free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 10/24/08 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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I’m Gonna Cyber Murder You All In The Face

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | October 24, 2008 | Comments (46)

Holy hell. This, I can’t wrap my brain around. A woman is facing jail time for killing her husband’s character (or character’s husband?) in one of those retarded “Sims”-type games. (QuizLaw)

Boozehound sad he’d hold his breath until he turned gay if I didn’t run this John Hodgman interview. You know, there is something unmistakably sexy about a man who knows how to predict the future with a pig’s spleen. (AV Club)

Tom Cruise is so desperate to prove that he’s not the psychotic, uptight dick we all know he is, that he’s going to try to roast Matt Lauer. Aaaawkward. (WIMB)

You know, a lot of the shit I write over at Webster’s is the God’s honest truth, wrapped up in satire and facetiousness. Which leads me to believe that Bob Saget did, in fact, suck dick for coke at some point in his life. (Agent Bedhead)

Beyonce picked out her very own nickname just like George Costanza. I say we just call her “T-Bone” from now on. (IDLYITW)

Good news! George Clooney is dating one of his ex-skanks who doesn’t share a name with a Pajiba staffer. (Bricks&Stones)

Sarah Palin is asked what she thinks of the Republican Platform; is stumped. I never thought I’d say this, but I’d totally watch “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?” if she went on. (Spoiler alert: she’s not.) (HuffPo)

Now you can generate your very own McCain campaign logo! (CC Insider)

Here’s the first bit of evidence that makes me believe that maybe Miley Cyrus’s 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend isn’t statutory raping the bejeezus out of her. (omgblog)

The one on top is hands-down the best canine Halloween costume I have ever witnessed. (Cute Overload)

OMG, I love this. A blog written by two women who have been BFF for “sixty years and counting.” Thanks, Snoop Kolby Kolb! (Margaret&Helen)

Finally, a big hearty “fuck you” to everyone who didn’t vote for Jared Padalecki’s abs yesterday. Even though they were contested to be phony, it’s the thought that counts. And for everyone who is still condescending of my love for Jensalecki, look how awesome Jensen Ackles is. Just look. He did this last night. True story:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

I was getting ready to vote for Padalecki last night, but on my way home I got mugged by a Ryan Reynolds fan. He beat me up and then carved a backwards "R" in my face.

I've been twittering about it all day.

Posted by: kushiro at October 24, 2008 12:08 PM

Hey, I totally voted for Padalecki AND his abs. Although the video of Jensen Ackles going all Tawney Kitaen on the hood of a car kinda made my day. Choke on it, Ryan Reynolds! Thanks Stacey, you majestic, wine-box drinking thing, you!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at October 24, 2008 12:13 PM

That video totally made my afternoon. I love that you can hear Jared in the background, giggling like a madman.

Posted by: lizzieborden at October 24, 2008 12:19 PM

I already have an internet friend called T-Bone. I can't have two T-Bones. I'll call her Koko the monkey.

Oh shit that's probably racist, isn't it.

Posted by: Sabrina at October 24, 2008 12:23 PM

YEAH! SUCK IT ROWL...err.

*cough* During this "roast" Is Tom Cruise gonna be wearing his "I'm not a closeted gay man" Costume #13?:

Black Jeans
Black Turtle Neck
Black Lifted Biker Boots
Big Gay "aviator" Watch

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 24, 2008 12:25 PM

Oh, and my roommate refused to delete Supernatural after we watched it last night. I suspect it's because of this clip. This AWESOME clip.

Posted by: Sabrina at October 24, 2008 12:25 PM

Planks?


Planks??


Those dog costumes are.........KILLING me.

Posted by: Jay at October 24, 2008 12:32 PM

Stay strong, Stacey! And thank you for another helping of what I've heard referred to as "The Thigh of the Tiger."
I was sick yesterday, watched Supernatural and that bonus, and woke up healthy today. Laughter (and apparently Survivor) really is the best medicine.

Posted by: foursweatervests at October 24, 2008 12:48 PM

that video is a beautiful thing.

i voted for Padalecki's fake abs, but i was thinking of him in nothing but a towel in Hell House. i don't know what's in the water at Pajiba headquarters, but i'm really enjoying all these Winchester/shirtless men posts.

Posted by: pq at October 24, 2008 12:58 PM

Is Sasha Fierce going to be the R&B version of the Chris Gaines fiasco?

Posted by: Melissa at October 24, 2008 1:03 PM

How is Bob Saget cursing a surprise to anyone? He did the Aristocrats and was obsessed with hookers and blow on Entourage. (Yes, I watch Entourage.) His stand-up routine has always been filled with curses and dirty jokes. This is not a sign of any (recent) descent into Pete Doherty grossness.

Not to say that he's never sucked a dick for blow. He probably has.

Posted by: Sabrina at October 24, 2008 1:05 PM

I never said I wouldn't fuck Jensen Ackles. I've wanted to fuck him ever since he played Sami's twin brother Eric on Days of Our Lives. If you want to have an ab-off between Ackles and Reynolds, that will be a hard choice for me, my friend. Really hard. Or, wet actually. Padalecki, however, just doesn't float my little man in the boat.

Posted by: Dangle McGee at October 24, 2008 1:13 PM

Man, Ackles just got hotter in my estimation. He was already up there, but now that he has a documented sense of humor, even better...

Note: I didn't want to choose between Jared and Ryan, but I was forced to choose. Personally, I think there is plenty of room for everyone with killer abs to be winners. Ryan, Jared, Jensen, Brad Pitt, the list goes on an on.

Posted by: Slash at October 24, 2008 1:22 PM

I have no idea who that guy is, but he's funny. Good on him.

Posted by: Lucas at October 24, 2008 1:55 PM

ooooooooooh Jensen. As if I didn't already love you. Now I know we are to be husband and wife. Whether you like it or not.

Posted by: nadine at October 24, 2008 2:51 PM

I am in a bad place today. Ladies feel free to taunt, harrass and call me names but:

Who are these fucking guys? Aren't men actually supposed to look like men? Put some back-combing in these boys hair and you know what you've got? Hair metal. Thats right, these little boys are Poison circa 1988 but with less talent. And just like Poison, Cinderella, Motley Crue, etc. they'll be gone just as quick.

Are they pretty? Absolutely. Man Pretty. Do you know what being man pretty and talentless gets you when your career is over in ten years? The coveted position of bottom to Big Hairy Bill when your serving 10-15 for armed robbery and meth possession.

Sorry. I'll go home now.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 24, 2008 3:37 PM

RE Admin11:

Whatever.

Posted by: Slash at October 24, 2008 4:56 PM

I'll admit I'm one of those people that watches the special features on DVDs and since I don't have cable *gasp!* I rent "Supernatural" and get to enjoy the goofballery that is Jensen Ackles. He's hilarious throughout and I love him dearly.

Posted by: snapnhiss at October 24, 2008 5:06 PM

Admin11, i think you are missing the point a little. man-candy is supposed to be pretty/tasty empty calories. sure, it has a fairly short shelf life, but it makes the lady bits tingle and that's all that really matters.

Posted by: pq at October 24, 2008 5:20 PM

Yeah, they're just gonna make us feel ugly if we argue it, Mr. Min. It's an unwinnable fight.

Posted by: Jay at October 24, 2008 5:26 PM

Stacey, unlike what Dustin said about no one knowing who Jared is, I know him from Mr. Perfect BoyFriend/Jealous Ex/Cheating Husband on the Gilmore Girls. Pretty awesome. Yea, but I have no clue who Jensen Ackles is, except that his name sounds like he should be chopping a tree in the forests of Maine. Ackles. Ackles. Ackles.

Posted by: dene chen at October 24, 2008 5:34 PM

Admin11, let me just say a-freakin'-men! Let's hear it for manly men.

I just don't get the appeal of the Ryan Phillipes and Justin Timberlakes of this world. Is it so bad for the girl to be the pretty one in a relationship?

Posted by: meaux at October 24, 2008 6:02 PM

I am well aware of the hipocratic nature of my argument since it can be turned around quite easily. There is nothing wrong with tingley lady bits, I quite enjoy them (tingley, not burning or itchy). I just don't get it.

Like I said, I was in a bad place, I'm home now and am on the second rum so I'm feeling much better.

Also I'm a bit jealous. It's been a good week for the women. You've had Pitt, Vaughn, Efron, Padelecki, Ackles, Reynolds, Baio?, Kutcher? While the men got some redheads, a sprinkle of Bekensale and old poon.

I'm beginning to wonder if Dustin may secretly have a vagooter.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 24, 2008 6:17 PM

Hey, quit your whining--with the possible exception of Reynolds, you menfolk SO got the good end of that deal.

Posted by: meaux at October 24, 2008 6:30 PM

Hey now Admin and Meaux, I resent that. I'm just saying, not ALL of us can experience the joys being conventionally manly, but we do the best we can, here! And besides, do you know how much work goes into being this pretty? The diets, the manscaping, the exercise...Pierre's convinced me to start running so that I can have an ass for once, and after running for forty straight minutes this morning, my legs went numb. So enjoy our prettiness, dammit!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at October 24, 2008 7:02 PM

That video is fucking hilarious!
But I wonder if Ackles is a tad embarrassed to discover he knows the words to 'Eye of the Tiger'.... I would be....

Admin - you don't think some of the men here might appreciate a pretty man, too? Just like some of the women appreciated La Hendricks and her amazing boobies?

Equal opportunity perving - it's the hallmark of Pajiba.

Posted by: Tarn at October 24, 2008 7:18 PM

Jer, honey, you aren't nearly blond and poufy-lipped enough to fall in my unappealingly-girly-man category. And really, no man under 20 can be a manly-man. It's physically impossible. So, yes--you are definitely pretty, my friend--but not in the bad way. I'm thinking more Ryan Gosling than Phillipe. [/drunken cougar talk]

Posted by: meaux at October 24, 2008 7:34 PM

Sorry, Stacey, but to me they're both still as bland as white bread smeared with I can't Believe It's Not Butter, drunk with a glass of water.

Not fucking fair. The guys get giant boobs and we get bland pretty boys. Bring back RDJ! And Christian Bale!

Posted by: figgy at October 24, 2008 7:37 PM

meaux, relationships are a whole different story. man-candy is mainly for looking, and touching if the opportunity arises, but if you want a relationship, or even a conversation, you might have to go elsewhere. i also have to agree re being prettier than my man-friend.

Admin, i'm glad you are in a better place--and i think i'm going to have to stop by the liquor store on the way home.

Posted by: pq at October 24, 2008 7:46 PM

you don't think some of the men here might appreciate a pretty man, too?

The short answer? No.

Well, straight men anyway.

Slightly longer answer: Not the way the gals here mean it (hoo wee). Now, I like a handsome man, sure. I like a guy's face, his hair, how he dresses--someone I can emulate, or at least wish I could emulate. And personality often goes along with it. "That guy's cool, and damn he looks good", but it's generally not, you know, an A/X model. I need to respect the guy's looks, like it's not his sole asset, the guy's just fortunate like that.

Now, that's me, there may be straight men out there saying "will ya look at that ass? Makes me happy just knowin' a thing like that's out there for everyone to see and enjoy". I think women in general notice and appreciate (or sometimes hate) each other's parts more than men do, though.

Posted by: Jay at October 24, 2008 7:55 PM

Hey, I thought I was the only Pajiban lame (or ballsy) enough to admit that I've had my eye on that ass since Days of Our Lives! Oh, Eric Brady. How I secretly wanted you and Sami to make out.

Anyways, I, for one, prefer my men pretty. Who needs RDJ when you have Orlando Bloom? YES I SAID IT. You'll have to pry my Pajicard from my cold, dead hands!!!

And besides, I'll totally wear the pants in the relationship. Dress him up in womens clothes,
mess around with gender roles, line his eyes and call him pretty-eeh-heeeee!

Posted by: monkey_b at October 24, 2008 8:02 PM

O.K. Now I get it. Some of you like your men to be prettier than you are. That's cool. Just think of all the money you'll save by sharing make-up.

Tarn I can appreciate a handsome dude. The ones that look like pre-pubescent girls? No...not at all.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 24, 2008 8:31 PM

And John Barrowman's probably the middle ground.

Oh, irony!

Posted by: Jay at October 24, 2008 8:36 PM

Seriously, get this fucking crap off us or we'll bite you in the balls.

Now.

-- the dogs

Posted by: bucdaddy at October 24, 2008 8:52 PM

It's the grin that does it. Sure, the surrounding bits are hot, but it's the goofy, gorgeous smile that works for me, no matter what it's attached to. How can you ignore that smile?

Posted by: Lauren at October 24, 2008 11:44 PM

Because behind the smile there is NOTHING!......NOTHING!

Posted by: Admin11 at October 25, 2008 12:28 AM

Awesome another Padalecki/Ackles mention. Ackles tag line should really be: making incest hot since 1998. Oh Eric Brady...

Posted by: Karla at October 25, 2008 12:33 AM

Seriously Admin, you're rather startlingly upset by the fact that some women enjoy good-looking men. Calling Padalecki "girly" is kind of a cop out. The boy is 6'5" and built like a truck, with a strong jaw line and rather masculine brow (which you can't see in the header, to be fair). Oh, that was embarrassingly fangirl of me.

I didn't see any posts from female pajibans bemoaning Christina Hendricks' porn-star proportions. Why? Perhaps because, even though she is built like any number or gals in your average skin flick, the female posters acknowledged that she is cosidered beautiful by many people. Not that it matters, but I count myself among them.

And really? You think that Efron and Baio are mancandy material? I mean, Kutcher and Vaughn are questionable at best, but..

Posted by: serena at October 25, 2008 4:00 AM

Jennifer Hudson house go bang bang!

Posted by: sushi at October 25, 2008 8:05 AM

Jennifer Hudson house go bang bang!

Posted by: sushi at October 25, 2008 8:05 AM

Are you for real? I'm twisting this around in my head eight different ways and can't extract humor from any of the permutations. Dear God, sushi, you are an asshole.

Posted by: Che Grovera at October 25, 2008 10:43 AM

Actually, behind the smile there is tongue. Mmm baby.

Posted by: monkey_b at October 25, 2008 6:00 PM

Jay,
well no, I don't expect straight men to appreciate a hot guy the same way I do. I was talking about the gay men amongst us.
And *hee!* about Barrowman - you're so right...

Admin11,
Oh, I don't like the girly boys either.
But then, I don't think Ackles is one, any more. Sure, in his early days on tv, he was way too pretty to live. But he's thirty now, with the laugh lines and stuff. Hardly any resemblance to a pre-pubescent girl, nowadays.

Posted by: Tarn at October 26, 2008 8:26 AM

Ackles appears to be channeling the Rock in a lot of that video. I think those together would be fantastic at Karoke night

Posted by: MrCreosote at October 26, 2008 12:24 PM

Everyone who shit talks Palin on this website,
is jealous that a hard working mom of 5, made it into a high executive position, and is now on a presidential ticket. And it wasn't that fuck of a person who is Hillary Clinton.
If Obama had picked her, you'd all be sucking her teats and how great a mommy she is.

Posted by: Jesse Jackson at October 26, 2008 1:46 PM

*yawn*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 26, 2008 2:09 PM

Er, Jesse Jackson, I couldn't care less what kind of a mommy she is, frankly. Do you think people are judging McCain and Obama based on how they are as daddies, for pete's sake?! I think folks around here are a little more concerned with her brains than her effing ovaries, thank you very much.

Posted by: meaux at October 26, 2008 3:32 PM