Pajiba Love 11/09/09

What He Said

By Stacey Nosek | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (52)

Following up in the popular series, “Everything [Character of a Popular TV Show] said in Season [X] of [Said Show],” here is the timely “Everything Don Draper Said in Season Three of “Mad Men.” Which I haven’t caught yet so don’t spoiler me, bitches. (Unlikely Words)

Ratings for “The Hills” have been dropping lately, so here’s a campaign of what can be done to save the show, other than Heidi and Spencer’s televised public execution, anyway. (IBBB)

Earlier I brought you the news that Robert Zemeckis is going to be doing a sequel to Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and now he’s revealed that he plans to use that creepy stop-motion animation that nobody but Robert Zemeckis likes for the human characters in the film. Somewhere a rabbit in big red overalls is crying. (Gordon and the Whale)

Ashlee Simpson has been rewarded for getting fired from “Melrose Place” for her inability to act with a starring role in a Broadway play. Life is fair. (Litelysalted)

A new article in the New York Times is suggestion that the budget for Avatar was actually so huge that everyone in America is going to have to see it at least three times before they recoup their investment. (Rope of Silicon)

Miley Cyrus’ song “Party in the U.S.A.,” which has hit the airwaves like Swine Flu, apparently name drops Britney Spears as well as Jay-Z. But in a recent interview she brats that she’s “never even heard a Jay-Z song.” Ugh. Repugnant little troll. (Celebitchy)

You can finally buy replicas of the famous Fight Club movie poster soap, but unfortunately you can only get it from some hippie on Etsy which means that it’s vegan and not made from the fat of stupid rich ladies. (Agent Bedhead)

If The Box — which none of you saw — was good for absolutely nothing else, it was to inspire this list of the best boxes in television shows and movies. (Screen Junkies)

Steven Tyler is threatening to leave Aerosmith, which comes as a total surprise to those of us who didn’t know that Aerosmith were actually still together. (Thundersquee!)

Here’s a list of the best and worst cinematic biopics. (Cinematical)

Britney Spears’ Aussie fans are reportedly upset that she’s lip-syncing portions of her concerts and giving an overall lackluster performance. Yes, really. Make your own joke here. (Superior Gossip)

If there are two things I love in life, they would be burritos and little kids making hilarious YouTube videos. This clip has the best of both worlds — and also the song I plan on singing every time I get my special spinach, tofu and guac special down on 40th street:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.

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Comments

Christ do I hate that "Party in the USA" track. I tried to use it with my kids to illustrate the difference between "catchy" and "good". The song is catchy, but so is the Autozone theme song. That doesn't make either of those things good. And hasn't Haley Montana been 16 for like a decade now? I love that she thanked God for the song working out because "she didn't write it" and "needed something to launch her CLOTHING LINE." Yes, I'm sure God was Johnny on the fucking spot getting that request all filled out signed, sealed, and delivered you soulless, narcissistic twit because he has nothing better to do than make sure your vapid existence continues to entertain the brainless malltard tweens.

Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?!

Posted by: TylerDFC at November 9, 2009 1:15 PM

My SO alone is going to spend that much watching Avatar. I think the movie will probably make its money in the end.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2009 1:18 PM

Um, so here's what happened: I somehow seem to have gotten that stupid Miley Cyrus song stuck in my head. Except for how I've never heard more than, like, two seconds of it. So really, I just kind of have the tune in there, with random words running in and out, like "There's a party in my pants say yeah!" and "Beyonce's got a metal hand!" and "Fish tacos for all the land!" and things. And it won't go away. True Story.

And can I just say that spinach-tofu-and-guac sounds Utterly DE LIC IOUS. Where is this magical land called "40th" where I can get some?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at November 9, 2009 1:23 PM

What the hell is wrong with Robert Zemeckis?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2009 1:24 PM

I am starting to like this Taylor Swift girl. The VMA incident was the first I had ever heard of her ( Shut up, I LIKE living under a rock! They understand me here) and this SNL thing is officially the first funny thing I have seen on that show since the Clinton administration.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2009 1:27 PM

Stacey, your burrito sounds intriguing-which place on 40th?

Posted by: Julie at November 9, 2009 1:28 PM

AvB:
Try this. It always works for me. (hopefully the link works)

http://s0.ilike.com/play#The+Proclaimers:I%27m+Gonna+Be+(500+Miles):11652:s1204208.13504534.22436701.0.2.207%2Cstd_dcc0116da09347b6b4a6e20ce1594a64

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2009 1:30 PM

Stacey, please to keep posting Jon Hamm news every day. Thank you.

Posted by: figgy at November 9, 2009 1:31 PM

Countdown to the inevitable nuclear bomb that will be Avatar? Let's start one! The Mayans were wrong, bitch! This bomb will blow the world apart!

Worst biopic ever? Ray. It was beyond insulting that Jamie "fuckhead" foxx spent the entire movie doing a shitty parody of Ray Charles.

Posted by: figgy at November 9, 2009 1:34 PM

Stacey, QUIT READING NOW!

MAD MEN SPOILER MAD MEN SPOILER MAD MEN SPOILER.

This was so subtle that I'm not sure anyone but me caught it. When Don and Betty sit the kids down to tell them that Don will be (Censored), the little boy says, "Is it because I lost your cufflinks?"

See, see! Women loose all interest in you if you loose the cufflinks. It just takes the Mantease down from an 11 to a 5.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 9, 2009 1:34 PM

That little kid burrito video makes me want to squeeze whoever created it. It's innocence like that that gives me hope for the future.

Posted by: scorzi at November 9, 2009 1:36 PM

OK I'll stop after this, but here's a mini-diversion:

Worst Crimes Against Hair Ever Committed on Film

1) Colin Farrell in Alexander
2) Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code
3) Nicolas Cage in everything

Posted by: figgy at November 9, 2009 1:37 PM

Stacey: QUIT READING NOW.

Madmen SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER.

This was so subtle that I think I may have been the only one who caught it. When Don and Betty sit the kids down to tell them that Don (censored), the little boy says, "Is it because I lost your cufflinks?"

See, see! Loose the cufflinks and women loose all interest in seeing you do a Mantease.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 9, 2009 1:38 PM

Ugh.... thanks for the burrito reminder. I'm thinking now it's maybe not a good idea to wolf down two three-day-old chicken burritos right before bed...

Posted by: Alexandra at November 9, 2009 1:38 PM

Aw crap, double post. It acted like I got and error and didn't post, so I entered it again. SORRY!

Posted by: BWeaves at November 9, 2009 1:39 PM

Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?!

Tylenol makes hard liquor?

Posted by: branded at November 9, 2009 1:39 PM

Not to be a correcting nerd, but stop-motion animation is the kind used in stuff like The Nightmare Before Christmas or the first episode of South Park, where physical objects (usually sculptures) are posed for every frame to be shot one at a time.

The kind of animation you see in the Zemeckis movies is a variety of motion capture, which means an actor's movements are recorded by a computer (any kind of movement, including facial movement, can work), and then the computer takes those movements and applies them to a computer model, animating it after the actor. It tends to cause the uncanny valley effect, as it doesn't apply the classic principles of animation (squash & stretch, arcs, slow ins & slow outs, etc.).

Generally, unless you just can't afford good animators, you want to stay away from motion capture. It looks weird and it doesn't appeal to audiences.

Posted by: Lucas at November 9, 2009 1:41 PM

Worst Crimes Against Hair Ever Committed on Film

Posted by: figgy at November 9, 2009 1:37 PM

Halle Berry in X-Men

The fuck is up with that?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2009 1:47 PM

I've heard "Party in the U.S.A" several times and don't remember even a little bit of it.

However, I watched the YouTube video one time and I'm going to be singing that damned "Burrito" song for the rest of the day!

That is all.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at November 9, 2009 1:51 PM

Worst Crimes Against Hair Ever Committed on Film
Jim Carrey, Ace Ventura
Jim Carrey, Dumb and Dumber
Jon Cryer (Duckie) Pretty in Pink

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2009 1:52 PM

Taylor Swift's music isn't my particular cuppa but she WAS cute and very funny on SNL and "The Monologue Song" was hilarious.

Posted by: Spender at November 9, 2009 1:53 PM

Worst Crimes Against Hair Ever Committed on Film:

Jessica Alba in The Fantastic Four.

Posted by: jM at November 9, 2009 1:55 PM

Well that sounds like the worst burrito I've ever refused to be in the same room with.

Posted by: Jay at November 9, 2009 2:01 PM

Oh and because Stacey and Ms. BP said The Word....

MOIST! MOIST! MOIST! MOIST! MOIST! MOIST! MOIST! MOIST! MOIST! MOIST! MOIST! MOIST! MOIST! MOIST!

Someone's gotta suffer with me.

Posted by: Jay at November 9, 2009 2:02 PM

Julie and Anna Von B:

www.mexicalicafe.net

I refuse to believe that it's not the best place to get a burrito this side of Texas.

Posted by: Stacey at November 9, 2009 2:09 PM

Yes, but is Steven Tyler actually still together?

Posted by: laredo at November 9, 2009 2:09 PM

Won't someone think of linking the A Christmas Carol review to the article and not to the Pajiba home page?

Posted by: laredo at November 9, 2009 2:33 PM

Miley Cyrus sounds like a chimpmunk in that damn song. Like yeah.

Making burritos for dinner...yum yum yum.

I don't like TSwift's music, but I get her. She's cute and seems to have a good sense of humor.

Posted by: wsapnin at November 9, 2009 2:33 PM

you know what goes with spinach, tofu and guac? BACON!

yessss. you know you want to.

Posted by: VinKong at November 9, 2009 2:39 PM

worst hair in cinema: pretty much everything made in the eighties.

Posted by: idleprimate at November 9, 2009 2:50 PM

Stacy, obviously you've never been to Harrisburg and visited Neato Burrito.
www.neatoburrito.com

Speaking of stop-motion animation (even though Lucas corrected you), is anybody else annoyed by the trailers for Fantastic Mr. Fox? They have some line in there "UNLIKE ANYTHING YOU'VE EVER SEEN!" You mean the animation style that's been in use since King fucking Kong?

Posted by: henchman for hire at November 9, 2009 2:53 PM

That burrito video is just the cutest! It makes me glad that somewhere is a young girl making up her own songs and playing with innocent dolls, instead of working the pole (Ahem, CYRUS FAMILY).

Posted by: bonnie at November 9, 2009 3:00 PM

MOISTENED

MOISTENATED

MOISTITUDE

MOISTITIOUS

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2009 3:11 PM

I just realized that little girl that made the burrito music video is featuring THREE American Girl dolls. Those dolls run for about sixty bucks naked, then with an outfit it comes to about a hundred dollars. That's three hundred dollars eating fake burritos and pizza!

Posted by: scorzi at November 9, 2009 3:18 PM

Yeah, henchman, and it's not even good stop-motion. Each individual frame is very pretty (the models are great), but the animation itself is really bad. I won't be seeing The Fantastic Mr. Fox because I just can't watch crappy animation that thinks it looks good.

Posted by: Lucas at November 9, 2009 3:25 PM

Scorzi,
Those dolls sound like a voluntary tax on stupidity. I mean, really? $100/doll?
Of course, I hate dolls. My opinion may be colored by that. And I hate people.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2009 3:34 PM

Lwa'e', what are your feelings on people who look like dolls? Does your hate come all the way back around to love? It is so forceful and deep that it collapses in on itself and creates a swirling black hole?

Inquiring minds want to know these important things.

Posted by: stardust (now with 100% less savant) at November 9, 2009 5:21 PM

I hate doll people. I hate dull people. I hate people on the dole.

$100 per doll? What kind of dolls are these? I know prostitutes that are cheaper than that. Depending on what you order, of course.

Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at November 9, 2009 5:27 PM

And speaking of teenagers we hate, Taylor Swift continues not to be one of them. Everyone is saying that she was adorable and hilarious during her stint on “Saturday Night Live” this weekend. (Yeeeah!)
---
I'll be the first to admit country music has most or all of the hot chicks, but really: Aren't there, like, 8,593 cute blonde country singers? So we need Taylor Swift to be No. 8,594 why? What could possibly distinguish her from, I dunno, Carrie Underwood? It can't possibly be the music. And if I want to look at hot country chicks, I'm looking at Faith Hill. All day and twice on Sunday. I mean, golDAYum!

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at November 9, 2009 5:39 PM

Feh. Kellie Pickler.

Oh and Faith's still got it goin on, but I miss her late 90s short hair.

Posted by: Jay at November 9, 2009 6:06 PM

"what are your feelings on people who look like dolls?"

They are evil.

"Does your hate come all the way back around to love?"

No. It stays firmly entrenched in hatred.

"It is so forceful and deep that it collapses in on itself and creates a swirling black hole?"

Yes. Dolls are the work of the Devil.

"Inquiring minds want to know these important things."

Are you mocking me? How DARE you mock my doll-hatred.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2009 6:07 PM

"Aren't there, like, 8,593 cute blonde country singers?"

That was my EXACT objection to the existence of Carie Underwood.
Apparently the country music industry has an unlimited capacity for blond teenage girls in revealing clothing.
Pervs.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2009 6:10 PM

The American Girl Dolls' whole angle was to create different dolls from different eras in American history, and then have a book to go along with it. Molly was from World War II and her father was a soldier, Kirsten was from Sweden and an immigrant coming to the U.S. with her family, etc. A few months ago (this is 100% true) they debuted a homeless girl (can't remember the name), and comes with a book about how her mother lost her job and the family was living out of a car. People lost their shit and said it was massively inappropriate.

Posted by: scorzi at November 9, 2009 8:09 PM

Look, it's a very simple equation:
If it is a (humanoid) doll=>it is evil.

Animal dolls are wonderful.
Except Care Bears and those sock-monkey things (you know, the brown and white with a red mouth, look like they're made from a knit sock). Eww.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2009 8:26 PM

Since when is Taylor Swift a country singer? She's just a blonde version of Hannah Montana, isn't she? Only 10 times less annoying?

Worst crimes against hair:

-Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man

Well, that's really a crime against everything.

Posted by: figgy at November 9, 2009 9:58 PM

The SNL spoof on Twilight was sort of funny/mostly stupid but, Swift looked like a young Beckinsdale with equal acting chops. Made it worth the watch, along with the shot at Kayne.

Posted by: richmac at November 9, 2009 10:40 PM

L! They ARE made from a knit sock! Hence the name!

Just for that, I'm taking away your 'e'.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at November 9, 2009 11:00 PM

Hey! I need the 'e'! I have a date tonight! I will definitely need it later. In fact, gotta go! Send it to me, OK?

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2009 11:19 PM

"Inquiring minds want to know these important things."

Are you mocking me? How DARE you mock my doll-hatred.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Au contraire my dear, Lwa'e'. It is very important. Next time we feel the need for some Murder Tank target practice, we'll need to include dolls. They're easy targets and will give us a sense of accomplishment.

Posted by: stardust (now with 100% less savant) at November 10, 2009 7:48 AM

My coworkers keep the radio on all day to a local pop station and the other day I kept a tally of how many times that damn Miley Cyrus song was played and it was 9 times. 9 times in 9 hours. Effing ridiculous.

Posted by: Eva at November 10, 2009 11:01 AM

To: Lindsey
From: AvB
RE: your 'e'

Ok, fine. I can't deny you a date. But when you get home, I'm taking it right back.
Here you go: 'e'

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at November 10, 2009 11:03 AM

*Whew*
Thanks. I need that 'e' for the d'e'viant s'e'xual b'e'havior we get up to.
:-}

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 10, 2009 1:32 PM

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