I’m pretty sure a Disney-produced feature length film tentatively starring Matthew McConaghey as “Joe the Plumber” went into production like eight hours ago. (Evil Beet)
And if you missed the debate, here’s a 90-second summary of the veritable array of John McCain’s “Crusty McBastard” faces. (QuizLaw)
Aww. Here’s some sad news. David Duchovny and Tea Leoni are splitting up. They were one of my favorite Hollywood couples, despite my fondness for the idea of humping the motherloving shit out of David Duchovny. (WIMB)
Katie Holmes actually looks rather gorgeous and barely brainwashed at all in these still shots from “All My Sons.” (Agent Bedhead)
Best Buy has a new logo, and methinks it kind of — how shall we say — blows? (AdWeek)
Mr. and Mrs. Vanilla-Witherspoon-Gyllenhaal go shopping for some furniture from Crate & Barrel strap-ons and crotchless panties. (Yeeeah!)
Can’t get enough hot debate action? Test your mad debating skillz on the Obamabot (236) or the McCainbot. (236) Thanks, Marra!
Britney Spears has a number one single? Holy shit, did I wake up in the year 2002 this morning? (Celebitchy)
Here are the stories behind five old American brands. But basically: Yuengling represent, bitches! WOOT! (mental floss)
God bless you, internet — for all of the surprisingly wonderfully random things you bring me on a regular basis that gives me indescribable joy. (Via YBNBY!) (UpsidedownDogs)
One of the Eloquents (Who did this again?) compiled this spreadsheet to last week’s Getting to Know You comment diversion, so you can have a handy guide for stalking and whatnot. (CommenterSpreadsheet)
Miley Cyrus prepares for her future sex tape. Yeah, I know, crass. But tell me you don’t laugh. (The Blemish)
OH. MY GOD. I freaking love these things. To follow up the popular literal translation of A-HA’s “Take On Me,” here is the literal translation of Tears For Fear’s “Head Over Heels.” Totally:
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 16, 2008 12:05 PM
I would stray in and out of the debate last night and every time McCain or Obama was talking about "Joe the Plumber" i thought it was just a "Joe Six Pack" kind of thing (and why are all our stock names in this country Joe?) so I decided to just watch the new South Park and forget about the entire thing.
Posted by: dylanj at October 16, 2008 12:10 PM
Leave it to a ex-pat Canadian to compile data. That's awesome SashaCA2 thanks.
Be advised, we know where you live, be prepared bitches!
Admin11
Chief Beaver Shaver/Inspector and Thermal Regulator
HMCS MurderMaid
Posted by: Admin11 at October 16, 2008 12:24 PM
Those upside down pooches turned my frown upside down. Goddam, dogs are neat. And in some places, tasty too!
Posted by: Skitz at October 16, 2008 12:28 PM
The problem with the spreadsheet is that there's 7 of us in "Atlanta", which could really be any of about thirty cities (but then if I was more specific all the paranoid fun would be taken out of it). I guess I broke slightly better than even on JenK's compatibility test, so that probably means we're getting married. Right, Jen? Come on, we're both scientists!
I always loved Roland's teeth. Say, how come no one names a kid Roland these days?
Posted by: Cindy at October 16, 2008 1:00 PM
Everybody knows you don't refer to Yuengling as "Yuengling". You call it "lager" as in, "I'll have a lager." And then the bartender gives you a Yuengling lager. And it is delicious.
Posted by: Dave at October 16, 2008 1:00 PM
So lonely out here in the Maritime provinces...so very lonely....*sniff* Come visit me, people! I'll take you for a sail on the MurderBluenose II, and if you're really nice, I'll show you the rare endemic Shorthaired Eastern Beaver....
And about that debate, well, what is there to say that hasn't already been said? I want to meet someone with this "golden cadillac" insurance policy that will allow one to get a transplant or plastic surgery - which are obviously of equal value. Perhaps John got his learning from one of those straight out of Vietnam, no certification teachers. That's a grand idea, by the way - take a soldier out of a war zone where he's been shell-shocked or gotten himself post traumatic stress syndrome and stick him right into a room with kids. Brills!
It was nice of Obama to compliment McCain on his work against the use of torture, but behind the scenes it looks like the GOP has other plans - Waterboard him!
Posted by: Cindy at October 16, 2008 1:12 PM
Awww, now I'm a little sad I missed that comment diversion! Oh well, my super-secret identity has been blown on the facebook anyway so y'all likely know where to find me.
I got all kinds of excited when I clicked on the spreadsheet, thinking I would find someone in my area. I wouldn't have done much else besides thinking "aw, cool, I know that town," then going along with my day. No such luck.
Posted by: artificialsweet at October 16, 2008 1:35 PM
Methinks Alabama Pink, rlr260, Blakemas! and I should start seeing shitty movies together!!!
Posted by: Shane aka The Pink Hulk at October 16, 2008 1:41 PM
Those upside down dogs made me laugh. I still find it crazy that you can devote a website to anything.
Posted by: BWeaves at October 16, 2008 1:48 PM
After last night's debate, my new name for McCain is Grandpa Crankypotatoes.
Posted by: MG at October 16, 2008 1:54 PM
One good thing about moving to FL from PA? There's a Yuengling brewery nearby, so it's everywhere down here. Thankfully.
Posted by: Melissa at October 16, 2008 1:54 PM
OMG! I'm on the commenter's spread sheet! I just got really excited because I love Pajiba and I love this community!
Posted by: dene chen at October 16, 2008 2:02 PM
Despite my somewhat misleading moniker, I do not live in Alabama.
I live in the RVA, more conventionally known as Richmond, VA.
Sorry all you Alabamites.
Posted by: Alabamapink at October 16, 2008 2:17 PM
che grovera lives in my hometown. i think its amazing that anyone from there knows about this site. maybe bloomington isn't just full of rednecks, wanna be cowboys and theocratic republicans.
Posted by: chi dingo at October 16, 2008 2:18 PM
Holy crap, I had no idea that so many Pajibites lived in Atlanta...Hmm...
Posted by: Renee at October 16, 2008 2:19 PM
I'm sorry, but does the person who compiled that 'Getting To Know You' spreadsheet believe that Butt-fuck, New Mexico is an actual location? Because they failed to file it under the 'funny names' section and I'm getting a little concerned.
Other than that bless them for the tedium of it all.
Ha! Upside-down dogs are FREAKIN' AWESOME. NOT tasty, though, as some people would have you believe.
Nice work, Sasha, from a fellow spreadsheet enthusiast. And, hey, there's more than 2 in NJ! Exciting!
Oh, *sad face @* Duchovny & Tea... that's too bad. Except for now we can do ... um, some research into the severity of David's condition. (Call me, DD!)
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at October 16, 2008 2:29 PM
I would also like to add that I Googled it just to make sure because ...well I wasn't sure.
Posted by: eat my shorts at October 16, 2008 3:29 PM
I'm alone in Nevada? No way!
Posted by: MissNev at October 16, 2008 3:30 PM
Hey! I missed the comment diversion which means that AZ is probably completely unrepresented. Oh well, it's the internet and nobody gives a fuck. In other news, all this talk of Facebook and how amazingly extremely radical the Pajiba page is suppose to be is almost enough to get me to finally sign up for Facebook. Almost, but not really.
In other, other news: upside down dogs are the new right-side-up dogs. Sweetness, and drool on the carpets.
Posted by: the_wakeful at October 16, 2008 3:38 PM
wait - when did anyone start regularly posting on the facebook group page? if i weren't such a lurker i might just write on its wall under my real name... and we now have a spreadsheet for where everyone lives? normally i would be so creeped out to be on something like that, but because it's pajiba i'm just excited! i had no idea there were this many pajibans in chicago, either.
Posted by: eat my shorts at October 16, 2008 3:42 PM
A group of us started posting regularly last week, Shorts. :singsongy: You should come out and play with us!
Posted by: Julie at October 16, 2008 3:48 PM
Greatest Pajiba Love Ever!
Posted by: Lindsay at October 16, 2008 3:59 PM
I gave proper details! I am not a kumquat! I protest!!!
Posted by: AdaHaze at October 16, 2008 4:07 PM
David Duchovny, why don't you love me?
Posted by: stipe42 at October 16, 2008 4:09 PM
All you Facebook lurkers should quit pussyfooting around! Man up and put something on the group wall so we can all be friends and sing that creeptastic playmate song together. I goddamn HATE Facebook*^ and I'm on there.
* Except for the dumb games, especially the pretend plant patch and the cartoon aquarium. Send me plants and fish! DO IT NOW!
^ Except also for the Little House on the Prairie flair that Julie sent me, because she rocks the kasbah 'til it gets condemned.
CrashBang Bailey!Lizzieborden! Let's go see awful movies together sometime.
Posted by: Saint Saturn Sunshine at October 16, 2008 4:31 PM
Hey chi dingo and Che Grovera, Bloomington is my hometown too! I'm with you; I didn't think anyone from there would be cool enough to know about Pajiba, so it's exciting that there are a few of us. I've since relocated to Denver, but I get back there to visit my family during the holidays every year. It always makes me feel like I'm in high school again (not a good thing). I'm sad that I missed the comment diversion and thus am not part of the spreadsheet.
Posted by: tbean at October 16, 2008 4:40 PM
I moved up to Chicago for work after graduating college but I also make trips home for holidays and family gatherings. Sometimes I miss the quiet nights up here in the city but everytime I go home I always end up running into some ignorant bastard that just ruins my idea of how great home is.
Posted by: chi dingo at October 16, 2008 6:14 PM
(dipping toe in HTML pool for the 1st time) Meaux,, the last time I visited the Maritimes, there was road kill everywhere. It was like highway wallpaper. And there was a definite lack of signage. If you could perhaps remedy this, I'd be delighted to come back.
Posted by: Lauren at October 16, 2008 7:41 PM
Lauren, I recommend heading straight for Cape Breton Island (if you can find it); there are no skunks or porcupines here, hence far less roadkill.
I'm with you on the poor signage, though--I still can't find my way into Halifax without a little bit of trial-and-error. We really should do something about that....
I missed the comment diversion too. I'm female (girl with boy name=sexy), currently located in Illinois (raised in SoILL, now in Springfield), and I'm single as can be. Did that cover it?
Posted by: Austin at October 16, 2008 11:30 PM
I think I was more excited to see my name on that spreadsheet than I was when I received my college acceptance letter.
Me thinks my priorities might be a bit...no. My priorities are just right.
Posted by: Dingles at October 17, 2008 12:32 AM
i just might have to, julie, but i get nervous around all the cool kids.
pajiba really takes me back to 6th grade sometimes.
Posted by: eat my shorts at October 17, 2008 12:42 AM
You fools. It starts slowly; a few innocuous questions: How did you find us? Where are you from? Give us your measurements so that we may craft you a T-shirt with our deity upon it. And your credit card number so we can, um, bill you. What's your address again?
Then, a casual mention of the conveniently named site FaceBook leads to all sorts of face-to-name recognition, i.e. visual intel for your dossier. Can't have a target without a face. Now there's a LIST, a SPREADSHEET, which PINPOINTS the rough estimate of the general area in which you might possibly live. My god, people! Soon there will be strange calls in the middle of the night, sucker-shaped prints on your windows, string-wrapped parcels of Uwe Boll's teeth left on your doorsteps! Anonymity was your only hope. And you gave it up, so easily . . . .
Jamie Lynns, the lot of you.
Posted by: Lauren at October 17, 2008 3:55 AM
Lauren, I considered this but then I figured I'm not doin shit else this year. So, let's have our own personal Heaven's Gate Pajiba Jonestown. We'll all show up and live in a commune and then when it's time to go we can argue over whether mass suicide by kool-aid is racist or if there are any good reruns on this year.
Fellow Illinoisians, I'm a hop, skip, and a 45-minute drive away in the lovely Champaign-Urbana!
I once drove through Bloomington, and it seemed like...a town. Really, there was nothing remarkable about it. Was I missing something? (Note: I'm positive the same can be said about Chambana).
Posted by: antoinette jeanine at October 17, 2008 5:26 PM
I saw some of these Central Illinois shout-outs right before I had to get on a plane for a trip that has me parked in Osaka, Japan for a week -- so if I comment at all it will literally be from the other side of the world (and God only knows where it will fall chronologically -- Pajiba comments carry the Eastern Time Zone stamp which is fourteen hours behind me now).
chi dingo, tbean
maybe bloomington isn't just full of rednecks, wanna be cowboys and theocratic republicans
Yeah, that actually sums it up pretty nicely. In fact, I'm going to make liberal use of the term "theocratic republicans". Just understand that I'm not a native; my standard line about Bloomington is that "not even the air wants to be here" (i.e., it's very windy so the air is always headed somewhere else). I grew up in Lake Oswego, Oregon and cut my political teeth in that fine progressive State, but through a cumulative series of odd events I wound up in the middle of a gigantic cornfield. Now I'm stuck here until my kids are out of school, which thankfully is on the (interminable) horizon.
Austin:
Southern Illinois is just a respectable-sounding name for Northern Kentucky...
antoinette jeanine:
Damn, that's a lot of syllables! Having spent ten long years here, I believe I'm just recently qualified to say that Ur-paign is slightly more unremarkable than Normal-ton. Don't get too riled up about that feeble opinion, though; it would undoubtedly be more productive to try to decide which is the best Michael Bay movie than it would be trying to pick between these two burgs...
Posted by: Che Grovera at October 18, 2008 11:41 AM
I may be consistently late to the game, and am fairly certain that no one will see this, but I just wanted the Grand Overseer of Yon Internets to know that Idaho is indeed in the house. Raise your taters, ladies!
Posted by: Edwina the Magnificent at October 18, 2008 6:09 PM
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That's no moon...