Hey everyone! If you’re not already well aware, the VMAs were held last night, which I subjected myself to, with a little help from my friend “alcohol.” So, uh, wow… Music really sucks nowadays, huh? (WIMB)
When you’re done looking at all the pretty pictures, here is a complete recap of the night’s festivities. (FourFour)
And when you’re done with that, here is a helpful reaffirmation that rock and roll is not, in fact, dead. (TMITM)
Nobody wants their music associated with the stink of the Republicans. (QuizLaw)
TK goes undercover to the Redneck Twilight Zone. Little does he know, this is what all of America is going to look like if Palin winds up President. (UncookedMeat)
Here’s the must-have footwear for the discriminating liberal hipster stereotype. You know, our people. Hee hee! (Jezebel)
Jessica Simpson had a near wardrobe malfunction at her debut performing at the Grand Ole Opry, which would have been 100% more scandal than anything that happened at the VMAs. (Celebitchy)
Aww, dammit. Prisco is going to make me effing cry just talking about the book about Chris Farley. (Gospel According to Prisco)
Paris Hilton at a screen test? Come on now, this tests the limits of even my gullibility. (Agent Bedhead)
Pajiba commenter Pants has started a blog, and her first order of business is calling out all you vegetarians who need to be taken down a peg. Hey, she said it, not me. (RantsFromthePants)
Speaking of people who need to be taken down a peg, a bunch of French Scientologists are being charged with fraud. Now this I can accept full credit for. (Reuters)
From the creator of The Impulsive Buy now comes The Impulsive Download, putting the “ew” in iPhone application reviews. (TheImpulsiveDownload)
If you can’t take the sexism get out of the kitchen. And if you can’t take my stupid puns, get out of the Pajiba. (MixTapeTherapy)
Awww, sad! I had no idea Astroland in Coney Island was closing. (cityrag)
Zombies are now using puppets to try to win over our moral children. Nice try, undead scum! (ZombieForecast)
I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is more… Squirrel-a-pult! See? This is one of those times when one might come in handy. (Via Cute Overload)
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 8, 2008 12:03 PM
So I actually used to work at Bass Pro. There aren't even words to describe the events I witnessed there.
Posted by: Allie at September 8, 2008 12:11 PM
What is an "Ageless" person? The only thing that's more upsetting than a spambot is an inscrutable spambot.
Some of my girls and I were going to hit up Coney Island this past Saturday, but alas, it rained buckets all day. Alas, Astroland. *sigh*
Posted by: lizling at September 8, 2008 12:12 PM
Hmm! I wonder how many people in that shop thought TK was part of the exhibits? You're a brave man TK, I would have paid a street urchin a couple of shillings to run in and buy my kayak plugs (what exactly are those because they sound rude) for me.
Posted by: PaddyDog at September 8, 2008 12:16 PM
What is an "Ageless" person? The only thing that's more upsetting than a spambot is an inscrutable spambot.
Posted by: lizling at September 8, 2008 12:12 PM
It's the Jehovah's Witnesses spambot, lizling. I'm certain I saw in one of their unavoidable tracts one time an article entitled, "Jesus is my Ageless Mate"...
And those zombie puppets are SO becoming part of the revolution!
Posted by: Che Grovera at September 8, 2008 12:19 PM
Do people really still watch that VMA crap?
Posted by: Cindy at September 8, 2008 12:21 PM
For the record: Pajiba commenter Pants is a moron.
K. Thx. Bye.
Posted by: ajax19 at September 8, 2008 12:44 PM
After having seen them live I'm like, 90% certain that the "crab scratch" move Rich has on his VMA recap for the singer of Paramore is actually her approximation of air-guitaring. Doesn't make it anymore attractive, but at least it means we know her vagooter doesn't itch.
Wait, Zombie puppets? It is bad to let me know these things, because now my brother is going to have a nasty surprise in his bed next time he comes to visit.
Wait, wait, wait. That was Jordin Sparks? I thought it was Cee-Lo in drag.
The Jonas Brothers didn't think it was funny because Russell Brand finished on their backs, and it's hard to sit in an auditorium seat with dried jizz on your back...
...so I'm told.
Posted by: insertclevernamehere at September 8, 2008 1:09 PM
I happen to catch the Jonas Brothers on the Ellen Degeneres show this morning. It's apparent that one or all of them will eventually get caught with a dick in their mouths.
Posted by: Pookie at September 8, 2008 1:20 PM
I am ashamed to say I watched the VMA's (while channel surfing) to see how Britney did. The whole show was PAINFUL. The VMA's used to be cool (and I used to be a teen so take it for what it is worth). The whole thing just stank. Russel Brand apologised to offending the "Non-slut" promise ring wearers. How edgy. At least Britney had her hair under control.
Posted by: elusive at September 8, 2008 1:32 PM
Please do not link to Pants again. I was actually embarrassed to read what they wrote on their website, and I can't believe they were not embarrassed to write it.
Posted by: BWeaves at September 8, 2008 1:34 PM
I don't know, I find Pants' vitriol and militant Anti-Vegofascism to be quite compelling.
I'm subscribing to his newsletter.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 8, 2008 1:59 PM
BSlim, you can't subscribe to his newsletter. A girl wears the pants.
Posted by: BWeaves at September 8, 2008 2:07 PM
reeeeeeeeeeaaally, Do you know if she's going out with anybody?
or.....is she, you know... "loose"?
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 8, 2008 2:09 PM
Amazing that Pants embarrasses me, but I thought the Zombie Puppets were awesome.
Posted by: BWeaves at September 8, 2008 2:15 PM
re: the whole Pants thing...
Yeah, she could be more informed, but good lord you guys can be douchenozzles.
I know, I know: "scathing and bitchy..." Don't worry, I'll show myself out.
Posted by: hop3 at September 8, 2008 2:26 PM
Britney Spears won the VMA's?!
WTF, where were you when Baby One More Time was nominated in 1999? Now THAT was a video I could jer...um, sing al...fuck it, at least I could have naughty thoughts during that video. "Baby One More Time" Britney was a sexual fantasy, and she was a please one. Whereas "Piece of Me" Britney sounds like she'll rip your dick off and make a creme brulee with it.
But no, you gave it to Lauryn Hill instead, and where is she now? Obscurity, that's where she is. You could have prevented this, MTV. You could have prevented this pity fuck of an award, which will encourage her to make more albums, which will keep her in the music industry, instead of taking care of her kids, which will make us all suffer. May God have mercy on your soul, and I hope your building is Murdertank proof.
I just commented over at that blog, but, Jesus, meat-eating Pajibites: vegetarianism does NOT equal PETA. I mean, I don't feel the need to hide my puppy from people who eat meat because I don't think all meat eaters are zombie meat trolls. Please stop mixing me up with that hemp-wearing asshole you met outside the Morrisey concert in 1989.
Is it just me or does Katy Perry look like a Deschanel in that picture?
I'm just asking...
Also, I hate all fucking video channels now except VH1 Classic and sometimes Fuse because at least they SHOW VIDEOS!!!! How can MTV give VMA's when they don't SHOW FUCKING VIDEOS??????AAARRRGGGHHHH????JJ!??!$)#)$#F*%#_$*#_$#$($
Seriously, WTF?? No one can even see the damn things anymore so how can anyone vote on them??
Is it just me?? Am I the only one who doesn't GET IT???? Am I turning into the old lady who wants to keep the ball that lands in my yard??? (only if it is a vibrating ball...) Jeebus callabeezus farging googly crispus cracker....what good is a video channel that shows frickin' BROOKE HOGAN all day long??? might as well rename it the Al Queda torture porn network!!!!
god, i hate mondays...
Posted by: dammitjanet at September 8, 2008 2:37 PM
It's ok, dammitjanet, it's ok. Mondays do suck, which is why the VMA's were on a Sunday...no one would notice the suck of the VMAs when blended with the suck of a Monday.
Not to worry Janet, the only thing VH1 is good for nowadays are those irresistably trashy reality shows starring washed up celebs and crazy women beating the shit out of eachother. Am i terrible for hoping that another season of Flavor of Love is greenlit? Possibly, but dammit if I didn't laugh hysterically when that girl pooped on the floor on the first episode. Mmmmm, trainwrecky goodness.
Your comment reminds me (tangentially) of a friend who was so hungry after a three-day music festival in the late 1980s (because money wasn't for "wasting" on food back then) tried to jump on the Hari Krishna's jeep to beg them for some of their give-away vegetarian food (it was the standard lure at the time to get young people to join the cult). However one of them recognized him as the same guy who had been abusing them earlier in the day and pushed him off breaking his leg in the fall. I'm actually not sure whose side I was on. It's just a memorable story that's all.
Posted by: PaddyDog at September 8, 2008 3:09 PM
Is it just me or does Katy Perry look like a Deschanel in that picture?
No, it's hardly just you or just the two of us. The funny thing is she doesn't always, but sometimes she looks exactly like Zooey suddenly got more voluptuous and cheesecakey.
And that's fine with me and my shallow side. Perfectly fine.
I don't know...your little rant there reads VERY Islamo-Vego...hmmmm
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 8, 2008 3:11 PM
Yeah, nice try Zombie Muppets, but your little plan won't work on me. I trust children less than unidentified white substances, guys named Pookie, and pulling out. Not only have I seen Pulp Fiction, New Jack City, and JM's Family Reunion '99, but I've seen Children of the Corn; I know better.
Posted by: jM at September 8, 2008 3:24 PM
My vegetarianism has nothing to do with some misplaced sense of moral superiority and everything to do with the fact that meat just grosses me out.
With one exception: the only meat I eat is my man.
Hiyo!!
Posted by: Mella at September 8, 2008 3:43 PM
I know better.
Posted by: jM at September 8, 2008 3:24 PM
Great -- then you know you have absolutely nothing to worry about! Now if you would just move a little closer to that open window...
Posted by: Che Grovera at September 8, 2008 3:56 PM
There's a Bass Pro Shop being built about 10 miles away from me. I saw it from the freeway, and I thought it was an entire shopping center going up. It looks like paradise for the hunting/fishing/NASCAR demographic.
I was away for a few days last week trying to squeeze in a last minute vacation, and I missed my daily dose of Pajiba. I'm so glad to be back. I spent most of yesterday getting caught up on previous posts and reading the comments. It's tough to want to answer a comment thread when I know the commenters have moved on already.
Posted by: rlr260 at September 8, 2008 4:13 PM
So, do Vegan chicks swallow?
Posted by: Lindsey at September 8, 2008 4:21 PM
The pickup truck with a cannon in the back from TK's blog seems to be a very poor attempt at starting up a local Massachusetts MurderTank Militia. Apparently that's the next step up from attaching chainsaws to their riding lawnmowers.
Posted by: branded at September 8, 2008 4:41 PM
This particular French-speaking, tree-hugging, pro-choice liberal hipster douchebag does her camping/hiking/floating/fishing shopping at Bass Pro without reducing her fellow shoppers to lame cultural stereotypes. Just sayin'
Posted by: Lola at September 8, 2008 4:44 PM
Sorry, Che. I've seen every Looney Tunes, Itchy & Scratchy, Wacky Rac... uh, is that a pic-a-nic basket on that windowsill?
[Must resist... smarter than the av-er-age bear... need to call my sponsor...]
Hey, Boo Boo! IIIII've been a bad bear!
[sobs]
Please don't tell Ranger Smith.
[Eats a whole pie(including the pan), cries, and masturbates while watching the Food Network]
Posted by: jM at September 8, 2008 4:45 PM
[Eats a whole pie(including the pan), cries, and masturbates while watching the Food Network]
jM, it is guaranteed that at least once a day I will laugh maniacally at something you post.
Posted by: Julie at September 8, 2008 4:48 PM
Pajiba commenter Pants has started a blog, and her first order of business is calling out all you vegetarians who need to be taken down a peg.
That sounds oddly familiar...a regular commenter ranting about annoying vegetarians on their blog. ..where did I hear that before...It is on the tip of my tongue, I swear...it is just so FAMILIAR TO ME, VERMILLION, IN PARTICULAR....
Once again, I must display my shallowness and complete sluthood towards any woman with even a hint of same-sex tendencies and confess my "admiration" for Katy Perry.
And by "admiration," I mean "desire to see her panting heavily as (insert random cute female celeb here)'s sweat-drenched brow disappeared between her legs."
Posted by: Vermillion at September 8, 2008 4:59 PM
Assuming I understand what "Islamo Vego" means (and if I do, Jesus BarbadoSlim, are you really cribbing pejoratives from the wingnuts?), I don't think my comment was over the top at all. I love this website. It's just lousy with smart, hilarious commenters and contributors. But this has to be the fourth or fifth time I've come across some factually-challenged anti-vegetarian rant, inevitably based on a strawman argument: look at this bullshit PETA ad which proves ipso fucking facto ALL vegetarians are assholes. Of course, to be fair, Pants there didn't even bother citing a real live source for her animosity.
I eat a vegan diet for one reason and one reason only:: It removed all my fibromyalgia symptoms after 9 years of trying every other fucking medical remedy under the sun.
I miss meat. I do not miss 9 years of almost total immobility and constant fucking pain.
Oh, and I hate Peta, by the way, to the point that I don't even like to mention I'm vegetarian. I really don't care what other people eat. I just like to kill vegetables.
Posted by: BWeaves at September 8, 2008 5:04 PM
[Eats a whole pie(including the pan), cries, and masturbates while watching the Food Network]
Please ALWAYS link to Pants' blog from now on. It seems to really piss off the right people!
Posted by: Basil at September 8, 2008 5:23 PM
[Eats a whole pie(including the pan), cries, and masturbates while watching the Food Network]
Posted by: jM at September 8, 2008 4:45 PM
Curses. Enjoy the fruits of your z-gram while your flesh is still firm, meatsack...er, jM.
Note to self: zombies distracted by masturbation (who knew?). Must develop counter-strategem.
Posted by: Che Grovera at September 8, 2008 5:24 PM
MMMMMM, pie.
Posted by: Lindsey at September 8, 2008 5:37 PM
Please ALWAYS link to Pants' blog from now on. It seems to really piss off the right people!
Nah. You don't need to do that.
They can really just post a link to any blog that makes wild mis-statements of truth and unsupported claims. That'd be enough. Examples would include, but not be limited to, a blog that touts creationism over evolution, or a blog that claims that Global Warming isn't a reality because there are "many scientisits" who refute it.
Sloppy, unexamined thinking, in any context, is what irritates me.
Posted by: ajax19 at September 8, 2008 5:39 PM
Anything for you, Sarina. Oh, what's this? Lemon chiffon cake in my picnic basket? Who will I get to help me eat this?
Hey, this starting to get both delicious and dirty. Hmmmm... I'm cool either way!
Posted by: jM at September 8, 2008 5:41 PM
now a word to make me sound a little like the kid down the street who wears a bike helmet 24/7*:
i like pants!
*said kid is fictional. comment is not.
Posted by: bionic bunny at September 8, 2008 5:44 PM
Oh, what's this? Lemon chiffon cake in my picnic basket? Who will I get to help me eat this?
Prepare to be violated, my dear. The fact that you not only remembered that there is a kind of cake I believe in, but know WHICH KIND, makes me want to rough you up in a dark closet.
"They can really just post a link to any blog that makes wild mis-statements of truth and unsupported claims."
That is pretty much exactly what they do. It is an opinion site with links to other opinion sites. Scathing and bitchy ones at that.
Fuck it, everyone's an asshole on the internet, and now all I can think about Lemon Chiffon Cake.
Posted by: Basil at September 8, 2008 6:02 PM
That is pretty much exactly what they do. It is an opinion site with links to other opinion sites. Scathing and bitchy ones at that.
But then they get all scathing and bitchy when someone scathes and bithces back. They like to dish the scathe and bitch, but certainly cannot take it.
Unless, of course, it's served up in meat form. Then it's delicious. It's the vegetable scathiness and bitchiness that frightens and threatens them.
I don't understand why...
now all I can think about Lemon Chiffon Cake.
Mmmmm.....
Posted by: ajax19 at September 8, 2008 6:08 PM
MEGBON is a RAGING LUNATIC!
You saw it right? She just went off on me for NO FUCKING reason. I couldn't have been more polite.
jeeeeeeezz lady.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 8, 2008 6:10 PM
"MEGBON is a RAGING LUNATIC!"
Perhaps protein deficient?
Posted by: Lindsey at September 8, 2008 6:26 PM
Maybe, I have NEVER been so viciously attacked online before.
You all know me, I'm not one to go around exaggerating. I'm now convinced these people, are dangerous extremists.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 8, 2008 6:32 PM
Well, to be fair, Ms. Pants did say there were two groups of people annoying her: pushy vegetarians and pushy animal rights activists.
But I'm more offended with how I'm being betrayed as a Morrissey fan! But there was no Morrissey concert anywhere in 1989. And that's where things get spooky.
Look, Barbado I apologize if it seemed like I was attacking you personally. That wasn't my intention. My intention was to react against the fairly frequent links on this site (which I really do love) to strawman arguments against vegetarianism.
I apologise in advance for the length of this comment (and for being slightly tipsy), but I am facing battle on several fronts and I'd like to get it over with. I have expressed some opinions on my blog that infuriated some of you, and while I am not willing to retract any of them, I am taking offence with some of the bullshit statements people have put in my mouth. I'm not going to address all of them since it's already 3 am for me and I do have a job to go to in the morning. But Ajax19 deserves it!
"I take exception to two points raised in Pants' blog:
1. That a vegetable-based diet is no better for the environment than a meat-based diet. It's pretty clear that science has proven the contrary to be true.
2. That animals are lessor life forms than people and therefore we should feel free to abuse them and torture them before killing them for food."
Come on now. I made your first blogging attempt a memorable. At least next time, perhaps, you'll think a little bit before you just say crazy stuff.
Allow me to retort:
1. Where do you think most of the meat you eat comes from? Seriously. Factory farms or poor farmers in Africa and Southern-America trying to eek out an existence by raising a few cow or sheep? Of course, for there are many, many people in the world where not eating meat is just not an option. At all.
The Netherlands is not one of those places.
Do you seriously think that the vast majority of meat the developed world consumes comes from Africa and South America?
2. Now to address your other comment, the one about human suffering. People used to bring this one up during the whole Michael Vick thing a lot and I can't seem to get my mind wrapped around it.
Why can't I feel passionate about the ethical and humane treatment of animals AND the ethical and humane treatment of people? These are not exclusive ideals. Of course I feel that the rights and lives of people (most, not all) trump that of animals. I never said anything to the contrary.
Humans do deserve our sympathy and help more so than animals. I agree, but that doesn't mean I can't help the animals too. I invest a lot in people and animals. Again, I don't see why one would exclude the others.
As for the stray cat. Yeah, the stray can't build a future for themselves or have a shot at making things better for all life around them, but then again they can't really make things all the worse around them either.
A few other things:
1. I never called you a creationist, my athiest sister. I just said that creationists tend to fall into some sloppy thinking and I thought you had as well. As fellow athiest, I felt compelled to try to do my best to help you out.
2. Yay, soccer! I'm an Ajax fan as well. Well, at least I was when I lived oversees. I don't really follow it all that closely anymore and, besides, Dutch football has really fallen off the map. They just can't compete with the money being thrown around in the U.K. and Spain. See, we're not so different you and I.
3. Yeah, I like "American" football too. In fact, I am enjoying some American football right now. I also like hockey. Excuse me, ice hockey.
4. I apologize for the poor spelling. I didn't really have time to proofread much of anything before posting. I am too reliant on spell check. A victim of technology.
5. And, at last, for the record I never, ever called you, or anyone else, a cunt. That's not how I roll.
Keep on blogging! Don't worry, I wont stop by anymore.
I think you're explaining yourself because you're a good person and bit conflicted about all of this. I know the feeling.
Thanks, megbon! I would, but I don't think I have that much to say (for reals) and it would seriously cut into some of my already painfully unproductive days at work. Like today.
It's not Pants fault. It's just circumstances. I had a couple of brutal work weeks and my boss was out of town, so I had less motivation than normal, which is pretty fucking low to begin with.
You add that on top of the fact that I spent all day Sunday volunteering at an animal sanctuary cleaning goat poop out of a barn instead of watching football (sorry, American Football or "Padded rugby, slowed down and divided up for commercial benefits"), it was a perfect storm of events. I was bored, feeling particularly defensive about the poor animals and a bit surly for missing the first Sunday of the NFL. Then again, as a Lions' fan, I consider myself the big winner for spending the afternoon cleaning goat shit out of a barn four 4 hours instead of watching the poopy, poopy, poopy Lions.
Posted by: ajax19 at September 8, 2008 11:19 PM
You should try being a Bears fan. It's awesome. When we beat the Colts it was JUST like Devin Hester running the kickoff in the Superbowl back for a touchdown. What happened after that? I can't quite remember....
yikes people. Don't you think maybe Pants is just ranting against SOME vegetarians/vegans - the kind that like to constantly harass others for their food choices and claim their moral superiority because of 1 decision when they fail to live up to it in any other facet of their lives?*** That doesn't mean she hates all vegetarians or thinks they're horrible, she just doesn't like the ones that proselytize (wow, I spelled that right on my first try).
***like my former roommate, who seemed to think that not eating meat gave her a free pass for doing shit like cheating on her really sweet boyfriend. (my favorite just-because-you're-a-vegan-doesn't mean-you're-informed story: roommate and I were watching a show on urban myths and they brought up the old "rat in the KFC bucket" one, and she informed me that KFC changed their name to the acronym because their chickens were so genetically mutated that they couldn't legally call them chickens any more...and then the tv announcer was like "There's also a popular myth about the chickens used by KFC being so genetically mutated ...")
Posted by: s. pisaster at September 9, 2008 1:01 AM
I need a nap...
Thank you for that s. pisaster, I do just mean the annoying ones.
Ajax19, I respect your tenacity but you need to stop messing with peoples words like that. Example; "Do you seriously think that the vast majority of meat the developed world consumes comes from Africa and South America?".
I never said vast majority, you did. I bring up a certain party in the discussion and you pretend I don't know other parties exist. That is not playing fair! As for all the other stuff, I just don't care anymore. You've worn me out. I'm off to hug trees, hear wolves cry, paint with all the colours of the wind etcetera, and so forth...
Posted by: Pants at September 9, 2008 1:31 AM
Oh when the SAINTS... go marching in...
Yeah SAINTS!!!!
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 9, 2008 10:05 AM
Ah, faux-lesbianism. You know, I love saying things like "OH FUCK ME, ZOOEY," but then I see Ryan Reynolds without a shirt, promptly stop breathing, and have...let's call it a "pleasure seizure." I'm an easy girl to please.
I don't know if I could go all vegetarianist. I think I could give up steak, but I will fuck you up if you take away my salmon.
Posted by: Jaci at September 9, 2008 11:45 AM
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What are the VMAs?
MTV is still around?