blogspot visitor
Pajiba Love 11/10/08 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

obama1110.jpg


Who Else Is Fuckens Exhausted From a Weekend of Celebrating?

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | November 10, 2008 | Comments (67)

Obama’s win was thanks in good part to the efforts of a rock-solid grassroots campaign, and I couldn’t be prouder that one of our very own contributors was responsible for one such campaign. Way to effing go, B-loo! (TVFallsInTheWoods)

Gavin Rossdale thinks his stupidly-named new baby is Buddha-like. Maybe they should buy him a stick-on rhinestone to paste onto his forehead. Just like mommy! (WIMB)

The buttcrack is pretty much nature’s chosen place to hide your crackpipe. (QuizLaw)

Oh my God, this is the coolest thing ever. You can design your very own muppet for the little one in your life, or maybe just for yourself. (FAO)

Guess who the latest star of naked photos churned out from Disney’s Whore Factory is? Yeah, I haven’t heard of her either. (Yeeeah!)

What kind of music do you diagnose for someone who’s into crazy, Schizophrenic, recovering drug addict ex-cons with a couple of kids? (MixTapeTherapy)

If the posters for Neil Gaiman’s Coraline are any indication, the movie is probably going to be hella awesome. (Agent Bedhead)

The Ten Commandments of Drinking? He forgot the one about having crazy, uninhibited sex that makes you wake up with a bladder infection two days later. Or maybe that’s just… Me. Hmm. (NotesOnBarNapkins)

Has anyone else wanted to defriend anyone from Facebook thanks to post-election (or pre-election) status updates? An ex of mine (from a long time ago) actually joined a group that was like “Stop Barack Obama 1 Million Strong.” It only had like 250,00 people in it though — hee! (Jezebel)

The shittiest Batman in the history of Batman wants to be the next washed up actor to hold public office. No, not George Clooney; the other one. (Celebslam)

An open poll: saddest songs ever? (SlowlyGoingBald)

They have Braille wine labels now? Oh right, because that’s exactly what we need, a bunch of drunk blind people. (SeriousEats)

I took two years of Latin in high school because it was easy and I’m egocentric and lazy and needed foreign language credit to get into college. (SWPL)

This must be a sign pointing to a Dane Cook show or something. (Unnecessary Q-Marks)

Oh noes! All of Whitey’s fears are suddenly becoming realized:

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


← Movie Movie | Pushing Daisies Is On the Bubble →





Comments

Way to go Rossdale! Naming your child after a corrupt South-African politician and admitted rapist, very Zen indeed...

Posted by: Pants at November 10, 2008 12:27 PM

Aw, I kinda have a soft spot for new parents being all proud of their spawn and whatnot. Plus, it's usually mothers doing the schmoopy stuff (understandably - if I were the one popping a miniature version of myself out of my cooter, I'd want people to recognise how great it was too) so seeing proud fathers gives me extra "Aaawwww!".

And I'd add "Go On An Adventure" to my drinking commandments. Whether it's ending up in a random campsite in Italy and breaking into the swimming pool or just wandering drunkenly to the nearest petrol station to pick up more wine, my favourite drunk nights always tend to involve some kind of wonderful wander from point A to point B, usually in the least straightforward manner possible.

Posted by: Shay at November 10, 2008 12:43 PM

23/6 made a really fucking funny poster for Val Kilmer's run at the governor's office. I won't spoil the surprise, but know this: Top Gun rules.

Check it.

Posted by: Sean at November 10, 2008 12:52 PM

Sad song? Try Sia, "Breathe Me".

You'll recognize it the second you hear, and then be blubbering the second after that.

Posted by: branded at November 10, 2008 12:56 PM

I thought most newborns looked like Winston Churchill.

Sad songs? Anything by Harry Chapin

Posted by: rlr260 at November 10, 2008 1:16 PM

I've been saying that I'm going to learn Japanese for a few years now. I have a cd set and I even went as far as putting the lessons on my iPod, but I haven't gotten past the second lesson. I am pathetic.

Sad songs? "Winter" by Tori Amos always makes me cry.

Posted by: Melissa at November 10, 2008 1:21 PM

Milk. I enjoy milk.

Posted by: Skitz at November 10, 2008 1:23 PM

Sad Songs: these always make me cry
betterman by Pearl Jam
that particular time by Alanis Morissette

Guess I better get on Coraline since I haven't read that yet.

P.S I always hide my crack pipe in my buttcrack, and no cop has ever looked there. True Story.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at November 10, 2008 1:27 PM

Ha! I was making up that last part.

In actuality, I don't have a butt crack. I was born without one. I hide my crack pipe in my vagooter.

True Story

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at November 10, 2008 1:31 PM

Make your own Muppet rocks.

Posted by: Cindy at November 10, 2008 1:38 PM

OK, that's my favorite GYWO yet.

Posted by: Cindy at November 10, 2008 1:47 PM

Aw. That little celebri-baby is really cute. I hope that helps him later in life when everyone realizes he has little T-Rex arms.

Posted by: Lizardqueen at November 10, 2008 1:54 PM

SAD SONGS:

Father and Son (Cat Stevens)
I can't make you love me (Bonnie Raitt)
I think it's gonna rain today-The Rose (Bette Midler)

Bonus: Cinema Paradiso Soundtrack (Kissing Finale)

Posted by: amanda47 at November 10, 2008 2:03 PM

My vote for saddest song ever: "This Woman's Work" by Kate Bush. If that doesn't make you teary then you are a tar-hearted bastard who rows on the River Styx.

Close runner-up: "The Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice. I adore that song and will listen to on repeat for hours, but damn it's sad.

The braille wine label crack made me snort.

Posted by: Nicole at November 10, 2008 2:24 PM

I can't really blame these girls for the nude pictures; Disney sexes them up at like, 15 and expects them to stay all virginal till they're 25 while sending them around in booty shorts and fuck me heels. It's not fair for them. Also, one of the smartest girls I know has told me that there are both naked pictures of her AND at least one sex tape she made with an ex out there somewhere and she doesn't know or care where they are. Anyway, rant about how young girls are not allowed any indiscretions over.

Sad Songs:
Who Knew - P!nk
Ghost - Indigo Girls
Maybe, This Time - OK Go

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at November 10, 2008 2:29 PM

That 236 video was a brilliant, paranoia-induced example of the phenomenon that technicians (and loyal BOFH readers) recognise as "Dummy Mode" where a clueless user can be led down the garden trail with plausible but false factoids or insinuations, or where fears can be preyed upon with minimal effort using a twisted form of Confirmation Bias. It's a very useful way of leveraging goods, services, or promises out of the victim (but please don't call it extortion) or for inflicting enough pain and inconvenience to keep them from bothering you ever again. Sadly, this very helpful and beneficial (to the tormentor) public service is in decline as people are insulated from the consequences of their actions or decisions - let's unite and have a Pajiba Crankypants Day, where we torment those who make our lives miserable. Prizes to those who leverage the greatest change or payoff!

Anybody have Michael Bay's phone number? I want to use him to convince Sarah Palin to give up politics for acting..

Posted by: lordhelmet at November 10, 2008 2:34 PM

I wouldn't say "This Woman's Work" is sad, per se, but....well, I've already talked about it here in regards to that scene in "She's Having A Baby".

While it's not sad, it's eminently worth crying over. OHHHHH is it.

And again, that movie's always given me and my hypothetical marriage something to look forward to.

Posted by: Jay at November 10, 2008 2:36 PM

Oh, also "Dear Mr.President" by P!nk but thank God that one has a deadline on it. January 20th!

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at November 10, 2008 2:40 PM

Is this a random comment diversion? My sad song vote goes to The Wrong Child by R.E.M. (on the Green album). That song breaks my heart every time I listen to it.

Second saddest song -- Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice. Cookin' MCs like a pound of bacon - that tears my shit up.

Posted by: JH at November 10, 2008 2:45 PM

Sad songs:

Sugar Mice by Marillion,youtube has a video for it. This one is about how an out of work man cannot bare to see his children after a divorce.

Gentlemen's Excuse Me: Fish, you tube has a video for this as well. This one is about a man's point of interest no see the love he has to offer.

Arc of the Curve: Fish. About losing a fiance.

Posted by: richmac at November 10, 2008 2:56 PM

I don't know what is says about me that I've spent the last 20 minutes making my muppet, but I don't care. That is awesome and I must have one!!

Posted by: Austin at November 10, 2008 3:06 PM

Neil Gaiman's Coraline - - SOOOOOO EXCITED for this film.

And those bastards at SWPL can suck it. I took Latin for a REASON (Classics minor). Fuckers.

And I'm with you Nicole and Jay: "This Woman's Work" by Kate Bush KILLS me - makes me ridiculously emotional - largely because of that scene in She's Having a Baby. It may also have something to do with Kate Bush herself. Her "Don't Give Up" with Peter Gabriel gets me all hot, teary and embarassed too.

Posted by: tt_marie at November 10, 2008 3:07 PM

Given my relationship with my dad when I was younger, I can't even think about Cat Stevens's "Father and Son" without tearing up.

Also, Jeff Buckley's "Lover, You Should've Come Over."

"Last Letter Home" by the Dropkick Murphys gets me these days as well.

Posted by: TK at November 10, 2008 3:12 PM

Oh, one more:

Colin Hay, "I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You"

Posted by: TK at November 10, 2008 3:15 PM

Forgot to add my saddest song ever: "River" by Joni Mitchell. "Jolene" by Ray LaMontagne is on my list too.

Posted by: Austin at November 10, 2008 3:16 PM

"If I Ever Leave This World Alive" by Flogging Molly.

I'll stop now. I promise.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at November 10, 2008 3:16 PM

Radiohead's "You're All I Need"-the music is so haunting.

Any Jeff Buckley because it makes me sad that he's gone.

Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car" makes me weep like an asshole. My father always loved her..it reminds me of before the divorce when he was a great dad and how tenuous and almost non-existent our relationship is now.

And any song from Rent featuring Angel or Mark-my friends and I bonded over that show in high school (drama nerds, whoo), and my friend Little Mike always sang those two roles. He died 5 years ago next week, and those songs are so bittersweet now.

Posted by: Julie at November 10, 2008 3:20 PM

I hereby nominate Billie Holiday's "Gloomy Sunday". If that song does not get you crying, you may want to have a doctor look at your tearducts.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at November 10, 2008 3:21 PM

Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car" makes me weep like an asshole.

Jesus, the song's depressing and about fathers ALREADY.

Elvis Costello covered "Gloomy Sunday" (quite nicely, I think) along with "Love For Sale", which can be found on the "Trust" reissues.

And of course there's his "My Funny Valentine" from a few years previous.


And I was feeling melancholy ALREADY.


Sigh.

Posted by: Jay at November 10, 2008 3:28 PM

A few things on the photo "scandal":

1) Adrienne Bailon was a member a fairly successful girl group before Disney cannibalized them for their Cheetah Girls.

2) Considering she is 25 and dating a Kardashian to boot, she isn't much of a Disney "girl" and only has a presumption of innocence due to the name on her paycheck. She has not presented herself some sort of hormone-deficient prude.

3) I was somewhat embarrassed that I was this aware of her existence, but then I realized it was more because my doctor's offices have Jet and Ebony rather than People. Not saying anything, just saying.

Posted by: Vermillion at November 10, 2008 3:46 PM

Oh and sad song: "Patches", either by Elvis or (my favorite) Clarence Carter.

Posted by: Vermillion at November 10, 2008 3:48 PM

Vermillion, I thought I couldn't possibly be any more ashamed of you.

I was wrong.

Posted by: TK at November 10, 2008 4:01 PM

Sad songs:

Tracey Chapman - Fast Car Yes!
Jeff Buckley - Lover you should've come over Oh hell yes!

and,

* Radiohead - Street Spirit (Fade out)
* Counting Crows - Colorblind
* Portishead - Nobody loves me
* Silverchair - Cemetery
* Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm
* Gary Jules - Mad World
* Lauren Hill - Ex-Factor
* Sinead O'Connor - Nothing compares to you

I love sad songs...

Posted by: Pants at November 10, 2008 4:30 PM

Sorry, folks. SOMEBODY is being a bit hypocritical. Never you mind him.

Anyway, I was simply making the point that it is comparing apples to oranges here. Just because she gets paid by Disney, doesn't mean she has to get dumped in the same boat.

Posted by: Vermillion at November 10, 2008 4:46 PM

Vermillion, the fact that you have an opinion on this is highly disturbing.

Posted by: tt_marie at November 10, 2008 4:49 PM

I love sad songs...

Well, like Sasson jeans, they do say so much.

(technically that song's called "Sour Times", but my only real beef is how that guy stole Tears For Fears' song and gets all the credit.


Gyllenhaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!!!!!!!!!)

Posted by: Jay at November 10, 2008 4:50 PM

I know, tt_marie.

*sighs*

I know.

*tear*

Posted by: Vermillion at November 10, 2008 4:53 PM

Jay You're absolutely right! I don't always correct my downloads and then the wrong titles get stuck in my head, and admittedly the reason I list the Gary Jules version is totally the Donnie Darko-factor. Still my favourite amongst his work!

Posted by: Pants at November 10, 2008 4:57 PM

No malice intended of course. I do have a soft spot for Roland back when he had really fucked up hair. There's this live video that was recorded between the first two albums and...man, I don't even know..there's like this black Brillo pad in front with the rest all sholonged out.

And dammit, "Ideas As Opiates" is a really good song!

But seriously, does anyone else remember that Sasson commercial starring Elton John? You know I'm not kidding about that, right?

Posted by: Jay at November 10, 2008 5:07 PM

I've never seen a Sasson commercial in my life. Did I miss something?

Posted by: Pants at November 10, 2008 5:14 PM

Did I miss something?

I should say so! Something good 'n' terrible.

Posted by: Jay at November 10, 2008 5:18 PM

Posted by: tt_marie at November 10, 2008 5:18 PM

Well, like Sasson jeans, they do say so much.

HA HA HA!! "Why don't you tune in and turn put them on?"

Posted by: Julie at November 10, 2008 5:21 PM

Wow, that is more cheese than even this Dutch girl can handle...

Posted by: Pants at November 10, 2008 5:28 PM

I actually DID defriend someone because of their post-election status. It was this guy I had A class with ONCE who I barely knew who friended me. Even then, the only reason I did it was because his first status update was:

"Woooo! All the guns and ammo are selling out all over the place! Obama is fucked!"

and his second one was:

"All the REAL Americans have equipped themselves better in a few days than an army can in a year." and then something about a militia.

It was seriously SICK. I have lots of friends with political beliefs that diametrically oppose mine, and that's no problem. But this was just some hardcore, sick, Montana Militia-type shit and it disgusted me.

Also, everytime I hear "Last Kiss" by J Frank Wilson and the Cavaliers I cry like a little bitch.

Posted by: AnnArrogance at November 10, 2008 5:31 PM

Staple sad songs:

Song for a Winter's Night - Sarah McLachlan
Baby Come on Home - Led Zeppelin
Come to Me (Fantine's Death) - Les Mis
A Little Fall of Rain - again, Les Mis

Posted by: lynx at November 10, 2008 6:59 PM

Well, if lynx has gone off (for lack of a better word) popular music, then I'm putting in a new vote for Edward Elgar's Cello Concerto in E minor. I played it a few years back (as a member of the orchestra, not as the cellist) and it's a gorgeously sad piece of music. I nearly cried while playing it.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at November 10, 2008 7:49 PM

James Taylor people. "Fire and Rain" either makes you cry or you are evil and a droid.

Hell, my heart is as black as coal and that song makes me cry every frickin' time.

Posted by: Melody at November 10, 2008 7:51 PM

Well, as Franz Ferdinand said, I'm evil and a heathen.

Posted by: Jay at November 10, 2008 8:08 PM

i took high school latin, too. mostly because after living in SoCal most of my life, i couldn't imagine taking spanish in the deep south, "como usta usted, y'all?". my teacher died of cancer in the last semester of the second year, and true to her word, TOOK HER GRADE BOOK WITH HER! she was a tough old bird who also believed that muhammad ali was the anti-christ. Gawd, i miss her!
oh, this was 1975.

sad song: i agree with "i'm so lonesome i could die". when i was a kid that was strangely sad to me.
and losing my FIL to alzheimer's this year, jimmy buffett's "enduring echoes" makes me cry a lot. yes, feel free to berate me for that one.

Posted by: bionic bunny at November 10, 2008 8:13 PM

i couldn't imagine taking spanish in the deep south, "como usta usted, y'all?".

Coincidentally, in the deep south, my first quarter of German in college was taught by a very Chinese woman.

It was not bequem.

Posted by: Jay at November 10, 2008 8:35 PM

geez, hadn't even thought of "fire and rain".

gonna have to up my meds after this post, guys!

"cat's in the cradle" (is that the actual name?) is sad.
and was it sinatra that sang "a very good year"? (when i was 17, it was a very good year...).
a lot of things my folks played on the radio when i was a babe, that i didn't fully understand made me sad.

jay, where south?

Posted by: bionic bunny at November 10, 2008 10:10 PM

UGA

Posted by: Jay at November 10, 2008 10:43 PM

Skitz, 11/10, 1:23: "Milk. I like milk."

Yeah, Skitz, I like milk too. And I'm not too picky about my milk at all, whether it be that 2 or 3% stuff or just all-out total fucking cow juice.

Knowing that there's someone I can relate to now, I gotta axe you dis: have you ever gotten up at 3 or 4 in the morning, after a heavy night of drinking, just so desperately craving that thick, stomach-filling bovine liquid to re-hydrate your alcohol-parched, deserted,dry and empty mouth and stomach, that you just inhale that fucking great, relieving milk, even knowing you won't be able to sleep on your side the rest of the night, because your hydrated, cowmilk-filled belly has been so satisfactorily fulfilled, with COW milk, and that belly is just too big now to lay on your side with?? Thanks to that god-almighty wonderful COW'S MILK??

Anyways, just felt like connecting with someone like-minded today, and your stated preference for milk was just the spark I needed to communicate with someone on an even level with my own current state of mind. So don't think I'm taking this any more seriously than it may seem, to you or any other reader, without sharing my most personal thoughts throughout the Pajiba community, (buncha snoopy people, you are),

just let me know if you care to share any thoughts on dairy-related products in the future, skitz. I myself have many.

AND The rest of you thinking your own sick, depraved thoughts can just go to hell..

Posted by: TMax at November 10, 2008 10:50 PM

Despite my ambivalence towards Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale, Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale is NOT a stupid name.

ZUMA is one of the largest, and best, beaches in the state of California, known for it's great surfing. Personal experience tells me it really is a lovely beach.

NESTA was Bob Marley's middle name.

You know, my sister's name is STACY, and while it's a fine, respectable name, there are already enough STACYs in this world, and not nearly enough ZUMAs.

Posted by: Mohaski at November 11, 2008 12:01 AM

Saddest songs: "How To Disappear Completely" - Radiohead and "Sophie" - Eleanor McEvoy. Is it bad that I checked SWPL for a Radiohead listing before I posted this?

Posted by: Kris at November 11, 2008 12:01 AM

Despite my ambivalence towards Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale, Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale is NOT a stupid name.

ZUMA is one of the largest, and best, beaches in the state of California, known for it's great surfing. Personal experience tells me it really is a lovely beach.

NESTA was Bob Marley's middle name.

You know, my sister's name is STACY, and while it's a fine, respectable name, there are already enough STACYs in this world, and not nearly enough ZUMAs.

Posted by: Mohaski at November 11, 2008 12:02 AM

TMax - Re: Milk Discussion. Two Points.

1) I know it's gross but I am deeply, deeply in love with whole milk. I try not to drink it because, you know, FATTENING, but still. So delicious.

2) "Milk was a bad choice" came to mind, and that made me laugh.

Posted by: tt_marie at November 11, 2008 12:15 AM

She DOES hide her crackpipe in her vagooter.

True story. I should know.

Anna! It's Toooooooosday! Time for your buzz, and mine!
+++
Oh, Jeebus, TK, we're on the same page again with the DKMs, but I'll go for "The Green Fields of France."

If I'm in the right (wrong?) mood, "Red Rain" can get me choked up too.

But "He Stopped Loving Her today" is the saddest fucking song EVER:

I went to see my friend today
But I didn't see a tear
He's all dressed up to go away
First time I've seen him smile in years.

I mean, come ON.

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 11, 2008 1:08 AM

And HEY! Don't be giving Vermillion a hard time because I thought of "Patches" too. If this line doesn't get to you:

Then one day a strong rain came and washed all the crops away
And at the age of 13 I felt like I was carrying the weight of the whole world on my shoulders

Then, my friend, you are a fuckin sociopath.

Heat/Pussy 2012

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 11, 2008 1:20 AM

Obama's fans will fall apart once The Man crashes and burns... like all politicians do once campaign promises meet the real world. We can only hope that the process in amusing. Otherwise, we won't even get that much out of this sorry affair.

Posted by: Qm at November 11, 2008 5:58 AM

Totally forgot my sad songs. Gotta agree with "Love, You Should Have Come Over" and "Nothing Compares To You" (though I like the Stereophonics' version best; Kelly's voice is amazing) and would add:

Full of Grace - Sarah McLachlan
Prague - Damien Rice
Billy Davey's Daughter - Stereophonics

And the winner: Silent Night - Lisa Hannigan. Again, it's mainly the voice that does it for me. Just a beautifully depressing song.

Posted by: Shay at November 11, 2008 9:37 AM

I'm late with this (so maybe no one will notice), but if you are a parent and can truly listen to Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" without welling up...then I guess I'll have to stab you in one of your dry eyes since you just proved that you don't have a heart.

Posted by: Che Grovera at November 11, 2008 10:03 AM

thanks for the link to my blog, and excellent Dane Cook joke.

Posted by: Bethany at November 11, 2008 11:25 AM

A list of sad songs that doesn't include Nick Drake? Madness!

Cello Song and Black Eyed Dog will break your heart, but so will most of his songs.

Posted by: MG at November 11, 2008 12:20 PM

Oh, oh! I forgot, "Rainbow Connection". Every single time I cry like a small child. I can't even sing along. Also, "At the Ballet" from Chorus Line.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at November 12, 2008 9:46 AM

I don't think Madness actually have any sad songs, do they?

Posted by: Jay at November 12, 2008 10:01 AM





Video ads popping up after each page view? Try clearing your browser's cookies.