Pajiba

That doggie is so beautiful! I love her too!

Oh, Tori. *sigh*

Yeah, umm, Nicole Eggert would look totally fine if she was wearing a suit that wasn't 2 sizes too small and stood up straight. She still looks better than me.

I only weigh a very small amount more than Tori Spelling and that frightens me. Is it possible that I also look disgusting?

Nicole Eggert is still hot. She may actually be hotter in the face. My stomach probably looks that bloated after like two beer. She's not fat.

Fuck that noise. I apparently weigh 8lbs more than Tori Spelling, and I know that I don't have 15lbs worth of shitty implants hanging off my chest, and I'm an inch shorter so I'm betting that's a bold faced lie. I don't know where these Hollywooders come up with these numbers, but anytime I hear a "weight" for an actress these days I'm adding 10-20 to it to get something that sounds physically possible.

"...that lets you tell the world where you just banged, with the helpful aid of google maps."

I'm relatively busy, so I'll just sum up the past month here:

Nov 09: My bedroom.
Nov 11: My shower.
Nov 14: My basement against the water softener.
Nov 15: On the compost pile.
Nov 20: Beside the dumpster behind the IHOP on Route 42.
Nov 20: On top of the dumpster behind the IHOP on Route 42.
Nov 20: In the dumpster behind the Applebees next to the IHOP on Route 42.
Nov 25: In the frozen foods aisle at Rainbow Foods.
Nov 30: Stacey Nosek's garage while she was out running errands (I'm so, so, very sorry!)
Oct 02: During an AA meeting in the basement of Holy Trinity Church.
Oct 02: Liquor store bathroom.
Oct 02: Behind the dumpster of above-mentioned liquor store.
Oct 02: Back of police cruiser.
Oct 02: Jail cell.
Oct 08: Along Hwy 14, collecting trash per community service agreement.
Oct 09: In front of compu...

Waitasec - is this supposed to be with somebody else, or flying solo? You really need to be clearer on these things, Ms. Nosek - between yesterday's missing Tom Cruise link and this, it seems Pajiba Love is starting to get a little friggin' sloppy. Let's clean it up, huh?

Whoa! Skitz is having future sex! That.Is.Awesome!

i WILL NOT play that video.

videos of dogs saying 'i love you', videos of cats saying things like 'mama' or 'i see you', those types of videos you can just keep to yourself, miss stacy jean nosek! talking animals only talk because they are possessed by demons and i WILL NOT invite Hell into my house just because you think it's cute.

I SAID, GOOD DAY.

I'd buy that Playboy issue if Maude Flanders was the centerfold.

And if she was still alive, of course.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I am old enough, and I like to think wise enough, to pretty much want to have the sex in relatively comfortable and private locations. My days of getting bent over a random parked car on a quiet street or hoping the lifeguards at the water park aren't paying close attention are waaaay behind me.
Plus, all the accessories are at home.
Where no one will hear you scream.

Where no one will hear you scream.

i imagine this locale to be some sort of spooky horse ranch even the hardy boys wouldn't go near.

the video news footage of the aftermath will be labeled "graphic" and advise children and those pregnant women with weak hearts to leave the room.

Ha! L with an 'e', it's not just you. I, too, am old, and the most adventurous I get these days is standing up in the living room. And that's rare, not just because the neighbors can see into all my windows, but because I'm far too lazy to stand up for 20 minutes at a time.

I'll stick with bed, thanks.

Well, totally silent sex so parents in the next room wouldn't hear was real fun back in the day, so under the right circumstances I'd have to say yes.
Jesus, I was a slut.

i know. i mean, um, i've heard.

oh you got me, everyone knows ahm a whore anyway.

Marge Simpson is posing nude for the November issue of Playboy. Seriously, I don’t know which brand’s irrelevancy this speaks to more: “The Simpsons” or Playboy magazine.

The only way that could be more creepy is if it was my own mother. What the fuck, Playboy? Man, she's the fictional TV mother. What's next, will Flanders pose for Playgirl?

Act now, I'll throw in a ShamWow

Make sure you check the box for "new" ShamWow, and not "repurposed".

Hellooooo Randy!
{siddles up}
Wanna date?

i owe my discovery of They Might Be Giants soley to "Tiny Tunes."

I wonder if they could teach that dog to say: "This is humiliating; I want to rip out your throats, but can't because you're the ones who buy my Alpo."

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Oh gp, you're so possessive. You claimed I was yours a few weeks ago, and yet you never call, never write...

Lwa'e',

can't a guy gather a harem online without all the mouthiness? sass me again!

There’s some new website called IJustMadeLove.com that lets you tell the world where you just banged, with the helpful aid of google maps. Uhmm… Maybe I’m just boring but most of mine would be in like, the same place.

Mine too, and unfortunately, I doubt they have Imaginationland plotted on that map. Or my cell phone wavey things on which texts travel.

... I like flat Coke. Mom says that carbonation is the Devil's farts.

Ok, GP. Let's bird-out for a second. Two quick stories. First, I had a parakeet named Bluebell that i caught at a farm. He was kept in the room where i would be sent for punishment. as such, he learned to say things like "tweet-fuckshit-squawktweetle-ihatmomthatbitch-tweet!"

second story. I had a lovebird (what a misnomer) named lemon, who, while she was in her cage, would stick her head through the bars to be scratched behind her ears and other adorable behaviors. As soon as she was let out, she would attack any human ears she saw, and then promptly fly up into the rafters. i gave her to an alcoholic sea captain.

My girlfriend won't let me have birds because she's afraid they will eat her eyes, which in my experience, is a valid fear.

L w/ E and AVBP: thanks for the warnings. I'll take 'em into consideration.

Ok, i'm done.

HAAAAA! of COURSE it was Shauvon! It's what you get for being a WHORE! HAAAAA!

*ahem*

I love the Challenges. So very much.

I'm seriously surprised though, with all the plastic flopping around that show, that it hasn't happened already. Hee. Oh Godtopus that video is cracking me the hell up. It makes me feel evil but COME ON that woman is so trashy and horrible. It's so beyond awesome karma.

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I just watched the coolest Simpsons porno parody of all time. It's totally live action and Marge is crazy hot, but i truly practically crapped my pants when i saw Flanders. Its just as if they ripped him straight out of the animation and made him real...

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