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Pajiba Love 10/30/09 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Dead By Dawn! Dead By Dawn!

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | October 30, 2009 | Comments (40)

Here’s some great news for Bruce Campbell fans: Grindhouse Releasing has secured the rights to the 35mm prints of the original Evil Dead and plan to start screening it around the country. I just rewatched the first one recently and was surprised at how much it still scares the crap out of me. (Bloody Disgusting)

Sid and Marty Krofft want to bring “H.R. Pufnstuf” to the big screen with Where the Wild Things Are as their inspiration. As if “H.R. Pufnstuf” wasn’t terrifying enough on the small screen. What hath you wrought us, Spike Jonze and David Eggers? (Film Drunk)

Here’s a list of the top ten film sex scenes involving costumes. (Spout)

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, the second biggest famewhores on the planet, dressed up as Jon and Kae Gosselin for Halloween, the biggest famewhores on the planet. I’d say this is life imitating art but I sure as hell hope these two don’t procreate. (litelysalted)

With all this Twilight and “Vampire Dairies” bullshit and their sensitive, emo vampires, here are the ten least wussy vampire movies ever made. (Topless Robot)

Odwalla’s new Whole Grain Tropical Medley drink will probably make your bowel movements resemble a scene from Dumb and Dumber. (Impulsive Buy)

And now, the winner for the most geeky-badass jack-o-lantern. (Warming Glow)

“The Office” continued its winning streak with last’s night’s Halloween-themed episode, “Koi Pond.” (Hairballs)

Here’s a review of John Ortved’s The Simpsons: An Uncensored, Unauthorized History, a must-read for hardcore “Simpsons” fans. (Second Pass)

Chelsea Handler is appearing in the December issue of Playboy, the cover of which was unveiled on the Jay Leno show last night. I can’t even begin to describe how much is wrong with this situation. (Celebitchy)

If you can’t get a hold of the real Amy Winehouse to flap around crazily and scare away those pesky crows, this is probably the next best thing. (Agent Bedhead)

Sad news, Dennis Hopper has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Although from what I understand, it’s one of the most easily treatable cancers so here’s to his speedy recovery. (Atomic Popcorn)

Because I know you guys can’t get enough Darth Maul, here’s a Cinematical Seven of movie villains that should have been used more. (Cinematical)

Here’s a charming couple of diagrams that show us what Disney movies taught us growing up. Yes, yes, I notice that neither Pocahontas or Mulan are on here, which I once called “boring.” OK, I eat crow on that one. (Unreality)

Rowrrr …. Here’s some sugar to kick off your weekends: Andy Dick shirtless. You know you want it. (Celebslam)

Dan Carlson found me the perfect Pajiba Love Halloween clip. It’s Tim Curry as a flamboyant male witch in something called “The Worst Witch.” Basically, it makes Dr. Frank-N-Furter look like Rambo:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

With all this Twilight and “Vampire Dairies” bullshit and their sensitive, emo vampires, here are the ten least wussy vampire movies ever made.
---
Yay! Props to "Martin."

But I'm disappointed not to see "Kolchak: The Night Stalker" on there, unless they're just talking theatrical movies. The vampire in that one was a nasty bastard who tossed a handful of cops around like Skitz does with his action figures.

Also: "H.R. Pufnstuf"?

The Banana Splits still don't get no respect.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at October 30, 2009 1:21 PM

Oh, Tim Curry. Shhh, it's OK baby. Shhh...the bad woman didn't mean to dredge up all this trauma.

Posted by: kat at October 30, 2009 1:23 PM

On the Vampires one, no John Carpenter's Vampires?!

Cheesy action film, sure, but it has James fucking Woods smoking cigars, wielding crossbows and automatic weapons, and kicking the ass of a grown-up version of the emo-wuss vampire(though sadly, not also that of whatever Baldwin brother's in the flick with him).

Posted by: Jacktrade at October 30, 2009 1:28 PM

OMG The Worst Witch! I forgot all about that movie! I absolutely loved it as a child, probably because I identified with its theme of "lame, sub-par witch wins in the end." Not the witch part, but the part about being lame and sub-par. Maybe I just loved it for Tim Curry, tho.

Posted by: Lindsay at October 30, 2009 1:30 PM

Chelsea Handler? Really. Well.

I think I just lost a little bit of respect for her. Never thought that would happen.

Posted by: figgy at October 30, 2009 1:32 PM

That MST3K pumpkin is fucking inspired! God I miss that show...

Posted by: Cruise at October 30, 2009 1:33 PM

"you ain't gonna shit right for a week!"
Ha!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 30, 2009 1:34 PM

All I could think of in that Tim Curry video was
"No capes!"

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 30, 2009 1:40 PM

Grindhouse Releasing has secured the rights to the 35mm prints of the original Evil Dead and plan to start screening it around the country.

*please come to NJ, please come to NJ, please come to NJ*

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at October 30, 2009 1:41 PM

Favorite Office moment: As Michael's attempt at self-deprecating humor spiraled out of control there was a reaction shot from Creed in the background that really punctuated the 'gone to far' nature of that scene. Those little moments from Creed just kill me.

I'm amazed at how well this show is has managed to play the ensemble cast to perfection and avoid becoming cliche or unfunny after six seasons. I thought for sure it would fall apart after Jim and Pam got together.

Posted by: Yossarian at October 30, 2009 1:58 PM

The Worst Witch is awesome. It also ran as a series co-produced by CBC and BBC or ITV. Because of the Canadian rules on keeping things Canuckianm, they had to dub the English voices of the original with Canadian English voices. Many people think JK Rowling plagiarized a lot of The Worst Witch for Harry Potter.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 30, 2009 2:02 PM

Playboy news is becoming a weekly feature of Pajiba Love, huh?

And Chelsea Handler is appearing in the same issue as Nabokov's "The Original Of Laura" excerpt...

Nah, I still don't think I can bring myself to buy it. (How does that magazine even exist anymore? Do people actually still buy pornography these days? Or is the playboy empire being sustained by licensing revenue from the Girls Next Door show?)

Posted by: Yossarian at October 30, 2009 2:03 PM

Surely I can't be the only one who believes the "loving cup" sequence of Freaks would better suit the Halloween needs of Pajiba? I mean, this is what would happen if we all met up for dinner, right?

Posted by: Robert at October 30, 2009 2:11 PM

You know, that 'gooble gobble' thing freaks my shit right out. I mean Yikes, for real.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 30, 2009 2:21 PM

I love The Worst Witch. Love it love it love.
With Tim Curry and a wee little Fairuza Balk and YES.
Oh Mildred Hubble . . . you were so awesome when I was a little kid.

Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon) at October 30, 2009 2:24 PM

People forget that the original Evil Dead was a straightforward horror movie, complete with trees raping a girl.

The dark humor doesn't enter until Evil Dead II (which has to be in the conversation for "Sequel that was better than the Original").

Posted by: Fredo at October 30, 2009 2:53 PM

dude sounds like Borat... or Borat sounds like him. whatever.

Posted by: Todd at October 30, 2009 3:10 PM

Yossarian - while it costs me quite a bit in weekly therapy sessions to know this, my dad still subscribes to "Playboy" and buys his porn at the brick and mortar porn store...

... (Sorry, I just threw up in my brain a little. I'm back now)...

Anyway, my point is that for folks over 50ish, internet porn is still a fairly foreign concept and the Baby Boomers will continue supporting Hef & Flynt and then I suspect those magazines & videos/dvds will no longer be cost effective to produce.

Posted by: Lainey at October 30, 2009 3:34 PM

Ditto all the Worst Witch love! I literally just watched it two days ago (it's a Halloween season tradition) and I've been singing "Growing Up Isn't Easy" ever since.

Posted by: tbean at October 30, 2009 3:38 PM

Worst Witch! I used to take little bottles and put water in them, then pour the water back and forth pretending I was a witch making potions. When I was a child that is, not last week or anything.

I Netflixed it a couple of years ago and was kind of blown away by how much HP reminds me of it. I was also blown away by how crappy the production and effects are, but still love it because of how much I loved it as a child.

Posted by: eatapeach at October 30, 2009 3:59 PM

OK, so apparently I'm the only one who never watched Worst Witch as a kid? Bah. I was too busy wearing out my copy of The Peanut Butter Solution.

Posted by: Stacey at October 30, 2009 4:08 PM

Lainey, I've got you beat. A few years ago we went over to my grandpa's house. Can you see where this is going? Anyway, out on the coffee table (in the living room! Not even in the bedroom!) was a copy of Playboy. WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS ON TOP OF IT. So wrong.

Spencer Pratt refusing to have kids is the single greatest contribution to humanity he could make. Let's just hope he sticks with it.

Posted by: Jeni at October 30, 2009 4:24 PM

I was really surprised with the first Evil Dead, it's terrifying. Even if you're a total wuss, you can watch the sequels for the hilarity, but the first Evil Dead is for only when you want a good scare.

Posted by: George at October 30, 2009 4:25 PM

I can top that. When my 93 year old Grandpa finally had to be put in a home last year, we found
1)vibrators
2)multiple tubes of KY (spermicidal no less) with current exp dates
3)MANY condoms
4)An Austin Powers-esque Swedish Penis Pump

All of which were in recent rotation.
His Girlfriend was a mere 85, and had been living with him until The Alzheimer's took her. He wasn't really into her for her mind anyway.
Obviously.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 30, 2009 4:30 PM

Oh 'L w/ an E', sounds like Gramps was a man of the satin smoking jacket.
That's just awesome-ness. Thanks for the giggle.

Posted by: Ms MoMo at October 30, 2009 4:45 PM

Wow, I don't know how many times The Worst Witch was played on TV when I was young, but I could remember every nuance of that video. Scary and awesome.

If only you had David Bowie's song from Labyrinth for good measure.

Posted by: lizella at October 30, 2009 4:52 PM

I love that Tim Curry is the go-to, especially icky villain in so many things. Think about it:
Rocky Horror Picture Show (obvs)
Muppet Treasure Island
Fern Gully
Clue
Earth 2

Now I find out he also plays a male witch who uses a cape like I used flags on color guard? Tim Curry is my personal hero.

Posted by: kelsy at October 30, 2009 5:15 PM

AH! The Worst Witch!
This just made my halloween even more worthwhile. Seriously, that video brings back my childhood memories back to life in a sing songy way almost unknown to man. Tim Curry, you have my heart!

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at October 30, 2009 5:34 PM

Trust me, the story is much mopre fun to tell than it wa to live.
Free Advice: If you are circling the drain, remove the sex paraphanilia from your house BEFORE your grandchildren come to clear it out. THERE. ISN"T.ENOUGH. BRAIN. BLEACH.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 30, 2009 5:39 PM

Why? Why? Why, when Michael asked the kids if they wanted candy after he hung himself, did he not reach into his dick-in-a-box box for the candy? Why!? It's like the writers of this show are just walkin' around their office with fucking gold(!) sitting on the ground, and they don't bother to pick it up.

Posted by: pissant at October 30, 2009 5:56 PM

Anyway, my point is that for folks over 50ish, internet porn is still a fairly foreign concept

Posted by: Lainey at October 30, 2009 3:34 PM
---
AHEM ... no, it's not.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy), at October 30, 2009 7:00 PM

How have I not heard of The Worst Witch?!?!

Clearly, I was raised under a rock.

Posted by: stardust savant at October 30, 2009 8:22 PM

Stacey,
For your mention of The Peanut Butter Solution, I would like to give you many paintbrushes made of lustrous human hair.
I love you, that is all.

Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon) at October 30, 2009 9:05 PM

Ahhh, Worst Witch. "When I say faster, I order disaster!"

Posted by: Elfrieda at October 30, 2009 9:15 PM

The Worst Witch! Yes, it has a young Faruza Balk. Yes, it has Tim Curry.

BUT! Who else does it have? Yeah yeah, Charlotte "Mrs. Garret" Rae...but who do we care about?!

Diana Rigg!

Posted by: trooper6 at October 31, 2009 1:49 AM

Not to be "that person," but am I the only one who laughed hysterically at the typo "Vampire DAIRIES"? Maybe it's because I grew up around Amish country, but I had this vision of vampires milking cows and inviting schoolchildren on field trips to learn how to churn butter and make their own ice cream.

Posted by: Pistachio at October 31, 2009 1:38 PM

I'd never even heard of Worst Witch before I saw that video. I was all about Hocus Pocus as a child.

Posted by: Mimi at October 31, 2009 2:38 PM

I just knew before looking that History of Violence would make that sex with costumes list.

Thanks so much for posting The Worst WItch video. I was watching that video earlier on Youtube. I thought I was the only one. Nice to know there are others out there. I LOVED that shit as a kid and have always felt in my heart that Harry Potter kind of ripped off that movie in a lot of ways.

Posted by: bubblegumshoe at October 31, 2009 8:16 PM

That H.R. Pufnstuf shit gave those of us who were kids in the 70s serious nightmares. You didn't even have to be eating the mushrooms to feel like you were trippin'.

I've never heard of The Worst Witch. When did this come out?

I've got y'all all beat on the grossness with porn and male family members:

I went over to my dad's apartment when I was about 29 years old. He was getting ready in the bedroom and we were going to go see a hockey game. I turned on his TV and his VCR came on. It was apparently cued up to a favorite spot on a favorite tape.

The thing is, it was SUCH a close-up shot and I was so not expecting porn, that I sat there sort of cocking my head going "what the hell am I looking at?"

OH MY GOD I'M LOOKING AT A WOMAN'S KIDNEYS VIA HER VAGINA! OH MY GOD THIS IS WHERE MY DAD STOPPED THE TAPE. HOLY SHIT. WHERE HE *STOPPED* THE TAPE Y'ALL. WHERE HE WAS *****DONE.*****

Gah gah gah, I need to vomit all over again. Excuse me.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at October 31, 2009 11:52 PM

For a few years when I was younger, my family lived in Nigeria - obviously, there was no actual television we could watch, but we had about a dozen tapes of different random things that we used to watch over and over and over again. That "Worst Witch" film was one of them. I haven't seen it in years (I had forgotten that Tim Curry was even in it) and yet I think I could still make a good stab at singing all the words to "Growing Up Isn't Easy".

I sometimes think that the copious amounts of crap absorbed by my young brain may be at least partially related to the inability of my adult brain to remember things for longer than 20 seconds.

Posted by: Shay at November 1, 2009 5:36 PM





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