Sarah Silverman may or may not be fucking Jimmy Kimmel again. (WIMB)
This is kind of a late catch, but damn! Is Roger Ebert the mothereffing man or what? This guy should totally work for Pajiba. (The Blemish)
STFU. Governor Peggy Hill was in Philly this weekend at the same time as the Murdercrew and we missed out on murdering her? Errr… At least, drunkenly harassing her? GOD DAMN IT. (QuizLaw)
We’ve probably covered most of these on Pajiba, and reasons as to why in the comment section, but fuck it: here are “5 Upcoming Remakes of 80’s Movies and Why They Need to Be Stopped.” Sounds like a job for Superman, to me. (Cracked)
I had no idea Planet Hollywood still existed. Good to uhh… Know. (BestWeekEver)
Sex addiction is working its way into the mainstream of reputable addictions, but I don’t care. It will always be a subject of ridicule to me, as most things are. (Slate)
Apparently the Dallas Cowboys (or as I like to occasionally refer to them, “Texas Cowboys”) lost a big game this weekend. I don’t know jack squat about football, but if there’s one thing I do know, it was Jessica Simpson’s fault. (IDLYITW)
Mila Kunis rocks out in Nylon magazine. (Popoholic)
Here’s an interview with Old Man Nader. Plucky Underdog Hero or the World’s Greatest Election Ruiner EVAR? You make the call. (AV Club)
As it turns out, the internet is good for hard-hitting, totally unbiased political coverage after all. I bring to you… (DoesMcCainWearADiaper)
Squirrels for Obama? Shit. Could I have been wrong in my “thinking squirrel-apult is funny” ways? (CuteOverload)
As a follow-up to Bedhead’s fantastic review, I couldn’t help posting this: Look ladies; it’s horses … On a beach. You’re welcome.
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
Dude, I've been defending Eebs and his snarky sense of humor for years. Glad you're catching on - his "star" system may give inflated ratings, but the man is smart and he does not suffer fools gladly. His Eagle Eye review was funnier than Dustin's. There I said it.
Posted by: AM at September 30, 2008 12:13 PM
If Senator McCain does wear diapers I am sure that we, as Americans, can rise up and say that is NOT the kind of change we need in Washington.
Sarah Palin is now officially the brunette Jessica Simpson; she's a curse to whatever team she supports. How much do you think it would cost to have her run around this weekend in a Steelers jersey?
Posted by: Kris at September 30, 2008 12:17 PM
In response to your question, I will fuck Matt Damon.
Posted by: Rachael at September 30, 2008 12:19 PM
No, no, no, Rachael.
I will fuck Matt Damon.
You better watch it. I will cut you, bitch.
Posted by: wsapnin at September 30, 2008 12:29 PM
I would totally make that squirrel my wallpaper if I didn't think it would get me fired by the end of the day.
Posted by: Kolby at September 30, 2008 12:32 PM
Oh wsapnin, maybe it's the rainy day, or maybe it's the current economic crisis, but I'm feeling generous. You can fuck Matt Damon.
Also, my future brother-in-law looks exactly like Matt Damon, except taller. I might just hit that instead.
Just kidding!!!! ha ha ha, no, I'm not.
Posted by: Rachael at September 30, 2008 12:32 PM
Ahh...Mila...the only reason I will match Max Payne.
What? I like em short, dark, and spunky. Unless they're tall, blonde, and spunky.
Sarah Palin is now officially the brunette Jessica Simpson
Not big enough. But the sentiment is appreciated.
I'm hearting Ebert today. Although...even I would fuck Matt Damon...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at September 30, 2008 12:34 PM
I am totally going to see that flick. Richard Gere is the fucking man. According to the trailer at about the :13 mark he totally tries to fishhook Diane Lane. I bet its just deviant geriatric sex the whole way through.
Posted by: Admin11 at September 30, 2008 12:37 PM
That's watchmatch. I'm still staring at that picture...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at September 30, 2008 12:37 PM
I wanted to slap the ever-living shit out of Palin when she was talking about Biden in that corny-ass, exaggerated accent:
"I'm looking forward to meeting (Biden), too. I never met him, but I've been hearing about his Senate speeches since I was in, like, second grade."
Okay, let me get this straight. I'm to believe that this admitted hayseed who scarcely earned a B.A. was familiar in grammar school with speeches by a junior senator (Biden got on the Senate in 1972 and Palin was born in 1964) from Delaware? I believe that about as much as I believe that she actually went as Tina Fey for Halloween, nay, that she even knew who Tina Fey was before a month ago.
Why can't these people just keep their mouths shut? Honestly. Harriet Meirs, another woman ridiculed for being underqualified for a vaunted position (though I suspect HM has more intellect in her pinkie finger than SP does in her entire body), had the good grace to be quiet and not, say, ridicule Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
Rant over. Okay, that's a lie - rant over by November 5.
Posted by: samantha t at September 30, 2008 12:42 PM
Mila Kunis rocks out in Nylon magazine.
Ugh. I haaaaaaaaaate photoshoots like that. Why does she have to look like she's having an incredibly miserable time? If an actress is going to do a half-naked shoot (which I support wholeheartedly) I want them to look like they are having fun being dead-sexy. Otherwise it's just gross. Seduce the camera, Mila! I don't want to feel like I'm exploiting you. I want to feel like I am appreciating you with your permission.
Posted by: elyssadc at September 30, 2008 12:51 PM
Peep that Ralph Nader interview, Pajoibs. I suddenly love that old guy.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 30, 2008 12:58 PM
Someone should take Nader on as an adviser.
Posted by: Cindy at September 30, 2008 1:17 PM
Ahh yes. My powers of intimidation have worked yet again!
You are mine, Matt Damon! Do you hear me? MINE!
Posted by: wsapnin at September 30, 2008 1:22 PM
Okay, that video was dead on.
Silver lining: High-speed menopause is probably the way to do it, if you gotta.
Posted by: agent bedhead at September 30, 2008 1:34 PM
HAHHAHA! Loved the video.
Can someone please explain to me why I keep seeing Sarah Palin referred to as Gov. Peggy Hill. I don't get it. (Takes false teeth out to soak.)
Posted by: BWeaves at September 30, 2008 1:46 PM
Loved the video - if I'm ever forced to sit through NIR I'll remember the above clip to minimise casualties.
BWeaves, Gov. Peggy Hill is an unflattering comparison of the Palinator with Peggy Hill from King of the Hill - she of the questionable intellect, abundant self-esteem in light of her self-perceived (yet limited) strengths, folksy "wisdom" and mindless religious fundamentalism and conservatism, and willingness to use (inaccurate) glowing adjectives when describing herself.
Now that's a run-on!
Posted by: lordhelmet at September 30, 2008 1:58 PM
I love Nader. I've voted for him in two of the four elections since I became of age.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love me some Roger Ebert. If people would stop dismissing him as a hack and start paying attention to what he writes, many would know better.
Stacey, squirrels are adorable. Especially tiny baby squirrels with signboards.
Posted by: Anna "Knife Pile" von Beaverplatz at September 30, 2008 2:01 PM
Roger Ebert is fucking awesome.
Posted by: Joe at September 30, 2008 2:06 PM
So...true story. We used to visit my grandparents in Virginia all the time when we were younger. They had a nice house out in the suburbs...kinda half tamed wilderness, half isolated neighborhood. It was pleasant and all, but they were infested with squirrels. I thought nothing of it at the time, because although we set many a trap to catch them (as youngsters are wont to do), invariably it wouldn't work and we'd get bored and go back to whatever game we were playing.
I was maybe 10 at the time during this visit. Both my brother and sister were sick inside, so I wandered out alone into the yard. I was getting bored and walked around to the deck, when I came face to face with a squirrel. It was holding a nut it had obviously been intent on getting, and just stared at me, frozen i fear. It needn't have worried, because I was too. We stayed that way for maybe five minutes, wondering when the other was gonna go away, when suddenly the patio door slammed open and my mom called out my name. The stupid thing screeched (completely drowning out my startled little kid cry of shock), reared up, and threw the fucking acorn at my head! It bonked me good in the forehead, and I fell down flat on my ass. And as it ran away, it paused on its tree...and had the gall to screech at me!
So. If Obama has the squirrel vote...I may have to change my vote.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at September 30, 2008 2:11 PM
Shadows, never have a staring contest with a squirrel. They will always win, and they will always take a piece of your manhood.
Posted by: Julie at September 30, 2008 2:22 PM
Damn squirrels with their huge expressive eyes and their fast little feet and their liberal leanings...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at September 30, 2008 2:27 PM
See, that could describe squirrels OR Mila Kunis. :p
Posted by: Julie at September 30, 2008 2:30 PM
And don't forget, those little fuckers can FLY!
Lord Helmet. Thanks for the explanation. I don't watch King of the Hill, so that's probably why I didn't get it.
Posted by: BWeaves at September 30, 2008 2:33 PM
Yeah, but Mila doesn't like nu...hmmm...I mean she doesn't suck as muc...wait...she's not that small...damn...
Touche. You win this round...Goolie!
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at September 30, 2008 2:46 PM
What lordhelmet said, and also she kind of looks like her.
But I give full credit to Barbado Slim for the reference, unless he saw it elsewhere first. Aw hell, I still give him full credit.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at September 30, 2008 2:50 PM
Julie, you missed the Patch Adams reference about squirrels being harmless, yet going after a guy's nuts. All I know is when I was at my parents' house still there was a designated BB gun for squirrels...yeah, you little fuckers had better fly!
BWeaves, I don't watch it either. Unfortunately, for a while, ladyhelmet found it interesting and aired at a convenient time - I've masterfully distracted her and she hasn't seen it since.
Shadows, if you see fit to add Mila to the list along with ScarJo & Megan Fox I might not object..
Posted by: lordhelmet at September 30, 2008 2:57 PM
I am WAY too annoyed over the use of "Roger Ebert replied back." Way too. Must calm down.
But really now. "Replied back"? What other way is there to reply? Forward??
Posted by: LRC at September 30, 2008 2:59 PM
Alright, alright, alright.....I'll cut you some slack for implying familiarity with "Patch Adams" while denigrating Hank Hill...but Fox and Kunis can't carry Johansson's cheesecake jock!
Still no review of Choke? That does it. I'm going to start my own review site...with blackjack...and hookers! Nah...who am I kidding? I don't have the motivation to do anything constructive like that. I'll just keep posting the occasional comment and hope that somebody reviews it before the next write-up about who had the best looking merkin at the Oscars.
The Cowboys lost because they faced the might of the superior Redskins and pissed their pants like little girls...little cowgirls! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I need to write that down. That's a keeper.
Posted by: Dave at September 30, 2008 5:05 PM
but Fox and Kunis can't carry Johansson's cheesecake jock!
I don't know about anyone else, but I would LOVE to see them try.
Posted by: Vermillion at September 30, 2008 5:08 PM
Genny: hahahahahahahahaha! I think it's time for him to "take a powder."
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at September 30, 2008 5:17 PM
That's what I like about you Vermillion, you're always willing to raise new possibilities. Care to be one of my Resident Harem Scriptwriters/Scenario Designers?
Posted by: lordhelmet at September 30, 2008 5:35 PM
Squirrels are evil. And I am changing my vote. If squirrels support Obama then I am voting Nader in '08. Those nasty little rodents dig up my bulbs, litter my deck with their leavings and torture my dog (don't ask).
To make matters worse, I saw a kid today - and I'm old so a kid is, like, under 30 - anywho this kid was wearing an Obama shirt. And he's wearing baggy, saggy jeans and perpetrating a pimp swagger slacker white boy wannabe Eminem walk. It made me think twice. Am I a part of this demographic? I don't like acknowledging that this demographic exists. Not a thing I need to see first thing in the AM, you know?
But the squirrels sealed the deal.
Nader for pres, pajibitches!
Posted by: greer at September 30, 2008 7:51 PM
But the squirrels sealed the deal.
[steeples fingers]
Excellent...excellent.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at September 30, 2008 8:07 PM
I don't care who has already "laid" claim to this, but I will fuck Matt Damon .... any style.
Posted by: Agente Provocatrice at September 30, 2008 10:07 PM
Your desperation excites me. That's just hot. Where did I put that Matt Damon costume?
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at September 30, 2008 10:25 PM
I am so tired of Nader receiving blame for the 2000 election. Gore lost his home state! His father was a legend there, and the people that once elected him to go to DC, did not want him as president.
It would be like Obama losing Illinois...if he were to do that then he would not deserve the office. Oh, by the way, Rezco is thinking of spilling his guts to the US Attn., he comes the October surprise.
Posted by: richmac at October 1, 2008 1:53 AM
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Dude, I've been defending Eebs and his snarky sense of humor for years. Glad you're catching on - his "star" system may give inflated ratings, but the man is smart and he does not suffer fools gladly. His Eagle Eye review was funnier than Dustin's. There I said it.