free counter with statistics Pajiba Love 09/12/08 | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

nakedgun.jpg


Two Parts Peen and One Part Fart Machine = The Perfect Friday Love

Pajiba Love / Stacey Nosek

Pajiba Love | September 12, 2008 | Comments (36)

I’m not gonna lie. When I was a kid, Leslie Nielsen was practically my hero. Which is why it brought me ridiculous, indescribable joy to see him on the “Today” show at 82 years of age. With a fart machine. Suck it, Willard: you’ve been old man outcrazied! (BestWeekEver)

OH EM GEE. The iceberg is a penis! I repeat, the iceberg is a penis! (BoingBoing)

And on a related note, so is William Baldwin! I have no idea what’s going on here. (YBNBY)

America Ferrera thinks that “Gossip Girl,” “The Hills” and other shows where the girls don’t dress like Punky Brewster on crack are bad for America. As in the other America, the country one. (WIMB)

If a photography teacher accidentally leaves the projector connected to the computer before getting his porn on, think he could argue that it’s art? (QuizLaw)

What a shocker, one of Kanye West’s hissy fits finally landed him in jail. (IDLYITW)

American Beauty and The Great Ziegfeld go head to head. (NicksFlickPicks)

Who watched the interview last night? For anyone who missed: let’s invade Russia, and other assorted Palinisms. (HuffPo)

What’s the one thing sadder than Tila Tequila having her own TV show? Why, Tila Tequila writing a book. An actual book. With words. Weep it out, Pajiba. (FourFour)

Jesus Christ… Apparently they’re handing out book deals these days are faster than say, vapid reality shows. (Celebslam)

Anderson Cooper gets railed on by Triumph the Insult Dog! (Popoholic)

You know… I live in small town America, and you’d be surprised at the number of Obama signs around here. (Deus Ex Malcontent)

Here’s a nice piece on the value of dignity. Or more specifically, McCain’s complete fucking lack of. (ASWOBA)

Vince Vaughn gets top billing over Reese Witherspoon, despite being an inferior actor and annoying piece of crap who supposedly looks like Dustin. (I don’t see it.) (Evil Beet)

Seven years later, today’s Pajiba Love Friday Feature is 9/12: From Chaos to Community:

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.


← Ben Folds Video for You Don't Know Me with Tim and Eric | Enter the Pajibasaur →



Comments

Leslie Nielsen is STILL my hero. Frank Drebin is the awesomest cop in the world. Airplane! is still a masterpiece. Even his Dracula made me laugh. And by "his Dracula" I mean his character in the Mel Brooks movie, you perverts.

Posted by: Sofía at September 12, 2008 12:17 PM

I'm living in a small town right now and there's NO signs out, which is surprising because the last election year I was here people were busting out the BUSH 2004 stickers and signs in July. Perhaps the gentle citizens of my town who regularly engage in civil war reenactments are conflicted about this election.

Or maybe they're all just going to vote for Ron Paul. I almost hope it's that second one.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at September 12, 2008 12:39 PM

Off-topic a bit, but wanted to put in another
plug for Jeremy's upcoming fundraising
run.

Because
1) With my family history, I'm likely going to
need some progress from that research sometime

2) I really want to see him in his
underwear.

You can donate
here

Thanks.

Posted by: Drake at September 12, 2008 12:43 PM

Since the video slot is taken, here's Craig Ferguson, full of political piss and vinegar:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdRVQ4xwwmQ

Posted by: Jay at September 12, 2008 12:49 PM

Women will never get top billing for comedies, because {sarcasm font}women are drama and don't have a sense of humor.{/sarcasm font}

Heh. Penis iceberg. I *heart* nature.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 12, 2008 1:07 PM

Christ, Palin's fumbling over the Bush Doctrine reminded me of those painful moments in my illustrious high school career. Moments where, after not completing my homework or doing the assigned reading, I was asked to answer a question and I just bullshitted the entire thing, using lots of pretty words, praaaaying that the teacher would believe me.

Sure, it worked for me and I was third in my class all four years, but that's because I was GOOD at it. Plus I was pretending I knew about things like The War of 1812 or subtext in fricking "Great Expectations," not that I was qualified to help run a country.

Posted by: Erin S at September 12, 2008 1:32 PM

I saw some of that Palin interview, and it was simply terrifying. She will probably be running the country someday (McCain's victory, unfortunately, is almost assured, and at his age incapacity within the next four or eight years is very possible), and the emptiness of her answers was staggering. No matter how specific a foreign policy question was, all she could come back with was some variation of, "We need to do everything we can to keep America strong and safe," as though any political candidate or, y'know, sane person would think otherwise. But those platitudes are what win elections, and she (and McCain, but mostly she) has this one in the bag.

Posted by: Todd at September 12, 2008 1:43 PM

That's the spirit!

Posted by: Jay at September 12, 2008 1:50 PM

Drake- Thanks for the reminder.

Todd-- No, no! We need positive thinking here! It's all I can do to keep treading, I don't need my fellow Pajibans getting all "all hope is lost" on me.

Posted by: tamatha at September 12, 2008 1:55 PM

The View roughed John up today it seems. Not an entirely inconsequential audience.

Posted by: Jay at September 12, 2008 2:03 PM

Someone horrible needs to take a hammer to that iceberg. Or maybe it melted already. It looks a little moist.

Posted by: BWeaves at September 12, 2008 2:11 PM

Leslie Nielsen always rocked my world. He cracked me up in Airplane and the Naked Guns, and (Haggis alert) in Due South as Buck Frobisher, a very flatulent Mountie in the Far North with a penchant for "moose hock rolled in wild boar tongue and covered in gorgonzola cheese." Outstanding, and such deadpan delivery too!

Tila Tequila, writing a book? No, this must be mistaken. I think someone else asked her a few questions, wrote their own book, then let her illustrate. By connect-the-dots. In crayon. Done incorrectly. What a retard!

Posted by: lordhelmet at September 12, 2008 2:16 PM

My favorite defense of Sarah's lack of knowledge about the Bush doctrine is "Well, a lot of people don't specifically know what the Bush doctrine is."

Um... a lot of people aren't trying to convince the country that they are qualified to hold the second most important position in America, either.

Also, I love that they are still using "Alaska is close to Russia" as a qualification of foreign policy experience. Incredible. I'm pretty sure, by that measure, I have foreign policy experience too. Because I once banged a guy from Latvia.

Posted by: christine at September 12, 2008 2:21 PM

We drive back and forth from Chicago to Iowa all the time to visit my husband's family. There are NO McCain signs in any of those small towns in Iowa. Loads of Obama ones. In 2004, we saw plenty of Bush signs. But based on what you see on Chris Matthews, you'd think everyone in a town of fewer then 50,000 was queued up behind McCain/Palin.

When there's a media narrative to uphold, damn the honesty torpedoes and ferret out some rednecks!

Posted by: megbon at September 12, 2008 2:38 PM

Now I'm DYING to watch Airplane!...Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Posted by: Julie at September 12, 2008 2:40 PM

So, everyone living in Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Michigan, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona and California are also qualified to be Vice President? What about Florida? It doesn't BORDER on Cuba but it is pretty close.

Posted by: Brigette at September 12, 2008 2:41 PM

Oh! christine, I am so totally qualified to be Vice President! I grew up in a town with less than 15,000 people AND I once met a dude from Brazil!

I don't really wear lipstick that often, so I won't liken myself to a dog. But I could make some ridiculous crack about eyeliner in which I insinuate that people should think of me as a vicious spider monkey. I'm a shoe in!

Posted by: Kizzer at September 12, 2008 2:55 PM

Fabulous Craig clip Jay.

Posted by: Cindy at September 12, 2008 2:58 PM

I have a brother-in-law from the Philippines, a brother-in-law from Cuba, and a sister-in-law from Puerto Rico... Can I be Veep too??

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 12, 2008 3:04 PM

Kizzer and Anna: As long as one of us can figure out how to field dress a moose, we're totally in. Wa-hoo!

Posted by: christine at September 12, 2008 3:26 PM

Awe. Some.

P.S. When did you bang a guy from Latvia!?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 12, 2008 3:28 PM


I'm pretty sure, by that measure, I have foreign policy experience too. Because I once banged a guy from Latvia.

Posted by: christine at September 12, 2008 2:21 PM

It's been a goal of mine to bang a guy from every
continent. Only Antartica remains.

Posted by: Drake at September 12, 2008 3:37 PM

I don't really know what it would entail, but I'm sure if I could get a moose into a 360 degree mirror a la "What Not to Wear" I could get it appropriately dressed

Posted by: Kizzer at September 12, 2008 3:39 PM

hate to say it, but I'm with Todd. We're in for a Palin/McCain presidency.

The cult of personality that Palin commands now for the GOP will sway the vast majority of the American public that has never wanted/desired/cared about what happens outside their own little world, just as long as they can look up from their Tivo's and yell, America is great! Anyone who disagrees is unpatriotic! As long as she keeps saying how awesome we are as a superpower, people will lap that shit up.

Posted by: Stella at September 12, 2008 3:39 PM

Sarah's lack of knowledge about the Bush doctrine

I'm fairly certain, from what I've seen, that she doesn't actually know what a "doctrine" is. She seemed confused by the question:

GIBSON: Do you agree with the Bush doctrine?
PALIN: In what respect, Charlie?
GIBSON: The Bush -- well, what do you -- what do you interpret it to be?
PALIN: His world view.

To be fair, I didn't watch the interview, I'm going solely by this transcript. But still.

Also, I can dress a cat. They look adorable in little bonnets made from fruit. I'm nervous about moose, though. There isn't a fruit large enough to fit over those antlers.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 12, 2008 3:48 PM

Hell, I grew up in Las Cruces, NM. 40 minutes away from Juarez, Mexico. I spent many a (mostly forgotten) weekend night, in high school, in Juarez drinking $.50 tequila shooters. I have eaten the food, and drank the water, in Mexico. I think I deserve a shot at the Veep slot as well. Wait, what? That didn't exactly come out right...

Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at September 12, 2008 3:59 PM

I saw parts of the interview and the vacuous "My Pet Goat" look in Governor Palin's eyes chilled me straight to my bone marrow. I mean, I've looked certifiably insane people in the eye and they haven't bothered me half as much as the dumb, vaguely "Shit, they didn't tell me about thaaaaat" expression on her face.

But enough of that, or it's 100-proof Smirnoff when I get home from work.

Leslie Nielsen. Ahhh, sweet memories of him as the earnest, intrepid captain in Forbidden Planet (an act that could easily have been mistaken for vintage Shatner) and the deadpan Dr. Rumick in Airplane! He's a great actor, and he'll be sorely missed when he finally goes.

Fuck it. Smirnoff time when I get home. I may not even change out of uniform - just grab a shot glass and open the freezer.

Posted by: The Wanderer at September 12, 2008 4:02 PM

I also love how she merely stated *what* things were when she was being asked to opine on them. It's akin to opening an essay with a dictionary definition of the theme.

Posted by: samantha t at September 12, 2008 4:57 PM

that's a fool-proof debate tactic, samantha. and we're a country of fools.

Posted by: Stella at September 12, 2008 5:18 PM

I've been reminded of the debate that was put on in fifth grade about military action in Libya and thereabouts. Each side was assigned their stance and we watched it in the cafetorium. For the rebuttals the pro side had a girl who kept slamming her fist on the podium and shouting that freedom had to be protected. She was just playing at it, you know? Doing the hammy, cheap stuff. And since then I cannot take anyone doing that seriously.

The really cringe-inducing thing is how often I'm also being reminded of job interviews where I had no good anecdotal answers and you try to dramatize something into "that's sorta supervisory initiative!" I remind myself of embarrassing things I've said and done in the past 25-odd years frequently enough without any help from politicians, thank you.

Posted by: Jay at September 12, 2008 5:50 PM

I don't have anything to say about politics...

...BUT I did meet Leslie Nielsen when I was eight. We were in LAX early in the morning to catch a flight, and my parents saw him. I think he was buying a magazine in the gift store. My parents sent me and my younger brother up to get autographs.

He was really nice. He asked us where we were going, and when we told him Hawaii, he said "I love Hawaii. I love Hawaiian women".

Posted by: MN_Jen at September 12, 2008 5:50 PM

The real question is:

Who's going to lick that penisberg to see if their tongue sticks?

I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya.

Posted by: jM at September 12, 2008 11:59 PM

RE: Bush doctrine

It's funny you all bring up that part of the interview, because if any of you would ever bother to read Drudgereport, you would learn that you, as well as Charlie Gibson clearly don't know the true meaning of the "bush doctrine," either.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/12/AR2008091202457_pf.html


The term in question was coined by Krauthammer, and he says you, and your condescending asshole friend, Gibson, are all full of shit.

Posted by: Some Guy at September 13, 2008 2:16 PM

Wellll, Charles Krauthammer wrote "There is no single meaning of the Bush doctrine."

Slightly different.

He cites Wikipedia (class move) to prove that it's his term and says that Charles Gibson didn't mean the meaning that, like, everybody ELSE uses (I mean, everybody knows that). He doesn't like that his catchphrase took on a different meaning apparently. Plus, Charles Gibson said the Bush Doctrine of 2002, "as I understand it". If Wikipedia's our source, then Wikipedia says

The National Security Strategy issued on September 17, 2002 was released in the midst of controversy over the Bush doctrine of pre-emptive war which is contained therein.

"This is the one Charlie Gibson thinks is the Bush doctrine." (emphasis Krauthammer)

Wikipedia seems to lean in that direction too.

He then adds that Sarah Palin didn't know what he was talking about.

Did that answer your question?

Posted by: Jay at September 13, 2008 3:14 PM

Hey Drake!

Remember that when you go to Antarctica, that penguin love is the only true form of love (just ask your local Linux geek).

Mike

Posted by: MadMike at September 13, 2008 7:51 PM

Me: Hey Mom, you were mayor of a small town for longer than Sarah Palin. Why didn't he pick you to be Vice President?

My Mom: Well, sweetie, I think it's because I have my masters and know what the Bush doctrine is.

Yeah, we're a little elitist, but we're voting for Obama, so it's to be expected.

Posted by: Lucy at September 14, 2008 12:25 AM