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What’s Gayer Than Gay?

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | September 29, 2008 | Comments (56)

First of all, I would just like to thank the small bit of readership who actually made it out to meet up with Prisco and myself for our little soirée on Friday night. A fabulous, drunken time was had by all. And yes, that is totally a passive-aggressive jab to those who left before we got there. We were running late, OK?!

Straight from the young, gay mouth of babes, a list of things Top Gun is gayer than. And good news for Dustin! It turns out there is something gayer than his mancrush on Ryan Reynolds. (NotesOnBarNapkins)

Speaking of which… Yeah. I think it’s safe to say our fearless leader is in mourning today. (WIMB)

You know, I have some serious mixed emotions about Tina Fey’s continuance of doing Governor Peggy Hill on “Saturday Night Live.” It would be more hilarious if it just wasn’t so goddamn depressing. (QuizLaw)

I don’t want to distract from TK’s tribute of Paul Newman, but I felt pressed to include this piece by my ex-writing partner Abby, only because she is one of the filthiest people I know (in a good way) and this is probably the nicest and most genuine thing I’ve ever heard come out of her. Nicely put, Abs. (Yeeeah!)

Everyone’s favorite Fundamentalist Baby Factory has got some big exciting news: they’re welcoming Number 18! Which incidentally I believe will also be the child’s name. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

Take a peek at Vanity Fair’s 2002 Young Hollywood, before they got themselves all botox’ed and collagen’ed out the ass. (Film Experience)

This cracked my shit up: “Dear Peter, are you retarded? Love Sean.” (PA Notes)

Rumer Willis dresses up as Ashlee Simpson, which makes it convenient since I already dislike them both so enormously. (DListed)

Here’s a recap of Sunday’s football game… But really, Budweiser is trying to market their swill on an upscale level? Nice try, shit beer! (KSK)

Once again, America finds a way to take the most delicious and fattening part of a food item and package it by itself. Let’s hear it for good old-fashioned American ingenuity! (TIB)

Barbie isn’t just slaving away in a kitchen for Ken, anymore! (Serious Eats)

True love is feeling comfortable enough with that special someone to hurl tequila barf monkeys all over their lap in an emergency. (Celebitchy)

And now, a word from our thoughtful neighbors to the South; and their take on this whole crazy election thing. (YBNBY)

And now, a much more thoughtful word from Sarah Silverman on voting for Obama. And compared to that last link, it’s totally not even offensive!


The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


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Comments

I think we can all agree that the MurderTank would look a lot better with ScarJo's decapitated head riding around it. On a stake. We could use her teeth to open beer bottles!

The dream is dead.

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at September 29, 2008 12:21 PM

What's gayer than gay? ICE GAY! I said!... What's Gayer than Gay! ICE GAY. Aright aright aright aright

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 29, 2008 12:50 PM

((For some reason, that little breakdown from Outkast came to mind. For the old fogies in the house, the song is Hey Ya. And it was everywhere.))

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 29, 2008 12:56 PM

DR, as always Journey said it best:
I do these things...
(It's all because of you)
I keep holding on, but I'll try
(try not to think of you)
Love don't leave me lonely
I'll be alright without you

Posted by: branded at September 29, 2008 12:57 PM

oh c'mon dustin, don't give up so easily on true love! after all even elton john got married to a woman once! and I bet she wasn't even as annoying boobieboo. do you think the notebook would have had the same ending if noah would have given up?

and gayer than gay? special mention to "the Finer things club"

Posted by: rio at September 29, 2008 12:58 PM

My Jewish grandmother lives in a nursing home in Argentina. Butts.

Posted by: Lucas at September 29, 2008 12:59 PM

i will always be on team alanis.

Posted by: Leah at September 29, 2008 1:04 PM

Sorry Julie, Brian, and Stacy that The Dude and I had to leave early on Friday night. We had to have The Sex before one of us fell asleep.

See, Optimus, you can find someone, live in sin for seven years, and still want to have The Sex AND The Conversations.

On a side note, look who taught herself html over the weekend!

PS - meeting The Prisco and The Lightly Salted was a little intimidating. I felt like an idiot. Sorry, Stacy for just going on and on and on about how I love WIMB. I do, though.

Posted by: Estelle at September 29, 2008 1:11 PM

I fucking give up on the html tip.

fuck it

Posted by: Estelle at September 29, 2008 1:12 PM

HA HA HA!! I love you Estelle.

Posted by: Julie at September 29, 2008 1:14 PM

Julie, stop mocking me with your fucking BOLD names everywhere.

I'm going to cry under my bed now...while reading "Introduction to Information Retrieval Systems." So I should be asleep soon....

Posted by: Estelle at September 29, 2008 1:19 PM

I am so, so sorry for not being there on Friday, but if it makes y'all feel better, Estelle told me (via text from Servo) to "eat poop." So I got served.

Posted by: Nicole at September 29, 2008 1:20 PM

Oh, and Stacey, I wanted to discreetly stuff you in my purse like a stolen pint glass and take you home. Friday was balls out awesome.

Posted by: Julie at September 29, 2008 1:23 PM

I give the ScarJo/RR marriage 13 months (I'm feeling generous today). You can get through this, Dustin.

Posted by: Kolby at September 29, 2008 1:25 PM

I kinda think maybe I need to move to Philly.

Posted by: Sarina at September 29, 2008 1:27 PM

I'm sorry, Nicole, for telling you to "eat poop." I think that my mind grapes got all mixed up for all the pogo-ing I was doing while watching Quaff.

Quaff, people.

Julie, how do we explain the amazing sight, which is Quaff. With a link? Oh, okay:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgzdQtjQUzM&feature=related

Posted by: Estelle at September 29, 2008 1:35 PM

I think that's a brilliant plan, Sarina. It's warmer than Minnesota! You can bring your toilet trained cat! We have all the history! Our sports teams are awesome, except when they suck elephant balls! And, as you can see by my punctuation, we are very enthusiastic!

Posted by: Nicole at September 29, 2008 1:35 PM

!!!

Posted by: Estelle at September 29, 2008 1:38 PM

Well... I don't mind the cold here, and I mostly don't care at all about sports, and enthusiasm usually exhausts me because I am really lazy. What else you got?

Posted by: Sarina at September 29, 2008 1:44 PM

What's gayer than gay? Hard Gay, of course.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35KCpHD_ax0

Posted by: True_Blue at September 29, 2008 1:45 PM

what Philly has (by Estelle)

bike lanes
tasty beer
lots of good (sometimes cheap) restaurants
universities
a museum of medical abnormalities
a museum called "Please Touch"
the magic gardens
a cheesesteak joint on each corner
SEPTA (ha! that's a joke)
The Jodster
Julie
and me
(I think Nicole lives in DE, as does Pissboy - the lame southern bitches)

Posted by: Estelle at September 29, 2008 1:48 PM

But... but Minnesota has corn! A shitload of it! We've got... uh, Prince is from here! Huh? Prince! And Dylan! As in Bob Dylan! And... uh.... OH! That Josh Hartnett guy is from here, too! And... uh... Well, do you like meat? Hormel Foods is here! That's right - SPAM! There's also a... uh... FIRST AVENUE! First Avenue is pretty good... with music and stuff. You can also die of exposure during the winter! Yeah! You can run outside in the winter and be dead within an hour! Beat that! 100,000 Lakes! That's a lot of goddam water! A LOT OF WATER... (...sob...) Fine, you go ahead and go, Sarina... But (sniff...) but don't you ever forget where you came from. Don't you never forget...

[...fade to black, focus spot on a loon getting kicked repeatedly by a Nazi jackboot...]

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 29, 2008 1:50 PM

oh, and the Philadelphia Free Library has Edgar Allen Poe's Raven...like the actual bird...and they cataloged it.

Posted by: Estelle at September 29, 2008 1:51 PM

I hate all you able-to-drink bitches. Now, someone ship me a cheesesteak, STAT.

Posted by: Kolby at September 29, 2008 1:54 PM

We can't hemorrhage any more Pajibans from MN, Sarina. In Philly, you can't get fair food like either Pig Lickers (bacon dipped in chocolate and topped with sea salt) or Big Fat Bacon (third pound bacon fried and caramelized with maple syrup).

It's a losing battle for us isn't it? Can we at least get visitation rights on weekends?

Posted by: branded at September 29, 2008 1:59 PM

I do love corn, Skits. You sure know how to tempt a girl, you lothario.

Posted by: Sarina at September 29, 2008 2:01 PM

Yeah, and I heard that Cheesesteak was so popular that they ran out of regular meat. Do you know what they use now? Do you? The homeless and unloved babies... IT'S PEOPLE! CHEESESTEAKS ARE PEOPLE!

Someone should totally make a movie out of that...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 29, 2008 2:05 PM

Miss Nicole's in Philly and we shall meet one day. Oh yes we shall.

QUAFF!!! No words exist to describe how adorable and yet fucked up they were.

Move here Sarina. Do it. We will have a blast. Only at the Khyber can you hang with multiple 'Jibans, watch a mask-wearing Japanese rock band, get molested by a regular, get a massage from Estelle's friend, and alternately discuss politics and funny adjectives for a lady's box.

kolb, how long till baby-time Missy?

Posted by: Julie at September 29, 2008 2:05 PM

My thoughts exactly Kolby.

Sunday nights are usually such a boring time on the interwebs, but when I stumbled upon the RyJo news late last night, I pictured Dustin crying into a carton of half eaten "good" ice cream. It was a bittersweet moment. But mostly it made me giggle.

Posted by: katy at September 29, 2008 2:10 PM

Aright aright aright aright

Thank you for that Optimus - first thing I thought of, but I couldn't remember the words

Skittimus Maximus you left out "The Replacements." Why?

Posted by: Brian at September 29, 2008 2:12 PM

I have some friends who had to spend some years in Philly for schooling purposes, and based on their experiences, I never thought I'd hear of someone saying that they should voluntarily move there.

Posted by: katy at September 29, 2008 2:13 PM

This whole "Move to Philly!" debate reminds my of a little exchange between Angela, Meredith and Creed from season three of The Office.

Creed: There's my girl. I noticed you handing out some shekels. How would one get on that train?

Angela: That was for per diem, for Philadelphia.

Meredith: That town smells like cheese steaks.

Angela: That town is full of history!

Creed: Andrea's the office bitch. You'll get used to her. [introducing himself] Creed.

-END SCENE-

This moment of ctrl+v-ing Office quotes it brought to you by the fact that my Economics class is the most boring thing ever.

Posted by: Kayanne at September 29, 2008 2:22 PM

I love that scene!

Posted by: Julie at September 29, 2008 2:26 PM

Heeheehee! The whole episode is good. But the last bit at the end where Dwight and Michael flip the lights in his Hotel Room with the blacklight on is priceless!

Michael: Now, would you do the pleasure of hitting the lights, sir? [lights go out, leaving Michael's black light on] Ha, ha, ha.

Dwight: Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Michael: Whoa. What are those stains?

Dwight: Blood, urine, or semen.

Michael: Oh, God, I hope it's urine.
---------

But don't we all hope it's just urine?

Posted by: Kayanne at September 29, 2008 2:31 PM

Estelle, I totally didn't mean you when I was referring to the leaving early thing. I meant the people who *ahem* left before we showed up. I can more than understand about having to have The Sex.

And Julie, I get that a lot. You know, about people wanting to stuff me.

Posted by: Stacey at September 29, 2008 2:56 PM

Wooohooo! Top billing! Thanks Stacey!

Although I am insanely jealous of Julie and Estelle for getting to meet Prisco and The Salty Lovemaster. *SEEEEEEEEEEETH!* Okay, hating's over.

And don't worry Dustin honey. Soon, Ryan will lose interest in ScarJo's fun bags and switch over to the good side. And then we can stick ScarJo's head on the Murdertank.

Posted by: Jeremy at September 29, 2008 3:10 PM

Where's the review for Choke? I thought for sure Pajiba would choose to review a Chuck Palahniuk novel-turned-movie starring Sam Rockwell than some Notebook sequel aimed towards the 40+ crowd.

A wag of the finger to you, Pajiba.

Posted by: Dave at September 29, 2008 3:18 PM

My friend is on the fringes of the film industry, working for one of the major studios...in his travels, he gets to meet a wide range of people. One time, he was having lunch at the Ivy and another guests friend showed up, all angry and flustered. Apparently, he is a Gay porn producer and his western opus wasn't working out the way he wanted. As he told the story, quite loudly btw his phone rang...and this is what he said:

"Hello?? NO!!!....NO!!!....you tell him it's in his contract....YOU GET HARD OR YOU GET FUCKED!!!!! End of story!!!!"

And THAT my friends is gayer than gay.....and it was the first time my friend ever did a spittake. BTW, Get Hard of Get Fucked is now my motto...I think it says it all.

Posted by: Rubble44 at September 29, 2008 3:57 PM

Ah, Servo, we'll hang out for the game next week. I am extremely jealous of the Friday Night Pajiba Club. Sarina, if you come to Philly you and Julie can fall down together.

Every time I see a commerical for Choke I think, "I can't wait to read that review."

Posted by: Nicole at September 29, 2008 4:11 PM

Hey, Estelle. If that one doesn't work I can probably send you my management textbook. That oughta put you right out.


See what happens when you fuck a web site's format in the ass, Dustin? Do you see what happens? Scarlett Johansson is what happens. Scarlett Johansson is what happens when you fuck a web site's format in the ass.

Posted by: Jay at September 29, 2008 4:36 PM

Wait... why do I hafta fall down, Nicole? I mean, I know Julie falls down at least once every 20 minutes (including when she's already lying on the floor) but I am not ordinarily in the practice of landing on my ass for no reason. Unless copious amounts of liquor are involved. But since I'll be hanging out with Pajibans, I'll likely be so drunk I won't even be able to stand up in order to fall down in the first place. Right? Although, I do have a bit of a tendency to fall off my chair when I'm really wasted.

...dammit. Julie, I'll bring a picnic blanket and meet you on the floor.

Posted by: Sarina at September 29, 2008 4:45 PM

YEAH you will.

Posted by: Julie at September 29, 2008 4:52 PM

See what happens when you fuck a web site's format in the ass, Dustin? Do you see what happens? Scarlett Johansson is what happens. Scarlett Johansson is what happens when you fuck a web site's format in the ass.

I would rather a web format happen when I....well, so on and so forth.

What? I am only a simple man! I just don't have the hate you do, okay?!?!?!

She's good enough for Ryan, that's all I'm sayin'....

Posted by: Vermillion at September 29, 2008 4:54 PM

Umm, guys, far be it from me to get in the way of another man's crush, but while Sir Rowles can keep RyRey, I'd like to personnaly intercede on ScarJo's behalf. Rather than mounting her head on the MurderTank, how's about I take her onto the MurderMaid (far far away from your precious Ryan) and keep her as the ship's Figurehead in Training. She's got that kinda wooden, curvy look down pat already, and since you've clearly got no constructive use for her...umm...

Ok, you got me. "There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world." 'Twould be a pity to let her Johannsons go to waste. And she could be kept busy doing penance for all those lame Woody Allen movies. Shadows, I assume you have a few plots and props standing by?

Posted by: lordhelmet at September 29, 2008 4:55 PM

I say you all come to Santiago, Chile. It's like London, only it doesn't look anything like it.

Posted by: Sofía at September 29, 2008 5:00 PM

I don't care what you doorknobs do with Scarlett Johansson, just so long as you keep her quiet. I really, really don't like it when she opens her mouth and sounds come out. When she's not talking, though, she doesn't really bother me. I mean, how worked up can you get over someone who's barely functional? If you gave a blow-up doll two glass eyes and a thready pulse, I'm pretty sure it would be at least eight times more lifelike than she is.

Posted by: Sarina at September 29, 2008 5:02 PM

Mind you, I'm just mocking Dustin's karma after the hell he's been putting me through, but I've nothing against the young lady and don't know why, Reynolds fanatics aside, there'd be a reason to have that big a grudge.

There's such better targets for scorn, after all.

And since we're talking about love, I'll unrelatedly mention that I finally started watching The Wire yesterday, after much cajoling, demanding and threatening from my best friend who wants to discuss it with me. Her recommendations usually leave me in existential despair, but this one worked as it's definitely "Homicide"'s kid making papa proud (so I'm nudging her right back to take on Frank and Tim). It's kinda like I've got another Barnfather and Duelin' Mahoneys in this season. Obviously I've already watched seven hours due to its frustratingly novelistic lack of stopping points and obviously Freamon is my hero.

Posted by: Jay at September 29, 2008 5:36 PM

Someone at Kellog is obviously a huge Seinfeld fan.

Posted by: louveciennes at September 29, 2008 6:14 PM

Perhaps Mr. Reynolds is performing a public service by wedding Blow Up Barbie. If he impregnates her with twins (it's a trend) she will take off work for at least a year and we won't be asked to witness her blank, shiny, expressionless countenance.

So if Ryan can make a sacrifice, Dustin, so can you.

Posted by: greer at September 29, 2008 7:12 PM

DAMMIT ALL TO HELL! What have I told you people about mentioning the damned overbreeding, excessively annoying, J-name loving, Jesus-freak-weirdo clantastic fundamentalist notjob Duggars? WHY do you insist on hurting me? They make the baby Jesus, Godtopus, Satan and possibly every other baby-like creature on earth and in the universe cry. For the love of your natural resources and brain cells, will you please quit mentioning them until the end of time?

Please?

Posted by: Melody at September 29, 2008 10:17 PM

Jay makes the most awesome Lebowski references.

Posted by: Loob at September 30, 2008 12:42 AM

Ok, you got me. "There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world." 'Twould be a pity to let her Johannsons go to waste. And she could be kept busy doing penance for all those lame Woody Allen movies. Shadows, I assume you have a few plots and props standing by?

Righty-O...captain. Jettisoning current fuckdoll. She should be fine until we get within reach of Megan Fox...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at September 30, 2008 2:39 AM

I grieve for DR. Somehow, you just know Megan Fox will eventually claim one of Dustin's man-crushes too.

Posted by: JC at September 30, 2008 2:57 AM

As long as I get her once...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at September 30, 2008 3:11 AM

Melody: Feeling your pain, darlin'. Imagine what it's like to live, as I do, in the same damn state as that gynecological Pez dispenser.

Posted by: firedmyass at September 30, 2008 11:53 AM

Shadows, Shadows, Shadows, have I taught you nothing? What's this "until" business? We're trying to build a harem here! ScarJo + Megan the Foxy (+ Dakaron, future "recruits", etc) = steamy, hot-selling footage! Priorities, man!

Posted by: lordhelmet at September 30, 2008 12:10 PM