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Suck It, Rowles

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | October 23, 2008 | Comments (57)

Jared Padalecki is a God among men. He is a friend to the animals, is a superb facial expressions method actor, has really pretty eyelashes and looks hot in a T-shirt. And don’t you ever forget it. (Padalecki.net)

Paris Hilton campaigns to star in the remake of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (WIMB)

Hey! Guess which Presidential candidate’s wife doesn’t spend as much on her wardrobe as some people do on a house? (Celebitchy)

Sarah Palin, as drawn by “It’s Always Sunny’s” Dennis Reynolds, apparently. (QuizLaw)

Doddering old man makes an oopsie. (Evil Beet) Then he does it again, but it’s a lot less sexy than Britney Spears circa 1999. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

Does anyone here actually watch “Ugly Betty?” Well, if you do, I’m sure you’ll be devastated to hear that Lindsay Lohan’s order has been cut from six to four episodes, apparently because she and the ugly one hate each other’s guts. (The Blemish)

Who wants to live the exciting, fabulous, Ramen noodle-filled life of a famous blogger? (BestWeekEver)

When Change Is Bad: what happens when good artists unsuccessfully try to branch out. Although “good” is maybe a little strong of a word to use for Metallica. Sorry guys, I really fucking hate Metallica. Always have; always will. (TMITM)

Madonna is like the most odious type of bitch ever. (Celebslam)

Here are some Halloween costumes which should probably be avoided this year. Yes, it’s too soon for the Joker. (io9)

Mini-dirve: which is your favorite flavor of candy? Mine is green, but it has to be lime, not apple. Nothing chaps my ass like thinking it’s lime and it turns out to be apple. (rape-candy-halloween.html">SeriousEats)

Apparently Christina Ricci is not familiar with the idiom “Why buy the skank when you can see her side-boobies for free.” (Popoholic)

I just happened across comedian Joe DeRosa’s vlog over on atom, and thought I’d use it today because he used to date my friend in college and I’m all namedroppey like that. I think I played Power Hour with him once.

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

That's it. I quit.

Posted by: TK at October 23, 2008 12:07 PM

I think my favorite part of that Jared Padalecki site is their "Elite Affiliates." With only 4 out of 14 spaces filled. They're just that elite.

And this is so Jensen doesn't feel left out.

Posted by: Sabrina at October 23, 2008 12:09 PM

[Honey]Violence! Violence! Oo-hoo![/Honey]

Posted by: Eep at October 23, 2008 12:09 PM

Wow, McCain sure does love him some cunt

Posted by: ms shai at October 23, 2008 12:09 PM

I'm with you on the thought it was lime, but it turned out to be shitty apple hate, Miss Stacey, but the flavor I've never understood is grape. It NEVER tastes ANYTHING like grape! I don't have a problem with the candy/gum/artificially-flavored whatever it may be, but brother, it ain't grape. Just make up a new name for it for the luvvagawd. I've never had a grape that tastes anything like grape-flavored anything.

Bastards...

Posted by: Skitz at October 23, 2008 12:12 PM

Wow... lookit all them italics... and I'm stone-cold sober too...

Posted by: Skitz at October 23, 2008 12:13 PM

Sabrina
The link, he no work...

Posted by: Tarn at October 23, 2008 12:14 PM

Sometimes, when you have such a formula, when you've gathered a perfect storm of sound, it's best to simply tweak it periodically, but not to try to overreach. When that happens, for some bands, well... the suck begins.

I can be such a bitchy fan like that, but I agree. Especially when they transform into sounding like a hundred other bands.

The Creatures
Old 97s
Man Or Astro-Man?

WHY????

I like Apple and not Lime. But Grape...Grape's gotta be the universal bummer rolling out of the gumball machine. Once in a blue moon I'll score Banana, and this is a happy day.

Ever get those 50 cent giant hollow pieces that render you completely ridiculous looking and unable to move your jaw while on your way out of the grocery store? Cause I sure haven't.

Posted by: Jay at October 23, 2008 12:16 PM

I'm going to register Pajiba to be an Elite Affiliate of J-Pad's website.

Posted by: Stacey at October 23, 2008 12:17 PM

Anything but orange or yellow. Fuck you, horrible fake citrus crap, and fuck you the last roll of Sprees I bought for only having 1 purple.

Posted by: Julie at October 23, 2008 12:19 PM

See, Jay, I had banana. But I'm not a fan of even regular bananas, so artificial banana flavor is just insult on top of injury (as the yellow color lures me into thinking "Ooo! Lemon!")

What's up with candy colors being so deceiving? Green can be apple or lime. Yellow can be banana or lemon. Red can be strawberry, cherry or (and this applies to green too, sometimes) watermelon. Stupid deceptive candy.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at October 23, 2008 12:21 PM

Regarding When Change Is Bad.

Holy Christ, TK! I was talking to a friend this weekend about two of the same three bands (no Helmet). No. Shit. Granted, I was drunk and couldn't put it as eloquently as you... Anyhow, with your permission, I'm just gonna copy that article and email it to the bastard that disagreed with me... He had the goddamed nerve to say St. Anger wasn't "that bad"... He also thought Anthrax was better once Belladonna was out of the band...

Posted by: Skitz at October 23, 2008 12:23 PM

But Bananas Are Good, and the Ninth Doctor certainly agrees with me!

Posted by: Jay at October 23, 2008 12:25 PM

He also thought Anthrax was better once Belladonna was out of the band...

What the motherfucking FUCK?!?!?!?!?

Posted by: Jay at October 23, 2008 12:28 PM

Top Banana!

Posted by: Christopher Eccleston at October 23, 2008 12:29 PM

Mmmm... watermelon Jolly Ranchers...

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at October 23, 2008 12:30 PM

Skitz: Totally agreed. I swear, is there some rule that states that anything grape flavoured has to taste like cough syrup? Holy Christ, I don't drink that stuff when I'm sick, what the hell makes you think I'm gonna drink that stuff healthy. Though I still say the worst are those nasty ass marshmallows that taste like strawberries and bananas. Pierre is currently addicted to those banana marshmallows. He has other redeeming qualities, I swear, but stil...

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at October 23, 2008 12:34 PM

My favorite colour is brown. Don't be gross you pigs! Do you know what brown is? Do you? It's rootbeer! Glorious rootbeer! A&W rootbeer suckers are the best candy ever.

And I'm sorry, I can't stand apple. It's always that bitter green apple flavour and I find it nausiating.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 23, 2008 12:34 PM

It really depends on the type of candy we're talking about here. If it's accompanied by chocolate, then I must have coconut. If it's hard candy, I like strawberry or pineapple. If it's gum, gimme my fake-ass watermelon. Does anyone else have a difficult time not swallowing certain flavors of gum before you really even get to chewing them? I really struggle keeping watermelon and cherry-flavored gum in my mouth long enough for the flavor to dissipate. Holy shit, I put way too much thought into this.

Posted by: Kolby at October 23, 2008 12:35 PM

Since when does banana flavored candy taste like anything besides 'oh my god, the nauseous is coming, its coming!'? And then you spit out the abomination and stand there with your mouth open and let all the banana flavored saliva drain onto the floor with a look of shock and horror like your mouth has just been banana raped by someone you thought you could trust. Awe man I'm shaking now, I hate that shit!!

Posted by: ms shai at October 23, 2008 12:35 PM

"He had the goddamed nerve to say St. Anger wasn't "that bad"... He also thought Anthrax was better once Belladonna was out of the band..."

Skittiums, he may look and act like a friend... but that's no friend. No friend at ALL.

Posted by: TK at October 23, 2008 12:36 PM

colors are NOT flavors people
but anyway I like red!!

Posted by: blacksred at October 23, 2008 12:36 PM

And who the hell is Jared Padalecki, and why won't he cut his stringy ass hair?

Posted by: Kolby at October 23, 2008 12:37 PM

Everyone remember where you were this day when the Nosek Pajiba Insurgency officially went public. She's been silently indoctrinating her little Padaleckiacs in order to turn them into comment suicide bombers for the past four seasons of Supernatural.

Their ultimate prize per her teachings? 72 virgin Padaleckis.

Posted by: branded at October 23, 2008 12:37 PM

Dang, I just read Dustin's write up on the Friday the 13th trailer, so now I at least have a small idea of who Jared Padalecki is. I guess. Maybe.

DON'T HATE ME STACEY!

Posted by: Kolby at October 23, 2008 12:43 PM

And I totally agree with Skitz. I can't hang with the grape flavor. It does no justice to the grape. You know the only thing 'grape flavored' that actually tastes like grapes is Grapealicious flavored blunt wrap.
In hindsight it also tasted like moonlight, and Kevin Spacey, and the grass outside of the movie theatre. I disappointed so many people that night..

Posted by: ms shai at October 23, 2008 12:43 PM

Their ultimate prize per her teachings? 72 virgin Padaleckis.

Virgin? Not for long.

Aw, Tarn, it works for me. Here we go again:
http://handson.provocateuse.com/images/photos/jensen_ackles_01.jpg

Save a horse, ride an Ackles.

Posted by: Sabrina at October 23, 2008 12:45 PM

I'm sorry Stacey and I fully respect your right to love him, but that kid looks like the captain of the JV soccer team, and does nothing at all for my pants. Neither does the Ackles kid either. I think I just prefer super tiger sex commando men to these pretty young things.

Meanwhile, Runts are the only intuitive candy out there. No subterfuge required. It's those Skittles and Sprees with their non-specific shapes that get you every time. Goddamn sprees...

Posted by: MG at October 23, 2008 12:50 PM

Fuck Lars and his stupid drum kit. I hate Metallica.

I love red candy as long as it isn't strawberry.

Was that comedian dude supposed to be funny? I could only last about 45 sec. He reminds me of the overacting fat kid from "Drak & Josh" who is no longer fat.

Posted by: wsapnin at October 23, 2008 12:52 PM

Sarah Palin, as drawn by "It's Always Sunny's" Dennis Reynolds, apparently.

I haven't looked at the link or read anything else, because this made me think of big boobs and a tight pooper. Now to check the link and see if I'm right about the drawing...

Posted by: Dangle McGee at October 23, 2008 1:01 PM

Fuck you, stacey. Shit talk on old Metallica is enough to make me start kicking midgets. Don't test me, I'll do it!

Posted by: the_wakeful at October 23, 2008 1:03 PM

My cranky old man side wants but when blue first became raspberry? I'm guessing that red was too crowded?

You want indiscriminately flavored candy? Eat some Nerds.

Posted by: branded at October 23, 2008 1:05 PM

HAHAHAHA...yeah, SUCK IT ROWLES!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 23, 2008 1:08 PM

*wants to know but

Yikes, my cranky old man side's blood sugar must be messed up from his diabeetus.

Posted by: branded at October 23, 2008 1:09 PM

Am I the only person that always goes for the mystery-surprise candies over any given flavor? Like the dum-dums in the purple wrappers with the question marks. For some reason the surprise part is more appealing to me than any of the flavors, although I am always especially happy when I end up with rootbeer.

Posted by: s. pisaster at October 23, 2008 1:14 PM

Mini-Diver: Dark Chocolate Covered Marzipan is better than sex. 2 out of 2 X chromosomes agree.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 23, 2008 1:24 PM

Yup. That Palin drawing did have big boobs and, as I think of her face as her ass, a tight pooper.

My favorite flavors are blue and red. Mmmm, blue and red. I even save the blue and red M&Ms for last when downing a one pound bag on a lazy Sunday afternoon. As far as suckers and such, blue usually gets me a raspberry and red a cherry. That makes me happy in my insides. Sometimes though, that blue is a razzberry, whatever the fuck that is, and instead of tasting like my beloved blue, it tastes like the puckered, citrusy ass of Madonna after a few hours in her "age-defying" plastic wrap and stem cell lotion treatment. That pisses me off.

Posted by: Dangle McGee at October 23, 2008 1:26 PM

I really love Michelle Obama. Whenever I see or read anything about her or featuring her I can't help but beam with a sort of awed respect. Honestly though, Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton really make Cindy McCain and Sarah Palin look like cast members of The Real Housewives of Orange Cunty (typo but it stays).

Posted by: becks at October 23, 2008 1:34 PM

Also, I'm gonna go with Lime too but I must express fondness for grape since its getting bullied here.

Posted by: becks at October 23, 2008 1:36 PM

I'm definitely a lime girl - especially when it comes to Swedish Fish.

And speaking of disgusting flavors that taste nothing like what they're supposed to; all cherry candy sucks! And cherry cough drops? What the fuck do those mentholated moth ball flavored things have to do with cherries? I will eat no red candy.

Posted by: Cindy at October 23, 2008 1:39 PM

I like banana flavored candy--but not actual bananas. Something about the texture..the shape...not sure what it is. Most yellow candy is fine by me. I also love watermelon--but only in jolly rancher form. I have to order those bad boys online now that they've been discontinued in stores.

But I will never understand grape. Grapes in their natural state never seemed like a good candy flavoring to me, and I refuse to buy any bagged candy that has the potential of grape lurking inside.

Posted by: DeadBessie at October 23, 2008 1:43 PM

Wait. That overly effeminate thing as the header photo is this Paladecki person?

I like my men to at least look like a man. Isn't he wearing makeup in that photo?

Posted by: Melody at October 23, 2008 2:02 PM

Metallica has sucked since they cut their hair. Lars has always sucked.

Posted by: Reding at October 23, 2008 2:32 PM

I'm with Stacey. Jared is dreamy and wonderful. I have such a weakness for his boyish looks.
He's gorgeous and fun. I like him. Even if he IS going to be in that terrible Thomas Kinkade movie.

Posted by: Saint Saturn Sunshine at October 23, 2008 2:37 PM

"Metallica has sucked since they cut their hair. Lars has always sucked."

Sharp. Succinct. Accurate. I like it.

Posted by: TK at October 23, 2008 2:39 PM

orange is a color and a disgusting flavor.
i hate you wonka for turning my delicious lime runts into disgusting watermelon.
and pineapple lifesavers are amazing. i wish they got their own exclusive roll, like butterscotch
mmmmmmmm
i love artificial flavors

Posted by: courtney at October 23, 2008 3:08 PM

orange is a color and a disgusting flavor.
i hate you wonka for turning my delicious lime runts into disgusting watermelon.
and pineapple lifesavers are amazing. i wish they got their own exclusive roll, like butterscotch
mmmmmmmm
i love artificial flavors

Posted by: courtney at October 23, 2008 3:09 PM

oops
i suck
stupid impatience

Posted by: courtney at October 23, 2008 3:12 PM

Joe DeRosa dated everyone's friend back in college. :)

Posted by: aejr at October 23, 2008 4:35 PM

The late, great folks at Brunching Shuttlecocks once claimed that artificial cherry was proof of man's greatness because he had managed to replicate, not cherry but rather the flavor of Red, and that to taste color was the pinnacle of achievement. So yeah, cherry Tootsie Roll Pops make me pretty happy.

On the other hand, I also love vanilla B-B-Bats, and Bit-O-Honeys, and those crunchy peanut butter crispy striped candy thingies that have the little yellow stars on the wrapper.

Posted by: funtime42 at October 23, 2008 7:39 PM

I would love to see Paris Hilton in a bonafide crazy bitch role. Hell yes to the Baby Jane remake.

Posted by: Lucas at October 23, 2008 8:19 PM

Kill 'em all ...

Posted by: bucdaddy at October 23, 2008 9:39 PM

When I was a kid, I loved red in any type of hard candy. Come to think of it, I still do. Red usually means cherry, but it's the artificial cherry I love. I don't really like real cherries. I also like grape, especially because it stains your tongue purple. But my absolute favorite is anything chocolate. Except for chocolate-covered cherries.

Posted by: rlr260 at October 23, 2008 11:56 PM

Watermelon!

Or green apple. Mmm.

Posted by: figgy at October 24, 2008 12:17 AM

rlr260, I totally agree on red. I also particularly enjoy faux cherry (my favorite was always Squeez Pops...like Jolly Ranchers for those too lazy to keep track of a piece of hard candy) or when Red turns out to be some sort of fruit-punch-type flavor.

I have always found interesting the way we all recognize the flavor of fake grape...it tastes NOTHING like any grape I have ever had in my life, but if blindfolded and handed something "grape" flavored, I'd recognize it immediately. Is that weird to anyone else?

Posted by: Siege at October 24, 2008 12:40 AM

The Real Housewives of Orange Cunty (typo but it stays).

becks...that was a most fortunate slip of the finger indeed, and a very apt comparison.

Posted by: popejenn at October 24, 2008 12:59 AM

See, now I love both lime and apple flavors, but I need to know which it is first. Otherwise it can wind up being gross. I love grape (my favorite Pop Rocks flavor), and artificial banana. Actually, I have a serious sweet tooth and pretty much love candy, except weird things like popcorn flavor jellybeans (ew) and watermelon anything. I hate artificial watermelon. Yuck. It's why I don't really like jolly ranchers... they all taste like artificial watermelon. That, and they get all sharp and pointy and painful.

Lucas, I find you adorable, what with all that facial hair, but if you ever say that again I may have to beat you to death. With your own arm. After ripping it from your body.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at October 24, 2008 12:56 PM