free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 10/08/08 | Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Stupid Ashlee Simpson, Stupid The Word Maverick and Stupid Hangover (The Last One Only Applies to Me)

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | October 8, 2008 | Comments (38)

Better late than never… “Maverick” is the new “Robust.” Embrace it, love it, make out with it. Thanks, Jay! (NY Times)

I hate Ashlee Simpson. Hate, hate, hate, hate. And yes, it’s personal. (It’s really not.) But here is just one fine example of why she’s such a stupid butthole. (WIMB)

Olbermann pwns the living shit out of Sarah Palin. Awesome. (QuizLaw)

So I guess I should probably link something about the debate last night, huh? Well, in that case, my friend Chez here says it as good as anyone. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

Here’s a list of the Top Ten Straight-Jacketiest Films! (Film Experience)

If Scientology is so fucking great than why are half of celebrities involved with it so shamed to admit it? (Yeeeah!)

Guess who Esquire’s “Sexiest Woman Alive” is? (Popoholic)

Then, guess who Tim Burton wants toplay the Queen of Hearts in his version of Alice in Wonderland? The answer will not surprise you, whatsoever. (Agent Bedhead)

Leave it to a fucking sports blog to come with a brilliant, last-ditch plan to save our sinking economy. (KSK)

Here the best androgalicious music videos! (TMITM)

John McCain’s foot miraculously finds its way into his mouth. I know, shocking, right? Thanks, Sofia! (Jezebel)

God that used to piss me off so bad when they would advertise Sonics on television when there were no Sonics anywhere near me. But now, I rub my Diet Cherry Limeade in all of your faces! (SeriousEats)

Is your city on the stop for Tour de Dog? (cityrag)

One of the world’s fattest men has passed away. Godspeed, El Fatto — here’s hoping Heaven has a Taco Bell. (DListed)

Coming soon to theaters, The Dark Buzz. OK, it’s kinda stupid, but it made me giggle anyway. (Via Galley Slaves!)

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.









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Comments

Thanks but no thanks for not checking my e-mails as "spam."

No, seriously. Thanks. (But no thanks)

Posted by: Sofía at October 8, 2008 12:07 PM

I am hungover at work today and the dark buzz made my morning.

Posted by: Alli at October 8, 2008 12:11 PM

There are no Sonics. I fully believe that I hallucinate those commercials and how tasty those drinks look, because I have never seen one. And I never will. Because they don't exist.

Posted by: Julie at October 8, 2008 12:15 PM

I've been advocating legalizing marijuana for a while now, and I don't ever use the stuff. We'd make a hell of a lot of money off the tax revenue, never mind incidentals. Plus it would help clear out our overcrowded prison system. Both my parents are in favor of this also, but that only half counts since my dad is in favor of deregulating ALL drugs and just letting people take whatever they feel they need.

This makes me sound like I come from a hippie family. I don't.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at October 8, 2008 12:19 PM

People who want to ban drugs wipe their ass with the Constitution.

Posted by: Eep at October 8, 2008 12:22 PM

I can't look at Popoholic at work ("Entertainment/Provocative attire"), so somebody tell me: who is the "Sexiest Woman Alive Besides Paz Vega (Who Actually Is the Sexiest Woman Alive)"?

Posted by: Todd at October 8, 2008 12:24 PM

RIP Fatty Fatty two by four. The KenTacoHut in your area will mourn your passing.

(For the uninitiated, that's a KFC, Taco Bell and Pizza Hut under one roof)

Posted by: branded at October 8, 2008 12:24 PM

Julie I KNOW! All the Sonics 'round the RVA parts closed, but they keep showing the commercials. What the hell! It's torture. I finally got to have one of those crazy sinful milkshake concoctions last summer at the Outer Banks.

Initially, I was excited about Burton's Alice adaption, but now that I am reading more about it, I'm skeptical. Disney managed to pull Tweedledee and Tweedledum over from Through the Looking Glass but keep the rest of the original story fairly intact. Now Burton's pulling out shit from all over Carroll's canon. The White Queen? Anne Hathaway? In Looking Glass she's an old woman who turns into a goat.

Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter is a brilliant choice. Helena B-C as the Queen of Hearts could work. She's loony enough. But now the story is starting to veer too far from the original source material, which is perfectly wacky for Burton in its true from. Why's he gotta mess with it?

Curiouser and curiouser.

Can you tell I'm an Alice nut? Can you?

Posted by: Alabamapink at October 8, 2008 12:31 PM

If I had no tp, but the constitution was handy, I would undoubtedly clear away defecation with it (the only drawback being possible paper-cuts). There's a Sonic about 200 yards from my house, and I must say it's profoundly over-rated. I do enjoy those snazzy commercials, though.

Posted by: ThunderSacTriumph at October 8, 2008 12:36 PM

so somebody tell me: who is the "Sexiest Woman Alive

Come now, turn on your status bar, it's in the url!

Okay, okay....in Esquire's opinion it's Halle Berry.

I can only assume they've been bribed or blackmailed.

Posted by: Jay at October 8, 2008 12:36 PM

Now that you can get vanilla coke anywhere, the ONLY reason to go to Sonic is for the ice. I love that crunchy foamed ice. The whole carhop thing annoys the shit out of me.

Posted by: Eep at October 8, 2008 12:40 PM

Keith layeth the smackethh downeth on that Alaskan whore, big time.

Keep 'em comin'.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 8, 2008 12:43 PM

It's all a plot to give me milkshake-craving blue balls, Bama. :) I think if I saw one in Philly or Bucks County I'd crash my car in disbelief.

I love Tim Burton, and I adore Johnny Depp and HBC...but I wish he'd branch out a little more on his casting choices. They're both deserving of the roles they're given, and I get a funny feeling in my belly when I hear of another collaboration between Burton and Depp, but it would fun to see what he would do with other actors. Speaking of which, it's been years since I've seen Big Fish.

Posted by: Julie at October 8, 2008 12:43 PM

Am I the only one who totally wants to grab Olbermann by the tie, pull him into my bedroom, rip off those glasses, and proceed to... oh, I'm panting, I have to stop or my coworkers will wonder what's wrong with me!

Seriously, that clip made my day.

Posted by: Melissa at October 8, 2008 1:29 PM

Both Keith and Chez should be on the top ten comments list this week. Eloquent indeed.

Posted by: Cindy at October 8, 2008 1:35 PM

Huh. I never saw that "I'm Afraid of Americans" video before. Bowie looks hot in there.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at October 8, 2008 1:42 PM

Am I the only Obama backer here who doesnt understand the desire to turn John McCain into some kind of demon spawn out to destory America? Is it just frustration that the right has been in power for 8 years or that he is running vs Obama because McCain is hardly the most distasteful Rep. out there. Am I missing something here?

Posted by: dylanj at October 8, 2008 1:45 PM

I really miss the chili frito pies and foot long chili cheese conies and chili cheeseburgers and chili cheese fries and chili cheese onion rings. Holy God I want a Sonic to go up in Chicago.

Hey, there's one in Aurora, but I don't have a car. Fuck.

Posted by: Lucas at October 8, 2008 1:48 PM

Posted by Eep: "Now that you can get vanilla coke anywhere, the ONLY reason to go to Sonic is for the ice. I love that crunchy foamed ice. The whole carhop thing annoys the shit out of me."

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had the most ungodly cravings for ice - I could eat an entire ice cube tray full of ice in the time from when I got home from work until I went to bed. Several times a week, I would go to Sonic on my way home from work, order the largest drink on the menu, pour the drink out and eat the ice on the drive home. Their ice is absolutely the bestest ice in the whole, entire universe. Several years ago, I happened to work with a guy that had previously worked as a service tech for reataurant equipment and he mentioned Sonic's ice machines. He said their ice is so good because they incorporate a lot of air into the water prior to freezing.

Posted by: elsie at October 8, 2008 2:02 PM

Frickin' Sonic.

I hate that place. It doesn't matter how tasty the food is or how ha-ha-larious the commercials are, that whole business model annoys the hell out of me.

Every time I go it ends up taking 20 fucking minutes to get my food. Your name is SONIC and you sling fast food... I'd be happy with an 8 minute wait for crying out loud!!!

One night I waited in the drive-thru for a while and nobody responded to my car (even after I pulled up to the fucking window). So I go to the little car hop stall and a girl I knew started talking and she was like, "Can I take your order?" And I gave her my order and made small talk then asked (as polite as I fucking could) if their drive-thru sensor was broken or if they were closed. She told me no, it wasn't broken they just "like to ignore customers after like 9."

MotherFuckingSonic.

Posted by: Kayanne at October 8, 2008 2:14 PM

Yep. They had the same stuff in the automated soda dispensers at the ice rink when I was growing up, that's where I got hooked. Now Sonic is the only place I know that has it.

Posted by: Eep at October 8, 2008 2:15 PM

My first job was at Sonic, so I have a bit of unrealistic nostalgia and obsession with the joint. Sadly, california has only two freakin' sonic locations in the entire state! When I moved here from Tejas, I felt cried out in frustration that there was no god! Kidding...but not really. Thus, I have driven deep into the OC to patron the Fullerton Sonic-Drive In. It's a 2 hour trip typically all for some ice cold beverages and cheddar bites! People don't understand why, but I think Stacey understands where I'm coming from. Thanks girl.

True story: When I worked there, I spilled four Route 44 drinks into a customers lap because I couldn't stop properly on skates with that heavy ass load! But the people at Sonic are always in a good mood and I still got a tip out of pity. =)

Posted by: Teresa at October 8, 2008 2:17 PM

Melissa, when you are done with the KO, send that sexymothersarapalinhatinfucker my way. Cuz when he & I are done, we can lay in bed, smoke a ciggy, flush it down with a 7&7 and talk about how stupid Republicans are. THAT, sisters is my ultimate fantasy.

oohh.. and then I'll go get me one of them there Route 66 diet cokes from one of the 8 Sonics in my tiny town.

Posted by: wsapnin at October 8, 2008 2:17 PM

At least Oklahoma has one thing: Sonic. It started here, and I suspect there are more Sonics in this city than McDonald's (which is fine by me, being as how I've been boycotting McDonald's since I was 16). The corporate headquarters is actually just a couple of blocks away from where I'm sitting at this moment, and funny enough, the restaurant attatched is the worst freakin' Sonic in the country. Seriously.

The food always makes me sick (probably that pesky soy allergy), but the drinks totally kick ass. And I pass eight of them, I think, on my way home from work every day. So you think I'd go there more often than every few months or so.

Posted by: Tyburn Blossom at October 8, 2008 2:32 PM

Am I the only one who totally wants to grab Olbermann by the tie, pull him into my bedroom, rip off those glasses, and proceed to...

Oh no you are not. I have lusty Keith fantasies any time I watch him.

Posted by: Cindy at October 8, 2008 2:45 PM

In my fantasy, we're doing the deed while I scream "Call me 'governor', call me 'governor'!"

It's really hot.

Posted by: Sofía at October 8, 2008 2:49 PM

That's all very well and good, but it still doesn't answer the question why Sonic is advertised in cities where is DOESN'T exist.....like New York City

Posted by: KT at October 8, 2008 2:50 PM

Face that fact that Sonic is like Krispy Kreme. When there aren't any around, you will drive illogically long distances to get to one, and then lather yourself in a food orgy. When they sprout up around you like Starbucks, most lose interest. Granted this has nothing to do with the quality of the food. Pajibans lust after what we can't/don't have (see Reynolds, Ryan, and Deschanel, Zooey).

Posted by: branded at October 8, 2008 3:13 PM

Ther has been a Sonic in the small East Texas town where I grew up for as long as I can remeber. It was always a treat to get to go to Sonic when we were kids because the drink cups had little plastic animals hanging from them. I had totally forgotten about that until now.

By contrast, we didn't get a Wal-Mart until 1983-ish or a McDonalds until 1987. That's how small a town this was. My only point is that, I've been eating there for a long, long time and I don't really get tired of it.

Posted by: elsie at October 8, 2008 4:50 PM

I'm all for legalization, although my county gives slaps on wrists for pot unless you've got a truckload, but what I'd REALLY like to see is the shit-canning of the tax-exempt status for churches. I'll even give them a cut-off -- everybody under $100K can still be exempt. It boggles my mind to think about how much surplus the megachurches would yield.

Posted by: Gib at October 8, 2008 4:54 PM

Sonic in my neighborhood is still open, but they no longer serve "Extreme" tater tots, so they are dead to me. You hear me, Sonic?? DEAD.

And that Keith Olbermann video just gave me a ladyboner. I love my men smug and bespectacled.

Posted by: MG at October 8, 2008 5:02 PM


Over the weekend we were out shopping with the kids and ended up in a line of cars that I thought was the wait to leave the shopping center. We pulled around and found out it was about 30 cars waiting to get into the Sonic, which I didn't even know was there (it's a new shopping center). Maybe I should check it out, for the drinks anyway.

Posted by: Drake at October 8, 2008 5:36 PM

Am I the first one to think that "Pajiba Love" would be a great porn name? Like Caesar Honeybee.

Posted by: Kevin Longrie at October 8, 2008 5:37 PM

I love my men smug and bespectacled.

Keep talking like that and I'm going to need a bigger helmet!

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 8, 2008 6:32 PM

Ha! Tim Burton is pulling a Kevin Smith. Never thought I would say that! He is using his friends/same people in his own movies. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Kevin Smith but isn't that why everyone seems to hate him so much? Ooooh I cant wait for the reaction...

Posted by: Seraf at October 8, 2008 8:28 PM

Kevin Longrie,

Like

Ashley
Sugar Notch

And actual exit sign along I-81 in NE Pa.

Speaking of Ashlee ... to think, she's the SMART Simpson.

Yes. Yes, she is.

Posted by: bucdaddy at October 8, 2008 9:16 PM

Halle Berry is oh so correct. It.. just... words cannot. So right.

The Dark Buzz provided one laugh out loud moment - Morgan Freeman as you-know-who. But overall it was very good.

Also; Tim Burton doing Alice In Wonderland? I thought I was supposed to be directing that! Hmph.

Posted by: ben (thpbt) at October 9, 2008 9:02 AM

Halle Berry is oh so correct. It.. just... words cannot. So right.

I don't know. I've seen the cover...and the one they gave her last year for some reason...and remain unconvinced that there is or ever was anything interesting happening there. Maybe it's just me.

Do you really have to wait in your car at Sonic?

Posted by: Jay at October 9, 2008 9:26 AM



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