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Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | November 12, 2009 | Comments (66)

Carrie Prejean went on Larry King last night and made a HUGE goddamn jackass out of herself, like she’s somehow earned the right to treat respected pillars of the media like the shit on the bottom of her crappy Payless shoes. (Yeeeah!)

And not related to Carrie Prejean whatsoever, here’s a list of people who would manage to survive the apocalypse. (DO I LOOK SCARED?) (Holy Taco)

That poor Swift girl just can’t get no respect. I’d say that Carrie Underwood pulled a “Kanye” last night but let’s face it, Carrie Underwood just pulled a “Carrie Underwood” because everyone knows that she’s a gigantic bitch. (Litelysalted)

Ruh roh! Mike Tyson punched out a paparazzi that got too close to him and now he may be charged with “assault with a deadly weapon.” Didn’t that guy have any grizzly bears he could have been photographing instead? (Celebslam)

Infamous television and movie composer Danny Elfman recorded the score for Benicio Del Toro’s Wolf Man but Universal is scrapping the entire thing, probably because they are huge idiots. (Film Drunk)

I always miss Harriet Carter Wednesdays, my favorite column on IBBB, since Pajiba Love goes up too early. So once again you’ll have to take your Harriet Carter on Thursday. (IBBB)

OH MY GOD. MTV has a trailer online for their new show “Jersey Shore” which features “four of the hottest, tannest, craziest Guidos.” THEY REALLY SAY THAT. This shall be the greatest programming on MTV since “Fat Camp.” (Warming Glow)

A new burger chain called “Fresh-N-Fast” is opening in Manhattan which is an obvious rip-off of the coveted In-N-Out. Whatever, if you ask me that’s what In-N-Out gets for not expanding past the West Coast. (DListed)

Here’s a list of Tim Curry’s 10 weirdest roles. Pshaw. I’d like to see a list of his 10 non-weirdest roles. See? Can’t be done. (Topless Robot)

Yikes. I’ve yet to experience anything like what this article is saying, but does anyone else think it’s true that porn is ruining sex for us wimmenfolk? (Zelda Lily)

Aaron Carter got the boot from “Dancing with the Stars” Tuesday night, which is a shame because I for one, was looking forward to the hilarious YouTube footage of him having a mental breakdown on live television. (Hairballs)

I know a bunch of you expressed fondness for Lady Gaga when I linked her new music video yesterday — but seriously? There is NO WAY this chick is only 23. You’re not fooling anyone, honey. (Agent Bedhead)

If anyone still has Halloween candy laying around, apparently it can help you lose the weight you gained from, uh, eating too much Halloween candy. I don’t know, it doesn’t make sense to me either. (Frothy Girlz)

Speaking of healthy dieting, Liz Hurley opened up about the secret to her svelte figure — just one meal a day and plenty of vodka! (Celebitchy)

Meh. Star Wars humor is generally lost on me, but I’m seeing this video all over the place this morning so I figure at least some of you might enjoy it:

ALL NEW! Star Wars Gangsta Rap: Chronicles

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

Here's something I thought I would never say:

Larry King tore her a new one?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 12, 2009 1:13 PM

I read the Zelda Lily article and all I can say is, Amen. She speaks the truth.

Posted by: Jadine at November 12, 2009 1:14 PM

I think Mike Tyson is a semi-retarded sociopath, but if some asshole was crowding me when I was holding my (entirely fictional) 10 month old baby, I wold rip the fuckers still beating heart out and show it to him.
So he gets a pass on this one from me.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 12, 2009 1:18 PM

Most of these links make me want to go on a twat punching rampage. Who wants to drive?

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at November 12, 2009 1:18 PM

Pinky: I've got a piece of shit Pontiac Sunfire ready to go. WOOOOOOO!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at November 12, 2009 1:23 PM

Hells yes, Jeremy. I'll bring my 90s mix CD. Color Me Badd, woot woot!

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at November 12, 2009 1:27 PM

*crosses fingers*

Please let AvB be on Jersey Shore..Please let AvB be on Jersey Shore..Please let AvB be on Jersey Shore..Please let AvB be on Jersey Shore..

Posted by: admin at November 12, 2009 1:28 PM

their new show “Jersey Shore”

Oh, fuck me. Right in the goddamn ear.

I'm moving. Who wants me? (To live with them, I mean. I mean, obviously y'all want me "that way", but I'm just talking about getting the hell out, before this gets any worse.)

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at November 12, 2009 1:28 PM

Carrie Prejean went on Larry King last night and made HUGE goddamn jackass out of herself

So how is this any different than any of her other media appearances?

Posted by: henchman for hire at November 12, 2009 1:29 PM

That Zeldalily article was pretty funny. Especially this:

"Why, a friend of Williams asked, would the man she was dating remove his dick during sex, only to thump her with it?"

Ha! And SERIOUSLY. That is such a stupid porn move.

Posted by: Julie at November 12, 2009 1:29 PM

AMEN Zelda Lily! Its one thing to have crazy, turn-off-your-feelings sex with a stranger (you naughty freaks), but with your spouse, nothing is more degrading (IMHO) than wanting to splooge all over them. I'm sorry, was the ring not enough of a marking, you drippy caveman?

Posted by: Patty O'Green at November 12, 2009 1:30 PM

Admin, you were quite prescient right there :)

Posted by: Julie at November 12, 2009 1:33 PM

Tim Curry's 10 non-weirdest roles:

1. J in "Three Men in a Boat"
2. Russian sailor in "Hunt for Red October"
3. The Butler Didit in "Clue"
4. um, um, um, it'll come to me, um

Posted by: BWeaves at November 12, 2009 1:33 PM

Carrie Prejean should just go ahead and jump right into porn. It's her only career choice left at this point.

Posted by: Fredo at November 12, 2009 1:35 PM

Don't worry, AVB, Pinky and I will pick you up on our Twat-Punching expedition.

And Julie, believe me, even we know it's ridiculous. For the most part, sex in porn loos better than it feels, although I totally lucked out and got the best of both worlds. But yeah, trust me, even we think the dick-thumping thing is kinda totally fucking stupid.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at November 12, 2009 1:37 PM

OH GOD what delicate flowers these Pajibettes, any healthy marriage REQUIRES that the female take it the splooge bath AND swallowing, followed immediately by oral stimulation and anal penetration. If you're not doing these things? YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG ladies.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 12, 2009 1:37 PM

Why is Danny Elfman infamous?

Posted by: Cindy at November 12, 2009 1:41 PM

Lady Gag insults freshfaced 23 year olds like me, lying and pretending she's my age. Bitch.
If she's 23? She's also FEMALE

Posted by: Nadine at November 12, 2009 1:41 PM

...the secret to her svelte figure — just one meal a day and plenty of vodka!

I call bullshit. I'm drunk and forget to eat 90 percent of the time.

Posted by: Skitz at November 12, 2009 1:42 PM

Hee Jeremy. The dick thump and the cooch slap porn moves are kind of similar...they look hot, but they don't really do much of anything.

And I am now naming my band Julie and the Cooch Slaps.

Posted by: Julie at November 12, 2009 1:43 PM

I know porn has ruined sex for me. I can't come without screaming "Fuck my hot cunt."

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at November 12, 2009 1:44 PM

Lady Gaga:
She's a MAN, BABY!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 12, 2009 1:45 PM

BSlim:

Real conversation, in the restroom, in my highschool, oh, years ago.

K: What if a boy has his you know what in my mouth and he pees in it?

G: Then you're doing it wrong.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 12, 2009 1:46 PM

Tracer just slayed me with that comment. I literally cackled.

Posted by: Skewicide Blonde at November 12, 2009 1:47 PM

I always thought the dick-thump was a subtle way of communication - a modified Morse Code, if you will, signaling to the recipient of the dick-thump "Hey, I'm having a wonderful time - thump thump - but I'm about to do my business here - thump thump - and was wondering if you'd like to go get a bite to eat - thump thump - after we finish this scene? By the way - thump thump - I like the way you did your hair - thump - today."

It makes sense, if you really think about it...

Posted by: Skitz at November 12, 2009 1:47 PM

Lindsey, I am chock full of cold and sneezing all over myself. I just laughed so hard at you that there are now bogies EVERYWHERE. THANKS FOR INFECTING EVERYONE WITH MY GROSS ILLNESS LINDSEY!

Posted by: Nadine at November 12, 2009 1:49 PM

TRACER! Heeeeeeee.

Posted by: Julie at November 12, 2009 1:49 PM

Oh that Carrie Prejean thing! BWAAAAAAAA-HAHAHAH...

Seriously, if you didn't click it, scroll back up and click it.

Posted by: Jerce at November 12, 2009 1:51 PM

Apparently, Julie, AvB and I are syncing up.

I would also like to question the merit of the cheek-bulge face-slap. Is that how women get rid of those pesky frown lines?

Posted by: admin at November 12, 2009 1:54 PM

BWeaves,

how bout the hotel manager from Home Alone 2?

Posted by: Alex at November 12, 2009 1:54 PM

Never fake an Orgasm. Never. Faking reinforces entirely the wrong behavior. You wouldn't give a biscuit to a dog for crapping on the rug would you? Dude needs to know what's up. Edumacate him or cut his bitch-ass loose.
Besides, I think one needs to differentiate between good old fashioned hot dirty fucking and 'lovemaking'. A little porn inspiration can be great for the former, not so much for the latter.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 12, 2009 1:55 PM

Nadine: Glad I could help. For christs sake get a tissue, bitch! :-}

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 12, 2009 1:58 PM

Carrie Prejean seriously makes me want to stab my eyes out with a fucking fork. Wait. No. Scratch that. Carrie Prejean makes me want to stab HER eyes out with a fucking fork.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 12, 2009 1:59 PM

OH GOD what delicate flowers these Pajibettes, any healthy marriage REQUIRES that the female take it the splooge bath AND swallowing, followed immediately by oral stimulation and anal penetration. If you're not doing these things? YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG ladies.

You forgot to add that after all that, he needs a sandwich and a few hours of quiet time.

Posted by: Fredo at November 12, 2009 2:04 PM

Yay! The Pink Hulk came back! Now pay attention everyone, this is how you REALLY have sex...*Cue Peaches' Fuck The Pain Away*

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at November 12, 2009 2:08 PM

Yes, take notes, youngsters, for the time of reckoning is at hand. When you put Jeremy's film cred with my street cred, you have a recipe for some pretty explosive sex, the likes of which only perhaps Dustin and Ryan would understand.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 12, 2009 2:11 PM

"When you put Jeremy's film cred with my street cred, you have a recipe for some pretty explosive sex..."

Especially when you throw in my knowledge of explosives and fondness of gasoline.

Posted by: Skitz at November 12, 2009 2:18 PM

Thanks and all, Hulk, but you and Fiest enjoy a particular brand of lovemaking and I'd just as soon avoid explosive anal sex. It's a cleanliness issue.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at November 12, 2009 2:22 PM

Here's something I thought I would never say:
Larry King tore her a new one?
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 12, 2009 1:13 PM

- Wouldn't she need to have one in the first place to have "a new one" ripped?

Posted by: Odnon at November 12, 2009 2:24 PM

This is the best thread EVER.

Also, I'm now taking bets on how long before Carrie Prejean poses for Playboy.

I say 2 months.

Posted by: figgy at November 12, 2009 2:24 PM

You forgot to add that after all that, he needs a sandwich and a few hours of quiet time.

Posted by: Fredo at November 12, 2009 2:04 PM

Speak for yourself.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 12, 2009 2:27 PM

Figgy:
That bitch is going to be in Hustler by then.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 12, 2009 2:28 PM

And, OK, I may not know much about country music but how in the hell is Taylor Swift considered a country singer? Why? She's the blonde, squinty-eyed version of Hannah Montana for crying out loud.

Posted by: figgy at November 12, 2009 2:29 PM

It's generally not so well known but, Jeremy and TPH can roast a pig. Literally, they turn the poor bitch and everything. Without using their hands.

Posted by: admin at November 12, 2009 2:30 PM

I always thought the dick-thump was a subtle way of communication - a modified Morse Code, if you will, signaling to the recipient of the dick-thump "Hey, I'm having a wonderful time - thump thump - but I'm about to do my business here - thump thump - and was wondering if you'd like to go get a bite to eat - thump thump - after we finish this scene? By the way - thump thump - I like the way you did your hair - thump - today."

It makes sense, if you really think about it...

Posted by: Skitz at November 12, 2009 1:47 PM
_______________________________________________
I'm laughing so hard at my desk, my co-workers are coming to see if I'm okay. That comment needs to make it into EE next week.

Posted by: Jadine at November 12, 2009 2:34 PM

Lindsey, I only use tissues to fill with my disease and hurl at people like a water balloon full of FAIL

Posted by: Nadine at November 12, 2009 2:42 PM

admin: Oddly enough, that was pretty much the money shot for my last shoot. Only instead of a pig, it was me. Anyhoodle, time to ride TPH like a big, sexy mechanical bull. Skitz, on my mark, set off the C4. We're gonna blow this mother right the fuck up.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at November 12, 2009 2:47 PM

Goddamnit!!!!

*throws out female face and boobs target, K-Y moisturizer, dick pump, and "How to Fuck Your Bitch Like a Damned Bitch" instructional video*

Posted by: Kballs at November 12, 2009 2:56 PM

Real conversation, in the restroom, in my highschool, oh, years ago.

K: What if a boy has his you know what in my mouth and he pees in it?

G: Then you're doing it wrong.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 12, 2009 1:46 PM


Right. Because that neeeeever happens.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 12, 2009 3:31 PM

Better answer:
You charge an extra $50.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 12, 2009 3:50 PM

Sorry Fig, but you have to revise your EE nominations on the strength of this thread alone

Somehow, whenever I see Princess Jesus Boobies I just know we are all doomed. But so long as she is on the beach when the 200 metre wall of water hits, I'm kinda ok with that.

Posted by: Squirrelgripper at November 12, 2009 4:12 PM

I thought that "cock thumping" was that shitty '90's song that Oompa Loompa did?
"Oooooh, Danny Boy, blast me anal..
I get knocked up, 'cause I'm a slut again,
blah blah fuckin' blah"

Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at November 12, 2009 4:19 PM

Oh admin....to be spit-roasted again. I've not done that since college.

Jeremy, are we gonna have a professional crew film this for our "Anal for Dummies" series or are we just gonna go on ahead and do this Xtube style: "Feist and the Hulk Doing What They Do Best?" You can be the college student who struck out with his girlfriend and I can be the understanding (and horny) basketball coach working late when you come in to shoot hoops and blow off some...um...steam.

This actually makes me think...what if Pajiba had a contest to see which Eloquent could write the best porn story (or erotica, for you classy ladies)?

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 12, 2009 4:19 PM

"Oooooh, Danny Boy, blast me anal..
I get knocked up, 'cause I'm a slut again,
blah blah fuckin' blah"

You don't get pregnant from doin' it in the poop chute!

Posted by: MM at November 12, 2009 4:35 PM

Oh the silly stuff in those adult flicks. They are bananas. All that spitting and playing with their spit (whatever happened to discreetly licking your fingers, then fixing things?), all this weiner thumping, beef curtain slapping (I actually got perplexed by that thinking "hey, does that do anything?" It does not). Spitting, spitting, more spitting, getting e coli, even BITING AND SLAPPING OF BALLS (I don't have any but that CANNOT feel good), not to mention the old facial standby. And good LORD with the random switching out of orifices--INFECTIONS, PEOPLE. INFECTIONS.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at November 12, 2009 4:50 PM

Ladies and Gentlemen:
Snuggiepants: Middle school teacher.

I am trying to imagine my teachers saying or even thinking stuff like this. Holy god.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 12, 2009 4:58 PM

And good LORD with the random switching out of orifices--INFECTIONS, PEOPLE. INFECTIONS.

Gah! I know! Helloooooo UTIs.

Posted by: Julie at November 12, 2009 5:09 PM

OK Jeremy and PH, I volunteer to be the camera-man, who of course always gets drawn into the action about 3/4 of the way through.

Posted by: Drake at November 12, 2009 5:16 PM

Julie: Amen.
Once you go crack, you do NOT come back. There is a natural order to these things people!

And with that, I am off to ride the ponies.
Toodles!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 12, 2009 5:22 PM

Oh the silly stuff in those adult flicks. They are bananas. All that spitting and playing with their spit (whatever happened to discreetly licking your fingers, then fixing things?), all this weiner thumping, beef curtain slapping (I actually got perplexed by that thinking "hey, does that do anything?" It does not). Spitting, spitting, more spitting, getting e coli, even BITING AND SLAPPING OF BALLS (I don't have any but that CANNOT feel good), not to mention the old facial standby. And good LORD with the random switching out of orifices--INFECTIONS, PEOPLE. INFECTIONS.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at November 12, 2009 4:50 PM

Considering the chances of your 14 year old not finding Porntube et al are next to zero, this is exactly the sort of thing every parent needs to discuss with their child.
"Son...oh sorry to interrupt, I can wait... OK see how the midget, the cheerleader and the 6'7 linebacker in the gimp mask are stretching her butthole like they're opening a sleeping bag? Probably never gonna happen to you. But never say never! Now go wash up, it's time for dinner"

I'm open to alternative suggestions.

Posted by: Squirrelgripper at November 12, 2009 5:34 PM

Lindsey Well, former middle school teacher. Former high school teacher. Both fantastic resources for this kind of knowledge. And, of course, drug knowledge.

(cue music) The more you know! (music fades...)

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at November 12, 2009 5:40 PM

What the fuck is wrong with cock thumping and the cooch slap? Huh? Huh? Nothing, that's what I thought. Maybe you like to do the cock thumping for the sensation? Or the look? Because you know that part of sex is actually visual right? Maybe you like to thump your cock on random objects...like the prep table in the kitchen where you work?

What?

Personally I am a fan of porn sex. You know the three types of sex. There is making love, sex, and fucking. Now while I know fucking isn't recommended all the time. When you're drunk, horny, and its two in the morning (which is a regular occurence of mine), that's porn sex time.

Or if you're also really into pain...or have a few fetishes.

What?

I also wanted to share THIS with you.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at November 12, 2009 7:07 PM

Drake: deal! This comment thread and my current viewing of "Man v.Food" have made me really happy tonight.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 12, 2009 7:34 PM

I fucking hate Lady Gaga, mostly because she stands for the music industry's absolute ability to control our spending with a crazy, ass-dressing whore who can't really sing and really has no discernible talent, or physical attractiveness.

Posted by: ChristianH at November 13, 2009 12:40 AM

@ Lindsey with an 'e'

There's some shit even Hustler won't show.

Posted by: Minty at November 13, 2009 6:00 PM

You know what? Porn might actually be responsible for messing with a certain subgroup of people: religious young men.
I read an advice blog during boring moments at work, and the email that stands out more than any other was the one by a new bride who, being deeply Christian, decided to wait until she was married. She claimed her husband to be wasn't a virgin, that he'd had a few short relationships for the 'practice', but her first time was to be their honeymoon and she was expecting something beautiful and romantic.

He screamed 'Take it all, whore!', and called her a filthy slut. He suggested he piss on her. He may have tried anal, but by that time I was laughing too hard to read any more. (Yes, I'm all kinds of evil, but try picturing it and not smirking, just a little.)

So yeah, stay away from the boys with purity rings and 50GB in a mysterious folder on their computer.

Posted by: ScienceGeek at November 13, 2009 11:32 PM





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