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Pajiba Love 09/29/09 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | September 29, 2009 | Comments (59)


Scott Bakula says he likes the idea of a Quantum Leap movie, but that he and Dean Stockwell probably wouldn’t star in it. Well I say fuck that. No Bakula, no deal. (Gordon and the Whale)

Lars von Trier decided to go with a subtler poster for Antichrist for a Texas film fest. You know, something a little less fucking-on-corpses-ey. (Agent Bedhead)

Rotten Tomatoes put together this list of the worst films of the decade. Be honest, how many have you seen? (Mighty God King)

Opening Ceremony has created a clothing and jewelry line based on Where the Wild Things Are, even featuring an adult-sized version of Max’s raccoon playsuit. Oh God I want one SO. BAD. Thanks, Andrea! (Opening Ceremony)

I hope you’re all happy. We as a society have fat-shamed Jennifer Love Hewitt into looking like a refugee. (Webster’s)

Here’s a list of five reasons we all secretly want a zombie apocalypse to happen. Aw hell, is that really such a secret that we want that? Thanks, Tiki! (Cracked)

Dan is continuing to punish himself by watching “Dancing with the Stars” for your entertainment. (Hairballs)

What?! Another reality show contestant murdered his stripper/porn star girlfriend. (Warming Glow)

I’m already questioning my judgment to link this, but here is a “review” of the Hannah Montana movie by Roman Polanski. (Screen Junkies)

Jermaine from “Flight of the Conchords” is in some new movie or something, but more importantly, I just found out that he used to do OUTBACK COMMERCIALS. Shit, that is hilarious. (Cinematical)

The Rock N Roll Hall of Fame has announced their 2010 inductees, and — surprise! — they’re pretty lame. (Mix Tape Therapy)

Last time I reported Diablo Cody news I accidentally ruined Dustin’s Two Truth’s and a Lie, but since this one is based on the twitter feed of an 80-something year old man, I think I’m safe. (Film Drunk)

Jeremy — I find to have a surprisingly sophisticated taste in music for being only 18-years-old — put together this list of five fucking awesome artists behind movie soundtracks. (Notes on Bar Napkins)

TLC isn’t big on bloated, man-whore, skank-loving single dads, so starting in November “Jon and Kate Plus Eight” is dropping the “Jon and” part. (DListed)

What’s this? Another funny dog video, you say? Well, as long as there’s funny dogs out there who do amazing things, I will continue to post them in Pajiba Love:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell Review | Great 80s Movies That Have Aged Badly





Comments

I've seen only three on the worst movies list and I personally didn't think Daddy Day Care was THAT bad.

Posted by: Darky at September 29, 2009 1:11 PM

Oh man,and I was really hoping they'd drop Kate and the Kids (will they SHUT UP already?!) and just focus on Jon's sex-capades - maybe team him up with Tucker Max for "Mad Max and Doucebag Jon's Never-ending Bachelor Party."

Insert "Dude" and "High Five" here.

Maybe that version of the show will make it on the Spike network.

Classic picture of Kate, btw...her head-o-feathers are especially poised and ready to strike along with that sweet, sweet smile.

Posted by: Ms. Mix & Bitch at September 29, 2009 1:12 PM

I had to quit reading the Roman Polanski review as it is extremely creepy. The dude's a pedophile.

I've only seen two of the 100 worst movies, I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

Posted by: Jadine at September 29, 2009 1:16 PM

Don't you just love when someone who is described as "a former model" turns out to have been the chick who walks around the minivan at the Detroit car show?

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 29, 2009 1:16 PM

I've only seen a few of those shit movies, but My Baby's Daddy has to be in the top 5 worst movies ever. I could never look at Michael Imperioli the same way afterwards.

I don't think Daddy Day Care is one of the worst though. It is a huge fall for Eddie Murphy, but the movie itself is just harmless family fun.

Posted by: Brie at September 29, 2009 1:24 PM

Potential thread diverter here. :-)
Top ten costumes we're going to see FAR too many of this Halloween.
Well I mean besides 'naughty nurse', 'beer maid' or 'sexy lil devil'.
The little kids are exempt. They can't help they lot they drew with
unimaginative parentals.

-- Max's raccoon jammies / playsuit
-- Twilight wolf-boy / R Patz / Bella
-- Harry Potter characters
-- Michael Jackson
-- Vampire what-the-F-ever (be it True Blood, V Diaries,
Twatwaffle or Facebook Vampire Wars)
-- Wolverine or Transformer

Posted by: Ms MoMo at September 29, 2009 1:26 PM

I'm surprised that I've only seen about 8 of the worst movie list.

Is it bad that I feel bad about not watching more of those worst movies? I'm not masochistic. I'm just such a movie-whore that I wish I watched more of those. God, What's wrong with me?

I'm almost tempted to get hold of the number 1 movie (which I haven't seen) to see whether it really deserves the spot.

Posted by: barf at September 29, 2009 1:28 PM

Raccoon suit? How could they get that wrong? It's the first effing line of the book for God's sake!!

Posted by: gelis at September 29, 2009 1:29 PM

I've seen a lot of those movies. Mostly on purpose, too.

Fun story: I saw Strange Wilderness because although I wanted to see Into the Wild, my roommate was drunk when she bought the tickets and picked the wrong movie.

It actually wasn't that bad; mostly really, really boring, and then hilarious for 10 seconds when they showed the fake tv show, then boring again. There is no fucking way it's worse that TWO larry the cable guy movies, though.

Posted by: Marra at September 29, 2009 1:33 PM

I have not seen a one of those. Do I get a prize?

Posted by: Cindy at September 29, 2009 1:34 PM

I've seen two of those worst films: House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. Because let's face it, sometimes you just WANT to watch Tara Reid struggle to pronounce words like "museum" and "Newfoundland."

Posted by: Todd at September 29, 2009 1:39 PM

Darky:

The list was talking about Daddy Day CAMP not Daddy Day CARE. both were pretty bad, but the replacement of eddie murphy with cuba gooding jr for the sequel was the icing on the crap cake.

Posted by: Mark at September 29, 2009 1:43 PM

I've seen more of these movies than I would care to admit to. I've seen way too many of those Movie to know that there is, in fact, no God.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at September 29, 2009 1:43 PM

I've seen 15 (I think) of the worstest worst movies, but at least 5 of them "I only saw part of, on TV." At least that's what I'm telling myself.

And yes, I have seen numero uno: Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. Woe is me.

Also, L.L. Cool J in the Rock n'Roll Hall of Fame??! I love L.L., but that still seems weird to me. "You're jinglin' baby!"

Posted by: MM at September 29, 2009 1:47 PM

I am a SEXY and HOT black girl from New York,
someday I found a HOT place for u guys, ____Tallconnect Co M____ , if you want- know more big fri-ends,even l-over, please have a try .

Posted by: gary at September 29, 2009 1:47 PM

Ms Mo Mo, if "Human Centipede" does NOT make that costume list (at least among Pajibans) I wil be amazed.

Um, sorry, but no Sam, no Al, NO FUCKING QUANTUM LEAP!!!!! You simply CANNOT substitute younger generic actor A for Bakula and older quirky generic actor B for Stockwell. Fuck a great big giant green slimy leapy pregnant Oswald vet Stevie King Piggy Sue beauty queen bunch of THAT!!!

So, it IS on dvd, right? Can't believe I don't have it yet. Just got a GIANT child support payment...Christmas for Mommy!!!

Posted by: dammitjanet at September 29, 2009 1:48 PM

MS Mo Mo, I would add Sarah Palin & Kate from Jon & Kate up there as potential Halloween costumes.

Ecks vs Sever was pretty awful; saw it in college and fell asleep.

Oh, it's Daddy Day Camp, not Care. Yeah, that was garbage.
I'm assuming Cuba owed someone money for that flick.

Posted by: Brie at September 29, 2009 1:52 PM

Only seen one of those movies, the remake of Yours, Mine and Ours.

I'm...not really sure how it happened, either. I just know I saw Dennis Quaid and the kid from Drake and Josh on TV one day and didn't change the channel.

Maybe I was sleep-drinking again.

Posted by: Wednesday at September 29, 2009 1:53 PM

gary, if you are "a SEXY and HOT black girl from New York," why is your name Gary?

I'm. . . suspicious.

Posted by: MM at September 29, 2009 1:57 PM

Holy carp, I somehow managed to avoid every movie on that list. I thought maybe I had seen Darkness, but apparently I had it confused with some other movie. Either I have great taste in movies or I need to get out more.

Posted by: peachfish at September 29, 2009 1:58 PM

dammitjanet:

You realize you have just put a horrible idea in B'Slim's mind.

Pajibans. Hear me. If you start getting invites to come over to BarbadoSlim's house around the end of the month: Run. Run like hell in the opposite direction. Ignore the lunatic with the needle and thread in his hand calling you over with promises of meeting Nathan Fillion in his living room. Just. Run.

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 29, 2009 1:58 PM

Five, I've only seen five of those worst movies.

I love that Flaming Lips song from SpongeBob movie! I always let the DVD keep running so I can listen to it. When I started playing the video clip, Monkey heard Conan introduce the band and she said, "I love the Flaming Lips! And he's in a bubble! How will he get out?"

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at September 29, 2009 1:59 PM

I've seen a lot of the movies on that list. It's why I cry at night.

Posted by: jM at September 29, 2009 2:00 PM

Gary, you need to go back to hyphen school.

Spambots, I tell ya. No regard for correct punctuation.

Posted by: TK at September 29, 2009 2:00 PM

If everybody in the Pajibaverse agreed to access Tallconnect.com at exactly the same time on the same day, could we crash their server and make them go away? Or would the mighty wrath of the Emperor SpamMingBot come down upon us, rendering our waters poisoned and our women barren?

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 29, 2009 2:10 PM

That dog isn't wearing a helmet! Someone call the ASPCA.

Also, I've seen seventeen of the worst 100. I don't think that's too bad.

Posted by: admin at September 29, 2009 2:10 PM

I have seen only one of those movies. Whew.

Also, if the Red Hot fucking Chili Peppers get put into the rock hall before Rush, I will murder everyone on earth and I will feel no remorse for doing so.

Posted by: Sean at September 29, 2009 2:18 PM

I have seen 4 of the movies on the list, but did not pay for any of them. Does that count?

I didn't see Daddy Day Care on the list, I saw Daddy Day Camp. But if DDCare is on there, then make it 5 for me. Which I did pay for that one as we own it.

Posted by: wsapnin at September 29, 2009 2:25 PM

I've only seen one of the worst movies of the decade. Some of them I've never even heard of. I feel blessed.

Did anyone else notice that guy who killed his girlfriend used to minister through MIME? I'm...how...what? How does that even work? I'd like to see someone miming burning in hell, though.

And here's a helpful tip for any porn stars/strippers who meet a guy in Vegas who used to be on a reality show - RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN, HE'S GOING TO KILL YOU.

Posted by: Jeni at September 29, 2009 2:27 PM

RUSH RULES. ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME SUCKS ASS.

LL COOL J'S A PIMP.

Posted by: Parker at September 29, 2009 2:28 PM

I don't know which was more disturbing, that Bad Movie list or the Polanski "review" (which I assumed to be a fake, but still...)

And MoMoMo, the irony of a Michael Jackson Hallowe'en costume is delicious.

Posted by: Odnon at September 29, 2009 2:29 PM

Rush hasn't come out with a good album since the 1980s, and you DARE berat RHCP? Their Stadium Arcadium CD only proves their getting better with age, while Rush is an aging relic. A joke. An 80s cliche.

Posted by: Wendy at September 29, 2009 2:31 PM

Sorry Ms MoMo, my fingers got caught up in themselves.
Or maybe I was distracted at the thought of the Michael Jackson costume...

Posted by: Odnon at September 29, 2009 2:32 PM

If I’m Jon of “Jon and Kate Plus Eight” I’m thinking I just got a call from the governor to halt my execution. I’m a woman and I fuck with my guy's head sometimes and even I think that Kate is a twenty-four carat cunt.

Posted by: Nancy at September 29, 2009 2:41 PM

Also, if the Red Hot fucking Chili Peppers get put into the rock hall before Rush, I will murder everyone on earth and I will feel no remorse for doing so.

Of course they will get in first, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame doesn't recognize commies. Do they?

And Wendy, if you honestly think Stadium Arcadium was better than the Chili Peppers previous work, I have to question your sanity.

Posted by: admin at September 29, 2009 2:55 PM

I have seen :
#73 Gilgli
#58 Christmas with the Kranks
#36 The Whole 10 yards

All on Cable.
None were good.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at September 29, 2009 2:56 PM

Attention Pajibans-
My Girlfriend suggested our group of friends go as "The Nightman Cometh" from It's Always Sunny.
I just need reassurance that it would be the most awesome thing ever.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 29, 2009 2:57 PM

I'd like to see a twatwaffle costume. I think that could be interesting. Whoever mentioned something about twatwaffle vampires put this idea into my head but I'm to lazy to scroll back up and give credit properly.
Oooohhh...a twatwaffle vampire. Breakfast food with labia. And fangs.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at September 29, 2009 3:00 PM

OR, its a win. Rest assured.

Now, I need an awesome idea...come on, Pajibers, help a sistah out...we get to dress up for work, in a government office no less, so I need a GREEEEEAT costume.

Posted by: dammitjanet at September 29, 2009 3:01 PM

Amen, Gelis! What the hell says "raccoon" about a white body and a solid black tail? Not that most wolves fit that description, but still. I have to be the only person alive who's horrified by a movie version of "where the wild things are" and I used to be a HUGE spike jonze fan.

Posted by: snarla at September 29, 2009 3:06 PM

I've only seen 1 of the worst 100 movies- Because I Said So. I was sort of neutral toward it. I didn't love it, didn't hate it, I just sort of didn't care about it and almost immediately forgot about it in order to think about more interesting things.

Posted by: Emily at September 29, 2009 3:06 PM

dammitjanet you are a riot, the government you say? Girlfriend do tell.

Posted by: Nancy at September 29, 2009 3:12 PM

I'm confused. Is No. 100 supposed to be THE worst, or number 1? In any case, I find it odd that "Glitter" is on there but I didn't see (don't think I saw) "Crossroads."

The Rock Hall's problem is that IIRC it has a quota to fill. So you can't have a class as lame as this one and say, "Only KISS and the Stooges, and that's it." You have to have, I think, five inductees so you can properly have an induction concert, which is a stupid reason IMHO to have a hall of fame, if you're only inducting people so you can throw a party.

ABBA? Seriously? The name of the place has "rock and roll" in it. I'll grant ABBA their pop superstardom, but "pop" and "rock" are (or should be, to any right-thinking rocker) antagonists.

Donna Summer ... I can't even begin to fathom. Whoever put this list of nominees together never had a "Death before disco" t-shirt.

As for some of these other folks ... the word "fame" is in the name of the place too, so I don't care if you were a backup singer on a thousand No. 1 records, if 95 percent of music fans, even the attentive ones, say "Who?" when your name is mentioned, YOU. ARE. NOT. FAMOUS. Be like putting David Eckstein in the baseball Hall of Fame because though he's a poor major-league player, he played for a lot of winning teams.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at September 29, 2009 3:13 PM

I only have one. Down To You = #40. It wasn't that bad. Just a pointless, basic, easier to predict than a picture book movie.

Posted by: Melody at September 29, 2009 3:20 PM

Nancy, well, to be fair, it's STATE government, but still....if you get to dress up for Halloween at work ANYWHERE except, say, a Halloween store, pre-school or strip club, it's a pretty good deal.

Several years ago, when the Spice Girls were big, I worked for an Antiques magazine....a group of us dressed as the Spice Girls..only we were Durkee spice boxes, like Cinnamon and Cardamom.

Then, a couple years after that, I was the Director of Admissions at a hospital, and I was Cruella DeVille, complete with red cape trimmed in dalmation fur, with a little puppy puppet attached. Yes, we did go to all the patients' rooms in costume.

So, now, 2 of my friends and I are trying to come up with something VERY cool for work. I was Sarah Palin last year, and don't want to repeat. All suggestions are welcome (perhaps costume ideas would make an interesting comment diversion, eh, ROWLES???? )

Posted by: dammitjanet at September 29, 2009 3:39 PM

I think it's safe to say that rock-n-roll is being given a very wide interpretation when it comes to the RR Hall of Fame.

As far as the sucky movie list, that's why there's cable. And those fees. The horror...the horror!

Posted by: Dustin's Secret Lover at September 29, 2009 3:46 PM

I have seen none of the movies on that worst list. Zero, zip, zilch, nada. But then again, I can't commiserate or make fun of these movies with my fellow Pajibans, so really, who wins out in this situation? Oh, that's right, me.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at September 29, 2009 3:47 PM

I've seen some craptacular movies in my time, but only two were on that list: Battlefield Earth and Daddy Daycare, and Darky, yes, it was that bad.

Posted by: Alarmjaguar at September 29, 2009 4:16 PM

Mark, I've noted your correction and since I haven't seen Daddy Day CAMP I'm happy to report that I'm down to one bad movie -- which I'd totally see again even though it was very, very bad.

Posted by: Alarmjaguar at September 29, 2009 4:18 PM

RE "So, now, 2 of my friends and I are trying to come up with something VERY cool for work."

Duh - Octomom. You start pregnant, then, suddenly, without warning, all 14 infants drop out of your nethers at once, like a mudslide.

Also, I'm amused that NOW that asshole is too scuzzy for TLC. Those people seem to have no shame left whatsoever, but... guess we know who won the PR war with the viewers.

Posted by: Slash at September 29, 2009 4:26 PM

Sorry, I meant all 8 infants drop at once.

Posted by: Slash at September 29, 2009 4:27 PM

I think it's Jemaine, no "r." I THINK, but am too lazy to google.

Posted by: coveredinbees at September 29, 2009 4:33 PM

DIABLO CODY IS TOTES WRITING PLAYBOY MOVIE

"But stop talking about how I was a stripper"

Posted by: Jay at September 29, 2009 4:39 PM

i own at least 1/10th of those movies.

and i submit to you that 'dirty love' was not a bad movie. it cracks me up every time.

Posted by: gp at September 29, 2009 5:19 PM

I feel like putting on those pajamas, turning to the missus and lecherously saying "I'll show you where the wild thing are!".

(by the way, where are the Pajiba Pajamas?),

Posted by: Odnon at September 29, 2009 7:46 PM

I fuckin' rule. I haven't seen ANY of those shitty movies. And, no, it's not because I haven't seen ANY movies at all. I watch movies pretty regularly. I just have taste.

Posted by: Landon at September 29, 2009 8:31 PM

gary, if you are "a SEXY and HOT black girl from New York," why is your name Gary?

I'm. . . suspicious.

Eh. That sounds about right to me.

Posted by: SaBrina at September 29, 2009 8:56 PM

Well...if it's Daddy Day Camp, then I'm in the clear: 0. Although, I would have voted Crossroads on that list. I did see that, and it was truly, genuinely, craptacular.

Posted by: bonnie at September 30, 2009 3:41 PM

You are not alone, snarla. Recently I was excoriated by my friends for saying that I had "a wait and see" attitude about the WTWTA movie instead of being filled with anticipation. They made fun of me for being annoyed that they changed his costume--Chuck's instead of wolf-feet, fingerless gloves instead of clawed wolf-paws. "Such minor details," they said. But how minor can those details be when the book itself is only a few sentences long, and the costume is such a huge part of the imagery? I hope the movie is wonderful, but I'm prepared for the worst. (And also, James Gandolfini? I really wish they would have picked someone not so readily identifiable. Even if he's great in the role, I'm afraid it's just too soon after the Sopranos.)

Posted by: gelis at September 30, 2009 9:49 PM





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