dane_riddler.jpg
Dane Cook Isn't Fit to Smell Jim Carrey's the Riddler's Green Farts

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | November 13, 2009 | Comments (39)

Aww, now this is just goddamn precious. Dane Cook is just putting it out there that if Christopher Nolan is looking for a Riddler in a future Batman movie, he’s willing to step up to the plate. (Screen Junkies)

Jay Leno has sunk to brave new depths of pathetic by getting beaten out in the ratings by “Spongebob Squarepants.” I AM NOT MAKING THAT UP. (Warming Glow)

Here’s some terrifying news to start off your weekend. Four words: Jon Gosselin sex tape. We all knew it was coming, yet somehow nothing can prepare us for it. (Litelysalted)

Good news: Harvey Keitel and Robert De Niro are reuniting onscreen again for the first time in decades. Oh, the humanity news: It’s for Little Fockers. (Gordon and the Whale)

It seems like Hollywood is running out of ideas for disaster movies, so here are eighteen ostensibly rejected disaster movie ideas. (Cracked)

Here’s a recap of last night’s “The Office.” I want Andy and Erin together more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. (Hairballs)

Ever wonder what happened to the likes of Tay Zonday and Chris Crocker? Well you’re just in luck, because here we have a “Where are they now?” — overnight internet celebrities edition. (Thundersquee!)

A new Brangelina tell-all is saying how crazy and dysfunctional Angelina Jolie really is. I’d be interested if I even remotely cared whatsoever. (Superior Gossip)

Daniel Radcliffe is reportedly a — GASP!!! — casual marijuana user! The saddest thing about this is that he sounds like one of those annoying stoners. (Yeeeah!)

There’s a new poster for Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland out, and Alice is actually in this one. What a novel idea. (Film Drunk)

In a new Playboy interview, James Cameron says that he never really wanted to make Titanic. That’s funny, because I never wanted to watch Titanic. Guess which one of us kept our word? (Cinematical)

Making smoothies is basically the easiest thing ever — you just throw a bunch of shit into a blender, and presto! — so naturally Yoplait had to come up with smoothie “kits” for lazy people. They do sound pretty good though. (Impulsive Buy)

Every time Carrie Prejean opens her mouth, the world gets a little dumber. This time she says that breast implants are A-OK because it doesn’t say anywhere in the bible that it’s not OK. GAHHHHH. (Celebitchy)

On the subject of fake boobies, is it wrong that I have a modicum of respect for Megan Fox because she allegedly doesn’t have any, and instead relies on “silicone breast enhancers?” (Agent Bedhead)

Aw, this is really nice. A posh Greenwich Village hair salon is reportedly giving away free haircuts to those who are unemployed. (Zelda Lily)

Ha ha ha, this video remarks on how uncreative Seth McFarlane’s new animated series are. It’s funny because it’s true:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

/tries to be less of a self hating organic hipster

WOW! that DeNiro/Keitel movie sounds GREAT!!!!

You know, people really seem to enjoy those Fockers movies, maybe we should reconsider them.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 13, 2009 1:09 PM

Ugh. Between Dane Cook, the Gosselin fuckhead, and and Carrie Prejean, this is Pajiba Love: The Puking Edition.

Posted by: figgy at November 13, 2009 1:16 PM

Okay, okay, Cook make-your-own-rumor thing there....that's much much worse than the McAdams thing. The McAdams thing just leaves me indifferent. The Cook thing lets me know that he thinks he's supposed to be funny...like Carrey....got it right, or something. I'm upset that he put that sad idea into my head.

All stoners are annoying. Well, more that they're boring, really.

Posted by: Jay at November 13, 2009 1:16 PM

Ummm...ugh?

To all of it. I am henceforth denying this Pajiba Love. Fie, I say!

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at November 13, 2009 1:17 PM

The Rejected Disaster Movies link is completely fantastic. I actually guffawed at many of them, which is pretty rare for me. I am a stoic and staid individual with humor balls the size of ant farts.

Posted by: Kballs at November 13, 2009 1:26 PM

Dear (Former) Ms. California,

Please stop opening your dumb ass/Skanky mouth. You are giving a bad name to an otherwise A-Okay State. Your asinine archaic ancient ways of thinking are not doing anything to further the progress that many of us humans are trying to make. When you base your ethical stances on what some dude wrote down thousands of years ago you make yourself look like a rube and it reflects poorly on the rest of us. If you continue to spout off we will kindly have to relocate to a state further east and inland, or maybe to Alaska. Maybe you'll find your soulmate in that little retarded Palin spawn. I'm sure you two can have some very interesting conversations about things that have nothing to do with reality.

Sincerely,

The rest of us in California

Posted by: the monkey man at November 13, 2009 1:28 PM

The bible doesn't say anything about blowing your boyfriend on camera, so she's got that going for her, too.

Posted by: Kballs at November 13, 2009 1:32 PM

First they came for the 8:30 slot and I said nothing --
Because I was never a fan of anything they put in the 8:30 slot.
Then they came for the 7:30 slot and I said nothing --
Because I was bored of King of the Hill.
Then they came for the 9-10 slot and I said nothing --
Because I was sure they would put something different on the air.
Then they came for The Simpsons --
And there was no one to speak up, because everyone was waiting for a fat guy to fight a giant chicken again.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Never forget!

Posted by: Jim Doggie at November 13, 2009 1:40 PM

Seth McFarlane is so fucking rich. I'll bet at least 1 of those "fake" shows is on the air in less than 6 months. Does anyone even watch the Cleveland Show?

Posted by: annoyingmouse at November 13, 2009 1:46 PM

I could have sworn they already make Bees; Holy Shit Bees and call it The Wicker Man. Please tell me the commercials with Nic Cage being chased by a CGI swarm of bees were the product of Delirium Tremens.

Posted by: Inaras at November 13, 2009 1:47 PM

Does anyone even watch the Cleveland Show?

Posted by: annoyingmouse at November 13, 2009 1:46 PM

/Religiously

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 13, 2009 1:50 PM

The bible doesn't say anything about blowing your boyfriend on camera, so she's got that going for her, too.
---------------
Posted by: Kballs at November 13, 2009 1:32 PM

Now I'm not all that up to date on my scripture, mostly due to the fact that it burns, but doesn't it say something about not sacrificing Solo to the slippery pink Sarlacc before marriage?

Posted by: admin at November 13, 2009 2:06 PM

Fuck me, a goddamned "smoothie kit" this is for the same folks who buy Goober Peanut Butter/Jelly in the same jar products. (that would be me) I can't be juggling all sorts of different jars, then there's the bread, then what? Like four knives?

FUCK.
THAT.
SHIT.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 13, 2009 2:17 PM

Hip-Hop Pteranodon. I'm in.

Posted by: laredo at November 13, 2009 2:25 PM

Seriously? Is anyone surprised that someone who participates in beauty pageants doesn't understand vanity? I'm not against breast implants, but I'm not religious to begin with. Why doesn't she just own up to it and say, "I doubt God would be cool with my decision, but I'm just so gosh darn vain!"

Do these people think they're gonna get up to heaven and get off on a technicality? "Nuh uh, God, Bible didn't say so!" "Oh, yeah, you're right. Well, Jeezy Chreezel, looks like ya got me!"

Posted by: pissant at November 13, 2009 2:31 PM

Posted by: annoyingmouse at November 13, 2009 1:46 PM

/Religiously

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 13, 2009 1:50 PM

So you find it somewhat boring and preachy but you show up once a week anyway because you feel some kind of obligation? Just like Church!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 13, 2009 2:32 PM

You know, I really didn't need to see J-Goss's man gut lopping over his (probably) Ed Hardy douche-jeans.
Just Ew.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 13, 2009 2:34 PM

So you find it somewhat boring and preachy but you show up once a week anyway because you feel some kind of obligation? Just like Church!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 13, 2009 2:32 PM


:)

It certainly feels like Church alright. I just keep waiting for it to get funny, it just doesn't. At least they can bring Cleveland back to Quahog and joke about what a HUGE mistake it was.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 13, 2009 2:42 PM

Fuck Dane Cook. Fuck him in the ear with a traffic flare until he forgets about wanting to play The Riddler. Then kick him in the taint just for good measure.

The thought of the mere possibility of him even thinking about simply pondering the notion of coming within 500 miles of being in a Batman movie makes me chest-tighteningly, homicidally enraged.

Time to take the Murder Tank by the dealership for an oil change and brake job, just so we can have it ready next time he opens his mouth about Batman. Douche.

Posted by: stardust at November 13, 2009 2:48 PM

Jim...NICE :-p

We all know that Family Guy is just written by manatees come on!


I will say this though, Robot Chicken did a great skit with Seth and he pretty much makes fun of his own shows stupidity...so at least he seems to get that he is a joke.

Posted by: Luke at November 13, 2009 2:59 PM

Dane Cook as the Riddler? What's next, will Frank Miller and Joel Schumacher write and direct the new Batman movie instead of Nolan?

_____________________________________________________________

Dane Cook: What's with the nipples, Batfag?

Batman: I'm the god damn Batman!

Dane Cook: That reminds me of that time I worked at Burger King...

Batman: Are you dense, or retarded?

Dane Cook: I called it the BK lounge so I'd get laid.

Catwoman: Look at my boobies!

Batman: I'm the god damn Batman.

Dane Cook: SANGWITCH!

(The reanimated corpse of Heath Ledger can no longer withstand this atrocity, he comes back as a zombie, and murders Cook, Schumacher, and Miller on screen.)

Ledger: Why so serious, Frank?

Posted by: George at November 13, 2009 3:04 PM

Megan Fox doesn't have fake boobs- yet.

Posted by: ShannonAnn at November 13, 2009 3:08 PM

Oh Heath! I knew my plan would work! Now we can be zombies together!!!

Posted by: Mary Kate Olsen at November 13, 2009 3:10 PM

Dane Cook is the funniest man in America, he has a magnetism of talent only myself and Michael Bay can match.

OBAMA'S A SOCIALIST!

Posted by: Glenn Beck at November 13, 2009 3:10 PM

That makes complete sense, Luke. During the Kristallnacht, Goebbels ordered the SA to spare the lives of any Jews who could tell a good Polack joke.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at November 13, 2009 3:17 PM

Wait, what makes for an "annoying" stoner? Did I miss something?

Posted by: katy at November 13, 2009 3:27 PM

The ending of last night's Office had me howling.

Posted by: Eva at November 13, 2009 3:46 PM

George, are you equating Joel Schmumacher and Dane Cook with "The Dark Knight Returns"?

Posted by: Jay at November 13, 2009 3:48 PM

Hmm. That's a typo, but I kinda like "Schmumacher".

Posted by: Jay at November 13, 2009 3:49 PM

"I'm extinct all up in here."

That's fucking funny.

Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at November 13, 2009 4:05 PM

About that former Miss California--since she was giving homemade porn to her boyfriend, I am 99.99999% sure that they were having sex. Without benefit of matrimony (otherwise, she would not be eligible to become MISS California). Doesn't the Bible say something about fornicatin'? As in, God doesn't like it. The line to stone that filthy whore starts here.

Posted by: True_Blue at November 13, 2009 4:29 PM

George, are you equating Joel Schmumacher and Dane Cook with "The Dark Knight Returns"?

Far be it from me to question the greatness of "The Dark Knight Returns," but have you seen Millers new Batman comic? It's almost as horrendous as Schumachers Batman.

Posted by: George at November 13, 2009 9:27 PM

I got a great idea for a disaster movie!
Out Dane Cook in the next Batman!

Fuck that. I wouldn't even cast him as 'The Piddler'.

Posted by: Odnon at November 14, 2009 2:15 AM

Thanks for that link, young master George.

It was Awesome...

Awesome...

Awesome.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 14, 2009 8:18 AM

When you base your ethical stances on what some dude wrote down thousands of years ago you make yourself look like a rube and it reflects poorly on the rest of us.

Posted by: the monkey man at November 13, 2009 1:28 PM
---
Amen! Fuck that "love thy neighbor as thyself" and "turn the other cheek" and "blessed are the peacemakers" shit. That's no way to live.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB), at November 14, 2009 9:21 PM

K, gonna say again, Seth Macfarlane isn't that bad. Family Guy can be really enteratining if you give it a chance, especially the early years. And have you watched American Dad lately? Surprisingly funny. I mean, really. They're doing a lot more with the characters than they did at the start. The Cleveland Show is patently awful, that's for certain. But 2-out-of-3 ain't bad.

Plus, The Simpsons haven't been funny in over a decade, so it's not like they are in any way better, and South Park has become so preachy it's like a weekly clinic on conservativism with cartoons (no, you assholes, it's not okay to say "faggot," ever, I don't give a shit what YOU think it means!).

P.S. Dane Cook is the toolbox of America

Posted by: Christian H. at November 15, 2009 4:37 PM

Posted by: Christian H. at November 15, 2009 4:37 PM

Christian, anyone who thinks South Park is too conservative is so liberal, they only vote for 9-11 truthers, and refuse to eat anything that casts a shadow, I've kept my trap shut for a long time on that, but seriously, you're too fucking liberal. And coming from someone who's hated Bush more than rectal cancer since '03, that's saying something.

And Seth MacFarlene couldn't make his shows less funny if he got Dane Cook and George Lopez to write for him.

Posted by: George at November 15, 2009 8:19 PM

Coming from someone who was ten years old in '03?

Riiiight.

Posted by: Hammerhand at November 16, 2009 1:31 AM

I would totally watch Alpacas with Machete. This film needs to be green lit PRONTO.

Posted by: popejenn at November 16, 2009 2:57 AM





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