Without incriminating anyone… A friend of a friend of mine is married to Joel Stein. Does that prevent me from thinking he’s an idiot? Absolutely not. Btw, I don’t think think Palin is hot, either — and not just because she’s ugly on the inside. (LA Times Via Jezebel)
Even Pink is terrified of Sarah Palin just like everybody else. (WIMB)
Who’s the celebrity now, huh?! The person doing charity work or the asshole on the cover of all the magazines? Damon: 2. Palin: 0. (Deus Ex Malcontent)
For idiots like myself who have trouble through sorting through convoluted “factery,” this convenient bar graph of McCain and Obama’s proposed tax plans comes in handy. (QuizLaw)
Matthew McConaughey’s new “limited release” (hee!) film contains a naked didjeridoo session. I am SO calling this review. (Yeeeah!)
John McCain *hearts* slavery! How’s that for a headline stinking of liberal bias? (The Blemish)
Frances Bean Cobain threw herself a “Suicidal Sixteen” themed birthday party. But honestly, I’m more concerned with her spelling and grammar. (Celebitchy)
Congratulations to Kathy Griffin, who took home her second consecutive Emmy for “My Life on the D List.” And on an unrelated note, just so you know I’m not the only person who idolizes Chelsea Handler. (Evil Beet)
What’s a poor kid to do when his girlfriend want to pick up and move across the globe to find herself? (MixTapeTherapy)
Jennifer Hudson is engaged to Tiffany “New York” Pollard’s scraps. (DListed)
Posting this link is just an excuse to say: My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hun! Which isn’t as fun to type, unfortunately. (Animal Review)
And now, for your viewing pleasure, Geraldo eats it in 3…2..1… (Via YBNBY!)
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
After Courtney killed Kurt, with a shotgun... Frances Bean's fucked up route trough life was irrevocably determined.
NEXT!
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 15, 2008 12:20 PM
I would dearly love it if people would stop calling her Sarah all the time and just refer to her as Palin instead. Normally when people are ranting about some dumb bitch named Sarah, they mean ME, so all of this screaming about Sarah is kinda starting to give me an anxiety disorder. I don't know if I can make it to November. If she wins, I will consider it the worst birthday present ever, and I might have my name legally changed to Brunhilda or commit ritual suicide.
Congrats on your new nickname, by the way. You people should really know better.
Posted by: TK at September 15, 2008 12:32 PM
I just want to know if Jay is ready to say "uncle" on his Sarah Palin doesn't look like Tina Fey and vice versa campaign.
Posted by: Cindy at September 15, 2008 12:38 PM
I've been called worse things, TK.
Posted by: Sarina at September 15, 2008 12:41 PM
Can I call you "Bruns" for short?
Seriously, show of hands. Who else is afraid that the McCain/Palin ticket is going to be the winner? I'm scared to death.
Posted by: Nicole at September 15, 2008 12:46 PM
Nicole, "scared" is a woefully inadequate term. "Terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought" is more like it. I'm already checking out real estate in Fiji.
Posted by: TK at September 15, 2008 12:57 PM
Seriously speaking, I think the idiots WILL win.
That means I get to say I TOLD YOU SO.
And I reiterate, I don't have any kids who have to go to a protracted war, I can pay for MY gas, I'll probably get a nifty tax-cut, I don't need to worry about health insurance or retirement, I can pay for my home.
The Wal-Mart set wants to get screwed, pffffffffft none of my business.
Nations have the governments they WANT...and deserve.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 15, 2008 1:01 PM
Our family needs a little sitdown.
Can we stop focusing on the crazy drama-causing aunt from Alaska? I know that your redneck cousins have an inappropriate Oedipal crush on her, but you need to pay more attention to your senile ABBA-loving grandfather. He needs someone to explain to him that we don't need him to regurgitate the same war story over and over when all we asked him was a choice between strained peas or jello for his 4PM supper, that he can't check email via the coffee maker, and that drilling won't bring back a time when two bits bought you three gallons of gas, a pack of baseball cards, and an Archie comic.
Posted by: branded at September 15, 2008 1:04 PM
Here's the difference, Marge:
Gold fillings are definitely your best bet. They're usually made to order prior to being cemented in place, and oftentimes last more than 20 years. For these reasons, many authorities consider gold the best filling material.
Silver fillings are resistant to wear and relatively inexpensive. However, due to their dark color, they are more noticeable than porcelain or composite restorations. It's your call on this one, Marge, but I'd advise against it. If you happen to come across Silver, I'd just cut your time loss and move on to the next casket...
Composite (plastic) resins and porcelain fillings are matched to be the same color as your teeth and therefore used where a natural appearance is desired. Despite the porcelain costing close to the same amount as gold, the resale value is worth nothing.
As always, be sure you have the following items handy: a collapsible shovel/spade, a waterproof flashlight with adjustable settings, a durable pair of pliers, bolt-cutter, black face paint, small-medium sized crowbar, and a comfortable pair of shoes. I hope this helps. Your first time digging up corpses and stealing their fillings should be a memorable one - just have fun, and remember - if you get caught, there's no shame in sleeping with the night watchman in order for him to turn a blind eye!
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 15, 2008 1:07 PM
Here, here.
We're contemplating moving to the Pacific NW so that when all hell breaks loose, we can make a run for the border.
Any Pajibans in the Vancouver area who can spare some backyard space for Mr Stella, 2 dogs, a couple tents, and lil-ol-me?
Posted by: Stella at September 15, 2008 1:08 PM
It's a little off track, but I've got a big garden in the South Pacific with plenty of space for US refugees. Nearly all Pajiban's welcome, bring your own bedding (and bucket). NZ is about as far away from Palin as you can get, but there are a lot of sheep.
Posted by: sino vos feteo turd furtificus at September 15, 2008 1:24 PM
Frankly, if anything is going to defeat Obama, it's the attitude that the race is already lost. It is FUCKING SEPTEMBER, people! Quit crying into your beer and go out there and be loud and be questioning and start saying that we will NOT settle for all flash and flirt and no substance. For God's sake the democrats worst enemies are THEMSELVES and I say this as an independent. If you want to keep our government out of the hands of Grandpa McCranky Pants and NeverWonder Girl, then DO IT. I live in a small town that went 70% for Bush in the last election and I don't see any McCain signs out, there's hope yet.
This message approved by a 22 year old who has not had her idealism and hope for the future crushed yet.
"Can we stop focusing on the crazy drama-causing aunt from Alaska?"
Ha ha ha ha! So true.
Posted by: samantha t at September 15, 2008 1:35 PM
"This message approved by a 22 year old who has not had her idealism and hope for the future crushed yet."
Ah, how I yearn for those halcyon days... Now I just sit in my basement, with Fox News playing constantly, listening to static on the radio, making list... after list... after list.
And sharpening things.
*twitch*
Posted by: TK at September 15, 2008 1:36 PM
NZ is about as far away from Palin as you can get, but there are a lot of sheep.
As long as you can't see Alaska from your shore...
Posted by: Cindy at September 15, 2008 2:08 PM
I'm with Genny on this one. We have to stay positive.
TK turn off the evil Fox news. Nothing good can come of watching that crap. I'm surprised you have a brain cell left. Go outside. Get some fresh air. Take the dogs for a walk. Think about happy things.
Posted by: tamatha at September 15, 2008 2:10 PM
Stella,
You should definitely come to South America. We act like we hate gringos, but we love them for taking the trouble of coming to our far away lands. Your dogs will be treated like royalty, there will be a car at your disposal, and Mr Stella and yourself will be frequent guests in all the prime time TV shows, where we will question you about your gringoness and hope to learn enough so we can be just like you.
I'll give strict orders of not having any kiss-hello/kiss good-bye greetings so you never have to face the always awkward situation of not knowing if you should shake or kiss on the cheek and end up doing both terribly and looking like somebody is trying to molest you - but you can't say anything because that's just the way we say hello down here.
We will celebrate ANY word you can say in Spanish, even if it's fajita, tequila or burrito. If you can't roll your r's that's okay, but if you can we will build a ship and name it after you.
Forget about the north. Come to the south, where you can feel superior 24-7.
TK, sounds like your camping trip went pretty well then! No big injuries to report?
Stellllaaaaa, I've always wanted my own American refugee! Unless you meant the smaller, American Vancouver, in which case best of luck to you. There's always a place up here for conscientious objectors and those afraid of persecution under a fascist regime...
"Take off, to the great white north, take off, it's a beauty way to go"
Posted by: lordhelmet at September 15, 2008 2:54 PM
Stella, when you gonna get your groove back?
HEYOOOOOO!
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 15, 2008 3:00 PM
so Pajibians from other countries are willing to harbor us U.S. escapees, huh? Maybe this should be a contest.... The Americans/gringos have to write an essay on why they would make a good Canadian/Chilean/New Zealander (etc. etc.), and whoever has the best essay gets to be adopted by a Pajibian from that country! That means quite a few chances to go to Canadia, I think.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 15, 2008 3:02 PM
TK, I see that Ghostbusters quote.
Posted by: MadameUgly at September 15, 2008 3:05 PM
MadameUgly, my dear, you are a scholar and a lady. You will be spared when I go on my killing spree.
I'm gonna send you a nice fruit basket.
Posted by: TK at September 15, 2008 3:11 PM
Genny, I agree, but what I've been hearing from acquaintances and relatives is enough to scare the pants off me (and not in a good way). These people, with whom I think I should sever all connection, have switched from Hillary-supporting Democrats to McCain voters for two reasons: the fact that Palin has ovaries and Obama is "a black." I am honestly, wretchedly ashamed of these people. This is the mentality that is going to screw us all come November.
Posted by: Nicole at September 15, 2008 3:12 PM
I don't wanna write an essay. Here's what I can bring to your country:
• Fully operational MurderTank with hovercraft abilities, whiskey fountain, trophy room, sluice-trap floors, trench digger, flamethrowers, fully-stocked bar, solar-powered ice-machine, ball pit, and fondue machine.
• Conjoined, half-developed, alcoholic brother with turkey claw capable of lifting 40lb. of water softener salt. Can type approx. thirteen words per minute. Can operate above-mentioned MT.
• Multiple personalities. You never know what you're gonna get - a smooth-talking gentleman with quick wit and snappy banter, or a stumbling drunk who wets himself while drunkenly roaring about how anime is crappy.
• I can punch out a llama. Seriously. You're country/village being over run by a murder of llamas? Look no further. I have successfully knocked out 17 llamas in my lifetime. You need not live in fear.
• And finally? I've slept with Palin and quite frankly, she's not all that great.
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 15, 2008 3:15 PM
Skitt -
PLEASE come stay with me! Let me make a case for myself:
I live in Ottawa right by the parliment buildings. Which is a perfect place to start with your murdertank.
I believe that you will get along with my cats
I find parasitic twins fascinating.
I can punch anyone is these areas: the tooth, the pancreas, and the throat.
I will provide you with alcohol and j's. If you are in to that sort of thing.
so let me know.
Posted by: Just Amanda at September 15, 2008 3:39 PM
Anna von B, brilliant idea! I encourage early applicants as I don't want to deal with a glut of essays after election day down there.
Skittimus, throw in a shirt or two and you've got yourself a deal. Not sure how the MT will fit in a cul-de-sac but I'm sure we can make it fit. Oh, and find a way to sing out all your Palin dirt at the top of your lungs to all media outlets - if Barack ain't gonna fight dirty, we're going to have to.
Posted by: lordhelmet at September 15, 2008 3:42 PM
AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Geraldo falling down will NEVER get old. Sometimes you don't even need the murder tank; they just do it for you.
Posted by: TWoP Fan at September 15, 2008 3:53 PM
Election coverage aside, there are few images that give me the creeps more than seeing a man standing in water with the wires of his microphone floating all over the place. Duuude.
Posted by: Kathleen at September 15, 2008 4:02 PM
Sofia, does your powers of providing a moratorium on the kiss hello/goodbye work as far north as Miami? Because I always fuck that up and end up looking like a chester molester.
If not I can always come to Chile. My qualifications:
1. I can say more than just fajita in Spanish (not much more, though).
2. I can make tortillas (another spanish word!) that would make Robert Rodriguez weep in shame.
3. I can point Chile out on a map (which doesn't sound that impressive, but if you think about it, I bet most Americans can't say the same)
4. As an illegal immigrant, I'd make a really good maid. I can cook, clean, and look totally hot in those little outfits.
5. Although I don't know spanish, I would still try really hard to read and understand your blog.
6. I'm not sure what part of Chile you live in, but as Skitt is an ungodly scourge to llamas, so I am to penguins.
I am wonering if I may have found a long lost sibling as I was adopted (twice) and have a love of most items metioned in your repertoire. As luck would have it, I am in dire need of a MurderTank to aid in the liberation of our nation from the Eskimo oppressors. Please don't believe the Eskimo kisses and baby seal bullshit, it is pure propaganda. These mother fuckers are mean.
What I can offer in exchange is a dedicated garage for said MurderTank and plenty of items for target practice including, but not limited to, all forms of livestock including llamas, old people and upitty fucking children.
Multiple personalities are quite acceptable as they will keep shit interesting and I can promise that most of my personalties will not get along with yours. Morning drinks at 9:00am in front of the Godtopus shrine are a great way to start the day and if it happens that thats the way the day ends, tough shit.
I consider this to be the opening negotiations for your services and would appreciate a repy as time allows.
Posted by: Admin11 at September 15, 2008 4:29 PM
That Palin woman is scary. Somebody hold me. (shiver)
Posted by: Lindsey at September 15, 2008 4:31 PM
Oh, And Yea Kathy Griffin! We loud mouthed red-headded bitches got to stick together.
Posted by: Lindsey at September 15, 2008 4:34 PM
Does your powers ? Oof. That's embarrassing.
Posted by: Marra at September 15, 2008 4:53 PM
All you Dems "threatening" to leave the country when Obama looses will be happy to know that Alec Baldwin will let you live with him in his private country Svenborgia.
Posted by: JP at September 15, 2008 5:19 PM
Ah, you almost had me going there, but you gave the joke away too easily using the classic lose/loose gag.
lordhelmet..
we're old, dude. now i'm going to be singing that for the rest of the day. and fighting an unhealthy urge for back bacon.
i miss bob and doug.
Posted by: bionic bunny at September 15, 2008 5:53 PM
Dammit, Jay. You got me. I was hoping to see a bunch of angry responses about my "losing" prediction, only to point out I made no such prediction. That, or ... I dun bin ta bizy shoting up dem dere varmints ta uh lerned hows 2 spale.
Posted by: JP at September 15, 2008 7:54 PM
Marra,
Chile can definitely satisfy your need to club penguins, for we have many different climates. Llamas in the north, penguins in the south and pissy Sofias in the middle.
Your interest in Spanish will be so appreciated and talked about you won't need to learn it. The desire to learn it is more than enough to satisfy our under-achiever hearts. It is remarkably easy to be successful here. All you have to do is do your job. And that's it. Which tells me you'll quickly go from sassy cleaning lady to C.E.O. of the Chiquicamata copper mine. You shall raise the price of this underrated mineral and soon enough copper will define the world markets as opposed to oil. There'll be no reason to continue/start wars in the Middle East and everyone will be happy.
I can see Optimus Rhyme hasn't commented on this thread yet, but I just want to make it perfectly clear that he doesn't have to submit an essay, because I don't plan on adopting him. He is welcome here any time. And by welcome I do mean chaining him to my bed and make him my slave boy and use him ad-eternum until the upstairs neighbors hose us down. That, Pajibans, is Latin love. I'll tell you all about Latin lust some other time. Caliente!
ay, que bueno que yo tambien puedo hablar espanol!
Ok, let me dust off that passport, there may be a trip in my future.
Also, too right we need to stop moping and become more vocally active!
Posted by: Stella at September 15, 2008 9:02 PM
This is totally unrelated to anything, but Pajiba Love is the least focused thread I could find to post this under:
I just today found out that I know Zach Gilford personally (Matt Saracen on Friday Night Lights). Turns out he was the assistant director of a musical I was in back in high school, and I just totally forgot about him by the time I watched FNL.
Today I went into my old high school to interview for a tutoring job when I ran into my choir director. She mentioned that Zach Gilford had been at the school for a football game, and that led to her reminding me that oh yeah, he was that guy, holy shit.
So I'm a bit mindfucked. That was the guy who told me to stop flirting with the cute tech girl in the wings while rehearsal was going on, and then apologized for snapping at me afterward. Nice guy.
Posted by: Lucas at September 15, 2008 9:09 PM
Oy, Sofia! (wait...I think that's yiddish)
The only things I know about mines are what I saw in October Sky, which at first made me hesitate in accepting your fine offer; but your description of Latin love makes me think I'd be willing to brave even the mines of Indiana Jones if it means I get my own sexy Pajiban slaveboy.
Viva Chile!
Also, I can't help but feel that if Lou Dobbs knew about Latin Love, he might not hate Mexicans so much.
Sofia, do you pronounce llamas as yamas or lamas. I need to know this or it will keep me awake at night.
Also, this should convince you of my obvious desire to adapt to your country and its language - I can sing "Jingle Bells" in Spanish. Any other Pajibans with that skill? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Thank you, Senor Tadlock. You told me 8th Grade Spanish would take me far...
Marra, I just visited your blog and recognized you from a class I took two years ago. My world just got significantly smaller. Wow.
Sofia, muchas gracias para sus generosidad. I still think you might not like Americans so much if a whole bunch showed up on your doorstep come November 5th, but I could be wrong.
I love this site, and occasionally respect it, but for the love of Godtopus, PLEASE talk about SOMETHING other than Sarah Palin! It is getting old, and you are all more clever than to ride on the coat tails of every other channel/web site/magazine...
Posted by: MrsPhillips at September 15, 2008 11:56 PM
Genny,
I just spent the last 10 minutes staring at your blog picture, trying to figure out if I recognized you. As it's just your eye, it didn't really work out. What class was it?
Also, I'm surprised I'm recognizable by my classmates. Because I'm not really the 'goes to class' type of student.
Marra, we had like the world's most boring Anthropology class together with the professor that talked about his time studying tribes in New Guinea all the time. I'm a tiny little red headed girl that also missed my fair share of classes, but when I attended I sat near you and remember talking to you at least a few times.
Yeah, I'm gonna stop being all internet-stalkery now. Sorry for the weirdness.
Genny, I totally remember you! Man, this is creepy great.
Pajiba, bringing delinquent college students together since...uh, 2005?
Posted by: Marra at September 16, 2008 1:03 AM
Lainey,
I don't think I know "Jingle Bells" in Spanish. I can sing, however, "Jingle Bells" with an extremely forced Latin accent. And it's "Yamas."
Oh, and Rusty all gringos are welcome here! Seriously. So Remember, remember the 5th of November, Pajibans, Pajibapalooza Santiago '08 is coming. I highly suggest you bring a bucket. Pisco Sours will get to your head quickly and you're gonna puke. A lot. (But it's the good puke) Why a bucket and not just go straight to the toilet? Well, the water flushes the other way here and it's gonna freak you out. You're either freaked out or drunk; I can't take both, so you decide, perras.
I can punch out a llama. Seriously. You're country/village being over run by a murder of llamas? Look no further. I have successfully knocked out 17 llamas in my lifetime. You need not live in fear.
Posted by:Skittimus Maximus
Well, when the missionaries came to our village a couple of years ago on top of those odd-looking llamas we really thought they were conjoined, but suddenly they were off the horses (that's what those weird llamas are really called, we learned) and teaching us all about personal hygiene and shoes. Turns out there's really no need to walk around barefoot. I've pretty much spent the last two years learning about the rest of the world, and thanks to the Internettes (the priests were French) I'm learning a lot faster. You can google everything, from Kid & Play pictures (they're so neat!) to llama gas.
So thanks but no thanks for your offer of killing llamas, sir. We're all stocked up with llama gas here.
After Courtney killed Kurt, with a shotgun... Frances Bean's fucked up route trough life was irrevocably determined.
NEXT!