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You Were Too Beautiful For This World

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | October 21, 2008 | Comments (33)

NO!!!!! Zima is being discontinued! I have to stock up! I mean, sure I haven’t drank it since I was underage, and primarily out of a drinking funnel so I wouldn’t have to actually taste it, but I always liked knowing it was there. Like an old friend. Do they still make St. Ides? (DListed)

Remember yesterday how I posted that link where Katy Perry fell all over the place and generally made an ass of herself? Yeah, she totally meant to do that. (WIMB)

“Saturday Night Live” is so whatever. Real VP candidates go on “Ellen” and take part in a dunking booth contest with Julia Louis-Dreyfus. (QuizLaw)

That piece of total fucking shit Nick Hogan gets out of prison today. I hope somebody runs him over with their car. (Yeeeah!)

Alec Baldwin responds to the people (ahem) pissed off for letting “Caribou Barbie” on “Saturday Night Live.” OK, so maybe I grudgingly feel sheepish. (HuffPo)

What?? Todd Palin was in Pennsylvania, at a gun club? Dammit, and me without my gun. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

So we can’t criticize Raven Symone’s eyebrows or weight… How about the fact that she’s a complete blithering idiot? (Evil Beet)

Here are the Top Ten Pet Costumes of 2008. Which is kind of an oxymoron if you think about it, because really, are there any pet costumes which aren’t humiliating? (BestWeekEver)

Since when do the British have anything against dick and fart jokes? (Celebitchy)

This has been kind of all over the place, but I haven’t actually used it yet. If you haven’t seen it already, witness Lil’ O’Reilly. (UncookedMeat)

Here’s the best thing to happen to elephants all year: (and by “elephants” I mean “Republicans”) Ebay has banned ivory sales. (NYTimes)

Jennifer Aniston might be carrying Douche Mayer’s baby? Oh, in your face, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt! (Agent Bedhead)

Here’s the latest in morbid home decor. This seems right up y’alls alleys. (mental floss)

BWeaves offers up the geekiest motherfucking thing I’ve ever seen. Seriously, I don’t even know how to preface this. (ESO)

Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones solve the economic crisis… With puppies:

See more Natalie Portman videos at Funny or Die

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

*cries inconsolably*

I guess it's back to Gordon's with Fanta


WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY...!!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 21, 2008 12:20 PM

NO!!!!! Zima is being discontinued!

What am I going to do with all these extra Jolly Ranchers!?!

Posted by: branded at October 21, 2008 12:25 PM

Nice vid with Natalie and Rashida; of course, when they screamed "Puppies!" I jumped to the instant conclusion they were going to shed their shirts.

Dang it.

Posted by: The Wanderer at October 21, 2008 12:27 PM

They still make Zima? Where in the hell do they still make Zima? North Dakota?

Jolly Ranchers + Zima = still not a real drink

Posted by: Melody at October 21, 2008 12:30 PM

Raven has quite a rack

/mmmmm

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 21, 2008 12:32 PM

First Mother's Cookies goes under, now this? I won't be able to dip my Circus Animal cookies into my Zima anymore? What a sad state of affairs. Next thing you'll say is that Dolemite died.....

Posted by: Rubble44 at October 21, 2008 12:45 PM

That sucks. I always liked Zima because I didn't feel too guilty about handing it out to the kids at Halloween. Looks like it's back to razor blades and apples...

Posted by: Skitz at October 21, 2008 12:48 PM

psst... The WIMB link actually takes you to the Quizlaw.

Posted by: Elsie at October 21, 2008 12:58 PM

Wait, what? MOTHER'S COOKIES went under? I spent months convincing my east coast friends they existed. I guess the Seattle Fred Meyer trip of May '08 will be my last sweet encounter with the white and pink non-pareil goodness.

Posted by: Lollygagger at October 21, 2008 1:20 PM

I'm not British, but I've never understood Sarah Silverman's "humour" either. Actually I confess that very often I fail to understand things Americans consider funny, like the American version of the Office. I don't get it.

PUPPIES!!!

Posted by: Joker at October 21, 2008 1:21 PM

Is anyone else getting the Jennifer Love Hewitt ringtones ad? That thing is freaking me out! She looks like an alien. A BIZARRELY SKINNY, VERY FREAKY ALIEN! Aack! I can't look at it any more. Please go away.

Posted by: tamatha at October 21, 2008 1:21 PM

Is it Except-able that I want to roll Raven in flour and play find the wet spot simply for the joy of defiling the "cute" kid on The Cosby Show.

My god you could live in that stack.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 21, 2008 1:25 PM

RE: The fake James Bond trailer that has Stacey speachless.

My husband is a professional astronomer and he found this video. Part of the next James Bond movie "Quantum of Solace" was filmed at the European Southern Observatory's VLT (Very Large Telescope). So to cash in on a little free publicity, they put together a fake trailer that explains what the VLT really does.

I have no idea how the VLT will be used in the real movie. I'm guessing it's a "weapon."

Posted by: BWeaves at October 21, 2008 1:27 PM

Speechless. Can't type today.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 21, 2008 1:29 PM

RE: The Alec Baldwin comments about Sarah Palin's appearance on SNL.

You know what I wished they'd done? I wish they had done a fake "To Tell The Truth" episode. You know where three people stand up and all pretend to be the same person and answer a bunch of questions, and then you had to guess which one was the real person. I could NOT tell the difference between which one was Sarah Palin and which one was Tina Fey. It was that creepy.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 21, 2008 1:39 PM

I don't know if you guys noticed, but the header image is actually a picture of a guy drinking some other beverage which was photoshopped over with a bottle of Zima. I love it.

Posted by: Stacey at October 21, 2008 1:48 PM

tamatha - Jennifer Love Hewitt is freaking me out too!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: mswas at October 21, 2008 1:49 PM

What exactly does a Jennifer Love Hewitt ringtone have to offer? I'm relatively confused... So instead of my phone ringing with a factory installed ring, I can have it say - "Hey Skitz - Jennifer Love Hewitt here - ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE ALREADY! WATCH GHOST WHISPERER, BY THE WAY! I GOTS BOOOBS!"? Is that how it works? If so, here's my credit card...

Posted by: Skitz at October 21, 2008 1:59 PM

Very Large Telescope? That's as creative a description as they could come up with?

Good thing we Americans have built the HFPLISGTTIEBTTUSSEAUBECBT
(Huge Fucking Phallic Looking I'm Serious Guys This Thing Is Even Bigger Than The USS Enterprise And Uwe Boll's Ego Combined Big Telescope).

Posted by: branded at October 21, 2008 2:09 PM

Or wait - is it the sound of her booberydoobs mooshing together? So when my phone rings, it goes "Squishmufflekerthumpsquarsh"? 'Cause that'd be AWESOME! People'd be all "Hey, are those boobs mashing together?" and I'd say with a look of satisfactory smugness "Yes. But not just any boobs, my friend - those are Hewitt boobs..." and then everybody on the bus would start clapping and I could, for once in my pointless existence, hold my head high and not be ashamed of who I am...

Posted by: Skitz at October 21, 2008 2:11 PM

That Portman/Jones vid makes me conflicted.

On one hand, two women who make me want to do very bad things are rolling around in a bed together.

On the other, puppies, which (thank God) don't make me want to do very bad things.

What am I to think?

Posted by: Vermillion at October 21, 2008 2:19 PM

"Squishmufflekerthumpsquarsh"


Nah... nah It'd be more like:

Squishmufflekerthumpsploffsploffsquish

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 21, 2008 2:19 PM

Goddamit, I always forget the "sploffsploff"...

On second thought, I'm not sure if I really want the JLH ringtone until I can hear exactly what it is... Case in point: I was tying off a friend a couple nights ago and when his phone rang, it sounded like someone either peeing or having a bout of soupy-poops. I says to him, I says "Jesus, Miguel, your ringtone sounds like you're sick or something". He says to me, he says "It's not me crapping out a half-gallon of trouser-chili, it's Mary Lou Retton, holmes - the Mary Lou Retton".

All in all, it was pretty gross - I had no idea there was a market for that sort of thing...

Posted by: Skitz at October 21, 2008 2:30 PM

Vermillion, if you are like me you think that you would really like to be those puppies, then do bad things.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 21, 2008 2:40 PM

That piece of total fucking shit Nick Hogan gets out of prison today.

If I may paraphrase from The Grinch:

Poor Nick had been in prison,
In prison night and day.
And to this day those Whos in Whoville say:
His asshole grew three sizes in one day!

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at October 21, 2008 3:23 PM

I'm not getting the JLH ring-tone ads, but I am getting 2 Katy Perry ring-tone ads. I don't know what they sound like, since I've never heard the girl.(And I'm too lazy to check YouTube.)

I think Lil O'Reilly needs a time out.

Posted by: rlr260 at October 21, 2008 3:49 PM

Anyone else think that Alec Baldwin comment is a tad too defensive? It's as if he thinks he totally has to build up his street cred for appearing with her. And he doesn't. He's Jack Donaghy (which would have been a far funnier sketch: Jack Donaghy fawning all over Sarah Palin).

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 21, 2008 3:50 PM

Zima is huge, HUGE in Japan. I wonder if the guys at Zima know this.

Posted by: dan at October 21, 2008 4:32 PM

0:31 seconds...I'm in love...still.

Posted by: bob at October 21, 2008 4:43 PM

Oooh ! Oooooh I love that yellow warning scarf. Wants it! we wants it!

Posted by: figgy at October 21, 2008 7:28 PM

Raven Simone is a sweet girl. That's so Raven of you to think otherwise.

Posted by: Lucas at October 22, 2008 2:13 AM

Is it wrong to want to ask for that awesome hangman lamp for Christmas?

Posted by: DeadBessie at October 22, 2008 10:00 AM

I think Skitz is really gunning for that number 1 t-shirt spot. Except we all know he won when Conrad did. He can't get shirts for all of his personalities.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 22, 2008 7:55 PM