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MUPPETGASM

By | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (43)

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Entertainment Weekly has the first look at Jason Segel’s new Muppet movie, and I won’t lie, I just peed myself a tiny bit in excitement. Like a chihuahua. Anyway, just take a look at it and see if you don’t urinate just a tiny bit yourself. (Screen Junkies)

Kat Dennings, who I absolutely adore because she’s adorable and quirky and awesome, had some topless cell phone pics leaked onto the web and you’ve stopped reading this and clicked the link already, haven’t you? No, no, that’s fine. I had a really good joke lined up (no I didn’t) but now you’re never gonna hear it because you only care about tits. (Yeeeah!)

Today’s quiz is all about The Beatles, and quick confession here… I don’t really care about The Beatles. Seriously, when you grow up hearing about how great The Beatles are from everyone ever, after a while they just annoy you. Sorry guys; it’s not you, it’s me. (Litely Salted)

Because Dina Lohan needs to put food vodka on her table tongue, she went on the Today show to lie to Matt Lauer again about how she always knew Lindsay was an addict but kept it quiet for her daughter’s sake. (popbytes)

Presented without comment: Bread People, the tumblr devoted to bread-based name puns. Actually, now I want a biscuit. Does that count as a comment? Damn you Bread People for making me hungry! (Bread People)

So it looks like Martin Sheen has been confirmed to play Uncle Ben in the upcoming Spider-Man reboot. Quick question, but am I the only one who hears “Uncle Ben” and thinks “I love his rice!”? (The Flickcast)

Just in case you’re all wondering what Charlie Sheen thinks about that whole silly “Getting drunk, naked and high while destroying a hotel room and screaming the n-word while a pornstar is hiding in your closet all because you think she stole your watch” thing… Well, he thinks you should all just chill out already. Jeez cut him some slack! (Evil Beet)

Did anybody catch that segment on The Daily Show about Andrew Shirvell, the assistant Attorney General from Michigan who stalked and slandered the Chris Armstrong, the president of the Michigan Student Assembly, for being gay? Well he got fired, because apparently assistant Attorney Generals probably shouldn’t be doing illegal things. Who knew? (Towleroad)

You know those shoes that apparently give you a full gym workout just by walking around in them? Yeah, well those don’t actually do anything. At all. Ha! Sorry, looks like your flat-ass just paid extra to walk around in useless, ugly bubble shoes. (Zelda Lily)

Move over, guy who guessed the exact price of the showcase on The Price is Right, we’ve got a new seriously random game show winner: Meet the lady who guessed the puzzle right on Wheel of Fortune with only one freaking letter on the board. (Frothy Girlz)

Do you love Cookie Monster? Well, how about being able to sleep at night? Prepare to have both ruined for you with the help of realistic Cookie Monster! (Unreality)

Because there’s nothing people love more than a processed, meat-like substance on a bread-ish loaf, McDonald’s has decided to honour the McRibs biggest fans, or as I like to call them, future heart attack-victims. (Asylum)

Did you know that Baby Otters are made out of 100% pure concentrated cuteness? Seriously, watch these little guys swim and see if you don’t go “awwwwwww!”

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here.









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Comments

Jeremy, you just made my day, because:

1. I love Jason Segel...
2. ..but not as much as Fozzie Bear...
3. ...but sill a lot more than the Beatles -- who I view as a perfectly adequate band)...
4. ...but not the greatest thing since sliced bread. Nothing can ever touch bread. Bread puns are forever.

Posted by: shanmarie at November 9, 2010 12:11 PM

One day, I am going to marry Kermit the Frog and he shall be my Kermit and Frog of My Heart.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 9, 2010 12:21 PM

"Peeing yourself like a chihuahua" is an insensitive image. Yes, we pee, like everyone else, but we don't necessarily pee "ourselves".

This is just another reason why Pajiba Love readers get so frustrated with you and your intolerant writing style.

Please be more thoughtful to your choice of phrase.

Posted by: kevin conroy at November 9, 2010 12:23 PM

You think you're tired of hearing about The Beatles and how great they are? ry growing up named after one of them.

Viva la Beach Boys!

Posted by: Lennon at November 9, 2010 12:26 PM

Kat Denning has torpedo tits.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2010 12:27 PM

Kevin C. We would be more appreciative of your plight if you could actually type. Nice try.

Posted by: Ian at November 9, 2010 12:31 PM

I have a pair of those ugly-ass shoes because I was told by a friend that they were actually helping her tone up (minimally.)

So I bought them and realized pretty quick that the marketing about toning up/losing weight was utter bullshit, but they have great arch support and when I wear them at the gym they actually seem to support my feet better than the New Balance shoes I had used before.

My biggest problem with them? Because the bottoms of them are curved, I lose my balance all of the damn time. That's not good for someone who is already clumsy enough to trip over painted lines.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at November 9, 2010 12:38 PM

"I don’t really care about The Beatles. Seriously, when you grow up hearing about how great The Beatles are from everyone ever, after a while they just annoy you. Sorry guys; it’s not you, it’s me."

If you don't have the capacity to seperate something from the hype surrounding it and judge it on it's own merits, I have no respect for you.

Why do some people have this tendency to dislike something just because it is popular? You are allowing other people to dictate what you like and don't like. It's equally as bad as liking something just because everyone else likes it. Think for yourself and judge it on your own.

I know a girl that goes out of her way to avoid seeing big blockbusters, whether it's an action movie or a comedy or even if it's a chick flick. I tell her the same thing: that's just as stupid as the sheep that flock to the popular stuff and avoid the lower budget independent stuff. You've allowed others to form your opinion for you! Sometimes the number one movie really is a good movie (or book or song, etc).

Posted by: Jeff at November 9, 2010 12:40 PM

Can we all just agree now that when someone takes/sends a cell phone pic of their naughty bits, they know it's going to go public?

Because it always does. Brett Favre's dick, ______'s tits/ass/hoo-ha, etc. Maybe one day dudes will actually get to a point where they say, "Another pair of tits? Who cares?" Apparently, that hasn't happened yet, but I can still hope.

Posted by: Slash at November 9, 2010 12:42 PM

You know those shoes that apparently give you a full gym workout just by walking around in them? Yeah, well those don’t actually do anything

Thanks, you just saved me four easy payments of $19.95 + shipping and handling!

I'm gonna use that money to buy kevin conroy a clue.

Posted by: mswas at November 9, 2010 12:43 PM

sorry about that. he's been weird all morning, first chewing on smokin's shoe and then this.

he's in a time-out. no internet for him until he can behave.

Posted by: gp at November 9, 2010 12:54 PM

"Maybe one day dudes will actually get to a point where they say, "Another pair of tits? Who cares?" Apparently, that hasn't happened yet, but I can still hope." - Slash

That's never gonna happen, and frankly, it's change I don't want to believe in.

Posted by: RobP at November 9, 2010 12:58 PM

Oh, and Jason Segel partnering with the Muppets just gives me nothing but joy. You can tell he's getting bored on How I Met Your Mother, but you can tell he's putting his heart and soul into this (okay, so maybe he's just too exhausted for HIMYM) and that should make it something special.

To Jason Segel: I love you, man.

Posted by: RobP at November 9, 2010 1:01 PM

RE RobP "That's never gonna happen, and frankly, it's change I don't want to believe in."

Eh, to each his own. I'm just tired of it making the news every time some chick's goodies go public. I have tits and a hoo-ha, I don't care about anybody else's.

I'm annoyed that it's rarely male goodies.

Posted by: Slash at November 9, 2010 1:04 PM

Maybe one day dudes will actually get to a point where they say, "Another pair of tits? Who cares?" Apparently, that hasn't happened yet, but I can still hope.

Never. That will never happen as long as boobies that wonderful continue to exist. Seriously, do you see those things? They're big and natural and beautiful and delicious and big and they demand my attention immediately!

*Masturbatorium*

Posted by: Kballs at November 9, 2010 1:05 PM

So, did cookie monster eat the baker or just maul him to get at the cookies?

Posted by: mrcreosote at November 9, 2010 1:20 PM

I'm annoyed that it's rarely male goodies.

Slash, did you just ask for more dick in your life? I respect that kind of straightforward, frank, and open perversion. I wish you luck in your pursuit, m'lady.

Posted by: Kballs at November 9, 2010 1:21 PM

I had to stop taking The Beatles Quiz because it was docking me on spacing and articles and that made me sad because I LOVE ME SOME BEATLES AND I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A NO-BEATLES KNOWING MORON. Also, now I want a fish and finger pie.

Posted by: coveredinbees at November 9, 2010 1:32 PM

I'm annoyed that it's rarely male goodies.

Did you miss the recent Brett Farve cell-phone exposé?

Posted by: Rykker at November 9, 2010 1:47 PM

Am I the only one who thought those pics of Kat's dirty pillows looked like they were not actually hers? Notice how her face isn't in the pics that are actually really naughty. And the bed looks different, and the wall appears to be a different color. Is anyone following me here? Details, people, details.
Also, haven't celebrities heard the news? Sexting is bad. There is a whole campaign to stop people from doing it.
www.athinline.org
seriously.

Posted by: KittyCat at November 9, 2010 1:55 PM

It's being reported that it's really her.

Now come on, I can't be the only person to win the Beatles quiz! Get on it, people!

Posted by: Jay at November 9, 2010 1:57 PM

That's nothing. Once I got the "Wheel" puzzle without a letter being played or turned. I bet you can do it too. The category was "Movies":

_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _

_ _ _

_ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _

Posted by: , at November 9, 2010 2:12 PM

Re: that Andrew Shirvell thing

Not only is that whole thing 96 shades of fucked up, but, and I know this is over-used and slung about at anyone who is against gay rights, but that dude is a TOTAL FUCKING CLOSET CASE OHMIGOD.

Also, Bridge on the River Kwai? (Without the The?)

Posted by: MM at November 9, 2010 2:44 PM

Even speaking as someone who knows far more than usual about the Beatles, that quiz was ridiculously easy. I only got one wrong because someone came in during that question and I had to type something quickly in 3 seconds (*excuse alert!!*)

Posted by: S.K. at November 9, 2010 3:02 PM

Why is Vanna White still on Wheel?

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2010 3:05 PM

I have tits and a hoo-ha, I don't care about anybody else's.

See, Slash, there's your problem.

Posted by: RobP at November 9, 2010 3:08 PM

I'm with you on The Beatles. I just can't muster up anything more than a "meh" for them.

Posted by: danny at November 9, 2010 3:57 PM

I bought the Reebok Run Tones since I heard it's difficult to walk on a treadmill in the Easy Tones. I figured the Run Tones would be a better purchase. Same deal as Easy Tones, but made for running rather than just walking.
While I haven't noticed much in the way of toning, etc, they are mighty comfy, and they were great while Pissboy and I walked around the Disney parks for a week. I plan to test them out at the gym tonight for the first time.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at November 9, 2010 3:58 PM

Also, the Reeboks don't look silly. They look like regular running shoes, just with little balance ball thingies in the soles.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at November 9, 2010 3:59 PM

The Beatles are only relevant for commercials aimed at rich white people of a certain demographic, and nothing else. The ultimate sellouts.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2010 4:11 PM

@BarbadoSlim
That would kind of make sense, had that portion of the Beatles back catalog hadn't been sold to Michael Jackson, actually.

Posted by: Jerry at November 9, 2010 6:12 PM

God I'm stupid.

Anyhow, as far as the Beatles being peddled to fifty- and sixty-somethings, that's all Michael Jackson's fault.

Posted by: Jerry at November 9, 2010 6:14 PM

Posted by: MM at November 9, 2010 2:44 PM
---
Bingo.

lindsey,

Because for +/- 50, Vanna looks fucking great.

Posted by: , at November 9, 2010 6:58 PM

Actually, 5fucking3, going on 54 in February. She's older than I am, and I'm OLD, and she looks fantastic.

Posted by: , at November 9, 2010 7:01 PM

There's people who don't care for the Beatles, there's people who don't care for Casablanca, there's people who don't care for Tolkien,
there's people who don't care for Guinness.
Impossible to please everybody.

Posted by: Pat C. at November 9, 2010 7:17 PM

If you don't have the capacity to seperate something from the hype surrounding it and judge it on it's own merits, I have no respect for you.

I don't know about losing all respect for someone over this -- that's taking it a bit far.

That being said, all of you who don't absolutely love the Beatles are moronic ingrates whose deaths should come from being locked in a dank cell and being forced to listen to Of Montreal without respite at top volume for however long it takes for your brain to explode.

Posted by: superasente at November 9, 2010 7:19 PM

Um, yeah.

I am currently writing this before clicking on the link. If you have to ask which link I am talking about, you don't know me at all and I hate you.

I just wanted to tell everyone that I will miss you. I fear I will not survive a head explosion (either of them), and just wanted to express such thoughts while I still had the higher brain functions to do so.

I also wanted to convey, in no particular order:

1) TK, Slim, please die in a fire made from the burning DVDs of a Dane Cook movie.

2) The robots will take you all. I will laugh from hell.

3) Just take the fucking elephant.

4) My beloved pale princess, if I had to go, I am ever so grateful it was you who ended my life.

5) San Dimas High School Football rules....wait.

I think that is about it. Again, the rest of you can go screw, mostly because I could never get past 30 comments.

Well, that link ain't clicking itself.

Goodbye, world.

Posted by: Vermillion at November 9, 2010 7:45 PM

*click*

...

*sound of muffled explosion*

Posted by: Vermillion at November 9, 2010 7:46 PM

Death by Dennings.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 9, 2010 7:56 PM

Slash, I'm with you, girl. And I would definitely characterize Brett Favre's peen as "bits." I, too, would prefer to see more DONG. Or at least some handsome fellas, not the screenwriter's version (e.g., some schubby dude who I do not want to see with his shirt off).

Posted by: jzhz at November 10, 2010 6:52 AM

MM, that's exactly what my sister said when the news first broke about Shirvell. I'm sure not every homophobe is a closet case--some are just assholes--but Shirvell is OBSESSED. Armstrong is only the president of the Michigan Student Assembly, it's not like he's in a position to wield great power, and for Shirvell to focus such insanity on one guy just screams of massive denial. In any case it's ridiculous to let someone in his position act like that and get away with it, so I'm glad to hear he was fired.

Posted by: DeadBessie at November 10, 2010 1:01 PM

I'm also glad I get to tell my sister that her butt-ugly shoes are pointless. I never bought any myself because they were supposed to be balance-challenging and I already have a chronic balance disorder--I don't need any help making it worse.

Also, my birthday is coming up and I want some baby otters. Get on it, friends and family.

Posted by: DeadBessie at November 10, 2010 1:14 PM

DeadBessie,

Totally. Actually, it's not the level of obsession so much that leads me to think he's a closet case as much as just watching him talk, and there was this whole thing with his girlfriend (not at that link, I don't think) and it was one of those things where it was just so clearly "icky" and uncomfortable that the reader/viewer is left going, "Wow. Yeah. Your 'girlfriend'. Right."

Also, I will FedEx you a plastic wading pool full of otters for your backyard. Happy birthday!

Posted by: MM at November 10, 2010 2:50 PM