Ewwww … I’m really not interested in a “Dexter” porn parody. Unless of course it’s starring Michael C. Hall and myself. Oh, and I’d prefer it not being filmed. Basically, it would just be me banging Michael C. Hall. Cool? (Screen Junkies)
Are you a huge nerd with a trust fund? Well, for a limited time offer you can buy a detailed, miniature replica of “Firefly’s” Serenity (Or, Serenity’s Serenity) for the bargain basement price of $2500. (Topless Robot)
Oh noes! Tyra Banks has come down with a case of dysentery? Oh, just kidding, only on the Oregon Trail. (IBBB)
Michael Lohan is trying to recruit Jon Gosselin into the “celebrity boxing federation.” Gah. Isn’t there a celebrity Russian Roulette or Shark Baiting federation? (Webster’s)
Because I know you’re all just dying to know what’s going on with “Dancing with the Stars,” here’s Dan’s latest recap. (Hairballs)
GROSS. What is it with the ladies of “Mad Men” and their awful taste in men? Apparently January Jones used to date — *vomit* — Ashton Kutcher. (Celebitchy)
Here’s a by-category round-up of the most villainous villainesses who ever villainoused. OK, I think I confused myself there. (Cinematical)
I already know that this is going to inspire one helluva comment thread discussion. Question: Do zombies poop? (Agent Bedhead)
If you’re not watching “Californication,” we’ve got three words for you: “Eva Amurri Topless.” As in Eva “Daughter of Susan Sarandon” Amurri. (Celebslam)
Karl Lagerfeld has some ideas about the ideal female form that makes me want to kick him in his shriveled old gay testicles. (Thundersquee!)
Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a bill yesterday that says celebrities can sue paparazzi for taking pictures of them. Because the California court system clearly has nothing better to do than listen to celebrities bitch. (Superior Gossip)
Here’s a review of William Trevor’s latest novel, Love and Summer. (Second Pass)
Damn. Elderly-on-elderly violence is becoming a real problem. A centenarian was recently found strangled to death in her nursing home and the main suspect is her 96-year-old roommate. (Zelda Lily)
If there’s one thing twitter is good for, it’s asinine celebrity twitters. If there’s one thing YouTube is good for, it’s dramatic readings of celebrity twitters. See where I’m going with this?
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
Karl Lagerfield needs to be punched in his skeletal junk.
Posted by: Julie at October 13, 2009 1:14 PM
Oh man, I'm eating my lunch here!
Question: Do zombies poop?
Zombies are poop.
Posted by: Cindy at October 13, 2009 1:16 PM
from that picture I can now say that Michael C Hall is a butterface. The face makes me want to slap him in the bad way, the body makes me want to spank him in the baaaaaad* way.
Oh, Karl Lagerfield. Like I'm going to listen to the beauty ideals of a decomposed ancient gay mummy who looks like a cross between the Monarch and the witch from Prince of Thieves. Just shut the hell up. rom that picture I can gather that Michael C Hall is a butterface. The face makes me want to slap him, the body makes me want to spank him in the fun way.
Oh, Karl Lagerfield. Like I'm going to listen to the beauty ideals of a decomposed ancient gay mummy who looks like a cross between the Monarch and the witch from Prince of Thieves. Just shut the hell up.
Karl, shouldn't you be be hiding in a perfumed, silk scarf-draped loft slipping a finger past the prostate of a hairless 17-year-old twink? Why don't you concentrate on cleaning the santorum off your 600-thread count sheets and leave the ladies alone, 'kay?
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 13, 2009 1:20 PM
figgy, are you ok? Are you under duress? I'd ask for a signal, but that already seems like a signal.
Posted by: Cindy at October 13, 2009 1:22 PM
Shut the fuck up, Karl Lagerfield.
Posted by: Rykker at October 13, 2009 1:25 PM
Composing ideas in the comment field can leave disastrous results.
Composing your ideas in the comment box thingy below, can leave posts accidental
Often times, I compsoe in the box below, accidentally often I hit send too before
Buy milk egg butter Gram Crackers
Posted by: J Stride at October 13, 2009 1:28 PM
Lagerfield has a point - I mean who really wants to see pics of fatties in underwear adds? ugh.
Posted by: sosumi at October 13, 2009 1:32 PM
There's a line in one of Spider Robinson's books that says something to the effect of " I like women to actually look like women, not like 12 year old boys with plums in their pockets." Not the most elegant of constructions, but really spot on. Karl's perfect form is the ideal for fashion models, but for the record RIBS ARE NOT SEXY, OKAY! Well, BBQ ribs are, but that's a whole different thing. And now, I'm confused and hungry.
Posted by: mrcreosote at October 13, 2009 1:37 PM
What the fuck is up with all the Lagerfeld hate on the internet today? He may be a skinny little gay scrote who's wasting away in his old age, but he's fabulous, and he's right about fat chicks hating skinny chicks.
And he's also right about models being pure fantasy -- who wants brutal realism? You can get that at the Mall or in Target with all the "right-sized" people running around there. Who the hell would pay money to see that? I mean, apart from the people who watch FOX.
Posted by: hater from siloam springs at October 13, 2009 1:40 PM
It seems to me that an old gay man would want his models to look like 14-year-old boys. Hey! They do! Weird how things work out that way.
Posted by: Alexandra at October 13, 2009 1:41 PM
The girls in lingerie ads are too FAT for KL's aesthetic. They have to be able to fill out the merchandise. Only titless walking broom sticks fit his vision.
Query:
Why,oh why, do we let dessicated old queens dictate what women should look like?
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 13, 2009 1:42 PM
I like pie!
Posted by: Skitz at October 13, 2009 1:46 PM
Do Zombies poop.....well are we talking the old Zombies who'd die and shumble around all slow like, or the modern 'fast' zombies who, increasingly often are being portrayed as humans infected with a sort of cannibalistic rage (which may or may not lead to actual Zombiism eg in [REC], most of the monsters dont 'die' when they transtion, but the old lady is shot about ten million times and gets up and about easy peasy)
So maybe. 'Fast Zombies' aren't always Zombies though so go back to the classic relentless, slow shuffler...well...if he posseses the need and ability to eat food, why couldnt he pinch one off?
I mean this virus or what ever that turns them drives them to eat and dulls their ability to feel pain so that they can keep moving forwards. For devoured food to remain in their gut,well...they'd rot even faster, and fall apart from the inside out...so I would assume that if this virus knows to keep them fed and numb, it knows enough to keep em pooing.
And Karl Largerfield can suck on my fine healthy sized COCK
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 1:47 PM
Zombies do not poop in the same way that you and I poop. When zombies poop it is because their bowels and other shit-producing organs rot and the shit just falls out. I'm guessing that zombies that rot that much are hilarious to watch, much like a skeleton drinking water. The zombie eats the flesh of some slow-moving idiot, like Karl Lagerfield, and then the chunks of leathery flesh just fall right out of the zombie's rotten ass.
Karl Lagerfield just helped me define my world. He and I are so diametrically opposed that we are- in theoretical distance- the north and south poles. thanks Karl!
Now everyone can line up between us in the correct order, but no talking!
From the looks of him, KL may well be a zombie. A zombie who hates sweet, sweet, lady flesh.
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 13, 2009 1:52 PM
Do Zombies Poop?
By the looks of Karl Lagerfield? Hell no. Seriously, dude looks like he's backed up further than a Montreal Highway.
Posted by: Jeremy Feist at October 13, 2009 1:53 PM
I'll say this...of my family i'm the smallest and slimmest and I wont deny thats because of issues with food that i'm now mostly over(I eat food. Not biscuits, pies..but i do eat) My mother, sister, maternal grandmother and father all have huge, fabulous tits. I have nice little b cups that fit my smaller frame. But I'm curvy. I have a slim waist and broader hips and god damn it, i fill my underwear and i love my candy and carbohydrates.
It's not people like Lagerfeld who made me lose my mind over food, but its people like Lagerfeld who made me, one day, figure, FUCK THIS and eat a meal bigger than a ryvita slice.
I hope he gets sliced open by the point elbows of one of his size 0 dagger women, then is refused help by big busted nurses
Now that I've thought about zombies possibly pooping, I have some other questions.
Do you think that after Wolfman poops, he flicks grass over it just like any other dog?
Does Dracula just piss blood all of the time?
Does Frankenstein's Monster have a penis? Did Dr. Frankenstein make sure it wasn't a syphilis-tainted wang before he dug it out of the ground and sewed it on?
Like...I watched the Kenneth Brannagh Frankenstein the other night....AND NOW I CANT STOP PICTURING KENNETH HANDLING ROBERY DENIRO'S DEAD JUNK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 2:03 PM
Do you think that after Wolfman poops, he flicks grass over it just like any other dog?
That.
Is.
Awesome.
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 13, 2009 2:05 PM
So much to discuss and everyone is focusing only on Zombie poop and Lagerfeld? Missed opportunities, folks.
Unless zombies can digest 100% of the brains they consume they must poop. It's simple chemistry. Case closed.
Would you take Paul Lynde seriously if he made those female form comments? What's the difference between them really (other than Paul Lynde is, you know, dead)? Move on.
Now for the good stuff: Arnie essentially put out a hit on the paparazzi and no one cares? Those slimy bastards are going to get what for I tell you. Celebrities in California can get away with just about anything in California courts. Now they are going to be able to sue? Fire up the Jiffy Pop, pull up a chair, crack a beverage and get ready for some fun. (Mental note: buy stock in Court TV or whatever the fuck it's called now.)
AND we got a lesbian lover's quarrel between two fossils that ends up in....MURDER. I'm producing; who's going to write the screenplay? (Mental Note: I'm going to be filthy stinkin' rich! Buy more Court TV stock).
Posted by: ed newman at October 13, 2009 2:12 PM
Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at October 13, 2009 1:48 PM
Ah, well that explains it, except for one thing. When the Zombie shuffles up to ole Karl, wouldn't he take him for, like, another zombie? Can zombies eat other zombies, is there some kind of code? If the zombie couldn't eat him, I bet he'd steal his clothes! That leather, spanx stuff is totally what zombies are wearing this year!
Posted by: Boonie at October 13, 2009 2:16 PM
Question for all Largerfield haters: What would you rather see at the top of this post, a picture of a shirtless Michael C. Hall or one of a shirtless Vince Vaughn? Thought so. So shut up.
Posted by: sosumi at October 13, 2009 2:17 PM
Pinky, those questions are pure genius. I nominate you to take it all in the E.E. this week.
Do you think that after Wolfman poops, he flicks grass over it just like any other dog?
Whyyyyyyy do dogs do this? I've gotten grass in the face from my dog as I'm leaning over to pick up his precious little turds.
Does Dracula just piss blood all of the time?
So that question is essentially do vampires digest blood? I was always sort of under the impression that their ingestion of blood was what kept them alive indefinitely. As in, their blood might get old, but then they just fill up on some new blood. And, in most vampire stories, they need lots of extra blood when they get injured in some way, presumably to replace the blood that they've lost.
I think the pissing blood is way funnier, though. "OH MY GOD, I'm pissing blood!! . . . Oh wait, I'm a vampire. That's normal."
Does Frankenstein's Monster have a penis? Did Dr. Frankenstein make sure it wasn't a syphilis-tainted wang before he dug it out of the ground and sewed it on?
If he doesn't have a penis, why would he need a Bride of Frankenstein?
And I don't know if zombies poop.
Posted by: MM at October 13, 2009 2:23 PM
Largerfield? It's Lagerfeld. My druthers, ole Karl should be pictured everywhere, including his runway, naked.
Posted by: Boonie at October 13, 2009 2:25 PM
Oops.
Posted by: sosumi at October 13, 2009 2:31 PM
Oh wow, I second Pinky's E.E. nomination. I just never considered wangs before ... I must ponder..
Posted by: Boonie at October 13, 2009 2:32 PM
Eva Amurri Topless = yummy.
Posted by: sosumi at October 13, 2009 2:35 PM
Sosumi, it could be either and I wouldnt care, neither man does anything for me.
So shut up.
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 2:36 PM
As Max Brooks clearly established, zombies do not have a digestive system. What they consume just fills them up. They continue eating, which causes them to rupture. I suppose it can also "spill out" the back end, making it appear as though they poop, but it wouldn't be something they are "conscious" of (as much as they are conscious of anything).
As to the suing of photographers...it's about time. I don't like celebrities bitching anymore than you, but it's about time they get reigned in. Celebrities are flat out stalked by paparazzi. And I'd even go so far as to say careers have been ruined because of the crushing attention the media bestows on some.
We'll see what the ramifications are of the ruling, though.
Posted by: ingres at October 13, 2009 2:42 PM
So that question is essentially do vampires digest blood? I was always sort of under the impression that their ingestion of blood was what kept them alive indefinitely.
I wouldn't think vampires pee or poo. And I don't think they are kept alive, but rather, kept undead.
Frankenstein expected his monster to represent the next stage of human development, so obviously he gave ol' Bolt Neck a wang. The problem was that instead of grabbing the joint from Hercules the Nigerian footman -- an ancestor of Big Jim Slade who was shot whilst attempt to escape through a window after giving the lady of the house the first solid rogering she'd had in years -- the grave robbers got confused and instead stumbled onto the grave of Dennis, a 12-year-old mine worker whose brother would later sire the line that eventually produced Karl Lagerfeld. Obviously, Dennis -- and by extension, Karl -- were somewhat underwhelming in the block 'n' tackle department, which is why all pictures of the Bride of Frankenstein show her screaming with disappointment.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 13, 2009 2:47 PM
Did anyone else notice how hot Eva Amurri looks in those pictures? I never really thought of her as much to look at but Jesus.
Posted by: becks at October 13, 2009 2:50 PM
Cindy, it depends on your flavour of vampire, some mythology says you have to be dead over night, some says it can happen without you ever 'dying' as such, but that your heart can stop beating if you expend enough energy. Once you take enough back in, your heart starts up again.
I dont know...Vampires wouldn't poo cos they dont create solid waste...and once again whether they piss depends on the flavour of vampire...for some its like an anaemia or deficiency so they only need certain things in the blood, not all of it...some need the life force contained within human blood...in the Charlie...shit...there's a series of books where vampyrism, spelling intentional, is a blood disease and is often compared to aids, its survival is reliant on the host so the host must drink blood to feed the vyrus(again, spelling intentiona)
In Let The Right One In (SPOILERS) It's a sort of tumour that wraps around the heart and is almost impossible to destroy...
So whether they use the toilet depends on what kind of vampire...
I mean in Being Human the vampires CAN EAT FOOD and blood is compared to an addiction more than anything...I think the Lost Boy vamps eat solid food too...but in Being Human, as i say, Mitchell the Vamp eats human food so presumably uses the toilet. But also drinks blood when he loses control so...who knows
I dont think its a question with a yes or no answer
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 2:51 PM
Cindy,
I wouldn't think vampires pee or poo. And I don't think they are kept alive, but rather, kept undead.
Excellent point! How could I have forgotten that? They are not alive, therefore they do not digest.
Posted by: MM at October 13, 2009 2:51 PM
Okay, so Frankenstein's Monster has a penis. And he has a Bride. So, she has the bajingo of a dead woman. How does one transplant a bajingo from one crotch to another? Did Igor and the Dr. have to saw through a chastity belt to get to the goods or did they just go for some graves near the ol' whorehouse and call it a night?
How does one transplant a bajingo from one crotch to another?
Well, how does one create a bajingo for a transsexual? (Note: I don't know.) It ain't just a matter of chopping off the wang. But apparently it can be done.
Science is amazing. Tell your friends!
Posted by: MM at October 13, 2009 2:57 PM
Pinky, where do you think they got the idea for the Fleshlight from? That's right, ol' Doc Frank invented the worlds first pseudo-vag out of an old wallet, two paperclips and some horse hair.
I cant help but think about matching up all the tubing
I actually was thinking about this the other night watching the movie;
Could Frankensteins monster have children?
Would he be like a chimera where the DNA in his crotch is different to the DNA in his arms and so if they used skin from his hand to test his DNA against his kids it would be different? Whose features would the children have?
Those of who ever the balls belonged to??
If he had his bride, who would be made of dead folks also, would that further complicate things OR would the child just be created from the DNA in their lower halves?
OR would the DNA somehow mesh, which is must have sort of done for the creature to even be alive and to have not fallen apart as each part of him was rejected, meaning the kid could potentially look like any one of a dozen different people from his mum and dad?
Can someone who knows about biology explain it because it both fascinates and frustrates me
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 2:59 PM
Well, they didn't have to transplant everything. Presumably, they found a body with a healthy hoo-ha. Now, I hope for Frank's sake they picked a real fresh corpse. If the commercials on "Grey's Anatomy" are any indication, it's damned hard for a living women to maintain a clean cootchie snortcher, so I can't imagine the horror awaiting the first man to part the beef curtains on a hairy donut that's been dead for three days.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 13, 2009 3:06 PM
Tracer...its your gift with words that makes coming to the site worth it
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 3:10 PM
There's another reason to watch Californication. Three words: Rick fucking Springfield. Or, fucking Rick Springfield, which if I'm not mistaken one of the recurring characters will be doing on Sunday.
Posted by: Three-nineteen at October 13, 2009 3:10 PM
Sosumi, brilliant as your argument is (and wow, "so shut up" is so fucking mature and smart that all future presidential debates will probably end with it), I think people are mainly outraged that someone as decrepit looking as Lagerfield is making asshole comments about how women should look. No one wants to look at his mummified ass, either. In fact, old people are, like, totally gross--let's get rid of them too. Along with bald people, and anyone with yellow teeth.
God forbid your delicate sensibilities be confronted by the image of a person who isn't perfect. Personally I'm sick of how women are constantly judged for their looks, and how every female celebrity is gossiped about for either being too skinny or too fat, while men can let themselves go to hell and no one cares.
So, I'm gonna move on to more interesting topics. I believe, according to World War Z, that zombies do not produce what is commonly thought of as poop. There were several references to the flesh they had consumed falling out of various orifices and open wounds and rotting in their clothes. Clearly, their ability to wander the ocean floor indefinitely or freeze during winter only to thaw in spring, points to nutritional demands quite different from humans; namely, that zombies don't appear to have any. Hence, pooping is not required or even possible without a physical form of sustenance.
And lastly, I WANT THAT SERENITY REPLICA. I am willing to commit nefarious deeds in exchange for it. Hell, if I still had the insurance money for the water damage to my house, I would've spent that on Serenity and let my office rot away.
Posted by: DeadBessie at October 13, 2009 3:14 PM
Posted by: figgy at October 13, 2009 3:07 PM
She's alieeeve!
Posted by: Cindy at October 13, 2009 3:23 PM
Best. Header Pic. Ever.
Get in line, Stacey. I love you & Webster's, but I will fight you to the death for a chance at hittin' that.
Posted by: Cruise at October 13, 2009 3:30 PM
Nadine: The franken babies would be the product of the ovaries the ova came from and the testes the spermatazoa came from. DNA is just, more or less a set of instructions encoded within these things that make you uniquely (to an extent) you. It doesn't really mesh together when you put it into one person. The DNA from each part would coexist as long as the recipient of the new part's immune system could be forced in to allowing that to happen.
When you transplant an organ, the genetic concerns I think you might be thinking of are that your body sees the new organ as not belonging to it and tries to kill it, like it would a cold virus or bacterial infection. In order to try to prevent that from happening, they repress the immune system of the recipient and basically try to give it time to start recognizing the new organ as a friend (to over-simplify). Sometimes they have to repress the immune system indefinitely.
In reality, the bigger question is, could a Frankenstein even exist? It would take a lot of work to keep the immune response suppressed enough to transplant that much at one time. Well, you know...once you get past the problems of cell death and decay and getting a really good blast of lightning when you need it.
Posted by: Lily the Pink at October 13, 2009 3:31 PM
I'm weeping (with envy), you guys are killing me... Pinky in the lead
Does Frankenstein's Monster have a penis? Did Dr. Frankenstein make sure it wasn't a syphilis-tainted wang before he dug it out of the ground and sewed it on?
but here comes Tracer, driving in the backstretch ..
..stumbled onto the grave of Dennis, a 12-year-old mine worker whose brother would later sire the line that eventually produced Karl Lagerfeld. Obviously, Dennis -- and by extension, Karl -- were somewhat underwhelming in the block 'n' tackle department
Pinky is answering the challenge ...
How does one transplant a bajingo from one crotch to another? Did Igor and the Dr. have to saw through a chastity belt to get to the goods
Nadine is not done...
I cant help but think about matching up all the tubing
Awesome, this is the BEST *sick* day ..
Posted by: Boonie at October 13, 2009 3:32 PM
I'm not mad about the Karl Lagerfeld comment because he's ugly. I'm mad because it's a snotty, stupid comment that suggests that he thinks that all of society agrees with his warped view of female beauty. Women aren't all jealous of size 0 models. Lots of women out there want to have a healthy, toned body with curves in all the right places. There's nothing shameful about being in the healthy BMI range but people like Karl Lagerfeld seem to see no difference between overweight healthy and overweight. If the fashion industry wants simply show the world what the world wants to see then why don't they have glowing, healthy women on the runway. Karl Lagerfeld doesn't know or care what people sitting at home watching fashion shows and ads think. He knows what one bitchy old cunt with an eating disorder thinks and that's all he cares about.
Posted by: becks at October 13, 2009 3:36 PM
Well, how does one create a bajingo for a transsexual?
My best friend's dad was a plastic surgeon, and he always said that it was easier to dig a hole than to do new construction. For those wishing to become men, he mentioned something about making Swiss Cake Rolls, and since then, Little Debbie never looked the same.
Posted by: branded at October 13, 2009 3:37 PM
As far as zombies pooping... (which is not something I imagined writing today, btw.)
According to World War Z, zombies don't poop in the traditional way, but the act of continually consuming the flesh of the living eventually forces the masticated, although not digested, flesh through the zombie's digestive tract and forces it out of it's rectum.
So, uh, there you go.
Posted by: ZombieNurse at October 13, 2009 3:37 PM
Boonie, thank you
And Lily, holy shitballs thanks !! Genuinelly, that's what I suspected so now i feel all bright!
I wondered that, why doesn't The Monster just crumble like overly floury cookies?
Reallistically he'd not have survived a day; Assuming Frankenstein somehow surpressed his monsters immune system enough to let the monster live in the long term, he should have died from the plague that was killing off all Ze Townzpeople.
GOD DAMN IT, EVEN THE CLASSICS ARE FULL OF PLOT HOLES!!
Some one get me a shovel...I'm gonna dig up Mary Shelley, reanimate the bitch and edumacate her on modern biology
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 3:45 PM
*Bonnie
bastard monkey hands
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 3:50 PM
Some one get me a shovel...I'm gonna dig up Mary Shelley, reanimate the bitch and edumacate her on modern biology
Oh, Nadine, up the EE chart with a bullet! "Reanimate the bitch" is my new favorite phrase of the day.
Posted by: MM at October 13, 2009 3:51 PM
MM, you're making me blush
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 3:52 PM
Nadine, you're welcome. FTW. What MM said.
Posted by: Boonie at October 13, 2009 4:05 PM
Wait it WAS Boonie...
Bastard monkey EYES
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 4:10 PM
I would imagine that zombies poop. I kind of doubt they have any real peristalsis going on though, so the pooping happens when there just isn't any more room in the system. I think it just kind of falls out, along with bits of their own innards. I would think they would just be shuffling around, leaking poop and body fluids (or unprocessed bits of other humans). I don't really see zombies taking the time to cop a squat, priorities and all.
Posted by: peachfish at October 13, 2009 4:30 PM
Nadine, I shall work bastard monkey eyes/hands into my vocabulary a-sap. FTW still
BOO-NIE..
(hug)
Posted by: Boonie at October 13, 2009 4:31 PM
I hope that the Bride's bajingo and Frankie's nuts and bolt were fresh when they got 'em. I've got some disgusting thoughts about what might happen when a decayed bajingo is poked with a less than fresh cock. Ew.
Also, I bet Frankie liked to choke the Bride when they were getting it on Wolfman-style.
You mean on the front lawn while an enraged woman swats at them with a broom?
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 13, 2009 4:39 PM
No one has answered my question: Why do dogs do the little flicky-flicky grass dance after they go poop?
Posted by: MM at October 13, 2009 4:42 PM
There's a synegy here ... somewhere ..
Also, I bet Frankie liked to choke the Bride when they were getting it on Wolfman-style
You mean on the front lawn while an enraged woman swats at them with a broom?
Posted by: Boonie at October 13, 2009 4:48 PM
For the literate folk, that would be 'synergy' ...
Posted by: Boonie at October 13, 2009 4:51 PM
there are certain polynesian cultures were large women are preferred. teenage girls are sent to "fat camp" where they are fattened up for marriage. it's like a double reverse fat camp.
i read that somewhere. or saw it somewhere. or made it up in my own head.
Pooping zombies, re-animated sex organs, and Karl Lagerfeld hate. Only on Pajiba. You sick, marvelous bastards! My face hurts from laughing so much. PinkMcLadyBits and Tracer, I "heart" you both.
Posted by: TheBlackMenace at October 13, 2009 5:07 PM
@MM It has to do with little scent glands in the paw pads. It's sort of a finishing
touch that says "Check it ooooowwwwwt", "I'm a big deal" and "This is what
left all you other bitches".
Posted by: Ms MoMo at October 13, 2009 5:07 PM
Boonie, you darling (hug)
And to let you in on something WONDERFUL bastard monkey hands comes from a little show called Garth Marenghi's Dark Place.
That name is all you need.
Go. Seek it out.
And gaze upon't in wonderment for surely, your mind will open and its innards will fall out like those of the walking undead
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 5:40 PM
MM, what Ms Momo said is true. And they eat poo to hide them selves from what they're hunting
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 5:42 PM
Doggies have scent glands in their paws? I did not know that. I know kitties have scent glands in their cheeks, which is why they're always trying to cheek rub everything.
The More You Know, Pajiba edition!
Posted by: MM at October 13, 2009 5:46 PM
And why they head but you MM, they have the glands in their foreheads too!
We should write a book of these weird factoids.
Actually a Pajiba book written by Pajibans would be so awesome i just.....i'll be in my bunk
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 5:50 PM
Lagerfeld's comments about women shouldn't be surprising. Anyone who doesn't think the old fashion queens hate women just needs to take a look at women's shoes. No more horrific torture devices have ever been constructed and then to make it worse they successfully brainwash the vast majority of women into buying them in too small of sizes.
Posted by: OscarTamerz at October 13, 2009 6:10 PM
I adopted an older coonhound (a hunting dog) from the humane society and she's a poop-eater. So, she's hiding her scent from the squirrels in my backyard, I reckon. I still wish she wouldn't eat poop.
If she becomes a ZOMBIE dog, would she STOP pooping? Because that could solve the problem...
Posted by: lil_a at October 13, 2009 6:18 PM
See thats why if/when i get a dog, I am NEVER EVER letting it lick my face. EVER.
I dont want poo face
Posted by: Nadine at October 13, 2009 6:31 PM
is it too late to go back and pretend i didn't spell "where" wrong?
also, is it too late to point out the doggies have gland in their ASSES that need to be drained? and that the fluid that comes smells like... well... ASS?
because they do. and it does.
i would say "i just vomited in my mouth a little," but who says that anymore? i mean, really.
No need to thank me, citizen. I'm just doing my job. Up, up and awaaaaaaaaaaaay.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 13, 2009 7:02 PM
@ Lil_a There are products on the market and helpful sites on the Interwebs re
the issue of Coprophagia. There's help for the sitch with recently adopted
Coonhound (btw, bless you for adopting a dog from a shelter [warm hug]). Start him off on a good quality diet (who know what he's been eating at the
H.S. or at the prior owners). Sometimes including a bit of canned pineapple
chunks in the vittles bowl helps. Follow him out when it's potty time and
have your shovel right handy (you're working on the house/potty training
sched anyways). It could be just a temporary thing - the stress of a new place
/ peoples / fur buddies. Here's a site to start with: http://tinyurl.com/yfruuna
{cue the NBC, More Ya Know 4-chord chime}
Posted by: Ms MoMo at October 13, 2009 7:04 PM
I have two thoughts on Karl Lagerfeld. My first thought, from my irrational cooter is, I hate how fashion designers use the word "curvy" as a synonym for "overweight." Lookit, the fact that my hips and chest measure larger than my waist makes me curvy. And I'm at a healthy BMI and body fat percentage and wear a size 2/4, so obviously I'm not "curvy" in the sense that he means. I'm curvy by the REAL DEFINION OF THE WORD!
But.....
My second thought, from my rational brain is, should we really listen to the proclamations of a man who wears his shoes a size too small because he likes the way it feels? Or should he just fuck off and make us some pretty clothes?
Nadine .. You and he were...buddies, weren't you?
{:O
Posted by: Boonie at October 13, 2009 8:43 PM
@mm & Ms MoMo
I've never read anything that pretended to be more than a theoretical explanation for those dog issues, but I prefer the one that says they scratch the grass to make sure their claws/feet are clean. Don't want other predators to have a great scent trail to follow, right? I find this logical because so many dogs have a strong aversion to pooping in their own yards.
Do zombies prefer to poop in the neighbor's yard?
Posted by: Walter at October 13, 2009 9:01 PM
What about zombie human centipedes?
Posted by: Craig at October 13, 2009 9:34 PM
DID SOMEONE SAY MY NAME?!!
Hoo, baby. I thought I had it rough just being the Human Centipede, and then I got BIT. Now, I can't chase anyone down, because I'm the FUCKING HUMAN CENTIPEDE, so I haven't eaten anything, so I'm not pooping . . . which I guess, is a plus for parts 2-3, if you catch my drift. Ladies had it rough. Did I mention the German is very big on fibre?
Anyhizzle, being a zombie sucks ass (see what I did there?) so if someone could bring an axe and put me out of my misery, I'd be most grateful. I promise I won't try to bite your ankles.
Posted by: Human Centipede at October 13, 2009 11:05 PM
May be a little late for this, but Jezebel has posted a great little feature on the history of Karl Lagerfeld's insane rants:
So, yeah, the guy is well known for being a complete and total asshole. He called Heidi Klum "heavy", for fuck's sake. Paying attention to this guy's standards of beauty is like listening to Paris Hilton on how to be a classy, disease-free human being.
I would totally be up for a Serenity replica. I already have two six inch ones (one normal, one Reaver-ised). But that one looks like junk. Why is it so smooth? Where's the crap sticking off it, where's the rust? And who painted it the wrong colour? Why does it have a white bit with red stripes, and why are the solar panels purple? For $2500 I want a fucking shrink-rayed version of the real thing, not this trash.
Posted by: James at October 14, 2009 12:03 AM
I am a SEXY and HOT black girl from New yOrK,
someday I found a H -O- T place for u guys, ____Bigtalls CO M____ , if you want know more big fri-ends,even l-over, please have a try !
Posted by: Obama21 at October 14, 2009 4:55 AM
Mmm, nice header pic. VERY nice. I'm joining that line too, Stacey!
Does Frankenstein's monster have a peen? Didn't Young Frankenstein answer that question?
"ohhhhh, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found youuuuu..."
Posted by: Tarn at October 14, 2009 10:18 AM
Can I just say a couple things please?
Zombies aren't alive, so they don't have a digestive/excretory system, so they don't pee or poop, I'm pretty sure.
Didn't that Karl Langendorf guy used to be really fat?
Omigod, Eva Amurri has lovely breastisis. And I do so love that they are asymmetrical, and the right one is bigger and saggier than the left one. Such a joy to see instead of the usual fake bolted-on graperfruit halves.
Michael J. Hall is loverly.Yumm.Hes been to the gym, yo, and it shows! Nice work, fella.
I think Frankensteins monster did pee AND poop.
That is all, and have a most pleasant tomorrow.
Posted by: devildoggie at October 14, 2009 8:02 PM
Karl Lagerfield needs to be punched in his skeletal junk.