let your pecker pick your poison. Did you think about Jean and the kids? Did you think about your career? You've been doing that shit since 1966, Al - 1966! You're the king of game show hosts - the goddam king! You think Sajak blows fifteen grand to wrestle with oiled up lads? Shit... And the saddest thing? The saddest thing? That was supposed to be our weekend, man. Our weekend to decompress and reconnect with us. Like we used to be Al... Like we used to be.

Posted by: Skitz at November 20, 2009 2:30 PM

My name is Robert and I am a representative from the newly formed People for the Ethical Treatment of New Jersey, or PETNJ (pet-en-jay) for short...You'll find that many New Jerseyites are clean, suburban people not connected to the mafia.

Robert, while there may be salvageable people in your state, we members of Violence Against Jersey Jackasses can take no chances.

Step 1: Kill the infected.
Step 2: Containment.
If containment fails, then Step 3: Extermination.

In other words, we're executing a VAJJ code red.

Posted by: branded at November 20, 2009 2:34 PM

I get what you're saying Yossarian but I don't really recall much harmful advice that she's given. I know she let Jenny McCarthy on her show to talk about her book (which is full of junk science and retardation) but I don't recall her promoting it. I felt like she just had her on the show because she was getting a lot of attention and the subject was popular. I don't really think of Oprah as an infomercial for fads, she just informs the public of what they are for discussion purposes.

I don't even know why I care about this. I didn't realize I liked Oprah so much. I don't hold her personally responsible for the well-being of all of the viewers of her show, I guess, is the point I'm trying to make. I'll shut up now because this is even boring me.

Posted by: becks at November 20, 2009 2:40 PM

Hey, maybe that dog is just hungry. Maybe he is just waiting for someone to unwrap the dude.
OK, that was wrong, very wrong. But still not as wrong as ambushing the unsuspecting with those pics.

OK, Off to work. Toodles!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 20, 2009 2:44 PM

Re: Supernatural

It's entirely possible I was still too busy CRYING to really notice the ending. Damn you Supernatural, mother/daughter relationships are my weak spot.

Posted by: sarahinak at November 20, 2009 2:46 PM

I guess I need to see Total Recall.

Posted by: Snath at November 20, 2009 3:07 PM

What is NAMBLA?

Posted by: gp at November 20, 2009 3:31 PM

What is NAMBLA?

National Association of Marlon Brando Look-Alikes

Posted by: branded at November 20, 2009 3:34 PM

Did anyone else click on the Tina Fey link & get the banner ad for Sarah Palin's new book to pop-up right next to Tina's picture? Exact same facial expressions. Just so fantastic and unsettling at the same time...

(and yes, I'm aware it's no longer 2008)

Posted by: fcuta14 at November 20, 2009 3:40 PM

branded- Heeeee!

Posted by: Snath at November 20, 2009 3:59 PM

Robert, while there may be salvageable people in your state, we members of Violence Against Jersey Jackasses can take no chances.

Step 1: Kill the infected.
Step 2: Containment.
If containment fails, then Step 3: Extermination.

In other words, we're executing a VAJJ code red.

I support this effort 100%.

We all know what must be done. PETNJ will now merge with VAJJ to ensure the preservation of this great state. How else do we protect the export of Lady Gaga's new album? Our state economy depends on it.

Posted by: Robert at November 20, 2009 4:09 PM

Hey, just please don't google NAMBLA. Chris Hanson will eat all your food, and getting R Kelly to leave is just a bitch.

Posted by: mrcreosote at November 20, 2009 4:19 PM

...getting R Kelly to leave is just a bitch.

It's actually easier than you think; just give him what he wants. Bring a raincoat.

Posted by: Snath at November 20, 2009 4:31 PM

It's actually easier than you think; just give him what he wants. Bring a raincoat

Drip, drip drip...drip, drip, drip...

Posted by: Undead Abomination #768921 (formerly Vermillion) at November 20, 2009 4:34 PM

Add a viewing of Carpenter's The Thing when you're done w/the Verhoeven-'80s gorefest.

Posted by: Recondite at November 20, 2009 4:55 PM

Damn. A lot of people die in Total Recall. I was always so focused on the mutations of and the glowing orb in the nose of the Govenator to notice. That and the woman with three boobs.

Posted by: Drix at November 20, 2009 7:01 PM

Kolby,
I'm pretty sure it's the catcalling. He's just jellus of Teh Pretty!

Stacey,
nope, I wasn't disappointed (and @sarahinak - me too. Damn you, Kripke! *sniffle*)
I liked Mark Pellegrino's Lucifer, Castiel and Ellen recreating the drinking contest from Raiders cracked me up, and Mark Sheppard was awesome as Crowley (and now I know why he kept referring to this as his first screen kiss!) And the deaths were well-handled, and suitably sad/heroic.
Of course, my reaction could just be relief, because Jim bloody Beaver tweeted a fake spoiler that Bobby was killed off, and I was so happy that wasn't true. (Well, not yet). I'm gonna kill that bastard Beaver, though....

Posted by: Tarn at November 20, 2009 8:03 PM

@becks,

I agree, totally. If you're too stupid to exercise free will, you don't deserve it in the first place.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at November 20, 2009 9:03 PM

Just back off my friend Alex Trebek RIGHT NOW, Stacey, I said BACK OFF!

Posted by: , (just , cause I'm tired of typing that other shit) at November 21, 2009 1:21 AM

WHO CARES!?!?!?!?!?
To all the Oprah fans.... She has her hands in soooo many things you won't ever want for her for long
AND
To all the Oprah haters.... You will never get rid of her. So just suck it up and deal with it.

I am neither fan nor hater... I just don't care about her. And, from the look of this thread, it seems as if not many people cared about that fake crying goodbye that has stolen airtime from more tolerable shows.
Peace out Oprah!

Posted by: ha ha you suck at November 21, 2009 10:33 PM





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