bruno_halloween.jpg
First Person I See Dressed Up as "Bruno" for Halloween Gets a Complimentary Kick to the Scrote

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | October 8, 2009 | Comments (47)

Here are some timely yet unlikely Halloween Costume ideas based on the current slew of movies. Although it goes without saying that drawing a fake swastika scar on your forehead probably won’t make you the hit of the party. (Spout)

Remember back in the way back when Jimmy Fallon was still funny? Yeah, me neither. But this list supposedly has irrefutable evidence to the contrary. (Unreality)

Back when I feigned disgust at Michael Vick getting signed to the Eagles it started a comment flame war. But I don’t care — now the scumbag is getting his own goddamn reality show and I’m still calling bullshit. (Thundersquee)

Speaking of feigning disgust, check out Fox News’ Shepard Smith’s hilarious reaction to the Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburger. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

Somebody decided to see what would happen if you took the Willy Wonka tunnel scene and recorded it backwards. The answer is the “most terrifying goddamn thing ever.” (Film Drunk)

I could read a detailed account of Tom Cruise having sex with a man and this would still probably be the gayest thing I’ve read about Tom Cruise. (Webster’s)

Well, it’s certainly no “Karate Dog” — but here are some of Chevy Chase’s best Clark Griswold moments. (Screen Junkies)

Ha ha. Chris Brown is getting sued by Wrigley Gum for throwing their expensive, star-studded ad campaign down the shitter. (Celebslam)

If you haven’t heard by now, “Top Chef’s” Padma Lakshmi’s eggo is preggo (sorry — couldn’t help myself) but nobody knows who the baby daddy is. Apparently she’d like to have you think it’s immaculate conception. (Mix Tape Therapy)

I’ve never been an “e-card” type of gal but these are sarcastic enough that it damn near almost changes my mind. Thanks, Trouble! (Blunt Cards)

If you haven’t heard already, NASA is planning to bomb the moon tomorrow. Yes, that moon. But if you’ll recall, Mr. Show totally predicted this like ten years ago. (Hairballs)

I’ve heard of women eating their placentas and planting them under trees and shit, but turning it into a teddy bear certainly wins the creativity award. (Inhabitots)

We just did that whole piece on Betty White, but here’s a top ten list of the craziest old people in horror movies. (Topless Robot)

If any Amanda Palmer fans weren’t already aware, the girlfriend of Niel Gaiman has been regularly broadcasting web-concerts. (TMITM)

I’m surprised that it actually took an entire week for the internet make this happen, but finally here is the Chris Hansen-Roman Polanski mash-up you’ve been waiting for:

Pajiba Love is brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

Padma whatsherface should go on permanent maternity leave, she's the worse thing on Top Chef...after Colliccioo (whatever).

Have I mentioned he's a massive tool?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2009 1:13 PM

Update: I'll add anyone dressed as Bruno to my nut sack tap dance routine. See, I hate all fucktards equally!

Posted by: Xtreme at October 8, 2009 1:15 PM

I'm the father. I've been plowing that ass like a farmer on steroids.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 8, 2009 1:21 PM

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 8, 2009 1:21 PM


*HI-FIVE*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2009 1:27 PM

Why don't I see the Tom Cruise link?

Posted by: Kiddo at October 8, 2009 1:28 PM

Fucking hell! Did Gene Wilder just summon Beelebub?

Farmers don't use steroids, Tracer. They're far to drunk to remember the needles.

Question: Would it be inappropriate to go as just Dr. Manhattan's Glorious Blue Whang for halloween? You know when he's all big and shit?

Posted by: admin at October 8, 2009 1:28 PM

When I was watching 500 Days of Summer, I felt bad for Tom for having to write sappy greeting cards all day long (then there was that whole getting dumped by Summer thing). I could never do that.

Now, working at Blunt Cards seems like an invigorating career choice......not that I have any anger or bitterness issues to foist upon others or anything like that.

Posted by: swingdude at October 8, 2009 1:29 PM

Yeah, the Tom Cruise link isn't there.

Oh and yes, it's the American way to blow up the moon. Good call.

Posted by: Jay at October 8, 2009 1:31 PM

Question: Would it be inappropriate to go as just Dr. Manhattan's Glorious Blue Whang for halloween?

Not as long as you can find two friends to play Dr. Manhattan's Glorious Blue Balls. Otherwise the costume might confuse people.

Posted by: branded at October 8, 2009 1:33 PM

I could read a detailed account of Tom Cruise having sex with a man and this would still probably be the gayest thing I’ve read about Tom Cruise.

ACK! Where's the link?

Posted by: Smaje1 at October 8, 2009 1:34 PM

First Person I See Dressed Up as "Bruno" for Halloween Gets a Complimentary Kick to the Scrote

I fell in love with you somewhere between "kick" and "scrote."

Posted by: George at October 8, 2009 1:36 PM

I hate to say it but I too would really like to read something gay about Tom Cruise.

And all of those Jimmy Fallon videos are on Hulu, which is inaccessible to those of us who reside outside of the United States. Oh no.

Posted by: TSF at October 8, 2009 1:38 PM

Now, working at Blunt Cards seems like an invigorating career choice......not that I have any anger or bitterness issues to foist upon others or anything like that.

Hmmmm...sounds like a lucrative career choice!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I just found out I have Chlamydia,
You might have it to.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at October 8, 2009 1:39 PM

Hmm, what have we here? A new type of burger? I must try it.

*takes bite*

HOLY FUCK!!!

*dies*

Posted by: Kballs at October 8, 2009 1:44 PM

Aright, look. I'm gonna tell you something. I love bacon cheeseburgers. I love glazed donuts. Once in a while, mind you, not on a daily (or even weekly) basis. But that? That shit ain't right.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at October 8, 2009 1:58 PM

Mmmmm. Doughnut burger. {drools}
At 1500 cal, it isn't really any worse than a big ol' fat cheesy pizza with delicious meaty toppings. A couple of slices of that will run you 2000+ cal easy. (according to my friends doctor, which is why we can't have sausage and bacon on our Saturday night pizza anymore, fucker.)
Mmmmmm, doughnut pizza.

It doesn't make it right, just a little perspective.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 8, 2009 2:02 PM

I’ve heard of women eating their placentas and planting them under trees and shit, but turning it into a teddy bear certainly wins the creativity award.

Does "creativity" now mean "throw up in my mouth until I suffocate on the bile"?
My inner earth-mother wants to appreciate the sentiment here, but she can't be heard over the tumultous torrent of tossed-cookies.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at October 8, 2009 2:04 PM

I apologize in advance for being a grammar jerk...
This whole "feigning disgust" about Michael Vick - I think you mean actual disgust. Unless you are only pretending to be pissed off about his reality show...

Posted by: Stella at October 8, 2009 2:07 PM

Watching that Gene Wilder thing pretty much destroyed any chance I had of sleeping tonight.

Damn. That was like one of those freaky anti-devil-music videos my whacked out youth pastor made me watch when I was a kid.

Seriously. Fucked. Up.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at October 8, 2009 2:09 PM

That shit ain't right.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at October 8, 2009 1:58 PM

Aren't you the one who was e-drooling over the cheese stuffed, bacon wrapped, deep fried, breaded, jumbo shrimp (Camerones Empanezadas) a few months back? I bet plate of those ran 2000 cal easy. BOY was it worth it though. {slavers}

I bet the sweetness of the glazed doughnut really sets off the salt of the bacon and beef. Ever put maple syrup or Karo on bacon while cooking? Oh yeah, baby. The real sweet spot.

Don't get me wrong, I will NEVER eat one of these things, but I can see the appeal.

I just had to go and get an apple for a snack just to make up for THINKING all of those sinful delicious thoughts.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 8, 2009 2:10 PM

The blunt cards are funny. The one on the last page that says "I only check your blog to see if people have commented on my comments." is a real thing of beauty.

Posted by: becks at October 8, 2009 2:14 PM

I'm still young so I can eat pretty much anything I want. I'd try the doughnut burger and I don't even particularly like doughnuts or burgers. Combined they look fantastic.

Posted by: becks at October 8, 2009 2:21 PM

Aren't you the one who was e-drooling over the cheese stuffed, bacon wrapped, deep fried, breaded, jumbo shrimp (Camerones Empanezadas) a few months back?

L with an 'e', it's entirely possible. I'm not concerned so much with the calorie and fat content (though I'm certain it's hideous), it's the idea of getting sugary glaze all over my fingers while eating a bacon cheeseburger that's got me. (I was actually kind of grossed out by the mix of sweet sugary donutness with salty bacon and cheese, though I do enjoy maple syrup on my bacon. But I don't think sweet donut goodness goes with ground beef.)

Also, the texture of a glazed donut is COMPLETELY WRONG for a cheeseburger. Way too flaky, would get soggy and gross in, like, seconds. And once my cheeseburger bun is soggy, I'm out like NPH.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at October 8, 2009 2:24 PM

Hmmm, all excellent points AvB, but consider: A croissant bun on a burger. Still light and flaky, still capable of soaking up the inevitable (delicious) grease, but not sweet. What then?

I generally live on salad, so all of this is just food porn for me anyway. I had a happy hour menu burger and garlic fries Monday night and I still haven't recovered. I haven't had a drink in 13 years, and STILL come home from the pub with a hangover.
(garlic is a cruel mistress.)

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 8, 2009 2:31 PM

I'm still young so I can eat pretty much anything I want.
Get out.

Bitchiness aside, isn't that called the Lutherburger? AvB, the sticky sweet glaze would mess up the burger patty, but that wouldn't stop me from devouring the whole thing.

Posted by: Brie at October 8, 2009 2:37 PM

I'm still young so I can eat pretty much anything I want.

Ha ha, one day you'll be caught off guard and shocked that you gained weight, unlike those of us who NEVER had an ultrametabolism to give out on us in the first place, fucker!

Yeah, I don't really care about doughnuts either. Hey, you spelled "doughnut" correctly! Right on!

Posted by: Jay at October 8, 2009 2:40 PM

I know Cruise has his lawyers on speed dial, but getting a link to disappear that quick is pretty impressive.

Posted by: EricD at October 8, 2009 2:41 PM

Don't worry Brie, I was raised in an incredibly healthy home so I never really take advantage of my metabolism. All of my go-to meals are boring health foods that I've become accustomed to.

It's possible that my inexperience with cheeseburgers tainted my ability to truly imagine what this thing would taste like. AVB, you've made some good points and it's possible that this burger is too good to be true. Oh, cruel world.

Posted by: becks at October 8, 2009 2:44 PM

Oh, don't get me started on garlic. Love. Used to be able to eat whole cloves of it. Can't anymore. Sad. Boo. And how I wish I could live on salad. Instead, I live on cookies, and my ass expands exponentially by the day. I'll have my own zip code soon, I expect.

Croissant on a burger = still gross. Texture and soggy-factor again. Soggy bread and bread-like products make me gag. *gag* like that, see? Even thinking about it sets off the reflex.

Brie, every time I read what you've written there, I read "...devouring the thing whole", which *gag*. Hee.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at October 8, 2009 2:44 PM

Egg, meet face... Right after I saved today's Pajiba Love our new editor Antoinette emailed me to let me know the link was missing, and I fixed it but for some reason it either didn't save or I forgot to save.

All better now! My apologies!

Posted by: Stacey at October 8, 2009 2:56 PM

Thank you for acknowledging my spelling, Jay. It almost makes up for your excitement about my imminent weight-gain.

Posted by: becks at October 8, 2009 2:56 PM

Whoah. That willy wonka clip is now the official soundtrack to all my nightmares. They usually sound something just like that, but now I can transcribe: 'Mnyer...yuip...puh....nyarwhalllll....hepzeebah...nyurp, nyurp"

ick!

also, the ecards rule!

Posted by: replica at October 8, 2009 2:57 PM

Hmmmmm...

Bluntcards seems like a pretty blatant rip-off of Some Ecards and I think I still like the original better.

Posted by: elizabeth at October 8, 2009 2:59 PM

I always suspected that German was just English spoken backwards.

OR is English German spoken backwards. {boggles}

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 8, 2009 3:01 PM

"And all of those Jimmy Fallon videos are on Hulu, which is inaccessible to those of us who reside outside of the United States. Oh no."

TSF, you foreigners have all the luck.

Posted by: EricD at October 8, 2009 3:01 PM

Apparently I've watched so much horror recently that I've become completely desensitized, because I laughed my ass off at Backwards Gene Wilder. That was bitchin'.

I think Blunt Cards was founded by my alter ego. Every year my friends and I bemoan the fact that so many cards are utterly gag-worthy. We troll shops looking for the nastiest, most sarcastic cards we can find. My favorites so far have been the Christmas card sent by my brother-in-law, featuring a fierce fat elderly woman clutching a rifle (inside--"Mrs. Claus knows how to make reindeer really fly") and a birthday card featuring a towering cake buried in candles, that let loose with a shrill fire engine sound when you opened it.

Posted by: DeadBessie at October 8, 2009 3:02 PM

I always suspected that German was just English spoken backwards.

OR is English German spoken backwards. {boggles}

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 8, 2009 3:03 PM

WTF?!? Double post 2 minutes apart? What fuckery is afoot?

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 8, 2009 3:05 PM

Good for you, Becks. Keep on eating healthy. I'm shamefully indulging in Panera Bread myself. Fucking carbs!

AvB, I could just be feeling carnivorous, but croissant burgers are pretty good. I think it depends on how juicy the burger is and how many condiments you're using.

Burger King has a croissant breakfast sandwich. Tastes like a salt lick, but when you have the craving, it's not bad.

Posted by: Brie at October 8, 2009 3:09 PM

Wait a minute...that was no backwards Willy Wonka! That was an unreleased short film by David Lynch! you sneaky bastards...

Posted by: gunnertec at October 8, 2009 3:27 PM

What's Panera Bread because it sounds delicious?

Posted by: becks at October 8, 2009 3:51 PM

The Topless Robot list of crazy old people in horror is a joke, right? Like, they intentionally picked really bad choices because they knew I'd click on the link and get really pissed off? Because that appears to be the only logical explanation to me while I'm on my doctor approved cocktail of allergy pills and nasal sprays.

Seriously, no Baby Jane in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? No Minnie Castavette in Rosemary's Baby? No Rosie Forrest (Auntie Roo) in Whoever Slew Auntie Roo? Julia Farren in Curse of the Cat People? The Nun in Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors? Aunt Mei in Dumplings (spoiler alert: Bai Ling's playing an ancient old lady with the secret to eternal youth). None of these fine crazies did the killing themselves. At least none of the killings that occur during the film.

And then the choices they made are stranger than the names they left off. What defines Mr. Wing in Gremlins or Dr. Loomis in Halloween 6 as a crazy person? Nothihg, that's what. And, as much as I dislike Stephen King, he has a long cinematic history of crazy old people that could populate this list and be better choices than what's there already.

As an ardent fan of the Psycho-Biddy sub-genre, so named for being horror films with crazy old people as villains, I am outraged that such a list exists in so poor a form. Outraged I tell you.

Posted by: Robert at October 8, 2009 4:08 PM

Okay, I agreen with the others that Blunt Cards is a ripoff of Some Ecards, but I laughed at "camping at Lake Slap-A-Hoe".

Posted by: Lauren at October 8, 2009 5:36 PM

Between that Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburger and the NASA news story, I have never been prouder to be an American.

Clark Griswold also makes me proud to be an American. I love his "hap-hap-happiest" speech from Christmas Vacation. That is one movie I have to watch every December.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at October 8, 2009 6:05 PM

Glad to see some Amanda Palmer love up in here

Posted by: Michelle at October 8, 2009 7:33 PM

Becks, check them out online. Then, find one close to you, and get the Baked Potato soup. It is rich, creamy, and so delicious, you might die. But don't. Finish eating it instead. It's fantastic.

They also have really good sandwiches. I haven't had their breakfast stuff, but I wanna.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at October 8, 2009 7:40 PM

Neil Gaiman. NEIL Gaiman.

This cannot be forgiven.

Posted by: Puppet at October 9, 2009 6:03 PM





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