free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 09/26/08 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

peglegbeagle.JPG


Halloween is Coming Early This Year!

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | September 26, 2008 | Comments (29)

TK said his wife was crazy for dressing their three-legged dog up like a pirate. I said she should try to find a way to finagle a wooden peg-leg in there. (UncookedMeat)

But you know what’s really scary? A Godzilla-sized Angelina Jolie. Just in case anyone might, you know, forget she’s the star of the movie. (Film Experience)

And speaking of Angelina… For a mere $3,350, you can own a realistic 16” doll of her. Now how much for the life-sized, anatomically correct version? (Celebitchy)

Guess what? If you’ve ever purchased an Amy Winehouse album, you helped kill her. Yeah, yeah I know… She’s not technically dead. (WIMB)

If you missed Governor Peggy Hill’s interview with Katie Couric, you know what? Don’t watch. It’ll only make you want to stick your head in the damn oven. (QuizLaw)

Oh. My. God. This is the grossest thing ever. Anyone want to take a guess what a twelve-year-old McDonalds hamburger looks like? (SeriousEats)

David Blaine is magically retarded! (IDLYITW)

Poor Ed McMahon has now joined the ranks of celebrity inhabited by K-Fed and the pets.com sock puppet. (The Blemish)

OK, I know I’ve posted about Clay Aiken three days in a row now, and pretty soon you’re going to start thinking I’m obsessed with him like my completely misguided mother. But this here is a different, and nice way of looking at his coming out. (FourFour)

Here’s some random crazy pictures, because it’s Friday and why the hell not? (cityrag)

Who would drink Kid Rock beer? Nobody. That’s who. At least PBR has its dumbass hipster cred. (Agent Bedhead)

Since when the hell are bodily functions not ladylike? I’ve got news for this person: everybody poops. (PA Notes) On a related note: I was out with my sister shopping last weekend and she actually bought this stuff. True story. (PooPourri)

The Golden Dart Frog is very cute, but also highly lethal. Kind of like me. And, I also have been known to wear yellow on occasion. Coincidence? (Animal Review)

I could totally see this story on an episode of “Montel.” And, depending on the, uh, lunar cycle — it just might make me cry, too. (MixTapeTherapy)

It’s simple arithmetic. Dogs + Bambers = Cutest Thing in the World. (CuteOverload)

Today’s Pajiba Love Friday Feature is Nightmare in Jamestown. Apparently, the founding of America’s first colony was less milk and honey and more plague and cannibalism. So if you look at it like that, your country was technically founded on eating people — not freedom, as previously thought. Ennnnn-joy!

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


← 60th Annual Emmy Awards | Lat Den Ratte Komma Trailer →



Comments

PooPourri? Why would you want to mask the scent of your poo? Embrace it! Flaunt it! Let people know that you were there! Don't be afraid of it! It shows you are a functional human being! More often than not, you don't invite others to come witness what you've made (although I know everyone at one time or another has done just that), so why not let them enjoy the remnants of your work?

My name is Jonas. And I am not scared of my stink!

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 26, 2008 12:21 PM

I kind of want to dress my animals up for halloween, but I don't think they'd tolerate it. Also, how can you NOT dress your dog up like a pirate if it's missing a leg? It's that or sticking a cardboard camera on top of it to make the obvious "tripod" connection.

When my sister dyed her hair black and started wearing heavy eyeliner, I had to pull my mother aside and tell her to stop referring to that as her "Amy Winehouse phase" since there's a big gap between having a daughter who is going through a normal adolescent phase and having a daughter who loves the crack. And when you refer to Amy Winehouse, people immediately jump to thinking about the crack rather than the makeup.

And there's an ad for something called "YouStrip.com" on the side of my screen. I'm afeared to click on it, but wonder what the hell we wrote that google ads spit that one back out.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at September 26, 2008 12:35 PM

Arrrrgh! Captain Audrey looks ready to pillage and plunder!

Sorry, I had to. Dogs get me everytime, no matter what they're wearing.

Posted by: Kolby at September 26, 2008 12:39 PM

Animal Review. Why? The dude -- come on, we all know this is a guy even though I couldn't find any attribution on the site -- is a wackjob but a helluva writer. I had to subscribe so I'll know when the review for Homo Sapiens is posted.

Posted by: Che Grovera at September 26, 2008 12:45 PM

"It's that or sticking a cardboard camera on top of it to make the obvious "tripod" connection."

Stop trying to give her ideas, dammit! That goes for you too, Kolby. This is worse than the bat costume that she got her last year (she promptly chewed the wings off).

Posted by: TK at September 26, 2008 12:50 PM

Che - I'm a subscriber, too. It's mostly so I have something to laugh at immediately after getting to work on what, chances are, will be a very bad day.

Posted by: Kolby at September 26, 2008 12:50 PM

You know you love it, TK! This has given me so many ideas. I'm now thinking of dressing Otto and Gracie as Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin for Halloween. The trick would be getting Gracie to consent to walking around with a pillow baby tied to her belly.

Posted by: Kolby at September 26, 2008 12:53 PM

Guys, it's finally here!!! The Sarah Palin movie!

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1831461

Posted by: Sofía at September 26, 2008 1:00 PM

Is the Clay Aiken coverage really necessary? The "news" that he's gay is about as shocking as Kid Rock revealing that he's white trash.

Somebody should teach Amy Winehouse how to load a single bullet into a revolver...just to speed up the process.

Posted by: Dave at September 26, 2008 1:07 PM

Pleasant bathroom scents incite one to sit on their tank and laugh and laugh? I'd never, ever think that was a real ad, so I'm trusting you here, Nosek.

Plus, is this something to leave on the counter for your guests to use too? Should I be offended by my host's snootiness? Frightened that my host apparently thinks his/herself outright toxic?

POO? You've really gotta put that in the name, along with a little "P" for your charm bracelet?

I haven't lost internet people but there's people from college who are nowhere on the web. So that kinda sucks. But then there's people I don't want coming out of the woodwork. Damn this age of global communication and presence! When you can't successfully drunk-search someone you really feel like a failure, given how easy it is.

Posted by: Jay at September 26, 2008 1:19 PM

just absolutely glistening with death

I need to start working this into conversations. i don't know how, but I'm definitely going to work it out.

I can't look at the 12-y.o. burger or the Palin interview, for pretty much the same reason. Strong gag reflex. Those deer & dog pics on CO were adorable, though! As is TK's dog. Cute little bugger!

I've seen people do those re-paints on dolls before (I used to collect Barbies for a short time-shut up) but this guy is amazing.

Posted by: "Sybil" "Knife Pile" von Beaverplatz at September 26, 2008 1:20 PM

Ok. I was born and raised in Alaska (Anchorage is actually closer to Russia than Juneau). I speak Russian fluently. I have been to Russia. Twice. Can I be Secretary of State, then?

Please. If Palin had to sit across the table from Putin, she'd make wee-wee.

Posted by: bibliophile at September 26, 2008 1:44 PM

Pleasant bathroom scents incite one to sit on their tank and laugh and laugh? I'd never, ever think that was a real ad, so I'm trusting you here, Nosek.

The funny thing about that is the picture of the lady sitting on the toilet tank is a piece I recognize from a stock photo digital catalog we had at my old job. People, never pose for stock photography -- I cannot stress that enough. I can't tell you how many times my colleagues and I stuck perfectly nice, unassuming young ladies in escort and stripper ads.

Posted by: Stacey at September 26, 2008 1:59 PM

Oh, you know what? I think it's on a book cover here too. I knew it looked strangely familiar.

"Hey, this one's got a toilet in it!"

"Perfect! The Poo-pourri joy is present!"

Posted by: Jay at September 26, 2008 2:03 PM

Also, how can you NOT dress your dog up like a pirate if it's missing a leg?
Posted by: Genny (Also Rusty)

You can always dress up your bitch like Heather Mills.

Posted by: Sofía at September 26, 2008 3:15 PM

HEY! That's my puppy you're talking about, Sofia. Don't you dare mention her in the same breath as that... harpy!

Posted by: TK at September 26, 2008 3:28 PM

You can always dress up your bitch like Heather Mills.

Just not in that two-tone clown suit with the vest. No dog deserves that.

Posted by: Jay at September 26, 2008 3:28 PM

You can always dress up your bitch like Heather Mills.

MODED!!

Posted by: Mella at September 26, 2008 3:29 PM

Fuck responsibility.

I bought Amy Winehouse's albums because I enjoyed her music. It's not my fucking fault she used the money for crack. Furthermore, there's a chance she still might not have recouped the advance from the record label. We don't know the details of her contract and can't be positive. It wouldn't be the first time a hit artist never earned that money back. If TLC could claim bankruptcy, than Winehouse very well could still be in debt to her label with all the different versions of her albums she's released worldwide.

Don't you go trying to blame me for Winehouse being on drugs. I didn't hand her the rock, or the check she cashed to pay for it. My money went to a record store. The government collects the tax. The record store collects their cut then ships the rest of the cash back to the record label. The record label then takes their cut, the producers' cut, and every other cut that doesn't go to Winehouse, her agent, or her manager. Then the agent and manager take their cuts out and give the money to Winehouse. So I'm sorry that the (with severe upward rounding) 60 cents Winehouse got from my album purchases went to crack, but that alone can't buy the rock.

Posted by: Robert at September 26, 2008 4:25 PM

That's where you're wrong Robert - Prior to the debates this evening, Miss Winehouse is holding a press release where she will, in fact, blame you entirely for her crack addiction. Here's an excerpt from a recent interview:

"Actually, me being all f***ed up on drugs and such isn't my fault at all," Winehouse told reporters earlier this afternoon, after drunkenly stumbling out of a nearby pub "I blame it all, all of it, on that Robert bloke - he's the one that done sent me down this sh**heap of a life". Winehouse then threw up in a streetside wastebasket before collapsing and yelling "BLAAA... I MEAN ROOOBEEERT!".

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 26, 2008 4:49 PM

i was so excited by the pirate outfit, wondering how the two (3-legged) bunnies would take to it... i actually never thought of the (obvious) camera!
or (not so obvious) telescope, which i should have, as mr. bunny has one, which we refer to as "the other woman".

somehow, the buns do not seem pleased by any of the suggestions, but the lionhead has proposed dressing either as chewbacca or lon chaney jr.'s "wolfman". i, however, feel it would be redundant. there's just no reasoning with the little buggers.

Posted by: bionic bunny at September 26, 2008 5:16 PM

I heard Any Winehouse recently returned some designer dresses and they were splattered with vomit. That woman is pure class. Hey, anyone remember when she was known for singing, as opposed to being a drugged-out zombie?

Posted by: louveciennes at September 26, 2008 6:14 PM

If I wasn't convinced before I am now, Robert is completely to blame for Amy's condition.

Shame on you sir, why don't you go to Colombia and fly the coke over and then cook the crack for her while you are at it.

You disgust me.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 26, 2008 6:30 PM

My last tripod dog just passed away a few months ago. She wore many a pirate costume in her time.

Back when I was helping teaching obedience, we had a student who wasn't that observant. I had been taking my male dog to use as a demo dog, but one day, I decided to take my three-legged girl. They were the same breed, but different colors, different sexes, different sizes. Anyway, as I'm opening the back of my van to get the dog out, this student sees my dog and casually inquires, "Oh no, what happened to Kafka's (the male dog) leg?"

I looked at her in horror, and exclaimed, "OH MY GOD! HE WAS FINE WHEN WE LEFT THE HOUSE!"

The poor woman had all the blood drain out of her face in panic. I thought my teaching partner was going to choke to death, she was laughing so hard.

Posted by: Wednesday at September 26, 2008 7:01 PM

Seriously, get this fucking stuff off me before I bite your balls. I'm already licking my chops so you have .01 second. Bitch.

And don't EVER do it again, got it?

And gimme a Milk-Bone, while you're at it.

Fucking humans.

-- The dog

===

"David Blaine is magically retarded."

Good thing Lucky Charms are magically delicious.

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 26, 2008 9:19 PM

I am Barobot Obama:

"I agree with you John."
"I agree with you John."
"I agree with you John."
"I understand you John."
"I agree with you John."
"Danger, Danger!"

Posted by: Jesse Jackson at September 27, 2008 11:15 AM

All right, Upright Walker, that's it. You had your chance to get this crap off me. I warned you. Your ancestors were what, spider monkeys? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well, MINE were WOLVES, muthafucka, and I still have connections, you bet I do. I'm gonna be all "Arrrr, matey!" when you're writhing in pain and terror on the front lawn after I lure you out there to play fetch.

Dogs deserve dignity, bitch. Even three-legged dogs. You know that scene in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" where the Tall Biped is wearing his fast-food pirate costume in the car and the Hot Biped Bitch pulls up next to him and he tries to make eyes and she laughs her ass off at him? Happened to me with that bichon friese down the street. So you're messin' with my love life, pal, and I take that seriously, dammit! You think I want to just lick my OWN balls all my life?

So ... just let me make this phone call and then .... OK, can we play fetch? Can we? Can we? Please please please? Here's my jingleball! Look, I'm standing by the door! Let's go! Let's go!

(bwahahahaha)

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 27, 2008 11:22 AM

Come on, Jesse. When are you gonna do "The question it moot!"? That was my favorite SNL bit!

Posted by: Jay at September 27, 2008 11:29 AM

I sure like me some 3 legged dog stew, just like they served it up nice in Beijing during the Olympics! Mmmm, Mmmm

Posted by: Jesse Jackson at September 27, 2008 5:57 PM