free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 10/16/09 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

balloon_boy.jpg
Did Anyone See That Spaceship Yesterday?


Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | October 16, 2009 | Comments (53)


While I was off gambling yesterday and reminding myself why casino buffets are not a good place to go when you’re on a diet (thanks to Agent Bedhead, by the way, for covering for me) apparently something happened with a kid and a balloon? Eh? By the time I heard about it, it had basically already been declared a fraud. (DListed)

Bill Murray is decidedly unenthusiastic about the possibility of another chapter in the Ghostbusters franchise. Um, how many Garfield movies did this guy do, again? (Cinematical)

We’re supposed to believe Ozzy Osbourne wrote his own book? Bullshit. If you told me Ozzy Osbourne could write his own name I would want unequivocal proof. (Agent Bedhead)

Speaking of literature, now here’s a goddamn terrifying idea: The novelization of a “Girls Gone Wild” video. Cannonball read, anyone? (Cracked)

In honor of National Bosses Day, which is apparently today (oh, uh … happy Bosses Day, Dustin!) here are the twelve worst movie bosses. (Screen Junkies)

A poll over in the UK has declared Britney Spears to be the best celebrity mother. British readers, please explain on behalf of your country. (Superior Gossip)

Did I link to anything yet about Jimmy Kimmel banging his employee? I don’t think I did. At any rate, it’s now being compared to Letterman’s scandal — the only difference obviously being that I take much more glee in Jimmy Kimmel’s name being dragged through the mud. (Celebitchy)

It’s finally here! The gum … Of the future! (Impulsive Buy)

The theatrical poster for Dear John will make your ovaries want to punch themselves in the face. (Unreality)

Proving for once and for all that Weezer has not a drop of musical credibility left, Rivers Cuomo is collaborating with Katy Perry. (Webster’s)

It does matter how much we love Tina Fey and hate Katherine Heigl, because guess what? Katherine Heigl still makes almost three times as much as Tina Fey. (Warming Glow)

Here’s a list of the 22 most unnecessary Monopoly special editions, and honestly I can’t even tell if this list is a joke or not. (Topless Robot)

You know times are tough when Nicholas Cage has to sell his castle. (Celebslam)

Finally, to any ‘jibans in the Philly area, a handful of commenters including Julie, Pissboy and Whorish Mouth are meeting up to catch the opening night of Where the Wild Things Are followed by drinking and watching baseball. (I’m told there’s some kind of important baseball-ey thing going on.) So if anyone wants in on the action, email PissBoy at WOO-HA [at] att.net.

I didn’t get enough sleep last night, it’s cold, I’m tired and think my eternal sickness of never going away might be making a resurgence. So here is a clip which most adequately sums up how overall I am feeling today. I give you, Frog on a Motorcycle:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


The Biggest Loser Review | 11 Reasons I Hate the Twilight Phenomenon



Comments

Speaking of literature, now here’s a goddamn terrifying idea: The novelization of a “Girls Gone Wild” video.

It could not possibly be less hot than the videos.

Posted by: ted boynton at October 16, 2009 1:07 PM

Anyone coming to see Where the Wild Things Are tonight...

You need to go online and buy tickets because they are selling out, and seating is selective, first come first serve by seat reservation.

The viewing will be at The Bridge cinema de lux at 40th and Walnut in Philly.

Purchase here:
http://movies.yahoo.com/showtimes-tickets/theaters/3723-the-bridge-cinema-de-lux-philadelphia/

Posted by: PissBoy at October 16, 2009 1:13 PM

Speaking of literature, now here’s a goddamn terrifying idea: The novelization of a “Girls Gone Wild” video.

OK, I realize this is an awful thing. But I'm broke, so if I could lend my writing skills to this project, I would. To wit:

"Alicia had started that night apprehensive. It had been Trish who'd wanted to go to the Girls Gone Wild party, and Alicia had only tagged along to make sure her friend got home safe. But once there, the normally buttoned up Alicia began to discover a different side of herself. Watching those other girls take off their clothes and dance around on the bar… she was partially embarrassed but also intrigued. Someone had pressed a drink into her hands, it was stronger than she was used to, and as she watched she began to think to herself "well, my boobs look better than hers!". Finally, with the pride and indignation that can only come from being young, carefree, and full of cheap rum, Alicia herself jumped up on the bar and and flung her shirt off victoriously before unhooking her bra and whipping it into the crowed to the audible delight of the other patrons. As she moved on top of the bar with flashes going off in every direction, she felt shocked that she was up here… but was loving every minute of the attention that she had never received in her normal uniform of baggy tee shirts and ill fitting jeans. Then, she spotted Trish, who walked towards her on the bar with a devilish glint in her eye, licking her lips…"

You have to pay if you want anymore.

Posted by: Rusty (formerly Genny) at October 16, 2009 1:13 PM

British readers, please explain on behalf of your country.

The stupid who respond to stupid celebrity polls in Britain are just as stupid as the stupid idiots that respond to stupid celebrity polls your side of the pond.

Posted by: cockroach at October 16, 2009 1:13 PM

Also, is it wrong that I was rooting for natural selection during the "Crisis in Colorado" yesterday?

Posted by: ted boynton at October 16, 2009 1:13 PM

*stupid idiots who respond

Posted by: cockroach at October 16, 2009 1:14 PM

No boozehound. I was there with ya...didn't really bother me any which way.

Posted by: PissBoy at October 16, 2009 1:14 PM

Thank you for proving my point, R(fG). I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: ted boynton at October 16, 2009 1:16 PM

Okay, now doesn't that frog on a motorcycle constitute animal abuse? Is a frog not an animal? Where the hell is PETA on this?

Posted by: annoyingmouse at October 16, 2009 1:19 PM

I was just going to suggest that Ted write that book, just expanding on his awesome review of that one video.

The poster for Dear John looks like Nights in Rodanthe: Youth Edition. Yurgh.

Posted by: figgy at October 16, 2009 1:21 PM

Hoax or not I'm just glad the little guy was alright.

Posted by: Continental Almonds at October 16, 2009 1:21 PM

The viewing will be at The Bridge cinema de lux at 40th and Walnut in Philly.

Guh, I'm so jealous. I'll be seeing it alone in a theater full of tweens, trying to obey that stupid court order. Does it violate the 50-foot rule if they sit down after I've already selected a seat?

PissBoy, if I buy a theater ticket for your showing, will you splash part of your 40 on the seat next to you in remembrance?

Posted by: ted boynton at October 16, 2009 1:22 PM

My family has an old American version of Monopoly and an old British version of Monopoly (from when we lived in England). In highschool, we'd put the two boards together and do a figure 8 around the board, and leave it up and play it for days and days. We'd just lump all the money together and didn't worry about conversion rates.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 16, 2009 1:22 PM

Continental, me too. I was horrified at the thought that he could have fallen-especially when they were showing that still photo of something possibly falling from the balloon. Even if this was a hoax he's an innocent little kid.
I suspect that this at least started out legit, and perhaps the little guy was found a bit earlier than reported, just to milk it a little. Honestly I'm just glad he's ok.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at October 16, 2009 1:24 PM

In highschool, we'd put the two boards together and do a figure 8 around the board, and leave it up and play it for days and days. We'd just lump all the money together and didn't worry about conversion rates.

Interestingly, this is how the World Bank is run as well.

Posted by: ted boynton at October 16, 2009 1:25 PM

Hoax or not I'm just glad the little guy was alright.

Me too; you never know what's going to happen when you put an amphibian in charge of a motorized vehicle.

You're talking about the frog, right?

Posted by: ted boynton at October 16, 2009 1:28 PM

Yeah, I have a five year old boy and everytime I see something or hear something terrible happening to children I automatically think what if that was my child. The thought of that boy up in that balloon yesterday and him falling absolutely tore me up. I seriously thought he was dead.

Posted by: Continental Almonds at October 16, 2009 1:29 PM

The stupid who respond to stupid celebrity polls in Britain are just as stupid as the stupid idiots that respond to stupid celebrity polls your side of the pond.

Fair enough.

Posted by: Stacey at October 16, 2009 1:36 PM

...and one for my homey b'hound...

Either they don't know, don't show, or don't care about what's going on in the theater man.

Posted by: PissBoy at October 16, 2009 1:42 PM

I'll go and see WTWTA with you Philly people. Who wants to babysit? Just the littelest one, the other two can join in on the drunken baseball watching. That's allowed in the US right? Where would be the best place for them to buy guns?

Posted by: admin at October 16, 2009 1:44 PM

James Spader in Secretary is on the Worst Bosses list? Ahem. I don't think so.

R(fG), care to take a whack at a Secretary novelization?

Posted by: marya at October 16, 2009 1:45 PM

I was all ready to go to the show in Philly and have some beers and watch Wild Things and drink some more beers and streaking and debauchery and all that stuff, but now...

I've gotta fire up the MurderTank and drag my ass all the way to Colorado to hit Richard Heene in the goddam face with a flaming 2x4. Then, I've gotta wait about a month to see if TLC is gonna air Up, Up & Away: Falcon Flies before driving to their corporate headquarters to burn the fucking place to the ground. Then... well there's Thanksgiving, followed by Christmas, New Years... So yeah. Maybe in the spring when it comes out on DVD I can get loaded in a Philadelphian's carhole and huff paint or whatever...

Goddam responsibilities anyhow...

Posted by: Skitz at October 16, 2009 1:51 PM

Boozy, I will lovingly caress the seat next to me in your honor. Bonus if a stranger is sitting there.

Posted by: Julie at October 16, 2009 1:55 PM

admin, try Wal-Mart or the ever-popular Titties 'n' Gunz 'n' NASCAR 'n' Shit.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 16, 2009 1:57 PM

Bonus if a stranger is sitting there.

Heh-heh, heh-heh, you said "bone us."

Posted by: ted boynton at October 16, 2009 1:58 PM

It’s finally here! The gum … Of the future!

When I read that I thought you meant Big Pink, he only gum with the breath-freshening power of ham. Now I'm disappointed.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at October 16, 2009 1:59 PM

Tell you what admin - you have one daughter steer, the other one work the gas and brakes. That leaves you, me, a shitload of liquor, two fully gassed flame turrets, and a ton of stupid people between here and Colorado.

We could leave a crispy trail, my friend...

Posted by: Skitz at October 16, 2009 2:02 PM

Geezus, Pinky, I almost shot a french fry out my nose...

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at October 16, 2009 2:02 PM

Do you think that, at any point, President Obama considered scrambling the F-16s to take that balloon out? You know, just in case it was a terrorist attack disguised as dumbass Coloradan hijinks?

Posted by: ted boynton at October 16, 2009 2:05 PM

I collect Monopoly special editions. Those are all 100% real. I own the California Here We Come and Puzz-3D editions. I also own the first Pokemon edition, two versions of Las Vegas, the Millenium and Platinum Millenium editions, at least two different Disney editions, the Simpsons edition, Coca Cola edition, Make-Your-Own-Opoly edition, A Nightmare Before Christmas edition, and Monopoly Deal: The Card Game, among many others. I think I have every video game edition from the NES to the N64 as well.

Worst of all: I'm a terrible collector. They've all been opened and played with. I just have to check out the alternate rules and paw through the alternate game tokens. My collection is worthless.

Posted by: Robert at October 16, 2009 2:10 PM

So the balloon thing, which I blissfully knew nothing about until now:
This is exactly why I watch NO NEWS on TV at all. Because:

1) the first report is always wrong, so getting it first is getting it wrong.
2) attention whores will suck the life out of you
3) TV 'news' will beat a dead horse until the strips of purifying flesh won't stick to the whip anymore, then they analyze them ad nauseum. It reminds me of the episode of Blue Planet where they follow the decomposition of a whale carcass for over a year. At least the whale carcass provided nutrients to innumerable ocean beasites, unlike 'news' such as the balloon boy hoax, which will just worm its way into your cerebellum like one of those eel-worm-leech Hag-fish things that sucked the rotten blubber off that whale.

Moving on:

Oooh, froggy!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 16, 2009 2:20 PM

That's the spirit Julie! Where exactly will you be seated again? I've always wanted a public handy, especially in a PG movie...LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!

And nobody crashes an aircraft in Colorado but me and my boy JD! NOBODY GODDAMNIT! That little fucker and his motherfucker father. Would that make him a fatherfucker?

I was commenting yesterday to my coworkers about how it reminded me of 12 Monkeys when John McClain was from the future and knew that the girl wasn't trapped in the well, but was elsewhere hiding before it actually happened. Then when the kid was in the attic, my coworkers all wanted to have me committed, due to my mad clairvoyant skillz (with a z makes it hip). I barely made it out of there before the white coats came and got me.

Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at October 16, 2009 2:23 PM

ted boynton at October 16, 2009 1:28 PM

Oh Ted, this is why we love you so much.

Posted by: androstarr at October 16, 2009 2:28 PM

Seriously, no one has commented on Rusty's mad skillz (or is it skilz? I can't keep up with the kids anymore) in erotica? I would pay for such talents, if I were not a broke grad student.

Posted by: bonnie at October 16, 2009 2:35 PM

marya, were it not for the significant legal hassles involving the rights to such a novelization, I'd be happy to do so. Although I suppose a work could be commissioned for *ahem* private use only.

And bonnie, I'm also a broke grad student. Hence my willingness to write a literary treatment of Girls Gone Wild for cash. I'm actually wondering if I could continue in that vein for 50,000 words and maybe win NaNoWriMo for the first time.

Posted by: Rusty (formerly Genny) at October 16, 2009 2:45 PM

That poor frog!

I found it hilarious, of course, but can you imagine what must have been going on in that poor beastie's head?

"Eat the fly. Eat the fly. Hophophop. Swim. Swim. Swim. OMFG! What the fuck?! What is this?! Oh, foul treachery of circumstance! Why won't it stop?! WHY? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"

Posted by: ZombieNurse at October 16, 2009 2:54 PM

Guh, the Britney thing. I am ashamed of my people. But, it was by Park Christmas Saving company. I can only imagine they're the same people who voted Kerry Katona Mum of the Year. Don't know who she is? You are blessed. She's basically Britney Spears, without any of the talent (cough) or as much fame, but she wears a lot of tracksuits, has hair extensions, takes a lot of drugs and marries scummy men on a whim.

I am assuming the voters aspire to be Britney Spears, or see themselves reflected in her and go 'Damn, I dress like her, I act like her, I treat my kids like she does, I'm a good mother...VOTE!'

Posted by: Carrie at October 16, 2009 2:55 PM

continue in that vein

Heh-heh, heh-heh, heh.

Posted by: ted boynton at October 16, 2009 3:03 PM

Carrie, so this Kerry Katona you speak of is basically just the highest ranking chav on the planet then, no?

Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at October 16, 2009 3:13 PM

Um, how many Garfield movies did this guy do, again?

Answer: As many as the number of Ghostbuster movies he signed on for.

The difference: 1.) He only phoned it in during Ghostbusters II & 2.) When he phoned it in, he was still goddamn entertaining in Ghostbusters II.

Posted by: Doctor Controversy at October 16, 2009 3:23 PM

Carrie, so this Kerry Katona you speak of is basically just the highest ranking chav on the planet then, no?

I believe you have hit the proverbial nail on the head there.

Posted by: Carrie at October 16, 2009 3:25 PM

We could leave a crispy trail, my friend...

You know, in my part of the country, kids do start driving early and I really can't pass up a good barbeque. Pick me up at the boarder, Skitz. Don't worry, I'll cross to your side. I know they won't let you in ever since The Moose Jaw Incident.

Posted by: admin at October 16, 2009 3:37 PM

Compared to Kerry Katona Britney Spears is the mum of the year...

In other news per(pur? damn twilightpost has rendered my spelling skills fuct)taining to us British idiots maybe Ozzie wrote it himself, maybe he told annecdotes and did the drawings while someone played the artemis role and added the words but the man is not an idiot. Well not a waling zombie one. Its just the accent. To a native Brummie like me he sounds like most blokes at the pub or on the bus when theyve hit his age.

Heck for a sixty year old Aston Villa fan he looks positively lifelike. More so than their defence, midfielders, goalie or strikers... (Im still pissed off they beat us in the Derby)

Posted by: jim of the lower case at October 16, 2009 3:57 PM

She's not the highest ranking chav/kev/ned/townie/scally they dont exist in ranks apart from at the more feral level before puberty where the largest child normally has a scrawny friend that often often still shows his rat like ancestor's traits.

Chav bashing is too easy though it isnt particularly gratifying and they'll still berate me on the bus in ten minutes for trying to take photos of my arse because Ive forgotten what jeans Im wearing.

Its not like I bring it on myself.

Posted by: jim of the lower case at October 16, 2009 4:03 PM

Bill Murray is decidedly unenthusiastic about the possibility of another chapter in the Ghostbusters franchise. Um, how many Garfield movies did this guy do, again?

Bill Murray gets immunity for life, no matter how many cinematic rectal abscess's he makes.

Posted by: George at October 16, 2009 4:44 PM

Aw man you guys, you're killing me! I've already got Wild Things plans to see the film tomorrow, but I'd love to hop on over and meet you guys, although unfortunately I cannot. Where in Philly are you all heading to?

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at October 16, 2009 4:47 PM

I hate the fact that Hasbro keeps reissuing Monopoly for other properties over and over instead of trying to come up with some new games. On the other hand, the Boogie Nights edition of Snakes and Ladders was RAUCOUS.

Posted by: laredo at October 16, 2009 5:58 PM

First of all let me say that I’m glad Balloon Boy is safe ( but how really safe can he be with parents that are goddamn storm chasers ). As I watched the coverage on the major networks even cable had wall to wall coverage something odd popped into my mind. What if that kid were African American or some other minority, would the networks have even gave a damn?

Posted by: Guess Who! at October 16, 2009 8:05 PM

@Guess Who!. . . . Ask the Justice of the Peace in Louisiana.

Posted by: ncnn at October 16, 2009 10:51 PM

Things like that just make me so sad. How can two people that love each other not be permitted be get married. It is just like same sex marriage, if two people love each other no one should be allowed to stop it. My brother is gay, he’s been with his companion for many years, they have suffered through indignities you couldn’t imagine. I would fight anyone that tried to stop them from getting married.

Posted by: Guess Who! at October 16, 2009 11:26 PM

@Guess Who!. . . . Amen to that!!

Posted by: ncnn at October 17, 2009 12:04 AM

Guess Who and ncnn - Things like that make me stabby, and his reason is beyond insane. So, he talked to some of his friends (including the black people he's 'friends' with, because, yanno, he's not racist at all - they use his bathroom, people!), and came to the conclusion that interracial kids get treated bad, so he's 'not going to be responsible for putting them through that'.
Smacking my head against the centre of a fucking dwarf star wouldn't concuss me enough to make that bullshit sound sensible or decent.

And maybe I'm sheltered, but nearly every gay person I know is in a loving, long-term relationship. Sometimes I wonder if it's because they pass the ultimate relationship test - that some people think their choice of partner gives them some kind of right to spit on them.

Posted by: ScienceGeek at October 17, 2009 3:02 AM

________WealthySocial. c o m________ . We have more than 1200,000 members including: lawyer, CEO, manager, model, actor, doctor, hollywood celebrities, althlets, investors...

Posted by: Jessie at October 18, 2009 9:56 AM





Post a comment

 (required)

 (required)


Preview of your comment: