free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 10/27/09 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

sherlock-holmes-movie-robertdowney.jpg
New Sherlock Holmes Poster Contains 100% Less Shirtless Downey

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | October 27, 2009 | Comments (35)

Agent Bedhead thinks that Jude Law looks way hotter than Robert Downey Jr. on the new Sherlock Holmes poster. I think Jude Law looks like a gay prairie dog, so this is where we differ in opinion. (Agent Bedhead)

OK, so obviously everyone who religiously reads this column knows that I have the sense of humor of a 10-year-old, and yes this is the best Scott Baio picture ever. (Unreality)

The first five minutes of the new Boondog Taints (as it shall forever be known) is online, and it apparently includes a gratuitous amount of praying and shooting. (Film Drunk)

Mitch Hurwitz is talking about the Arrested Development movie again. Great, now shut up and just do it already. (Gordon and the Whale)

Dear sweet Jesus, somebody needs to put some clothes on Miley Cyrus’ 9-year-old sister. I’d make a better joke, but I could probably be arrested for it. (Yeeeah!)

Ritz crackers are making sweet flavors now, and quite frankly I’m not sure how I feel about this. (Impulsive Buy)

What does your favorite musician say about you? Let’s see … Mine is They Might Be Giants, so I’m guessing that says I’m delightfully quirky with a great sense of humor, and I’ll probably die alone. (Notes on Bar Napkins)

Ewwww … I don’t care what anyone says, five-year-olds should just not have ripped abs. (Thundersquee!)

Amy Winehouse celebrated her retarded-looking new breast implants by wearing a corset that didn’t cover them whatsoever. You’re welcome. (Superior Gossip)

Because this doesn’t ever get old, here are the best Maury paternity test result reaction videos. (Holy Taco)

Netflix’s Insto-Presto-Watch is coming to Playstation 3, which doesn’t help me at all because I’m a wii girl. Thanks for nothing, Netflix. (Cinematical)

Kate Gosselin isn’t so much offended that people are selling Halloween wigs of her ridiculous hairstyle, but she is a little peeved that she’s not getting any of the proceeds. (Celebitchy)

Gross. Mormons are trying to lighten up their ultra-conservative image with a new MILF calendar called “Hot Mormon Muffins.” Have at it, commenters. (Mix Tape Therapy)

Speaking of things that will totally dominate the comment thread today, the “Fleshlight” now comes in vampire flavor. Thanks, Twilight! (Topless Robot)

Today’s clip, a rendition of Field of Dreams — as if directed by Ingmar Bergman — was sent in by Stacy (without an “e”) which won her first place in 2009’s NY AICE Camp Kuleshov. Congrats!

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

"Holmes for the holiday"

Really?

Ugh. I do so despise marketing punnery.

Posted by: Skewicide Blonde at October 27, 2009 1:06 PM

I, for one, support the Mormon MILF calendar idea. Based on my experience, Mormon's do seem to be, on average, more attractive than most other groups of people, so I don't see the downside to this endeavor.

I'm all for a lightening up of an ultra-conservative image.

Yay, hot, proud Mormon moms!

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at October 27, 2009 1:15 PM

DAMMIT MORMONS STOP RUINING MUFFINS YOU SICK BASTARDS.

DAMN THEM!

Posted by: figgy at October 27, 2009 1:15 PM

Bergman's Field of Dreams is my new favorite thing ever. Excellent job, Stacy without an 'e'!

Posted by: ShinyKate at October 27, 2009 1:17 PM

OK I know it's evil and horrible to make fun of little kids (though on the other hand she is being put there and whored out for the entire world to see and mock) but that is one UGLY little girl. It proves my theory that Billy Ray Cyrus never produced a single good thing in his entire life.

Posted by: figgy at October 27, 2009 1:17 PM

Well, from what my mom's learned from a few friends, Mormons are a bit like Casper in "Kids". Fuckin's all they got! So cheesecake doesn't really surprise me.

I'm still not interested in seeing "Sherlock Holmes". I'm kind of disappointed that I'm not, but, what can I do? It's just gonna be one of those movieless seaons for me.

Posted by: Jay at October 27, 2009 1:22 PM

I'm not clicking that "Mormon Muffins" thing because it can only be child porn. You're all going to jail.

Posted by: Cindy at October 27, 2009 1:29 PM

Every time I see "shirtless Downey" it makes me think of lonely fabric softener. Poor softener, why can't you find a nice shirt to soften?

Posted by: admin at October 27, 2009 1:30 PM

RDJ looks all wrong in that Sherlock Holmes poster. Law looks period appropriate, but RDJ has modern hair and it just looks weird. It means that the movie will be really dated looking in less than 10 years when hairstyles have completely changed again.

Jeremy Brett, please come back from the dead. Zombie Holmes would be better than this.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 27, 2009 1:43 PM

I'd butter that . . . Ah, forget it.

1) I refuse to believe these women are Mormans. They don't have the teeth.

2) I used to know a guy in Las Vegas who was "dating" a Mormon ("dating" because she was cheating on her fiance). He said she was the dirtiest, horniest woman he ever knew.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 27, 2009 1:46 PM

Hot Mormon Muffins is going to be my new band name.

the “Fleshlight” now comes in vampire flavor.

Pseudo-Mr. vB is going to be SO HAPPY. Because grown-ass men love Twilight and can't wait to stick their dick in it.

that muscle kid? Is totally creepy. Also, he's gonna get bored with all the working out and have moobs by the time he's 10.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at October 27, 2009 1:53 PM

I can't help but read "Hot MORON Muffins" every time I see it. Coincidence? I think not.

Posted by: ShannonAnn at October 27, 2009 1:55 PM

Between the little Cyrus girl and the kid with the ripped abs (please, please let that be Photoshopped), I'm feeling grateful for my parents right now. figgy, I suspect the poor child looks ugly because they're trying to make her look like a 40-year-old strung out prostitute instead of a kid.

Law looks like he's smelling something bad in that poster.

Posted by: DeadBessie at October 27, 2009 2:26 PM

AVB: Interestingly enough, the Fleshjack, which is like the gay twin brother of the Fleshlight, has the exact same thing out, but with a different name. Holy fuck, the way all the other gay porn stars reacted to this shit, you'd think they programmed it to suck you off, make you some blueberry pancakes then go pick up your dry-cleaning. The best part is? The inside has little tiny vampire-tooth shaped bumps inside of it. All this and no one seems to remember that vampires are demons that want to tear open your throat and suck the life out of you. This is why we can't have nice things.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at October 27, 2009 2:28 PM

Oooh, AvB! Can I be in your band?

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 27, 2009 2:37 PM

L with an 'e', you can BE the band. I don't actually play an instrument... Well, not the kind that's suitable for mentioning on a family website like this one.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at October 27, 2009 2:42 PM

Those Mormon women are hot...I bet their husband is pleased.

Posted by: laredo at October 27, 2009 2:49 PM

AvB, I thought you played the organ?

Posted by: BWeaves at October 27, 2009 2:51 PM

I also love the Scott Baio photo.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 27, 2009 2:54 PM

AvB:
I'm pretty good on the flesh pipe, but one can only hum along whilst playing it. We'd need a singer.
(Too nasty?)

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 27, 2009 3:02 PM

oh my god the fangs are flesh colored THE FANGS ARE FLESH COLORED

Posted by: Three-nineteen at October 27, 2009 3:02 PM

Actually, that was a lot better than I thought it was going to be. When Stacey used the phrase "vampire flavor" I was afraid it was a new version of that sparkly Twilight dildo, which then made me want to know how you decide what vampire dick tastes like, which then made me want to stop thinking.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at October 27, 2009 3:10 PM

oh my god the fangs are flesh colored THE FANGS ARE FLESH COLORED

THAT is your problem with that unfuckable monstrosity?!?

Posted by: Patty O'Green at October 27, 2009 3:14 PM

laredo, I saw what you did there. And I dug it.

Posted by: Skewicide Blonde at October 27, 2009 3:33 PM

Vampire "flavor"?
So after your boyfriend is done humping the can, you can taste his . . . what the fuck? Why is it flavored? And I've never heard guys wonder why their woman doesn't use MORE teeth. So why have this thing with giant teeth? I mean, a little is good if lightly appli---that's not the point!
And aside from the odd "flavor" aspect, wouldn't a vampire just chew your dick off? Wait, why would it even get to that point? What kind of self-loathing vampire goes around chewing stinky dicks off? They want blood, not semen. And they're dead. They don't care if you get pissy for not going down on them. You mouth off, they eat your tongue. Would you fantasize about a girl wearing vampire teeth at a Halloween party?
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!?!

Posted by: Kballs at October 27, 2009 3:34 PM

I'll have to wait till I'm home tonight to see the vampire sex toy (work blocks damn near everything).

If the Mormons want to shed their ultra-conservative image, they could have started by staying in their own damn state and leaving my right to marry alone.

Posted by: Drake at October 27, 2009 3:44 PM

Oh, and the header pic of RDJ kinda freaks me out. I've seen defined and undefined torsos, but his looks like it's defined in the wrong places.

Posted by: Drake at October 27, 2009 3:48 PM

RE the poster: I think they both look kinda fey. NTTAWWT. I realize it's England back in the day and that's how they all dressed, but still... And Jude Law's 'stache looks way too porno for me.

Posted by: Slash at October 27, 2009 4:43 PM

@JeremyFeist
I'm at work, so I can't reference any websites to see just what we're talking
about here. So I'm going to rely upon your vast knowledge of things sexy /
porn / gee / ect to lay it all out for me.
Don't both products *DO* exactly the same thing? It's a silicon sleeve that
kinda looks like a wang port and via vibrations &/or the motion of the
wearer's arm, one gets some jollies and end scene. So.... what am I missing?

Posted by: Ms MoMo at October 27, 2009 5:40 PM

Ms MoMo: Honestly? Not much. They're owned by the same company, the only difference being that Fleshlight is marketed toward straight guys while Fleshjack is marketed toward gay guys. Oh, and said marketing for the latter tends to feature slabs of beefcake demonstrating how to use them, which makes it the only gadget in the world where the marketing fulfills the products function.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at October 27, 2009 6:01 PM

Sweet flavored Ritz? Sometimes marketing people should be drug out in the street and horsewhiped. And when I say sometimes I mean when ever they are awake.

Posted by: EricD at October 27, 2009 6:44 PM

That field of dream trailer was awesome. I love that movie.

Posted by: grace b at October 27, 2009 7:06 PM

I'm going to find out whether I'm legally able to sue Pajiba for posting that link to the Amy Winehouse picture, therefore creating a risk that I might click it.

Posted by: Daniel Hall at October 27, 2009 7:07 PM

Kate Gosselin, you dancing monkey of incompetence - your godamned hair is not licenced. You are not gelling that shit with trademarks.

Posted by: Lauren at October 27, 2009 8:24 PM

A muffin is a muffin, I say. As long as it is attached to a beautiful face and warm fresh, and not a can of fucking fang, I am not averse to spreading love. THAT there is a tolerance.

Posted by: yocean at October 28, 2009 12:28 AM





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