This numbnuts calling himself a TV critic lambasts “Arrested Development.” You know what to do, kids. Sic ‘im good. Real good. (TVFallsInTheWoods)
Ally McBeal — great television icon, or the greatest? (WIMB)
If you’re dumb enough to pony up thirty smackroos to be in a Hannah fucking Montana fan club? You damn well deserve whatever is coming to you. (QuizLaw)
Who wants to see a totally staged crazy lesbian fight? By the way MTV, fighting lesbians still won’t get me to watch “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.” (Dlisted)
Hmm… I think think of a few people I’d like to give a 44 pound block of moldy cheese to for Christmas. Lock that fucker in the cell with Joe Francis, maybe? (Agent Bedhead)
And speaking of the holidays, here’s a list of gifts for that special child in your life who you hate. (Cracked)
Nutritionists, aerobics instructors and Jenny Craig are fighting a losing battle, because the American government is still doing it’s best to keep us all niiiiice and plump. (The Liberal Avenger)
Oh, fuck eating healthy — I wants me some fried chicken and waffles. You can practically taste your blood failing to circulate! (cityrag)
Adrianne Curry and Peter Brady are still together and franky, I’m as shocked as anyone. (Evil Beet)
Anyone else totally psyched for the “Always Sunny” finale tomorrow night? Well then, indulge with me in a little “DayMan” — after the jump!
I can't even come up with words for that first link. Well, except "idiot" and several hundred variations on the same.
Posted by: Mimi at November 14, 2007 3:58 PM
Ally McBeal...hmmm. If they were adding the show itself as an icon, I would buy it. For me, it was the nutty characters as a whole that made the show iconic. Ally was too neurotic.
I wonder if that USB doll comes with a ball gag as opposed to bondage mask.
Posted by: Brie at November 14, 2007 4:11 PM
I love the Colbert injection.
Posted by: Agent Scully at November 14, 2007 4:15 PM
Hmm, Always Sunny, there you've got four of the most villainous yet funny people in the history of television. Not ONE redeeming quality between them if you put them in a blender and tried to extract it.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 14, 2007 4:17 PM
Whozawhatnow? Ally McBeal? So... basically, to become a television icon, you just need a stutter and an eating disorder? Because she sure as hell couldn't act worth a shit.
I second that Tk, how that twit supposedly became such a high profile attorney is beyond all comprehension.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 14, 2007 4:39 PM
Barbado: I would assume that after seeing Cameron Diaz playing an orthopedic surgeon, you would understand that the term "suspend disbelief" means "forget you ever had a brain while you watch this".
Posted by: PaddyDog at November 14, 2007 4:50 PM
Oddly enough, I cut high fructose corn syrup out of my diet about a year ago (it's not easy: it's in almost everything, you have to read labels with the energy usually devoted to Ranylt's reviews!) and my incidence of migraines has been reduced by about a third. No scientific proof but I'm just sayin'....
Posted by: PaddyDog at November 14, 2007 4:54 PM
PaddyDog: OMG I had erased that from my mind and now it all came back, I feeling a little queasy.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 14, 2007 4:55 PM
Are we seriously bombarding that Daily Herald fucknut with emails? Because I just did. Aside from attacking "Arrested Development," he also used my bugaboo word, "overrated." As in, "It can't be possible that there's a quality show I don't like or understand, so these other people who claim to like it must be (a) lying or (b) too fucking stupid to appreciate the wonder of "Two and a Half Men."
Man, I hate that fucking word in a critical context. If something is art, i.e., inherently subjective, it can't be "overrated" if all the people claiming to like it actually did like it AND they're not certifiably kookoo. Otherwise it's just "accurately rated," and the commenter thinks the fans are idiots or mental. "Two and a Half Men" is overrated, because the people who watch it are idiots or mental. Note: A quality product can be "underrated" because not enough people have seen it and therefore it is appreciated less than it should be.
See, I told you I was cranky. My back hurts. My insides are all fucked up. Where's my goddamn Geritol? Where's the cute nurse with the party platform?
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at November 14, 2007 5:24 PM
PaddyDog me too! I had the hardest time finding good yogurt without high fructose corn syrup and then I stumbled onto the Wallaby brand which is just so delicious, it's almost illegal.
It's amazing how much H.F.C.S. is in food; all we're eating is corn! It boggles the mind.
Posted by: Agent Scully at November 14, 2007 6:00 PM
"...to whom I'd like to give a 44-pound block of..."
Sorry.
I had to do it.
Posted by: Danae at November 14, 2007 6:03 PM
why does it always take good food so long to catch on in the rest of the world?
oddly, i thought i used to have chicken and waffles at the waffle houses in georgia.
oh, well. i was still a young bunny in those days. it was probably at a friend's house.
now i'm hungry, dammit!
oh, and i really, really want the sushi chef training fish! too cool for words!
Posted by: bionic bunny at November 14, 2007 6:04 PM
I just find that poor critic pathetic. He seems so sure that he's tapping into the soul of the people and shedding the elitism of most TV critics. Actually, EVERYONE I know who has ever watched more than two episodes of Arrested Development thinks it was, essentially, the Second Coming of television. Sure, most of these people had to be forced to give it a chance and didn't even try until it was already off the air - but that perfectly illustrates that the problem was not that the show was boring, but that it was underexposed.
I'm currently getting myself through a horribly painful break-up by watching massive amounts of Arrested Development every day. It's almost ideal, except that it reminds me of how much the ex loved Arrested Development. What good taste that boy has ...
But hey, if we're really doing a bombardment of emails, I'm all for it. Idiocy shouldn't be condoned.
Posted by: Claire at November 14, 2007 6:46 PM
Hah, if I were that reviewer I would just feel sorry for the pathetic fanboys and fangirls that have nothing better to do than obsess over one reviewer's opinion of a canceled show. I really would have thought pajibans would be above such pathetically adolescent displays.
And I liked Arrested Development.
Posted by: Squarah at November 14, 2007 7:15 PM
Squarah, you can say whatever you want about me or my family, but when you fuck with Arrested? It's personal.
Pajibans? Bombard the shit out of that motherfucker. I'm not above being adolescent. If I knew where he lived I'd set a flaming bag of poo on his doorstep.
If we're bombarding critics with hate e-mail for their piss-poor reviewing skills, can we please direct some vitriol towards the fuckwit movie critic for the RVA paper? He's been spewing out crap for what has seemed like an eternity, everyone in town can't stand him, but yet Richmond Times Disgrace continues to employ him.
And man, those Japanese are A Very Special People, are they not?
However, we have started potty training my son and the tiger potty training cheerleader would be freaking hysterical. Hysterical as in my son would stare with fear and confusion at the little tiger babbling enthusiastic at him while he is trying to poop.
So maybe not so much a good idea. Definitely not getting the poop-flinging toilet. That would inspire a certain little someone to have play fun games with his excrement.
Posted by: Alabamapink at November 14, 2007 7:30 PM
"...If I knew where he lived I'd set a flaming bag of poo on his doorstep..."
*snort* *snort* *chuckle* chuckle*
I'm down, and just had a huuuuuuuuge meal, get a bag and a Zippo...
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 14, 2007 7:39 PM
"...I really would have thought pajibans would be above such pathetically adolescent displays..."
I'm not.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 14, 2007 7:42 PM
That practice stripper pole on the toy list: how the hell did they get into the Kardashian Christmas presents so fast?
Squarah, please do butt out. For one, the "critic's" remarks about AD show how off-the-mark he is on the the show, and the fans have just about as much right as anyone to call him on it. And two, while he may not like the show, at least he isn't acting like being a fan with passion is such a bother. Most shows would rather have a bunch of dedicated nutjobs rooting for them than some psuedo-snark from someone who apparently couldn't be bothered to care.
Somebody hand me a goddamn Charmin roll. I'm about to go TP crazy up in this bitch.
Posted by: Vermillion at November 14, 2007 8:20 PM
Somebody hand me a goddamn Charmin roll. I'm about to go TP crazy up in this bitch.
I knew you were fucking street-hard. That is just some gangsta-ass shit right there.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at November 14, 2007 8:27 PM
It says a lot about the writers and actors of "Always Sunny" that the characters could be even more selfish, narcissistic, amoral, and irredeemable than the characters from "Seinfeld" or "Dangerous Liaisons" yet still inspire so much love in my heart. And loins. Ahem.
Posted by: Geetch at November 14, 2007 9:09 PM
I'm absolutely not above bash-emailing a guy who uses "Dirty Sexy Money" and "much more of a hoot than Arrested Development" in the same sentence. Not to mention he used the word hoot in the first place. Hoot...Mrs. Featherbottom would be so sad.
Posted by: Django at November 14, 2007 10:25 PM
And where the hell is Jerce? My spreunzengleuben is less guhteurchenfleugled when Jerce is around.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at November 14, 2007 10:31 PM
Like most other people/Vermillion reading this site, I really really really reall really liked Arrested Development, yet and extremely angry at most of the actors that were in that show. With the exception of Micheal Cera, no one else has been in anything good. In fact with the exception of Jason Bateman and Will Arnett, I can't really remember the other actors outside of my DVD's of AD. This is not giving Will Arnett a pass, after The Brothers Saloman and Lets go to Prison, someone needs to save his career from himself.
So to make us all think about the good things in life, I would like to suggest a comment deversion devoted to our favorite scenes from AD, or some other Pajibian loved show.
Oh, and that guys a prick.
Posted by: Alex McQ at November 14, 2007 11:56 PM
brie, i totally agree with you. yes ally was annoying, but the rest of the cast made that entire show.
ally mcbeal is actually in my top 3 favorite shows for that very reason and regardless of how annoying ally was as a character there is no way in hell that she should be compared to meredith grey. at least the background story to ally's character was compelling enough to make her neurotic.
and this is where i'll get murdered. calista flockhart did a damn fine job with ally mcbeal, you can't dismiss her acting abilities because she was anorexic. i'm not going to play the emmy and golden globe card because god knows they're just giving them away now (katherine heigl), but if grey's contained even a modicom of what flockhart brought to ally then it would actually be worth watching.
there, i've said my peace.
oh, and i totally sent that tv prick some hate mail regarding arrested development, it really fired me up.
Posted by: citizen_cris at November 15, 2007 1:18 AM
man i didnt even check the comments section before firing hate mail.
i hope he doesnt take my email too seriously, or we may be getting an illegal alien as a new critic.
what? yeah. think about it.
also the 25 presents list- hilarious. i almost crapped myslef by the time i got to the clown
Posted by: MAx at November 15, 2007 3:46 AM
Is it very wrong that I want most, if not all of the items on the Cracked list? Seriously. If someone were to buy me the playmobile hazmat set I'd die a happy woman.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at November 15, 2007 7:07 AM
ATO- I swear I've seen the hazmat set at one of our local toy shops (World of Mirth!). As I recall, I just about busted a gut when I saw it.
Maybe if you are really nice, I'll mail it to Vermillion to bring you when he finally hops the pond.
Posted by: Alabamapink at November 15, 2007 7:46 AM
Alabamapink, I will try to fit it in with the practice stripper pole pee and poo toys. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Posted by: Vermillion at November 15, 2007 8:07 AM
And where the hell is Jerce?
You rang? Howdy, socalled.
Since some of you seem to find me indispensible*, I feel I should warn you that I will be going dark in the near future for an undetermined amount of time.
Relo! Woo-hoo!
*That's right; I inferred this from one comment by one person in one comment thread. Most if not all of you are in love with me, and I didn't want anyone thinking you'd been abandoned.
Posted by: Jerce at November 15, 2007 9:35 AM
Oh dear lord I want all of those toys (especially the pee and poop dolls.)
*wipes away tears*
Gotta love the Japanese.
Posted by: pinkcheese at November 15, 2007 10:01 AM
Oy, Jerce, I'll have to get some werkeunkschtennicht to mimic your palliative effect on my spreunzengleuben.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at November 15, 2007 10:15 AM
On a totally ancillary note, does anyone know the origin of the Lucille and George "American Gothic"? That needs to go over my mantle in a gilded frame, stat.
Posted by: starkweather at November 15, 2007 11:39 AM
citizen_cris, I guess I have to disagree on the All McBeal thing. I thought Flockhart was absolutely horrendous, and the range of her acting consisted basically of stammering, looking awkward, and crying. I'm sorry, that's just not impressive. I thought the show was awful.
BUT, that said, I also like some pretty shitty stuff, so hey, opinions, assholes, that whole thing.
I wouldn't mind getting a big block of cheddar for Christmas. What do you people have against cheese?
Posted by: Lannie at November 15, 2007 1:43 PM
oh no excuses needed TK. half my friends thought i was bat-shit insane for loving ally, but i can't help but stand by that blessed tv show (except the 5th season, it never happened as far as i'm concerned).
i should have read the earlier comments as well. i MAY have sent a rage-fueled email to the tv prick yesterday calling him a douche and implying that he might have a man-crush on charlie sheen and adore watching two and a half men.
i guess socalledonlycousins had the same idea in mind.
Posted by: citizen_cris at November 16, 2007 12:33 AM
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But...what the...who...WHAT?!
I can't even come up with words for that first link. Well, except "idiot" and several hundred variations on the same.