Remember how Paris Hilton did that video on Funny or Die with Adam McKay and it was self-aware and snarky and hilarious? Yeah, well she had to go and ruin it. Of fucking course. (WIMB)
And it other Paris Hilton news, they are literally putting her into a rocket and sending her away from the Earth. I am not making this up. (Celebitchy)
And here are ten other whores porn stars who have run for public office. Really? Ten? (YBNBY)
Oh man… Poor Chris O’Donnell. But this is fuckens hilarious. (It’s Chris!)
It’s a little known fact: I am actually trained to immobilize a man using nothing but a spork and good old fashioned moxie. (QuizLaw)
Since there was a base stolen during the World Series last night, Taco Bell is giving away free tacos today from 2-6PM. (FreeTacos)
Was there a conspiracy involving the weather situation for the World Series? I’ve got a conspiracy for you: how ‘bout God is pissed off because he doesn’t get a free taco? (Galley Slaves)
You know have exactly one week to go find one of these fantastic signs to display in your yard. (Deus Ex Malcontent)
Gwen Stefani has egg all over her entire body. (IDLYITW)
Recently Dustin was inquiring about toddler Halloween costumes. What better way to show off our little bundle of joy than to dress him or her as something that you throw in boiling water or something that makes fart noises? (mental floss)
MTV has launched a website where you can watch nothing but music videos. I can’t believe people didn’t think of this like 25 years ago. (SlowlyGoingBald)
Cindy Crawford totally nails Amy Winehouse. But not in the way where she walks away with a contact high and Staph infection. (Yeeeah!)
Curse you, Stuff White People Like Guy! Once again you have made me feel like a chump for liking something that I like. (STWPL)
Remember the Budweiser “Wazzup” guys? Well, the years haven’t been kind to them: (Thanks, Pissboy!)
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
Now I'm wondering if Pissboy reads Jezebel, since they put up that "Wasssup" video last week. It's ok to admit it, honey, you're among friends.
Also, this: "When it comes to food, all white people are either allergic to/or have stopped eating everything you consider delicious." is hysterical. And frankly, if someone else is providing food for me, I don't give two shits what's in it, I'm just happy I didn't have to cook for myself.
Spork nuthin'. I can gouge out your eyes with my thumbs. Or so says the crazy lady that came to talk to my health class in middle school.
Posted by: s. pisaster at October 28, 2008 1:08 PM
Fucking great ad. That made my day.
Posted by: Cindy at October 28, 2008 1:10 PM
I thought we'd declared a moratorium on Paris Hilton? Stacey, you continue to be the Queen of Lies.
Posted by: TK at October 28, 2008 1:10 PM
becks:
The first time I saw ever her, she reminded me of the Popeye character, Alice the Goon.
So. No.
Posted by: firedmyass at October 28, 2008 1:11 PM
The Chris O'Donnell site is hilarious -- one of the hardest things about writing humor has to be capturing that clueless tone.
So ... off to look for "Geezer/Dingbat '08" signs.
Posted by: wash, out at October 28, 2008 1:14 PM
I hate hummus. Are they going to take away my Caucasian card? Oh crap, I've never been to the Caucasus, I'm really screwed. Am I a minority now? What's that? Yes I do live in California. Whites are a minority in California? I'm just confused then, there are white picket fences darker than my arm, oy vey what am I? Now I'm a Jew? Oh shit, and I thought my mom was mad when I became an atheist.
Posted by: stipe42 at October 28, 2008 1:17 PM
Oh, and I know quite a lot of white people who don't like hummus, but I love it. I guess I really am a cracker.
Posted by: Cindy at October 28, 2008 1:17 PM
*sigh*
Always with the fucking hummus.
HUMMUS HUMMUS HUMMUS!
White people do indeed love the shit out of it. Naturally I don't want anything to do with this hypefood.
Why doesn't chai have its own entry? Did chai finally flame out? You don't know baristing was like in 2002, goddammit! And when I steam your soy milk it smells like hot grass and makes me think of being woken up to do yardwork with my stepfather!
I thought we'd declared a moratorium on Paris Hilton? Stacey, you continue to be the Queen of Lies.
What was that game that Calvin & Hobbes used to play where they made up the rules as they went along? Well that's my Pajiba Love. Choke on it, bitches.
I don't know what's a sadder fact about me: that as soon as I saw the word "spork," I thought of KFC, or that I have, from time to time, been known to keep a plastic fork in my purse. In case I need to eat in an forkless emergency, I suppose.
Posted by: Melissa at October 28, 2008 1:25 PM
when I steam your soy milk
Nice euphemism. When I steam your soy milk, sometimes your nose bleeds a little.
Posted by: wash, out at October 28, 2008 1:27 PM
Well Pajibans, today is a proud day. I actually made it through 38 seconds of that Paris Hilton video before my eyes rolled so far back into my head I could watch my own brain melt. That has got to be a record.
Today I am a man.
Posted by: Admin11 at October 28, 2008 1:30 PM
What was that game that Calvin & Hobbes used to play where they made up the rules as they went along?
CalvinBall. You're welcome.
I've given myself a spork injury. Actually drew blood. But again, I'm a clumsy mess.
Anything involving Paris Hilton and your eyes rolling into the back of your head then your brain melting does not make you a man. It does, however, involve a trip to your local free clinic.
Posted by: becks at October 28, 2008 1:36 PM
Shit!....I was afraid of that.
Posted by: Admin11 at October 28, 2008 1:38 PM
CALVINBALL!!!
There's so much to comment on. Keep bringing the awesome, Stace.
First of all, I still have an uncle who says Whazzzaaup. And I cringe. That commercial really reminded me of how sad it is. But still it's a wonderful idea.
Secondly, the worst part of the Hummus article was the line about how no matter how barren a white person's fridge is it'll still have a container of hummus next to the empty Brita filter
Gah! Call me out on my clean water, willya? Every time he hits me with another low blow. And this is after he's taken Asian Girls and Mos Def from me!
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 28, 2008 1:41 PM
Why are we invoking the beloved game of Calvinball?
I get the cape.
Posted by: Melody at October 28, 2008 1:44 PM
If Dustin doesn't dress his kid in a lobster outfit and carry him around in a large pot, I will literally steal him and eat him. (Pajiba, Jr., not Dustin.)
Stacey, please teach me the way of the spork!
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at October 28, 2008 1:46 PM
Its alright Admin11, if you mention that Paris Hilton was involved they move you right up to the front of the line as a priority case in the name of public health and safety.
Is Calvin and Hobbes on the list of things that white people like? Because if its not, it should be. I love me some Calvin and Hobbes.
Posted by: becks at October 28, 2008 1:49 PM
Disclaimer: I am white. Pale and possibly glow-in-the-dark white. According the SWPL, I am supposed to like the following things, all of which I hate.
- Hummus
- Frisbee Sports
- Unpaid internships (Please, if I am working, I best be getting paid)
- Grammar (I hated composition)
- Ivy League (Pretentiousness annoys me (see THE Ohio State, Haaaar-vard, etc)
- Shorts (See pasty pale disclaimer)
- Sarah Silverman (Not that funny although better than Dane Cook)
- Public Radio (I'd rather jam a sharp stick in my ear than listen to other people's opinions)
- Vegans (If you don't like cheese, I hate you)
- Not having a tv (What is wrong with these people?)
- Making you feel bad about going outside (I don't like the outside world. There are spiders and bugs there.)
So if I don't like a majority of the stuff that they have on the website, what race am I? Apparently I am not white.
Posted by: Melody at October 28, 2008 2:03 PM
That Paris vid reminded me of an episode from "Angel", where Lorne returns to his home dimension and distracts an angry demon mob by singing. The mob collapses in agony, clutching at their ears and screaming, "It burns! It burns!" Only Paris causes pain to both eyes AND ears.
Posted by: DeadBessie at October 28, 2008 2:04 PM
nah Genny...got it from Prestonandsteve.com
Posted by: PissBoy at October 28, 2008 2:17 PM
Melody you may be Canadian. Or Eskimo.
Posted by: Admin11 at October 28, 2008 2:20 PM
They should be making the inverse of that campaign sign too. It would be equally appropriate.
oooooh, yep, I went there!
Posted by: Basil at October 28, 2008 2:26 PM
I love the Lobster in a Pot baby, and that fact that he's being carried by a chef.
I also like the Cerberus 3-headed dog costume.
Posted by: BWeaves at October 28, 2008 2:33 PM
"Well that's my Pajiba Love. Choke on it, bitches."
You see?! She's drunk with power! We must revolt, take back Pajiba Love, kill it's master and feast on her gooey innards!
Funny that Calvin and Hobbes should come up, as I've recently made rereading my copies of those books my bedtime reading. I, too, love me some Calvin and Hobbes.
Posted by: tamatha at October 28, 2008 2:41 PM
Admin11
I can't be a Canadian as I am neither fond of cold or a pacifist. Igloos are also not really my thing.
Want to guess again?
Posted by: Melody at October 28, 2008 2:46 PM
Melody, us Canadians are not fond of the cold, it is fond of us.
I don't have a strong feeling either way about it though.
Posted by: becks at October 28, 2008 3:27 PM
kill it's master and feast on her gooey innards!
Oh, sure, I'm the weirdo.
Posted by: TK at October 28, 2008 2:41 PM
-------------------------------------------------
No not just her...
Let's just kill 'em ALL!
KILL PRISCO!!!
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 28, 2008 3:38 PM
So I am half reading, half making out my grocery list. I click the link to SWPL and think, "ooh, hummus! I've run out and I almost forgot it!" Thanks, SWPL. :)
Posted by: ami at October 28, 2008 3:47 PM
You see?! She's drunk with power! We must revolt, take back Pajiba Love, kill it's master and feast on her gooey innards!
Actually, now that you mention it TK, I think I might need off next Friday. You want to cover for me?
Optimus I HEAR you. My dad insists in saying, 'Oh they need to Chillax', or 'I'm just Chillaxin'. He was a teen rock star (in Canada though) so I guess he's doing his best.
Posted by: replica at October 28, 2008 3:54 PM
Hummus may be mostly exclusive to white people, but I don't think it's common to all or even most white people. Somehow I don't see Vern dragging his ass home from the jobsite, clicking on the TV and kicking back with a cold one and a nice plate of hummus with a little EVOO and some kalamata olives because he's feeling a little dangerous.
Posted by: Eep at October 28, 2008 3:57 PM
replica, who's your daddy? I must know.
Posted by: becks at October 28, 2008 4:00 PM
Melody I resent you pacifist remark. Canadians are not pacifists we are merely more polite while kicking ass. "Oh terribly sorry about the crushed pelvis, but perhaps you should not have tried to steal my poutine." or, "You may want to brace for the upcoming knee to your testicles, we wouldn't want you to choke on them." and the ever popular, "Sorry about the donkey punch maam but...."
Then we send you a get well card while your in the hospital. And you are doubly humiliated because you just got your ass handed to you by a polite Canadian who is genuinely concerned with your well being.
And cold rocks, it keeps us fresh.
Posted by: Admin11 at October 28, 2008 4:09 PM
Admin11, are you essentially calling all residents of Canada produce? Cold does keep produce fresh, you know.
FYI: My favorite UFC fighter is GSP. He is very nice to his opponents after he makes them into human pretzel. Nice stereotyping sir.
Posted by: Melody at October 28, 2008 4:25 PM
Cold also makes for better hockey, which is all that really keeps us from going postal up here. You think it's easy being all polite and pleasant when we're so continuously provoked?
Posted by: lordhelmet at October 28, 2008 5:09 PM
Replica do you, perhaps, have Youtube proof of this claim? I feel hilarity may ensue. ((If anyone is familiar with How I met Your Mother, I expect a similar scenario.))
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 28, 2008 10:37 PM
You know what else the cold keeps fresh Melody? Meat. Big, manley slabs of meat. We don't rock the veggies in Canada. SHHHHHHHT! Silly vegans.
We need to maintain an insulating layer of blubber to survive the harsh environment. Except for those people who live on the West coast. They are wussies and only eat food with copious amounts of olive oil in it. It is so that they can naturally repel the rain that falls 364.5 days a year.
So I guess I am calling Canadians big slabs of meat. But not the women, they're dainty. Like filets. MMMMMMMMMMmmmmm filet.
Posted by: Admin11 at October 28, 2008 11:55 PM
You can take away my Pajiba privileges if you want, but I still find Paris less annoying that Palin. At least she's only running for fake-President. And I would actually vote for her before Palin - sadly, her policy is actually . . . better.
Posted by: Elfrieda at October 29, 2008 2:47 AM
Why doesn't chai have its own entry? Did chai finally flame out? You don't know baristing was like in 2002, goddammit! And when I steam your soy milk it smells like hot grass and makes me think of being woken up to do yardwork with my stepfather!
But did you know that if you scald an Eggnog Latte it smells like salami? No joke. Salami Lattes make me gag.
Hahahahahahahahaha, that shit was awesome and funny.
Change indeed.